Operation: P.O.W.E.R.P.U.F.F. - Chapter Eleven, Part Two
And now, the second half.
"That will be far enough!" said Numbah One. "Fuzzy Lumpkins, I presume?"
“Naw, I’m Doc Livingston - who do ya think I am?”
"Yeah, that's me," said Fuzzy. "Who the sam-hill are you?"
"We're the Kids Next Door, pal," said Numbah Five. "And if there's one thing we hate worse than adults, it's ones that are thieves!"
"And ones that are ugly!" said Four.
"And ones that are smelly!" said Three.
"And ones that are flea-ridden!" said Two.
"HEY!" said Fuzzy. "I may be an ugly, smelly, flea-ridden thief, but I'm not... um... uh... what was that other thing you said?"
In jail that night, Fuzzy Lumpkins looked up and shouted, “WAIT A MINUTE!”
The five operatives started to chuckle... then they burst out laughing.
"I can't believe it, Numbah Four!" said Five. "We finally found someone stupider than you!"
There was more laughter.
And then Numbah Four broke Numbah Five’s nose.
"I know I should be insulted," said Four, "but this guy cracks me up too much for me to care!"
Fuzzy dropped his bag and pointed with his blunderbuss. "I'll teach ya ta laugh at me!" he shouted.
“Now, repeat afta me - HAW HAW HAW!”
"Kids Next Door, scatter!" shouted Numbah One.
The team ran off in five different directions, as a blast from Fuzzy's thunderstick hit the center of where they were standing.
“Thunderstick? You actually said ‘thunderstick’? That, my friend, is a Winchester .35.”
"Watch it folks," said One. "Dumb doesn't mean harmless.
“Numbah Four is living proof!”
Numbah Three, try to disarm him!"
"Gotcha!" said Three. She lifted up her sweater
Whoa! What’s this story rated again?
and pushed a button on her belt. Quickly, an apparatus formed on her back - flexible rods fitted themselves on her arms, and pink butterfly wings sprouted from them, fitting to a rod down her spine. The central rod formed a headband with delicate antennae that crowned her forehead.
She gave a leap and soared into the air, over the enemy. She always loved doing this.
And then she hit the bug zapper.
After a few paragraphs about how the kids are effectively immune to Fuzzy’s gun because they move faster than he can fire:
Numbah Three flew to the rooftops and tossed the thunderstick to the top of a building.
The other members of the team raised their weapons.
"Open fire!" said Numbah One.
A flurry of blasts from mustard guns, bubble gum guns, and soda bottle blasters pelted Fuzzy. He started to stagger...
…and then dusted off. “Ya really think mustard ‘n’ soda will stop me? I only bathe once a year!”
SCENE CHANGE to the Mayor and Ms. Bellum watching the fight. It’s a short blurb that I’ll just pass over.
SCENE CHANGE back to the KND ending their barrage a bit too early:
The Fuzzy slowly got up...
“The” Fuzzy? Do they come in variety packs now?
"Now ah'm..." he gasped. "Now ah'm..."
Suddenly, he swelled to about twice his size! he turned red, and his teeth turned into fierce fangs!
"NOW AH'M MAD!" he howled.
He stole the height from the H in that third sentence!
He charged at the team, and leveled five punches.
I’m just curious - how do you knock down a punch?
The team resumes fire, but Angry Fuzzy is immune to their weaponry:
"This is getting us nowhere!" said One. "We need a new strategy!"
"On it, chief!" said Numbah Five. "Let's get 'im Numbah Four!"
When guns don’t work, PUNCH the enemy!
Or rather, it doesn’t. Numbahs Four and Five get their asses kicked:
"Do the Girls a favor he said," said Numbah Five, throwing a kick to his gut. "They'd better do a big favor for us if we survive this!"
“I really need my carpets shampooed. I wonder if they know how to work one of those?”
At that point Fuzzy grabbed hold of her by the shoulders and lifted her up off of her feet.
"Leggo, you walking shag rug!" shouted Five.
Then Fuzzy chomped down on her shin. Numbah Five screamed and then kicked him in the teeth, making him let go.
"Punching and kicking I can handle," said Five, getting up and holding her shin, "but biting? You are one sick... whatever you are!"
Nice trick, kicking him in the teeth when one leg’s in his mouth.
So their weapons are useless and melee attacks aren’t any better. Numbah Two runs off to find a new weapon, and the other KND members unload at full power to keep Fuzzy busy. It’s not doing much, when…
"Don't worry guys," said Numbah Two's voice. "Help is on the the way!"
A sound like a motor came to their ears, and they saw that Numbah Two was racing towards them driving a vehicle that looked like a large golf cart with a catapult mounted on the back.
[Kids Next Door S.P.L.A.T.A.P.U.L.T.: Scooter-driven Platform Launches Adhesives Towards Adult Perpetrators Using Logarithmic Targeting]
So just his voice said that? He’s a ventriloquist now?
And notice that the acronyms get worse by the chapter.
Numbah Two pulled a lever, and a large item that looked like a pink cannonball rolled into the catapult. He pushed a series of buttons on the monitors in front of him, and a pair of crosshairs centered on Fuzzy's image.
"I'm gonna really stick it to you!" said Numbah Two. "Fire one!"
The S.P.L.A.T.A.P.U.L.T. fired, and the large piece of ammunition honed in on Fuzzy. He turned in surprise, just as the projectile hit him, and exploded with a huge SPLAT! Before everyone knew it, he was covered with pink goo!
It’s probably supposed to be chewing gum, but I’m still rather happy that the ammo is not identified.
Both the KND and the catapult continue to fire, but Fuzzy is about to get out of the restraints:
Numbah Two retracted the catapult arm. "Well now that you mention it," he said. "It's time for the S.P.L.A.T.A.P.U.L.T.'s secret weapon!"
He punched a button that said "secret weapon," and this time a black cannonball loaded onto the catapult arm.
I’m having Megas XLR flashbacks. Normally this would be acceptable, but I don’t want to be reminded about better shows while I’m dealing with this crap.
As Numbah Two set the crosshairs, he shouted out, "everyone get as far away from him as possible!"
Numbahs One, Three, Four, and Five retreated, , just as Fuzzy broke free. He raised his arms and howled.
Shouldn’t that comma be further up the fic?
"Looks like you're going down in a blaze of glory!" said Numbah Two. "FIRE!"
The S.P.L.A.T.A.P.U.L.T. fired, and the large projectile burst into flames as it flew into the air...
"Huh?" said Fuzzy, looking up.
The cannonball hit him, and an explosion ensued at the point of impact! The sky practically lit up.
Everyone who was watching clapped, and when the smoke cleared, Fuzzy was lying unconscious in a smoldering crater.
Where did he get that much gunpowder?
SCENE CHANGE to after the battle:
A team of police were called in, and dragged the dazed Fuzzy Lumpkins to an armored police van.
"Okay, it's the pokey fer you, Fuzzy!" said one of them.
The hick cops are kept on standby just for this sort of thing.
They slammed the door, and van sped off. At this moment, the Mayor and Ms. Bellum came out of their hiding place and approached the team.
"Wow-whee wow!" said the Mayor. "You kids sure are brave! I haven't seen fighting like that since I was in the service!"
Don’t you have to be a minimum height to be in the military?
"Um yes, Mr. Mayor," said Numbah One. This was very strange. He'd never seen an adult who was smaller than he was. Ms. Bellum was certainly more intimidating.
He never trusted anyone without a visible face.
"So," said Ms. Bellum. "You kids are friends of the Girls?"
"Long story ma'am," said Numbah One. "But we're afraid we can't disclose any information about our team at this moment. Like we said, the only reason we helped was because we owed the Girls a few favors. Now if you'll excuse us, we have injuries that need taken care of..."
As they turned to leave, Ms. Bellum spoke up.
"Kids Next Door," she said. "Thank you. Townsville owes you a debt."
They all paused. They hardly expected to hear something like that from an adult.
"You're... welcome..." said Numbah One.
The surprise comes across as a bit forced, given that I think we see just as many good adults as we do bad ones in canon.
And way to be rude to authority, Numbah One. See if they ever accept you in this town again.
The KND leaves, and we SCENE CHANGE back to the PPG home:
It was fortunate that Numbah Three was the one who was the least injured, mostly because she was the medic. In the Powerpuff Girls home, while they were waiting for the Girls to arrive while watching Raiders of the Lost Ark, she was busy with antiseptic ointment and bandages.
"It should all stop hurting by tomorrow," she said, smiling.
“It’d go faster if you’d allowed me to perform amputations.”
"Guys!" said Blossom. "We heard the news on the radio! Are you alright?"
"We've handled worse," said Numbah Four.
"Fuzzy Lumpkins is bad news," said Buttercup. "He's been trouble even for us."
“You should’ve seen him back in our What A Cartoon days!”
As the kids prepare for their discussion and the Professor starts dinner:
Outside in the darkness, a pair of big, green eyes opened in the bushes.
"Okay," said a voice. "You can do this. It's high-time you introduced yourself to them. Here goes..."
A figure walked up to the front door. A hand shook as it neared the doorbell.
"NO!" said the figure. It dove into the bushes.
The figure breathed heavily.
"Oh, what's wrong with you Snowball?" said the figure. "Why are you so afraid? They won't reject you... will they? What's not to like?"
The figure turned to the door again. It got up. It started to walk towards it again.
"No..." said the figure. "I can't yet. But I will, you hear me, I will!
"I can't live in the shadows forever. We have to meet eventually..."
I know where this is going, and let me tell you this. While Lotus is worse in terms of character, Snowball is worse in terms of sensibility. Start putting cushions on your wall now.
SCENE CHANGE x2, first to the KND going home, and then…
Miles away, the Delightful Children were on their cell phones with an informant.
Presumably not Chad, so who do they have in Townsville?
"Why wait for Mojo and Cree to finish their plan when we can weaken them both right now?" the said. "The perfect man for the job could lead them into a trap right in Townsville itself..."
They pushed a number on their speed dial.
"We think it's time that our foes had another appointment!" they said.
They’ve learned nothing from their near-success before the Lotus fiasco, have they?
Well, at least this one was relatively painless.
"That will be far enough!" said Numbah One. "Fuzzy Lumpkins, I presume?"
“Naw, I’m Doc Livingston - who do ya think I am?”
"Yeah, that's me," said Fuzzy. "Who the sam-hill are you?"
"We're the Kids Next Door, pal," said Numbah Five. "And if there's one thing we hate worse than adults, it's ones that are thieves!"
"And ones that are ugly!" said Four.
"And ones that are smelly!" said Three.
"And ones that are flea-ridden!" said Two.
"HEY!" said Fuzzy. "I may be an ugly, smelly, flea-ridden thief, but I'm not... um... uh... what was that other thing you said?"
In jail that night, Fuzzy Lumpkins looked up and shouted, “WAIT A MINUTE!”
The five operatives started to chuckle... then they burst out laughing.
"I can't believe it, Numbah Four!" said Five. "We finally found someone stupider than you!"
There was more laughter.
And then Numbah Four broke Numbah Five’s nose.
"I know I should be insulted," said Four, "but this guy cracks me up too much for me to care!"
Fuzzy dropped his bag and pointed with his blunderbuss. "I'll teach ya ta laugh at me!" he shouted.
“Now, repeat afta me - HAW HAW HAW!”
"Kids Next Door, scatter!" shouted Numbah One.
The team ran off in five different directions, as a blast from Fuzzy's thunderstick hit the center of where they were standing.
“Thunderstick? You actually said ‘thunderstick’? That, my friend, is a Winchester .35.”
"Watch it folks," said One. "Dumb doesn't mean harmless.
“Numbah Four is living proof!”
Numbah Three, try to disarm him!"
"Gotcha!" said Three. She lifted up her sweater
Whoa! What’s this story rated again?
and pushed a button on her belt. Quickly, an apparatus formed on her back - flexible rods fitted themselves on her arms, and pink butterfly wings sprouted from them, fitting to a rod down her spine. The central rod formed a headband with delicate antennae that crowned her forehead.
She gave a leap and soared into the air, over the enemy. She always loved doing this.
And then she hit the bug zapper.
After a few paragraphs about how the kids are effectively immune to Fuzzy’s gun because they move faster than he can fire:
Numbah Three flew to the rooftops and tossed the thunderstick to the top of a building.
The other members of the team raised their weapons.
"Open fire!" said Numbah One.
A flurry of blasts from mustard guns, bubble gum guns, and soda bottle blasters pelted Fuzzy. He started to stagger...
…and then dusted off. “Ya really think mustard ‘n’ soda will stop me? I only bathe once a year!”
SCENE CHANGE to the Mayor and Ms. Bellum watching the fight. It’s a short blurb that I’ll just pass over.
SCENE CHANGE back to the KND ending their barrage a bit too early:
The Fuzzy slowly got up...
“The” Fuzzy? Do they come in variety packs now?
"Now ah'm..." he gasped. "Now ah'm..."
Suddenly, he swelled to about twice his size! he turned red, and his teeth turned into fierce fangs!
"NOW AH'M MAD!" he howled.
He stole the height from the H in that third sentence!
He charged at the team, and leveled five punches.
I’m just curious - how do you knock down a punch?
The team resumes fire, but Angry Fuzzy is immune to their weaponry:
"This is getting us nowhere!" said One. "We need a new strategy!"
"On it, chief!" said Numbah Five. "Let's get 'im Numbah Four!"
When guns don’t work, PUNCH the enemy!
Or rather, it doesn’t. Numbahs Four and Five get their asses kicked:
"Do the Girls a favor he said," said Numbah Five, throwing a kick to his gut. "They'd better do a big favor for us if we survive this!"
“I really need my carpets shampooed. I wonder if they know how to work one of those?”
At that point Fuzzy grabbed hold of her by the shoulders and lifted her up off of her feet.
"Leggo, you walking shag rug!" shouted Five.
Then Fuzzy chomped down on her shin. Numbah Five screamed and then kicked him in the teeth, making him let go.
"Punching and kicking I can handle," said Five, getting up and holding her shin, "but biting? You are one sick... whatever you are!"
Nice trick, kicking him in the teeth when one leg’s in his mouth.
So their weapons are useless and melee attacks aren’t any better. Numbah Two runs off to find a new weapon, and the other KND members unload at full power to keep Fuzzy busy. It’s not doing much, when…
"Don't worry guys," said Numbah Two's voice. "Help is on the the way!"
A sound like a motor came to their ears, and they saw that Numbah Two was racing towards them driving a vehicle that looked like a large golf cart with a catapult mounted on the back.
[Kids Next Door S.P.L.A.T.A.P.U.L.T.: Scooter-driven Platform Launches Adhesives Towards Adult Perpetrators Using Logarithmic Targeting]
So just his voice said that? He’s a ventriloquist now?
And notice that the acronyms get worse by the chapter.
Numbah Two pulled a lever, and a large item that looked like a pink cannonball rolled into the catapult. He pushed a series of buttons on the monitors in front of him, and a pair of crosshairs centered on Fuzzy's image.
"I'm gonna really stick it to you!" said Numbah Two. "Fire one!"
The S.P.L.A.T.A.P.U.L.T. fired, and the large piece of ammunition honed in on Fuzzy. He turned in surprise, just as the projectile hit him, and exploded with a huge SPLAT! Before everyone knew it, he was covered with pink goo!
It’s probably supposed to be chewing gum, but I’m still rather happy that the ammo is not identified.
Both the KND and the catapult continue to fire, but Fuzzy is about to get out of the restraints:
Numbah Two retracted the catapult arm. "Well now that you mention it," he said. "It's time for the S.P.L.A.T.A.P.U.L.T.'s secret weapon!"
He punched a button that said "secret weapon," and this time a black cannonball loaded onto the catapult arm.
I’m having Megas XLR flashbacks. Normally this would be acceptable, but I don’t want to be reminded about better shows while I’m dealing with this crap.
As Numbah Two set the crosshairs, he shouted out, "everyone get as far away from him as possible!"
Numbahs One, Three, Four, and Five retreated, , just as Fuzzy broke free. He raised his arms and howled.
Shouldn’t that comma be further up the fic?
"Looks like you're going down in a blaze of glory!" said Numbah Two. "FIRE!"
The S.P.L.A.T.A.P.U.L.T. fired, and the large projectile burst into flames as it flew into the air...
"Huh?" said Fuzzy, looking up.
The cannonball hit him, and an explosion ensued at the point of impact! The sky practically lit up.
Everyone who was watching clapped, and when the smoke cleared, Fuzzy was lying unconscious in a smoldering crater.
Where did he get that much gunpowder?
SCENE CHANGE to after the battle:
A team of police were called in, and dragged the dazed Fuzzy Lumpkins to an armored police van.
"Okay, it's the pokey fer you, Fuzzy!" said one of them.
The hick cops are kept on standby just for this sort of thing.
They slammed the door, and van sped off. At this moment, the Mayor and Ms. Bellum came out of their hiding place and approached the team.
"Wow-whee wow!" said the Mayor. "You kids sure are brave! I haven't seen fighting like that since I was in the service!"
Don’t you have to be a minimum height to be in the military?
"Um yes, Mr. Mayor," said Numbah One. This was very strange. He'd never seen an adult who was smaller than he was. Ms. Bellum was certainly more intimidating.
He never trusted anyone without a visible face.
"So," said Ms. Bellum. "You kids are friends of the Girls?"
"Long story ma'am," said Numbah One. "But we're afraid we can't disclose any information about our team at this moment. Like we said, the only reason we helped was because we owed the Girls a few favors. Now if you'll excuse us, we have injuries that need taken care of..."
As they turned to leave, Ms. Bellum spoke up.
"Kids Next Door," she said. "Thank you. Townsville owes you a debt."
They all paused. They hardly expected to hear something like that from an adult.
"You're... welcome..." said Numbah One.
The surprise comes across as a bit forced, given that I think we see just as many good adults as we do bad ones in canon.
And way to be rude to authority, Numbah One. See if they ever accept you in this town again.
The KND leaves, and we SCENE CHANGE back to the PPG home:
It was fortunate that Numbah Three was the one who was the least injured, mostly because she was the medic. In the Powerpuff Girls home, while they were waiting for the Girls to arrive while watching Raiders of the Lost Ark, she was busy with antiseptic ointment and bandages.
"It should all stop hurting by tomorrow," she said, smiling.
“It’d go faster if you’d allowed me to perform amputations.”
"Guys!" said Blossom. "We heard the news on the radio! Are you alright?"
"We've handled worse," said Numbah Four.
"Fuzzy Lumpkins is bad news," said Buttercup. "He's been trouble even for us."
“You should’ve seen him back in our What A Cartoon days!”
As the kids prepare for their discussion and the Professor starts dinner:
Outside in the darkness, a pair of big, green eyes opened in the bushes.
"Okay," said a voice. "You can do this. It's high-time you introduced yourself to them. Here goes..."
A figure walked up to the front door. A hand shook as it neared the doorbell.
"NO!" said the figure. It dove into the bushes.
The figure breathed heavily.
"Oh, what's wrong with you Snowball?" said the figure. "Why are you so afraid? They won't reject you... will they? What's not to like?"
The figure turned to the door again. It got up. It started to walk towards it again.
"No..." said the figure. "I can't yet. But I will, you hear me, I will!
"I can't live in the shadows forever. We have to meet eventually..."
I know where this is going, and let me tell you this. While Lotus is worse in terms of character, Snowball is worse in terms of sensibility. Start putting cushions on your wall now.
SCENE CHANGE x2, first to the KND going home, and then…
Miles away, the Delightful Children were on their cell phones with an informant.
Presumably not Chad, so who do they have in Townsville?
"Why wait for Mojo and Cree to finish their plan when we can weaken them both right now?" the said. "The perfect man for the job could lead them into a trap right in Townsville itself..."
They pushed a number on their speed dial.
"We think it's time that our foes had another appointment!" they said.
They’ve learned nothing from their near-success before the Lotus fiasco, have they?
Well, at least this one was relatively painless.