Comments | mangoleah: What do YOU think?: a very rough draft

mangoleah

What do YOU think?: a very rough draft

Apr 12, 2006 00:10

Personal Statement ( Read more... )

Comments 9

iamnotsilly April 12 2006, 04:21:31 UTC

It does deal with the same issues as my SOP! Only I end with, "Screw science, I love you literature." And there's no rainforest or mud in mine. It looks good. Do you want a careful edit from me? When is it due? Should I post my comments or e-mail them? And e-mail them where?

mangoleah April 12 2006, 17:00:08 UTC

YOu can post or email them. I am going to try and mail it this weekend.

Appreciation.

desirous April 12 2006, 06:09:56 UTC

Hit them with stuff like David Attenborough first, then create a graceful transition into your personal life. This allows you to base the 'meat' of your letter to talk about your accomplishments. Transition back out of yourself by making it all relevant to a main theme that ties into your introduction. Bingo!

Also, try a different approach to the "wishy washy" bit. Finding yourself winding your way through an interest in life is a common theme of many students.

anonymous April 12 2006, 14:41:14 UTC

I have a paper due in a week, so I'm not sure when I'll get to a careful reading. I agree with the 'wishy washy" comment. I started with a kind of poetic description of traveling with Tibetan monks. (It might be at the end in the version I showed you.) Some people advised against it, but I did it to catch attention and to make my app stand out. You've got similar adventures. Could you pull your reader into one of them at the beginning? Also, I wouldn't use Attenborough and Kingsolver as examples. The readers know their field better than you do, and if they don't, don't point that out. Can you use examples from your life? Are there projects you've worked on that blend these two fields? If you do mention famous people, mention how they've influenced you, rather than just as examples. And finally, "anthropology too insular." (You might consider a verb or a comma there as well.)

mangoleah April 12 2006, 14:55:47 UTC

Good points. Thank you!

sedestian April 12 2006, 17:59:13 UTC

three words: grammar, syntax, spelling... otherwise, it's good (i'm still bummed you aspire to be a brit, though)... like i said last time, i'm no good for substantial comments on b.s. haha

mangoleah April 12 2006, 20:07:02 UTC

It is rough and I posted it about about 12:30am on a Tuesday. I was anxious for input.

sedestian April 13 2006, 14:11:01 UTC

i know, but seriously... after grading papers, that's all i see anymore

iamnotsilly April 12 2006, 20:59:23 UTC

So, I keep thinking about this and wanting to post new things. Are there specific projects you'd like to work on? Grad schools want to hear about those, usually. Could you post or send the prompt as well? That'll make it easier to critique.