Operation: P.O.W.E.R.P.U.F.F. - Chapter Twenty-Four
(The Man Called True, the Emperor, and Golbez are all seated, with beverages of varying alcoholic content at the ready.)
MCT: Two chapters left, guys. Let’s hit it.
Emperor: I suppose our reprieve was too good to last… Conjuring fanfic.
(Today’s title: “The Tide Turns”… ooh, alliteration! Author’s note:)
Again, I know the last chapters of this fanfic are moving slow, but I want them to be perfect. This one is short, but it's important.
Golbez: Perfection is a mirage.
Emperor: And importance is beyond you.
By the way, I won't rule out the possibility that a sequel to this fanfic won't be made…
MCT: By the rules of double negatives, he has thus dismissed the possibility of a sequel. He wrote one anyway.
however, before that happens, I have an idea for "Teen Titans". Until then, on with the show.
Emperor: From what I gather, whatever that idea was, it turned into one of the few ideas he ever discarded.
Sector V, the Powerpuff Girls, and their two allies accessed the situation:
Golbez: They had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls.
They were trapped inside an impenetrable forcefield which barely gave them enough room to move.
Their greatest enemy, the demonic being known as Father, was standing about twenty feet away.
And even closer was Numbah 86, a member of their own team, who had now apparently sided with Father. She was holding a huge weapon pointed at them, preparing to blow them away.
There was no way out.
MCT: Only the author can save them now!
The five operatives of Sector V never expected it to come to this with Numbah 86. Sure she was crabby, selfish, rude, and mean, but they never expected her to become a traitor. That seemed too much even for her.
Emperor: Nothing is impossible through the magic of authorial spite. Honestly, reread your own description of her, children.
But it seemed now that anything was possible.
Golbez: Fish could fly, cows could speak, and the North Star was leaving for Bermuda.
"So," said Numbah 86, pointing the weapon. "Any last words?"
"Just one," said Numbah One.
MCT: And then he let loose with an f-bomb that could be heard from Earth.
"WHY?"
Fanny lowered the weapon. "Well," she said. "Ah suppose I can at least tell ya that…"
Emperor: (Fanny/Syndrome) …You sly dog, you got me monologuing!
"Make it quick, Fanny," said Father.
Golbez: (Father) We have a flight to catch by six.
"I guess ya can blame it on that stupid teenage goody-goody over there," said Numbah 86, pointing to Lotus.
"What?" said Lotus. "How is this my fault?"
All: You exist!
"You remember when we met in the forest when I tried to apprehend Chad, and ya butted in?" said Numbah 86. "Ya said some mean things, Lotus, and ya probably think I was ignoring ya.
"But I wasn't! After I left, I did some thinking, and you were right in a lot of things. This whole organization hates me!"
Emperor: For the love of Chaos, even when the Mary Sue is being insulted, she’s being praised!
Her face turned to a sneer.
MCT: And then into a Shetland pony.
"You don't know what it's been like fer the past three years," she said. "I've heard what everyone says behind my back, even my own team! They call me 'Fat Fanny' and worse! Even the brass don't give me any respect. Just last week Numbah 362 turned me down for a promotion that I should have gotten five times before!"
Golbez: In 362’s defense, you wrote “Because I’m that damn good” under “Why you deserve this position”.
"Numbah 362 hates you even more than most operatives do," said Lotus.
MCT: Then why does she still have the job?
"You attacked her when she tried to spy on the Delightful Children!"
"And thank YOU for bringing up such a painful memory!" said Numbah 86. "While you're at it, why don't ya give me a nice paper cut and rub a salt lick on it!"
Emperor: Brian, using the quote multiple times and changing a few words won’t make it any less of a theft from “The Princess Bride”.
"Let me out of here and I'll cut you more than that…" snarled Lotus.
Golbez: Yes, because threatening the person holding you at their mercy is just the wisest of all possible actions.
"And I knew ya were right about something else too," said Fanny. "I was going to be decommissioned someday, and everyone was probably going to laugh in my face when it happened. I wasn't going to endure the humiliation, even if I wouldn't be allowed to remember it…
"So I decided to prove you wrong on your last point… about me being a coward. When Father came to the Moonbase, HE was sympathetic when I offered to join him. HE said that I would be welcomed and not hated! And for a chance to be respected, I'll do anything!"
MCT: As we’ll see in a second, this is all meaningless, but… knuckling under to the invading dictator is not exactly what we call “bravery”, Fanny.
"Numbah 86, he's lying!" shouted Blossom. "Working for Father is selling your soul!"
Emperor: Shut it, munchkin! You didn’t even know who he was until a few days ago!
"Can it, ya little brat!" said Fanny. "I never liked you or your sisters anyway!"
She aimed the gun at them again.
"Bye bye," she said. "Time to fry…"
Golbez: Or broast. Or oven-broil with an herb rub. She’s not sure yet.
"Yes…" said Father, with baited breath.
MCT: You are not David Kaye, Father. Do not act like it.
"Fanny!" said Numbah One. "This is your last chance! I warn you, if you pull that trigger, the name Fanny Fulbrite will be cursed by children everywhere for as long as children exist!"
Emperor: This is the first time I’ve ever seen anyone use the Inflated Sense of Self-Worth on someone else. And in a negative way.
Numbah 86 gritted her teeth.
"I… don't… care!" she snarled.
She squeezed the trigger.
"YES!" said Father. "Finish them!"
Golbez: If you cannot see where this is going, then you have failed the test for sufficient brainpower to continue reading. The door is over there.
"Well guys," said Buttercup, "it's been fun…"
Numbah 86's eyes narrowed…
And then her face changed into a smile….
"PSYCHE!" she said, spinning around.
"What?" said Father.
All: BIG FUCKING SURPRISE.
Fanny was aiming the gun at him!
In the next split second, Father erected a wall of fire, and the gun went off. The blast shattered the barrier to pieces, and Father was thrown a hundred feet against the opposite wall!
MCT: That’s some damned powerful ammo if it can blow up fire.
(A badly-injured Father runs for his life, and Fanny’s gun apparently only had the one shot)
Numbah 86 took the remote from her pocket and pressed a button. The forcefield vanished.
"Listen, Numbah 86," said Numbah Five, "you got some explaining to do…"
"I know," said Numbah 86, "but we have ta free the others… I'll explain on the way…"
Emperor: By the time she was finished explaining, the heroes were prepared to shove her out an airlock.
(SCENE CHANGE)
Minutes later, they were running down a hallway.
"We don't have much time," said Numbah 86, putting a keycard into a slot. "Father has gone to heal, and he'll be angrier than ever once he's finished."
Golbez: Either Father has regenerative powers, or one of his magic abilities is Curaga.
A private elevator opened.
"This will take us right to the prison level," she said.
They got in.
MCT: And were promptly electrocuted into ashes. The end.
"So you joined Father with the intent to two-time him?" said Numbah Four.
Emperor: As it turns out, shadows are terrible in the sack.
"Let me give ya the true story," said Fanny. "Ya see, the part about 'thinking about it' after Lotus shook me up was true. But it didn't make me angry - it made me… sad…"
"Sad?" said Bubbles. "As in crying?"
Golbez: No, sad as in “laughing like an idiot”.
"Yes," said Fanny. "I figured that I was the most hated operative in Global Command. I don't have a single friend, nobody respects me, and it is true - when I finally had to face decommissioning, it would likely be with disgrace.
"I thought I was over it the next morning, but the day after that, an operative reached his thirteenth birthday, and he fell into my jurisdiction…"
"Uh oh…" said Numbah Two.
MCT: If Fanny were in character, she’d work out her negative emotions on the poor kid. But this is Operation: POWERPUFF, so…
"I found him at his parents' house," said Numbah 86. "And to my surprise, he didn't try to run at all… He even… he even invited me in for hot chocolate and leftover birthday cake!"
"That was nice of him," said Numbah Three. "Considering…"
"Yeah," said Numbah 86. "I had to ask him why he wasn't trying to resist. He said he wanted to be decommissioned, because it was for the best. He said that if he had succeeded in running and managed to keep his memories, he might someday be tempted to use them against the Kids Next Door."
"A downright noble attitude if I say so myself," said Lotus.
Emperor: I’m just so glad that the great and mighty Lotus approves. (drains his brandy and refills it)
"So that was likely the part where you tied him up and dragged him to the Moonbase."
"No," said Numbah 86. "I took him to the Moonbase. I couldn't be rough with him this time. I started ta think of what kind of monster I would have been if I had abused him, when he just wanted ta do what was right.
"I did what I had ta do, and that was that. My next couple'a jobs, I tried hard ta change my ways. I stopped using force. I tried hard ta be nicer. I must say, it was a lot more satisfying…
"And when Father invaded the Moonbase, I wanted to do something ta prove I wasn't someone who was ta be hated. That I wasn't a coward… I wanted ta do something like what you did Lotus…"
Lotus paused.
"My Four-Cross Campaign!" she said.
"Yeah," said Lotus. "When Father came, I approached him, and said I'd join up. He was thrilled. He said he loved it when a kid joined him willingly. He's sooo stupid…"
MCT: Ignoring the misattributed dialogue tag in the last paragraph… This is just disgusting. One of the more memorable, if least popular, characters in KND has suddenly transformed into a model of sweetness and light thanks to Lotus. It verges on downright brainwashing.
Look at that. Just… look at it. It’s sickening. Lotus and Snowball are the real heroes of this story in the end. The canon characters are just along for the ride.
The elevator opened.
"Fanny," said Numbah Two, "I think I speak for everyone here when I say that I take back all the nasty things I said about you!"
"And I assure you Numbah 362 will know about this," said Numbah One. "So long as you don't try to take all the credit…"
"Wouldn't think about it, Nigel," she said.
Emperor: I would laugh so hard if her report left all mention of Sector V out after the situation was settled. If this were an actual episode, come to think of it, that’s what would happen.
They were in a large chamber. Before them was a huge iron door, which was nicknamed "The Vault" by operatives. It lead to the prison complex.
Golbez: Wait, you’re telling me they nicknamed the door?
"Okay," said Numbah 86. "In theory, DNA identification from me and you Nigel, should be enough to open it. But Father said that he put two guards in this chamber, so everyone remain alert."
"Guards?" said Numbah Three, as they walked towards it. "I don't see any guards…"
"Better look up, you brats!" said a voice with a thick accent.
Another voice let out a sneeze.
"When we're done with you," it said, sounding stuffed up, "you're gonna wish you stayed in bed, just like me!"
MCT: So… which characters has Brian Corvello pulled from canon to be the final punching bags in this fic?
Two forms leapt or flew down from the rafters, blocking their paths. One was a man wearing large kegs on his limbs, head, and torso, with dark glasses and a face-mask. The other was a strange creature with green skin, a jetpack with wings, and a gun attached to his nose by a tube.
"Mr. Fizz? The Common Cold?" said Numbah Five. "Since when do you two work together?"
"Never!" said Fizz, "But Father knows best, as they always say!"
"And now prepare for runny noses, slight headache, fever, and loss of appetite!" said the Common Cold, aiming his weapon.
MCT: …huh. Two rather important ones, as it so happens. The Common Cold was featured pretty heavily in early advertising for the series, and Mr. Fizz was popular enough to be the main villain in one of the video games. At least it’s not Mask Scara all over again.
Fizz aimed his.
"Scatter!" said Numbah One.
The large team bolted, as a spray of sticky root beer and a stream of snot blasted at them.
Emperor: The larger the team, the more area effects are a hazard.
(The heroes split up - the PPG cast versus Common Cold, the KND cast versus Fizz)
The Girls and Snowball flew or leapt at the Common Cold.
"Okay snotrag," said Buttercup. "Prepare to have the phlegm knocked out of you!"
"I've just met you and already I'm sick of you!" said the Common Cold. "And pretty soon, your gonna be sick of me!"
He shot a volley of mucous at them, and they dodged it.
"HA,HA, HA!" he gloated. "You don't stand a chance."
Golbez: Apparently when you have a head cold for your entire life you don’t have any idea what “grammar” is.
"Man, you are nasty!" said Snowball.
"Listen Kitty," said the Common Cold, "if you had had the same head cold for the past twenty years, you wouldn't be all sunshine and lollypops either."
MCT: (sneeze) Seconded…
He fired his weapon again.
"Your going down!" said Bubbles angrily. "You're the cold, and we're the… the… uh, what cures a cold?"
"Oh, that got him…" said Blossom.
Emperor: …I’ve read that line six times and I still don’t understand what she was trying to get across.
She turned to the villain.
"Why don't I make it colder for you?" she said.
She blew her ice breath, and the germy villain gasped. Ice formed around him, and he fell to the floor.
The ice had shattered, but so had his wings.
"Ugh, I'm going to get pneumonia!" he said, shivering.
Golbez: Cold does not, by itself, cause colds or pneumonia. You would think he would know that.
Snowball leapt at him.
"I'm used to dealing with guys like you," she said. "After all, your talking to someone who used to have to eat disease-ridden mice to live!"
MCT: If you only ate mice to live, Snowball, you’d be dead. You’re too large for mice to be reliable food sources! Cripes, didn’t Brian think before he came up with... never mind…
(Common Cold takes out Snowball, but the PPG ambush and defeat him)
Minutes earlier, the rest of them had ran to engage the evil former head of the Soda Control Board.
Still feeling pain in her left hand, Lotus drew her sword.
Emperor: Your hand is broken! Of course you’re still going to feel pain in it! In the name of Chaos…
"Let's see if I can cut you out of that keg," she said.
"Humph," said Fizz. "Some children never grow up!"
He aimed the two barrels on his arms and shot forth a high pressure blast of soda, hitting Lotus squarely! She shrieked and was thrown across the room, slamming against the wall.
That hit was just one hit too much. The wounds from her fight against Cree had already pushed her to the limit. She tried to get up, but she collapsed in a puddle of soda.
(Confetti falls into the projection room as the sporkers cheer)
"You'll pay for that you soda jerk!" said Numbah Four.
"Come and get me you little hooligans!" said Fizz.
Golbez: Apparently soda erodes commas.
The team blasted their weapons at Fizz, but to little effect. They only bounced off his durable armor.
"Soda, anyone?" he said.
He shot two more sprays of cola and cackled, dousing the young heroes!
"Man!" said Numbah Five, getting to her feet. "He's nuts! Numbah Five thinks the caffeine is starting to affect his brain!"
MCT: Nah, he’s talking too slowly for that to be the case.
(After another failed attack, the KND get the idea to concentrate their fire)
They fired again, hitting a spot on the keg that covered his torso. This time, the concentrated fire blasted a hole in it, and a stream of soda spurted out!
"What?" he said in surprise. "You little…"
He aimed with his left arm.
"Left arm now!" said Numbah One.
The fired at the new target, and blasted a bigger hole in that keg! Another stream of soda shot out of the leak…
Not noticing, Fizz tried to fire, and the keg backfired! His left cannon-keg exploded, sending a burst of soda everywhere!
Emperor: If you’re wearing your ammo supply all over your body, you deserve to lose.
He fell down and moaned.
"Okay people," said Numbah One. "Let's take him apart!"
Numbah Four and Numbah Five leapt in the air and came down on Mr. Fizz, shattering what was left of his central keg! The others ripped the kegs off of his other arm and legs, as Four and Five pummeled him silly.
Golbez: He’s already disabled… but mercy is for other people in this story, apparently.
(SCENE CHANGE)
The battle was over, and they had to see to their wounded. Snowball was sneezing up a storm, and Lotus had not been this hurt since (according to her) the Great Action Figure Disaster of 1998, whatever that was.
"Don't think…" she said. "Don't think the two of us can help you any more today," she said, as Numbah Three saw to her wounds."
"Yeah," said Snowball, blowing into a handkerchief. "But at least we helped you this far."
MCT: I hope the door knocks you down the stairs.
"The infirmary is likely closed with Father in control," said Numbah 86, "but we'll have all the help we need in a few minutes."
She and Numbah One went to the Vault and she punched in a code.
"Voice analysis, please," said a computer voice.
"Numbah 86, Head of Decommissioning," said Fanny.
"Numbah One, commander of Sector V," said Numbah One.
The voice beeped.
Emperor: (Voice) Oh, shit. You again.
"DNA code confirmation," it said.
The two of them raised a finger and thrust it up their noses. They each dug out a piece of mucous and inserted it into a slot.
The voice beeped again.
"Confirmed," it said.
Golbez: Only then did they tend to their nosebleeds.
"Do you guys do that often?" said Blossom, nervously.
"Not too often," said Numbah One.
MCT: (Numbah One) But it’s not a good idea to blow your nose.
The Vault opened, and they entered the large prison complex, dominated by a huge room. Numbah 86 went to work at a large computer console.
"All I have ta do is enter the bypass code," she said, "and Father will have a mass-prison break to deal with!"
She entered the code, and an alarm sounded as the cell doors opened.
Emperor: At that point the entire complex exploded.
The results were dramatic. Excitement started to well in the compound, as the halls started to fill. The prisoners certainly wasted no time leaving their cells. The operatives started to wander into the huge room.
"Clear the way!" said a voice, eventually.
The crowd parted, and the powerful form of Numbah 362 walked forward.
Golbez: The rest of Numbah 362 was on a beach in Tahiti.
(The KND fill 362 in on what’s happened)
"So I see," she said. "We'll have some medics take care of them here. In the meantime, everyone has to arm themselves and root out the rest of the slime in this Moonbase.
MCT: (362) Be careful, there may be Metal Slimes in the mix.
"Sector V and… Powerpuff Girls, was it? Are you still able to fight?"
"Are we ever!" said Buttercup.
"Then maybe you're the best ones to take down Father. If he is indeed wounded, this might be a chance to do away with him once and for all."
Emperor: Please tell me they don’t kill him off.
Golbez: I doubt even this author would go that far.
MCT: The villain of the next story is an OC. Say your prayers, folks.
(SCENE CHANGE)
Meanwhile…
Father was lying on a couch in the command center, while the Delightfuls applied something to his bruises.
"Ooh, my aching kidneys…" he said. "That is the last time I ever trust anyone with any connection to the Kids Next Door, and this time I mean it! Why on earth was I fooled by that brat?"
"Well maybe it was because…" started the Children.
"THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!" he shouted, as flames erupted around him.
Emperor: You fell for it because Brian Corvello refuses to let his villains have the brain the gods gave a pogo stick. …and do you even have kidneys now?
They screamed and ran from him.
"What else could happen?" he sighed.
A monitor sprung to life.
Golbez: (scary voice) Iiiiiii… want your soullll…
"Father!" said a voice.
"Oh, what is it Mojo?" said Father, annoyed.
MCT: What’s Mojo doing here? Father had him thrown out when he entered the plot.
"There's been a prison breech," said Mojo's voice. "You see…"
"Oh, who broke out?" asked Father.
"Uh, everyone…" said Mojo.
"What?" shouted Father.
Emperor: (Mojo Jojo) I said everyone broke out, Father. You may wish to have your hearing checked.
"Someone breeched security and freed all of the prisoners," said Mojo. "All of the formerly incarcerated Kids Next Door are no longer incarcerated. In fact, I'd say that now they are pretty mad at having been incarcerated at all. Basically I'd say… we're in trouble…"
Father bellowed and flames practically filled the room.
Golbez: The room then exploded, showing why you should not unleash flames in a confined, high-oxygen environment.
The Delightful Children cowered behind a desk.
"GO!" he said. "Go meet that ape and wait for those brats with our new device! We're going to end this, or we're going to go down trying!"
MCT: Probably Column B.
The Delightful Children ran out of the room.
"Kids Next Door, Powerpuff Girls," he said. "You'll find I won't go down without a fight…"
Emperor: They always say that. I wish more of them went through with it.
Coming up next:
The team has lost their two allies, but they have all of Global Command backing them up. The ultimate showdown against their greatest foes is about to start! Don't miss the exciting conclusion to "Operation P.O.W.E.R.P.U.F.F.", coming soon!
Be there, because if you aren't here, we're starting without you!
Golbez: Don’t wait up. (leaves)
Emperor: False advertising at work. (leaves)
MCT: Just one more chapter… I can do it… I think…