Operation: P.O.W.E.R.P.U.F.F. - Chapter Nineteen, Second Half
And here's the other half of this sporking.
They wandered up to the doors of the temple, which swung open to greet them.
"Numbah Five's seen week-old fish that smelled better than this!" said Numbah Five.
MCT: Given the average IQ on display here, she probably ate them.
"Maybe she's right," said Blossom. "We should just stay out here and..."
Then, lightning struck from the clouds above, narrowly missing them!
"They say lightning never strikes twice in the same place..." said Numbah Two
A larger bolt of lightning struck again.
Auron: My mistake, it was the Thunder Plains.
Numbah Three screamed.
"Heck with it!" said Blossom, running into the temple. The rest of them followed.
They found themselves in a dark corridor, leading slightly down.
Balthier: It was a twisty maze of passages, all alike.
"Uh, anyone bring a flashlight?" said Numbah Four.
"Really funny," said Numbah Five, as they started to trek down the corridor. Thunder rolled outside.
A light appeared up ahead, and a stone door opened.
MCT: (Olmec) The Shrine of the Silver Monkey!
"Guess that's the only place to go," said Numbah One.
He said under his breath, "Even though it's probably a trap..."
They walked into a lighted room, which was a tall, square room, with images of freakish masks on the ceiling.
MCT: Well, crap, they really are in the Hidden Temple!
Auron: With any luck, the Temple Guardians will mug them in a minute or two.
The door behind them closed with a slam!
"Oh, now what!" said Numbah Four.
He shouted to the ceiling. "You let us out of here, Him, or I'll..."
Balthier: (Numbah Four) …keep yelling like this for a really long time!
(And then the room starts to flood)
"What is it?" said Numbah Four. "Are you blind? The room is flooding!"
"No it isn't..." said Bubbles.
"It is to Numbah Four," said Numbah One, getting scared himself. "He never learned how to swim - he's afraid of drowning!"
MCT: Quick, find the handle!
Indeed, in Numbah Four's mind, the room was starting to flood, and the water was already up to his waist. He started to panic.
"Help!" he shouted. "Somebody help!"
"Numbah Four, you can't panic!" said Numbah One. "This isn't the time!"
"This is the perfect time!" he said.
Balthier: He’s lost, Andy’s gone…
And then it started happening again. His right arm started to fade, and cackling laughter echoed throughout the chamber.
"Wally!" screamed Numbah Three. "Fight it, please!"
"Think of something pleasant!" said Numbah Five. "Remember... um, remember how you beat King Sandy?"
"Uh..." said Numbah Four.
Auron: Even at the risk of death, he can’t break the idiot image.
(Call for Deus Sue Machina!)
Vadania appeared in midair. She spoke:
"Even in this lair forsaken,
I hope my words won't be mistaken.
Numbah Four, listen...
Each trial as a Kid Next Door
Has always led to more and more.
I recall a day when you sought joy,
Which foes once gathered to destroy.
What would any other kid have done
Were he outnumbered fifty to one?"
Balthier: In this story? Won with one arm behind their back.
(Wally remembers - cue the SCENE CHANGE)
Inside Numbah Four's mind:
The team and I always like going to the movies... don't all kids? But one day, it was Kuki's turn to pick the movie, and they had a dumb "Rainbow Monkeys" double feature playing. My first mistake was agreeing to come at all.
After the first movie, I had had my fill of the sickeningly sweet stuff, and decided to find a better movie. I found one that looked cool, but it was R-rated. Of course, little things like rules never stopped me before. It took a few tries, but I got into the place by dressing up as an adult. That was my second mistake.
That's when I found out why they wanted to keep kids out. It wasn't a movie, but a front for a meeting of nearly every villain that my team had ever faced! Who'd have known that villains actually have these meetings, ones with the sole purpose to plan our demise?
I knew I had to get out of there, but when I tried, my disguise fell apart, and then, well, things turned ugly. I was facing down about fifty supervillains, all of whom had no intention of letting me leave alive.
The odds were completely in their favor - frankly, I don't even know myself how I did it. I will say one thing though - people think I'm stupid, but while I may not get many good grades in school, I have a lot of street smarts. I was somehow able to outsmart them, fight them all off, and leave them with a mess.
And I'm smart enough to learn from my mistakes - I'm not sneaking into any more R-rated movies. I'll stick to PG for the time being.
MCT: Even more than Numbah Five, this is a completely selfish memory. It wasn’t even self-defense! He could have fled, but no, he decided to beat them all down for his own personal glory!
At least Numbah Five didn’t bring the temple down herself. Numbah Four got into the fight because of his own stupidity. Surviving your own idiotic mistake isn’t being heroic.
If this is the sort of memory they take pride in, then the Kids Next Door are even worse people than I thought.
(SCENE CHANGE, Wally’s alive, yay)
"Yeah," said Numbah One, "But how do we get out of..."
A door opened up, with a stairway going to the up.
"...here?"
"Only way out," said Blossom.
They walked up the stairway, and it lead up, up, and up.
Auron: …and away.
(SCENE CHANGE to Him FINALLY realizing he should go after the easy marks; SCENE CHANGE back)
They walked up the steps, and found themselves on the roof of the temple. The sky was dark, and lightning flashed in the clouds.
"This is creepy..." said Numbah Three.
"Don't get scared, Kuki!" said Numbah Four. "That's exactly what Him and Father want!"
Balthier: Except that he seems unable to use any fear that isn’t generated by his illusions.
"It's hard not to get scared here..." said Bubbles, shivering.
"She's right," said Numbah Two. "Something's going to happen to another one of us pretty soon, and then..."
"Think positive people!" said Numbah One. "Just like Vadania said!"
"It would help if she didn't keep disappearing!" said Numbah Five.
MCT: You have to love how Lotus and Snowball’s big plan to save their friends is completely fair-weather.
Numbah Three looked around, and saw something climb up onto the roof.
As she looked, four Rainbow Monkeys climbed up and smiled at her.
"Oh, hello!" she said. "What are you cuties doing here?"
"Numbah Three, what are you doing?" said Numbah One.
Auron: At least Numbah Three is scatterbrained enough to fall for this despite seeing her friends succumb three times in a row.
"Rainbow Monkeys!" said Numbah Three. "Real ones!"
The others looked. They didn't see them.
"Numbah Three, stay away from them!" said Numbah One. "That is an order!"
"They're so cute!" said Numbah Three, running to hug them.
Balthier: And she ran straight off the edge of the temple. Sad, really.
(They’re DEMON Rainbow Monkeys!)
"I'll save you, Kuki!" shouted Numbah Four.
He tried to run to her, but then a bolt of lightning struck, throwing him backwards. Laughter echoed from the cloud above.
MCT: (The Riddler) There will be NO assistance from the peanut gallery!
(She starts vanishing from the inside out)
"Numbah Three," said Numbah One. "You've got to concentrate. Think of one of your victories!"
"Like what?" screamed Numbah Three.
"Yeah, what?" said Numbah Four. "What has she ever done that qualifies?"
"You aren't helping, Numbah Four!" said Blossom.
Auron: Some boyfriend he is.
"I may not know any," said Numbah Four, "but Vadania might! Vadania, help! Please help us!"
Vadania appeared, sitting on the rocky wall.
"Never fear," she said, "I'm always here."
Balthier: (Vadania) Or at least I’m here to take the credit for your survivals.
She looked at Kuki.
"Foes may say you're just a flirt,
Of no more use than stones and dirt.
But without the morale that you lend,
Your team would come to a tragic end.
Numbah Three, listen...
You do much more than laugh and wink,
You have more skill than you may think.
I recall a feat of great distinction...
You saved a race from near-extinction!"
MCT: So she donated to the World Wildlife Fund. Big deal.
"What does she mean?" said Numbah Four. "Saved a race from near-extinction?"
Sweat was pouring down Numbah Three's face, and her torso was practically gone. But she somehow managed to clear her mind. She looked down at the savage Rainbow Monkeys that were biting her...
"That's it!" she said.
Balthier: (Numbah Three/The Tick) I’m here because a big clown hit me!
(SCENE CHANGE)
Inside Numbah Three's mind:
All my life, I loved Rainbow Monkeys... toys, comic books, cartoons, anything about them. It got to the point where I could just smell them out if they were around.
So I was excited when I was approached by a guy named Mr. Mogul who claimed to own the company that made them. He told me something that I had dreamed about for years - Rainbow Monkeys were real! He said he wanted me to sniff them out for him, so he could give them a royalty check. And since I was so eager to meet them myself, I believed him.
We went to Rainbow Monkey Island - a place that I still like to visit, and I was able to sniff them out all right. But Mogul had fooled me. He netted all of them, and told me what he really wanted to do to them. Something too horrible for words! And he couldn't let me live knowing it.
I decided that since I got them into this mess, I was going to get them out. Mogul made the mistake of letting me keep the Rainbow Monkey helicopter hat that we had used to get from his airship to the Island, and I used the propeller to saw through the bars of our cages. I was lucky that this toy wasn't the kind that breaks easily.
With the Monkeys' help, I was able to beat Mogul and his two goons, and get them back to the Island. Rainbow Monkeys are safe from him now... I'm sure he'll think twice about trying to pull that trick again!
MCT: Finally we get a heroic memory that isn’t all about the hero. Saving wild animals from being exploited by a heartless plutocrat is genuinely worthy of pride, and the sort of memory that they should be focusing on instead of their power trips.
But you’ll notice something - the only character so far to have a genuinely heroic memory is Numbah Three. Numbah Three has done almost nothing in this story. She managed to beat the ice cream beast, but only with outside assistance from three sources - the satellite cannon, the PPG, and Hippy Hop. Every other battle has gone entirely into other people’s hands.
It’s a sad testament to this story that the only selfless flashback goes to a character who plays almost no role in the plot.
(SCENE CHANGE)
The demonic Rainbow Monkeys vanished, and Numbah Three's torso slowly started to reform. She sighed in relief.
"Oh, Kuki!" said Numbah Four, running up and hugging her. "I was so worried!"
"Uh Wally?" said Numbah Three.
"Yeah?"
"You're hugging me too hard..."
"Sorry," he said.
Auron: Let the poor boy have his fun, this is the only time he’s gotten anywhere with his love interest.
(They escape the temple; SCENE CHANGE to Lotus and Snowball)
In Father's dungeon, Lotus and Snowball sat in silence. Lotus clutched the book to her chest.
Suddenly, and expression came over her.
Balthier: And expression came over her what?
(There’s POWERRRR! coming from the book)
"No!" said Lotus. "Before, this book was all evil... but now I'm sensing a force of good trying hard to fight the evil...
"Snowball, I think our friends are holding out... I think they're winning!"
She paused.
"But I also think that Him is going to be trying harder before long..."
MCT: So our lesson for today: selfishness = BIG GOOD.
And with that, we must leave off on the annoying literary device known as a "cliffhanger."
MCT: Brian, Goosebumps books had more exciting cliffhangers.
Coming up next, the team continues to explore the Isle of the Dread, the place where their own fears threaten to consume them! They refuse to give up, but neither does Him. Will they escape this mad trap? Stay tuned...
Balthier and Auron: No. (They leave)
MCT: And it only gets worse from here.