(no subject)
[private]
I have to let this out somewhere. It’s driving me crazy.
It’s been ten months to the day since he hired me.
It shocked me that he hired me without reservation. I think I even said, “You realize what you’re doing, right?”
I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t want back in the game, ‘cause I did. I ached for it. A second chance to prove myself. Absolve myself, I guess.
So I showed up for work like the good prodigal. Quiet as a churchmouse, hands to myself.
And then this thing comes up, with the FDA. Ridiculously trivial, in retrospect. And I bring it to his attention, and instead of sucking it up and taking it like the spineless worm I’d pegged him for, he shocked the hell out of me and dished it right back.
The even bigger shock? I was getting off on it.
So I kept picking fights. It worked to my advantage. I was keeping Bloodless McCowboy honest, greasing up my armor, and in the meantime, I was having fun. I was remembering why I got into this in the first place.
And then I let down my guard, like a fool, and here I am.
It’s not that I don’t trust him. I do. Mostly. And in an odd way, I think I might be in love with him, a little.
That looks pathetic in print. Likely because it is. I’m not sure if it’s genuine, or if I’m grasping at straws. I don’t know if I’m overcompensating so the day doesn’t roll around where I have to say, “Yes, honey, I like Daddy a lot.”
I didn’t expect it to confuse me this much.
Ten months. Wow.
[/private]
I have to let this out somewhere. It’s driving me crazy.
It’s been ten months to the day since he hired me.
It shocked me that he hired me without reservation. I think I even said, “You realize what you’re doing, right?”
I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t want back in the game, ‘cause I did. I ached for it. A second chance to prove myself. Absolve myself, I guess.
So I showed up for work like the good prodigal. Quiet as a churchmouse, hands to myself.
And then this thing comes up, with the FDA. Ridiculously trivial, in retrospect. And I bring it to his attention, and instead of sucking it up and taking it like the spineless worm I’d pegged him for, he shocked the hell out of me and dished it right back.
The even bigger shock? I was getting off on it.
So I kept picking fights. It worked to my advantage. I was keeping Bloodless McCowboy honest, greasing up my armor, and in the meantime, I was having fun. I was remembering why I got into this in the first place.
And then I let down my guard, like a fool, and here I am.
It’s not that I don’t trust him. I do. Mostly. And in an odd way, I think I might be in love with him, a little.
That looks pathetic in print. Likely because it is. I’m not sure if it’s genuine, or if I’m grasping at straws. I don’t know if I’m overcompensating so the day doesn’t roll around where I have to say, “Yes, honey, I like Daddy a lot.”
I didn’t expect it to confuse me this much.
Ten months. Wow.
[/private]