Piriton - screenplay

[manatees]

http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=ddxrv388_2cgsg8rcv

Hopefully it should work! Oh, and for non UKers - Piriton is a brand of anti-allergy medicine. I didn't wan to use a brand name but 'antihistamines' isn't quite as catchy.

Comments

Committee Review

[tahu]

You did a lovely job with this script.
Good job paying attention to the camera as well as the script, but I would like to point out it seems a little jumpy. Not that that is a bad thing, but it is something to be paid attention to and not get carried away with; this could be confusing to the audience.

I loved how well you worked in the required line. It didn't sound clunky, or out of place, or just thrown in there like it did in some of the scripts. The counter of being allergic to men was just as lovely. :]

When it comes to writing your script, I would stay away from bolding the dialogue--it tends to make the reader want to just read the bolded areas, and in doing so we miss a lot of the actions and may get a little bit lost.

Again, the dialogue was very natural and it explained what was going on without having to outright explain anything. The idea came across very well.

Nice job, but consider those tips I gave you. ^^

Re: Committee Review

[manatees]

Thanks so much! I was worried about the camerawork seeming jumpy - I think I was overanxious about it seeming a bit monologue-like.

I bolded dialogue to break it up, but thanks for telling me about potential problems - do you think italicising it would work better, or maybe using a different colour font?

Thank you so much, this has been truly constructive criticism.

Re: Committee Review

[tahu]

Honestly, I'd just leave the text as is, just be sure to double space so it doesn't blend in with movements.

Are you using software for this, or did you just do it on your own?
Because if you use Celtx, it'll do all the formatting for you.

Re: Committee Review

[manatees]

I did it on my own, I've written screenplays for coursework so I knew how to format it anyway. Unfortunately I use a public computer so I can't install any software!