Everybody loves pirates.
Hey all, felt like updating again, so I will! Birthday was great, or so I’m told. I don’t really remember much aside from waking up the next morning going “Where am I… And whose pants are these?” Other than that, not much else important up that I feel like talking about, so, instead, I give you:
Well, after years of dreaming and weeks of deliberation, the decision has been made.
I’m going to be a Pirate Hunter.
Yes kids, that’s right. I’ll get some job after I get out of college and start saving my pennies while James goes and gets rich being a surgeon and Mathis gets rich when his grandma dies and the Jeff… well, does Jeffish things. Our first step will be to acquire a mighty vessel to carry us to seas unknown (but not too unknown since we’ll have GPS and a map). For this purpose, we’ve chosen a Saintone 21m (almost 70’) blue water two-mast ketch which we’ll christen the Wake of Desdenova in honor of a favorite song. She’s made of six-layer diagonal mahogany strips and has a teakwood deck, comes with all the comforts of home and enough room to berth 12 people. She carries enough fuel and water to circumnavigate the inner solar system, so we’ll be fine for as long as we care to cruise. Without further ado, here she is!
Of course, things will have to be changed on her before we’re ready. First off, she needs a bowsprit. Not much of one, maybe a three or four foot spar; enough to push her over the 70’ mark, and enough to say “Look! We have a bowsprit!” Next, we’ll need jet skis. Chances are, we’ll mount davits on the port and starboard of the rear and hang them over the side as one might do with lifeboats. We’ll probably put a trap launcher on it somewhere to fling shotgun targets for us to shoot when there aren’t pirates to pepper. Probably have a scuba tank refill tank as well.
After probably a year of sailing this grand yacht around, we’ll get down to business. Piracy has been getting worse and worse every year and has a veritable stranglehold around Malaysia and Indonesia, with the Straights of Malacca having the highest rate of piracy in the world today.
These straights carry some 30% of the world’s commercial traffic, and pirates, being the Chinese criminal organizations, the Bogymen of Sulawesi, and even the odd terrorist now and then, strike there on literally a weekly basis. Anything ranging from private yachts to commercial tankers and freighters is fair game to the well-equipped hooligans and ruffians, and the cash-strapped, corruption-ridden and revolution-weary governments of the nearby nations are powerless to stop the onslaught. The Indonesian Navy even went out to stem the tide of lawlessness, but failed due to not having had ammunition since 1923 and was captured and resold to a Chinese naval museum for $49.95. Now, if the national government of Indonesia can’t step up to the challenge, the obvious next step is, of course, me.
Obviously, one needs to be well-armed to stand any hope of survival against these fierce sea dogs. This has been taken into consideration! The Wake of Desdenova will use tactics not unlike those of the Q-ships from World War 1. We’ll cruise the straights looking as rich and helpless as we can and wait for the pirates to come to us. When they’re close enough for us to be sure they’re not just overzealous fish vendors, we’ll reveal our true colors and unload on them with M2HB .50cal machinegun fire and a hail of 40mm grenades from our Mk 19 grenade launchers!
Never mind how we’ll get hold of those… I’ll find a way somehow I hope. Then, when they’re all bobbing around in the ocean singing “We’re the pirates who don’t do anything” we’ll raid their booty and take it for ourselves, then collect any bounty we can find. Eventually we should get rich enough to afford our own submarine!
But that’s a story for another time.
Well, after years of dreaming and weeks of deliberation, the decision has been made.
I’m going to be a Pirate Hunter.
Yes kids, that’s right. I’ll get some job after I get out of college and start saving my pennies while James goes and gets rich being a surgeon and Mathis gets rich when his grandma dies and the Jeff… well, does Jeffish things. Our first step will be to acquire a mighty vessel to carry us to seas unknown (but not too unknown since we’ll have GPS and a map). For this purpose, we’ve chosen a Saintone 21m (almost 70’) blue water two-mast ketch which we’ll christen the Wake of Desdenova in honor of a favorite song. She’s made of six-layer diagonal mahogany strips and has a teakwood deck, comes with all the comforts of home and enough room to berth 12 people. She carries enough fuel and water to circumnavigate the inner solar system, so we’ll be fine for as long as we care to cruise. Without further ado, here she is!
Of course, things will have to be changed on her before we’re ready. First off, she needs a bowsprit. Not much of one, maybe a three or four foot spar; enough to push her over the 70’ mark, and enough to say “Look! We have a bowsprit!” Next, we’ll need jet skis. Chances are, we’ll mount davits on the port and starboard of the rear and hang them over the side as one might do with lifeboats. We’ll probably put a trap launcher on it somewhere to fling shotgun targets for us to shoot when there aren’t pirates to pepper. Probably have a scuba tank refill tank as well.
After probably a year of sailing this grand yacht around, we’ll get down to business. Piracy has been getting worse and worse every year and has a veritable stranglehold around Malaysia and Indonesia, with the Straights of Malacca having the highest rate of piracy in the world today.
These straights carry some 30% of the world’s commercial traffic, and pirates, being the Chinese criminal organizations, the Bogymen of Sulawesi, and even the odd terrorist now and then, strike there on literally a weekly basis. Anything ranging from private yachts to commercial tankers and freighters is fair game to the well-equipped hooligans and ruffians, and the cash-strapped, corruption-ridden and revolution-weary governments of the nearby nations are powerless to stop the onslaught. The Indonesian Navy even went out to stem the tide of lawlessness, but failed due to not having had ammunition since 1923 and was captured and resold to a Chinese naval museum for $49.95. Now, if the national government of Indonesia can’t step up to the challenge, the obvious next step is, of course, me.
Obviously, one needs to be well-armed to stand any hope of survival against these fierce sea dogs. This has been taken into consideration! The Wake of Desdenova will use tactics not unlike those of the Q-ships from World War 1. We’ll cruise the straights looking as rich and helpless as we can and wait for the pirates to come to us. When they’re close enough for us to be sure they’re not just overzealous fish vendors, we’ll reveal our true colors and unload on them with M2HB .50cal machinegun fire and a hail of 40mm grenades from our Mk 19 grenade launchers!
Never mind how we’ll get hold of those… I’ll find a way somehow I hope. Then, when they’re all bobbing around in the ocean singing “We’re the pirates who don’t do anything” we’ll raid their booty and take it for ourselves, then collect any bounty we can find. Eventually we should get rich enough to afford our own submarine!
But that’s a story for another time.