BANDOM ANTM PARTS DEUX Y TRES
ROOMMATES BIT
look_alive:
Alright, so let's do this:
Gabe has the basement so someone else has a single with two beds. Gerard maybe? So he could spread out?
Spencer and Brendon
Patrick and Bill
which leaves Ryan and Pete and Frankie and Travie.
So Spencer traded Patrick for jeans and wingtips from Bill in exchange for Brendon, but at one point Spencer was sharing with Ryan. It's actually quite possible that Bill was paid off for the pants/shoes/room mate swap by Brendon, once his Batman break-in attempt ended in pain and tragedy.
manipulant:
LOLOLOL RYAN AND FRANK BEING PAIRED AT THE START AND THAT LASTING ALL OF THREE HOURS. though who would break FIRST? hmmmm.
haha, yeah, nobody wanting to deal with Gerard's...Gerardiness, so he gets the single! and within a DAY it's transformed into a cave.
look_alive:
Oh Ryan would break first NO DOUBT. Like, as soon as he found a pair of Frank's Spiderman boxerbriefs on his pillow which would happen simultaneously with Frank deciding now was a good as time as any to learn how to throw knives.
So Frank and Travie and Pete and Ryan. Which makes sense, oddly, until Frank and Travie burn down a wing of the house.
manipulant:
At first Frank DOESN'T GET why Ryan wouldn't be super stoked to have him as a roomie! And he mopes to Travie about it for a bit, because DAMN, seriously? Fuckin - this is just like in middle school when he went to Matt Digallo's house for a sleepover with some other dudes and all of a sudden he was by himself in his sleeping bag in the bedroom while everyone else was in the living room. :( :( :(((( And yeah, sure, so Frank had been in cahoots with Matt's older brother the entire time to scare the bejesus out of everyone by signalling when it was time for the bro to slam into the bedroom window, but it wasn't HIS fault Tommy had peed his pants and three kids had cried.
and Travie's all yes. that sucks. hey, have you ever done that thing where if you touch a battery to steel wool it LIGHTS ON FIRE? and frankie's all *__________* WHAT! NO! SERIOUSLY!?!
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Ryan thinks he's dodged a bullet until Pete starts making offhand comments about how maybe he'd want to hang out wearing animal suits sometime, wouldn't that be fun?
Brendon actually sits down and makes an itemized list for future use of plausible reasons why Spencer keeps waking up with Brendon in his bed. "I heard a noise" is on there like, seven times.
William is THRILLED to have Patrick and Patrick's Garage Band in the bed next to his. Patrick won't speak to Spencer for a week.
manipulant:
Spencer just REALLY LIKED THOSE SHOES, OKAY? :( but he gets a little mopey when Patrick won't talk to him, because they had this Mostly Sane Support Group thing going on, and now he can't even hide out in his room because BRENDON just comes storming in whenever, and Brendon's trying his hardest to be REALLY GOOD for spencer, like, he makes sure that his clothes only explode on HIS side of the room! and he doesn't eat anything in spencer's bed after that time with the fried rice because Spencer got SUPER ANNOYED! and brendon has this great idea to make them a sign-up chart for their bedroom for uninterrupted jack-off time, but Spencer has SUSPICIONS, so he schedules himself for Tuesday afternoon at 3 JUST TO SEE and sure enough, Brendon finds increasingly flimsy excuses to walk in TWELVE TIMES during that hour. "I needed a book!" "I thought I heard a noise and you might be in danger!" "I brought you a sandwich! Got to keep your strength up! :D?"
meanwhile Ryan is trying to deal with how Pete tends to leave his laptop open on his bed, with twelve different tabs full of porn and, inexplicably, bonnet patterns. He really could've gone his whole life not knowing what "yiffing" was. He doesn't realize Pete and Gabe have taken bets on how long it'll take for him to crack.
look_alive:
I feel like we've neglected our duties here. We haven't even touched on the subject of all the time, effort, and considerable resources Pete devotes convincing Bill to switch rooms with him so he and Patrick can share a room.
Of course, it'll probably take nothing short of murder and/or someone getting voted out for this to happen, since Bill is both thrilled to be rooming with Patrick, Patrick's musical prowess, and Patrick's laptop with its recording and mixing software. Also Patrick's purple trumpet (it's just so purple, Bill keeps telling Gabe, who's only paying attention for the part where Bill will inevitably start talking about 'blowing it'). Also there's the part where Bill and Ryan have an on again/off again vendetta against each other (see the Crisco-pants episode) and anyone who's even remotely aware of Pete's room-swap plans starts comparison shopping for Kevlar body suits every time it looks like Bill might be getting close to caving in.
Luckily, Patrick is hardly naive, and so far he's been able to match or beat Pete's coercive methods. Meaning he has about four gigs of Bill's "demos" on his hard drive. Things only get really exciting when Pete and Gabe's bet starts getting fierce.
And can we also talk about Ryan's numerous and failed attempts to "accidentally" move in to Gerard's room? Or like, brush up against him in the hall. Or the kitchen. Or that time he (also "accidentally") got lost and ended up hanging out in Gerard's closet for three and a half hours watching Gerard read back issues of Buffy Season 8 over the phone to Mikey.
SKINNY SOY DOES NOT EXIST. ALSO CHICKEN FIGHTS. AND TWITTER.
manipulant:
meanwhile Intern Toro and Ryro are having like this extended mexican standoff wherein Ryan refuses to accept that Toro is no longer in charge of his coffee, and Toro is not ABOUT to capitulate to this skinny little fucker because it sets a dangerous precedent.
so there are huge squawky fights at like 6 am about how ryan ross is NOT ABOUT TO DRINK INSTANT COFFEE LIKE A PLEBE, INTERN, GO AND GET ME MY LATTE and toro squawks back that ryan can carry his SCRAWNY ASS DOWN TO THE SBUX ON THE CORNER AND GET IT HIS DAMN SELF, ALSO, ALSO, BY THE WAY, SKINNY SOY DOES NOT EXIST.
and interns bobntoro have a hugely popular secret twitter where every contestant has a meanspirited nickname and it's mostly direct quotes.
look_alive:
Ryan stands in stunned silence for like, twenty whole minutes after the skinny soy comment before tearing off to The Internet to start doing research. After roughly four hours copy/pasting excerpts from Japanese diet blogs into Babelfish, he comes back downstairs and announces that from now on he will be ordering his beverages from amazon.com and that THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SPENCER, but Peruvian vicuna milk is very rich in nutrients and please go fuck yourself sideways.
manipulant:
Spencer siiiiiiiiiighs. And Brendon's all no yeah that's probably for the best, I read somewhere that soy milk has like tons of estrogen so you'd probably wind up growing tits. and then he gazes sort of appraisingly at Ryan's basically concave chest and then goes back to eating a hoagie.
look_alive:
All is well for three days or so until Ryan gets baked at 2am and spends the rest of the night trying to make vicuna cheese using Gerard's mesh tank top as a strainer.
manipulant:
And while Gerard's SHRIEKING the next morning, Spencer gets interested and starts googling, and startles everyone by FALLING OUT OF HIS CHAIR LAUGHING, and he's all OH FUCK, RYAN, IT'S LIKE YOUR ANIMAGUS. VICUNAS. BRENDON, HOLY FUCK, LOOK AT THIS SHIT.
And Brendon scurries over and is HOWLING in like point two seconds and Gerard pauses because wait, who's an Animagus, now? IS THE MAGIC CATCHING? And Ryan purses up his lips because Spencer is not as funny as he thinks he is, not at ALL, and then Brendon starts calling Ryan Kuzco and it's all downhill from there.
look_alive:
Ryan, aided by Frank oddly (or predictably) enough, sits them all down that night and gravely lectures everyone on the animal rights injustices enacted upon this noble creature in its homeland, a not-so-brief history of its cultural relevance, and that he hopes Spencer gets bitten by one someday and that it smarts like a motherfucker.
manipulant:
Gerard nods earnestly all through the lecture and almost tears up once or twice, and coldhearted Spencer nods off, onto William's shoulder. William, not one to pass up an opportunity to MAKE EVERYONE JEALOUS (seriously he's forgotten who he's trying to play off of which, here, it's like playing twelve games of chess against HIMSELF), coos and strokes his hair happily.
After the lecture, Gerard goes up to talk to Ryan and Frank (because Gerard is totally that kid who went to talk to the professors after every lecture and made everyone else look bad), and Brendon and Patrick continue passing a notebook back and forth, even though now they can actually TALK again, but they had some pretty hilariously awesome lyrics about the Plight of the Vicuna going on in that notebook. Plus, it's fun to keep the notebook away from Pete, who's desperately trying to read over their shoulders.
look_alive:
Pete gets frustrated and climbs onto Gabe's shoulders in an attempt to better oversee the covert lyrics-writing, at which point Spencer wakes up very suddenly with William biting his ear in a desperate bid to redirect Gabe's attention.
All Brendon hears is Spencer yelling, "WAS THAT YOUR TONGUE?" before he's throwing his shoe at William's head all "OOPS I SLIPPED" which causes Gabe to come at him with a couch cushion and Pete still clinging to his shoulders and Brendon's suddenly at the end of a chain reaction of misdirected chivalry all, "WHAT THE FUCK YOU ASSHOLES, NO ONE'S GONNA COME TO MY RESCUE?!"
manipulant:
meanwhile, Gabe is yelling at Pete, who is yelling at Patrick, who is yelling at William, and it's this whole crazytrain of shouting, because gabe's all DUDE PETE WHAT THE FUCK YOUR DICK WAS IN MY EAR and pete's all DAMN IT, PATRICK, WE CAN'T HAVE SECRETS and patrick's screeching WE ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP!
and Spencer's just blinking up at everyone because two minutes earlier, he had been asleep, and now this. so he thinks for a moment, then grabs one of the throw pillows and stands and whacks gabe in the face with it.
which makes everyone pause, and you can pretty much SEE gabe mentally reset, because then he leers and is all HOHOHO, TOPLESS LESBIAN PILLOWFIGHT. IT IS ON, SMITH. (William pouts for a moment or two, but then once everyone's grabbed cushions and pillows and is whaling on each other he decides it looks like more fun than storming into his room and locking the door for the next six hours - also patrick threatened to cut off his hair in his sleep if he did that again - so he decides to join in.)
ryan thinks that this is just. so. typical. also he wishes that ONE of his lecture series wouldn't end in the living room getting destroyed. frank has already abandoned him to the pillow fight. and then frank has a terrible/awesome brainwave and grabs Tobandboro and says they have to CHOOSE who's on their shoulders for CHICKEN CAGEMATCH SHOWDOWN.
Toro quickly choose Bden, and bob decides to play along and chooses frankie. they get to round three before pete can't sit still anymore and HAS TO BE INVOLVED. "GABE. LET'S DO THIS."
look_alive:
So Pete's scaling Gabe and it's pretty much the last straw for William, who is all "Oh FUCK NO! Patrick, quick, get on my shoulders!" And Patrick's looking at him dubiously like, "Um. No offense, dude, but I feel like you'd snap like a twig under anything heavier than a parakeet." but in the end he caves because HOLY SHIT HE JUST CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL, so they join the fray with William haphazardly flailing sideways in the direction of Gabe and Pete, and Patrick repeating over and over in his head that theoretically he'd still be able to sing with a concussion and multiple broken bones.
They reach an impasse, however, when it becomes apparent that Pete won't attack Patrick and Patrick has no intention of attacking anybody, so instead he ends up mostly clinging to Pete for dear life while William has a slapfight with any part of Gabe he can reach.
Spencer slowly inches back against a wall with his cell set to speed dial 911.