tortured artist
random.
anyway, after telling your stepdad that you're dating (err.. were dating) another guy, telling him that you need to go to the doctor is basically a breeze. things between joey and i have been awkward ever since i told him about.. all of that stuff. it's been basically play nice, la la la, and honestly, i think if i asked for about anything within his reach, i could get it. i've just got mad skillz like that, yo. awkwardness is lame, but i suppose can be a power when harnessed right.
joey drove me to the doctor's yesterday, angie stayed with caitlin, we had small talk about music and la la la in the car, we arrived at the doctor's, waited, i took some tests, got my diagnosis, fun fun fun. and my diagnosis? i have bipolar disorder type one, also known as manic depression.
there's a lot to learn about it. basically, there are two main states to this condition. manic where you have an overabundance of random energy and not very good judgement and depressive where you are more or less depressed. there's a lot of medications to learn about, behaviors that can come along with the disorder, learning how to control your episodes, blah blah blah. right now, the doctors have decided to put me on lithium and i'll have therapy every tuesday and thursday, though i had a special session today to start me off. i received my medication today and took the first pill a few minutes ago. the pills won't make much of a difference until two or three weeks, and even then i could have what they call a "breakthrough", or going back to an untreated bipolar state even while being treated. i'm going to try these pills for a few months i guess and after a while, i'm supposed to go back to the doctor, and they are going to monitor how i'm doing on lithium and see if i should switch. there's so much to learn.
typically, i wouldn't tell everyone about this. one of my biggest fears right now is people thinking that i'm crazy. i'm not. i felt like i had to get this out to get my past behaviors understood and maybe justified to you all. i don't know.
i went to my first therapy session today. it was.. interesting, to say the least. i'm not sure what to think right now. i need to get some sleep. i'll write about the sessions later; there's too much to think about right now that i don't know how to explain.
EDIT: oh, and ernie told me to tell you all that he's not going to update until he gets at least a hundred comments since his multi-million comment goal or however much is practically impossible. loser.