|Three| Twenty-eighth Rhapsody
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How long have I been here? It feels like forever, I'm sure it's been almost a year, now. I never thought I'd find myself somewhere like here. More than that, though...I never thought I'd find myself free of that role. Being a nobody means I don't have a heart, I can't 'feel' things in the same sense as any human. I remember so much, happiness, sadness, anger. It was so vibrant, so real, so vivid that it makes my chest ache to think about how much I miss it. But, with time, I've freed myself somehow from the constraints of my form. I've forged friendships, made allies and found myself- in a sense, at least.
I don't know how real it is, sometimes. Am I just fooling myself with thinking I feel? I don't want to think like that, it doesn't seem like an act anymore. I want to believe it's real, but is something like this even possible? What are the possibilities for a Nobody? What things can we accomplish for ourselves, being little more than remnants of people killed by the heartless? It does make you wonder, doesn't it?
I want to believe that we have the chance to reclaim the things we lost. If not in reality, than at least in spirit. That's what I hope for, really. That this isn't just a dead end for us, that there's more...and, really...If there's anywhere I can find this out, it's here in another world where none of us are forced into our old roles. Where we can find ourselves, if 'ourselves' exist. I've sat up for hours on end thinking about it, it's not like the old me. Am I, too, evolving? It seems like that. With every day that passes, I'm changing, aren't I?
I wonder what it was like for everyone else... What it is like, I mean. Am I the only one who experiences these things, or is it something everyone else feels, too? I wonder if Axel or Zexion have felt...anything, really. Especially if it's this. More importantly, with Zexion...I wonder if he feels anything for me? I have to admit, I think...I'm starting to...love being around him. To...Sheesh, I can't believe I'm saying this. Love him. Is that even possible? I...guess it is. I dunno.
I suppose only time will tell. Until then, I'll continue moving forward. I have to. Because this is my home, now. This is where I've come to belong, and I want to see how far I can go. What my potential is, ultimately.
...I can only really hope for the best, I suppose.
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I wanna go out someplace tonight. Zexion, let's go out and do something together! You decide, though.