Hurt
Warning: un-beta-ed (sorry english isn't my native language)
Comments are forever loved &hearts ^_____^
Btw those on italic parts are flashbacks
and those on this form are Key's insights
People don’t really know what they’re looking for. They keep on searching looking for the happiness they want to achieve. Mostly they thought they haven’t found it and kept on searching, ignoring all of the things that they have right now.
Possession, simple gestures, people who love you; we tend to ignore them, living our life pursuing that ‘accomplishment’ we want to achieve in life that made us blinded to the real situation and caused us to make our ‘imaginary’ world. But even though we have neglected them, they keep on standing by our side trying to make their presence known to our blinded eyes, showing that they still care for us and love us because of who we are.
But we’ll never know it, because we, humans, are selfish creatures aiming for more to satisfy our greediness.
We’ll always be blinded until you just knew it; they’re forever gone by our side.
Then the realization will finally set its dawn on us, peeling off the blinds hindering us to truly see; they’re the happiness that you’ve always wanted in life. We soon find ourselves longing for their presence, wanting to go back at that time when you still possessed them. Sadly we know that no matter how we pour out all the grief because of the loss we’ve had, we can never turn back to the times when they were there by our sides, smiling with all their hearts content while watching us.
We’ll never know it until we learn it the hard and painful way.
~o.o.o~
The sudden gusts of strong wind from out of nowhere made him shiver, flinching as the cold touch of air grazed over his exposed face. He tried to place back the blown golden fringes of his hair back to its original place as he continued to walk on the long winding road.
’You know I’m having fun whenever we’re walking together here.’ He eyed the man beside him; his eyes crinkling into crescents while his full plump lips curved into a dazzling smile. He stared back at him eyeing him with confusion. What’s the fun in walking at crowded sideways?
‘Are you high or something? I don’t find any of this fun.’ The person beside him lifted his head up, looking at the small pinholes embedded on the dark sky.
‘You know sometimes I feel like life is like a long winding road, a lot of walking to be done. Sometimes you find yourself staring at different routes, choosing at which one is the best route. And when you reached the destination, you find yourself feeling a sense of achievement. When we walk like this together, I feel like we are both living the same life, moving with each other on the same pace. We’re like living the same life together.’ They stopped walking, pausing in front of a large glass door of a building.
‘Stop being a cheeseball, Jinki-hyung. It’s just a simple walk and you’re already acting sentimental there.’ he smacked the older man’s arms lightly.
‘Well I couldn’t help it; I just love you too much.’ The corner of Key’s lips tugged upward to form a smile as those words processed by his brain. He gave his hyung a peck on his cheek.
‘I love you too Jinki-hyung but please enough with those sappy lines of yours. Anyways thanks for accompanying me here’ He turned around and entered the building, disappearing from Jinki’s line of sight.
He stopped at his tracks giggling over those moments when they’re always walking together; how Jinki would intertwine his hand with his, how Jinki would tell overly-romantic lines at him, how Jinki’s eyes crinkled into crescents while smiling at him and many other things. His action earned some he-must-be-crazy stares from some passersby but he shrugged it off, knowing that he’s still sane.
He continued walking, until he reached his destination, a shop filled with different varieties of colorful flowers. He entered the shop and was greeted by a middle-aged girl holding a bouquet of flowers.
‘Hello sir how may I help you?’ her lips are curved into a small smile, a common gesture of sellers whenever they have buyers of their products.
‘Can I have a bouquet of red roses?’
’You know what Kibum you always remind me of a rose. The flower itself is beautiful but when we’re about to hold it on its stem, we always get pricked by thorns. Some will ignore it, some will bash its characteristics but there are a few who’ll try to discover more of its traits and will see more of that hidden beauty covered up by those thorns.’
‘I have always known you to be a frank person; some people getting irritated on how you deliver your speech. But instead of backing out, I became more curious and found out more about you behind that sharp personality. Soon I found myself marveling at your whole self, ignoring those thorns that you have. Maybe that’s the reason why I love roses.’
‘I’ll get it for a while sir’ she disappeared from his view and entered a small-looking door. Meanwhile he let his eyes wander towards the different sections of flowers, getting amazed at how their characteristics make them stand out from one another.
After a few minutes the girl emerged outside carrying a bouquet of freshly-cut red roses. He paid for it, asking for no change then exited the shop.
He was once again greeted by the cold wind, feeling some strands of the hair on his skin stood up as the cool breeze made contact with some of his exposed skin. He then turned around towards his destination and walked once more.
‘I’ll meet you Jinki-hyung soon. Soon.’
///
He had been practicing the routine of the umpteenth time, feeling discontented on how his hips swayed from side to side at one part. He was about to press on the ‘Replay’ button when he heard his cellphone ring. He stopped the blazing music from the player and proceeded to the other side of the room, in which his bag is located. He fished out his phone and answered the incoming call.
‘Hello’
‘Hey Kibum’ a familiar voice responded through the other line, making the younger grin with glee.
‘Yes, what is it?’
‘Let’s meet tomorrow morning at the park we always go to, around 8am. Please come.’
‘But hyung, I have a practice at tha-‘
‘Please Kibum, for me? Please.’ He found himself guilty, unable to decide on what he’ll choose. Will he ditch practice or ditch Jinki? But the desperation in Jinki’s statement made him say the unexpected.
‘Okay hyung I’ll come.’
‘Thank you Kibum! I better hang up since I’m driving on the road. I love you.’
‘I love you.’
‘Hwaiting with your practice. Bye.’ The other line went dead but Kibum was still clutching the phone on his ears. He left uneasy after Jinki uttered the word ‘Bye’, like he doesn’t want to end the call and talk more to him. He tried to shrug it off, placing the phone back to his bag and pressing the player for the music to come out.
He executed the whole routine with a troubled heart, making him missed some turns and hand works. He tried to dance again the whole routine but he kept on messing with some steps. After a few minutes of practicing, he heard his phone ring. He stopped the music once again and rushed off to where his things are located.
He rummaged through his bag, looking for that small device he’d placed somewhere before when suddenly something fell on his bag and broke. He looked up and saw the small picture frame which he always carries around. It contained their picture; their shoulders wrapped around in each others’ arms while he kissed his hyung’s cheek. The glass covering was intact but full of cracks, especially Jinki’s face which was beyond recognizable. Staring at the broken frame made him felt more uneasy, almost making him fall into depression. A pang of sorrow pierced his heart like poison, spreading throughout his whole body as he tried to continue searching the insides of his bag, hoping to find his phone that kept on ringing.
After a few seconds, he found the device he’s looking for. He immediately answered the incoming call.
‘…Kibum-Hyung…’ a broken voice answered from the other line, almost on the verge of breaking down.
‘Ohhh, Taemin…what is it? Why are you crying? Is it because of Minho?’
‘No…i-it’s Ji-Jinki-hyung’ strong hiccups covered the other line as he continued to listen. Anxiety covered his whole being as he waited for a proper response from the other line. Something bad has occurred and it involved his beloved hyung. He placed the phone nearer to his ears as he listened to Taemin’s soft voice.
‘Jinki hyung…he-he’ a sniffing sound was heard, obviously holding back the tears welling on his eyes. After a deep intake of breath, Taemin finally continued the news he’s about to say to Kibum.
‘he…met a car accident…and-and passed away.’ The other line immediately broke down into tears as he said the last statement while he remained frozen, the intensity of those words ringing into his ears like an alarm clock breaking his eardrums.
he…met a car accident…and-and passed away
It was the last thing he has thought as he went bolting out of the room.
////
He didn’t know how he has sanely reached his home, his mind off to some distant place as he slumped down while closing his door. He clutched a small paper bag near his chest while he stared blankly at the dark area of his apartment.
’here are some things we’ve found at his car hyung. It’s a paper bag. Attached to it was a card with your name written inside of it. We didn’t look inside of it; you are the one who needs to see its content.
And…by the way hyung, before…before he left, he told me that he’s…sorry for not being able to come tomorrow.’
Taemin’s reminders resounded through his ears in a monotonous manner. He remained shocked disbelieving all of the events that have occurred.
But the sight of his Jinki-hyung, lying on the cold hard metal bed flashed back unto his mind. His once lively features replaced with a lifeless one. His lips, that was so plump and red, was now portraying a shade of dark blue. His light brown complexion turned into a dangerously chalk white tone.
The image he’d seen a while ago sent another wave of new tears flowing into his cheeks. No matter how he denied the reality; it would go back striking the freshly-made wounds in his heart very hard. It’s suffocating him, like the air suddenly vanished on this closed area.
‘Jinki…’
It was the first time he’d said Jinki’s name without any formalities. The regret of not saying this to him face-to-face was eating him up. Looking back at their relationship; he saw all of the missed chances and he regretted each of those for letting it pass. He regretted not saying sappy lines at him; he regretted those times in which he ditched Jinki for practice and mostly he regretted setting aside Jinki so he could fulfill his dream.
He curled himself up, crumpling the paper bag on his chest as he tucked his legs near his chest. Noticing the paper bag he repositioned his legs once more and fixed the now ruined paper bag.
Marked on its exterior were the traces of the accident, a lot of brown splatters tainted into its white color. He reached out to the card attached to it; a plain white card with a heart on its center and some splatters of Jinki’s dried blood. Wiping out the tears that were clouding his eyesight, he opened the card and read its content.
To Kibum:
Hope you’ll like this. It’s just a simple gift.
I love you.
-Jinki
He placed the card on his side and directed his direction to the bag. He opened it and saw a small box. Opening the box, he was overwhelmed with mixed emotions as he saw the content it holds.
A simple gold ring was placed on the center. He removed the ring from the box and placed it into his ring finger while the tears rolled into his cheeks.
A wistful smile started to form his lips as the gold ring glistened behind his tear-filled eyes. Even on the verge of danger, Jinki still thought of him. He placed the ring near his tear-stricken cheeks then into lips, the cold smooth texture of the metal under his lips.
‘Thank you Jinki. Thank you for everything. I love you.’ He said as he pressed his palms into his face and as he cried out all of his heart’s content.
~o.o.o~
Don’t be like me. Don’t miss out the chance of finding your true happiness. I had mine but I simply let it go out of my clutch and lost it forever.
I’m a fool for being blinded by my ambition to be famous. I’m a fool for letting Jinki go. He was always there for me but now he won’t be here walking alongside with me.
Jinki, you’re so unfair for leaving me alone. I thought we’ll gonna walk the same road but you ended up taking the shortcut and left me out to walk the long way.
But I want to thank you. Thank you for being there for me, for supporting me and most especially for loving me. Even if I was a jerk for ignoring you, you still stood there by my side and never left me.
All I want to say is that I’m sorry, thank you and I love you Jinki.
We’ll soon meet again.
~o.o.o~
Shoving some leaves on the polished marble, he finally found the right place. He placed the bouquet of red roses on top of his tombstone and kneeled in front of it.
‘Hey Jinki, how have you been? I brought you roses, your favorite flower.’ He caressed the smooth marble, feeling those embedded words on it. His lips curved into a smile as he looked at the imprinted letters on the tomb.
‘You know. I finally achieve my dream of being a performer. I’m so happy. I got to meet a lot of new people and gained a lot of fans.’ He sighed heavily as he continued to blab his story to the wind.
‘But you know what if not because of you; I won’t be on this place. Thank you, hyung.’ He looked up to see the sky, painted with a red orange hue as the sun was about to set into the horizon.
‘Jinki, I miss you.’ A tear fell unto his cheek, glistening as the some rays of sunlight reflected into it. He quickly wiped it off and stared at the setting sun.
‘I love you Jinki.’ He remained staring at the beautiful scenery.
Unbeknownst to him was a person, robed with pure white clothes, was standing beside him. His eyes crinkling into crescents while grinning as he eyed on the person beside him.
You’ve improved a lot Kibum-ah.
We meet each other again soon.
And I love you too.
-END
a/n: Onkey angst :) Suddenly had this fic idea while listening to Christina Aguilera's Hurt. So I know it's lame and all because my ideas are lame.
Took me a while to create this oneshot. I've been attending review school for college entrance exams, which is for a full day, so I always end up getting super exhausted =_______= I swear math did the trick of killing half of my brain cells. :|
And I'm so bad for breaking my OTP /shoots myself/
Comments are forever loved &hearts ^_____^
Btw those on italic parts are flashbacks
and those on this form are Key's insights
People don’t really know what they’re looking for. They keep on searching looking for the happiness they want to achieve. Mostly they thought they haven’t found it and kept on searching, ignoring all of the things that they have right now.
Possession, simple gestures, people who love you; we tend to ignore them, living our life pursuing that ‘accomplishment’ we want to achieve in life that made us blinded to the real situation and caused us to make our ‘imaginary’ world. But even though we have neglected them, they keep on standing by our side trying to make their presence known to our blinded eyes, showing that they still care for us and love us because of who we are.
But we’ll never know it, because we, humans, are selfish creatures aiming for more to satisfy our greediness.
We’ll always be blinded until you just knew it; they’re forever gone by our side.
Then the realization will finally set its dawn on us, peeling off the blinds hindering us to truly see; they’re the happiness that you’ve always wanted in life. We soon find ourselves longing for their presence, wanting to go back at that time when you still possessed them. Sadly we know that no matter how we pour out all the grief because of the loss we’ve had, we can never turn back to the times when they were there by our sides, smiling with all their hearts content while watching us.
We’ll never know it until we learn it the hard and painful way.
~o.o.o~
The sudden gusts of strong wind from out of nowhere made him shiver, flinching as the cold touch of air grazed over his exposed face. He tried to place back the blown golden fringes of his hair back to its original place as he continued to walk on the long winding road.
’You know I’m having fun whenever we’re walking together here.’ He eyed the man beside him; his eyes crinkling into crescents while his full plump lips curved into a dazzling smile. He stared back at him eyeing him with confusion. What’s the fun in walking at crowded sideways?
‘Are you high or something? I don’t find any of this fun.’ The person beside him lifted his head up, looking at the small pinholes embedded on the dark sky.
‘You know sometimes I feel like life is like a long winding road, a lot of walking to be done. Sometimes you find yourself staring at different routes, choosing at which one is the best route. And when you reached the destination, you find yourself feeling a sense of achievement. When we walk like this together, I feel like we are both living the same life, moving with each other on the same pace. We’re like living the same life together.’ They stopped walking, pausing in front of a large glass door of a building.
‘Stop being a cheeseball, Jinki-hyung. It’s just a simple walk and you’re already acting sentimental there.’ he smacked the older man’s arms lightly.
‘Well I couldn’t help it; I just love you too much.’ The corner of Key’s lips tugged upward to form a smile as those words processed by his brain. He gave his hyung a peck on his cheek.
‘I love you too Jinki-hyung but please enough with those sappy lines of yours. Anyways thanks for accompanying me here’ He turned around and entered the building, disappearing from Jinki’s line of sight.
He stopped at his tracks giggling over those moments when they’re always walking together; how Jinki would intertwine his hand with his, how Jinki would tell overly-romantic lines at him, how Jinki’s eyes crinkled into crescents while smiling at him and many other things. His action earned some he-must-be-crazy stares from some passersby but he shrugged it off, knowing that he’s still sane.
He continued walking, until he reached his destination, a shop filled with different varieties of colorful flowers. He entered the shop and was greeted by a middle-aged girl holding a bouquet of flowers.
‘Hello sir how may I help you?’ her lips are curved into a small smile, a common gesture of sellers whenever they have buyers of their products.
‘Can I have a bouquet of red roses?’
’You know what Kibum you always remind me of a rose. The flower itself is beautiful but when we’re about to hold it on its stem, we always get pricked by thorns. Some will ignore it, some will bash its characteristics but there are a few who’ll try to discover more of its traits and will see more of that hidden beauty covered up by those thorns.’
‘I have always known you to be a frank person; some people getting irritated on how you deliver your speech. But instead of backing out, I became more curious and found out more about you behind that sharp personality. Soon I found myself marveling at your whole self, ignoring those thorns that you have. Maybe that’s the reason why I love roses.’
‘I’ll get it for a while sir’ she disappeared from his view and entered a small-looking door. Meanwhile he let his eyes wander towards the different sections of flowers, getting amazed at how their characteristics make them stand out from one another.
After a few minutes the girl emerged outside carrying a bouquet of freshly-cut red roses. He paid for it, asking for no change then exited the shop.
He was once again greeted by the cold wind, feeling some strands of the hair on his skin stood up as the cool breeze made contact with some of his exposed skin. He then turned around towards his destination and walked once more.
‘I’ll meet you Jinki-hyung soon. Soon.’
///
He had been practicing the routine of the umpteenth time, feeling discontented on how his hips swayed from side to side at one part. He was about to press on the ‘Replay’ button when he heard his cellphone ring. He stopped the blazing music from the player and proceeded to the other side of the room, in which his bag is located. He fished out his phone and answered the incoming call.
‘Hello’
‘Hey Kibum’ a familiar voice responded through the other line, making the younger grin with glee.
‘Yes, what is it?’
‘Let’s meet tomorrow morning at the park we always go to, around 8am. Please come.’
‘But hyung, I have a practice at tha-‘
‘Please Kibum, for me? Please.’ He found himself guilty, unable to decide on what he’ll choose. Will he ditch practice or ditch Jinki? But the desperation in Jinki’s statement made him say the unexpected.
‘Okay hyung I’ll come.’
‘Thank you Kibum! I better hang up since I’m driving on the road. I love you.’
‘I love you.’
‘Hwaiting with your practice. Bye.’ The other line went dead but Kibum was still clutching the phone on his ears. He left uneasy after Jinki uttered the word ‘Bye’, like he doesn’t want to end the call and talk more to him. He tried to shrug it off, placing the phone back to his bag and pressing the player for the music to come out.
He executed the whole routine with a troubled heart, making him missed some turns and hand works. He tried to dance again the whole routine but he kept on messing with some steps. After a few minutes of practicing, he heard his phone ring. He stopped the music once again and rushed off to where his things are located.
He rummaged through his bag, looking for that small device he’d placed somewhere before when suddenly something fell on his bag and broke. He looked up and saw the small picture frame which he always carries around. It contained their picture; their shoulders wrapped around in each others’ arms while he kissed his hyung’s cheek. The glass covering was intact but full of cracks, especially Jinki’s face which was beyond recognizable. Staring at the broken frame made him felt more uneasy, almost making him fall into depression. A pang of sorrow pierced his heart like poison, spreading throughout his whole body as he tried to continue searching the insides of his bag, hoping to find his phone that kept on ringing.
After a few seconds, he found the device he’s looking for. He immediately answered the incoming call.
‘…Kibum-Hyung…’ a broken voice answered from the other line, almost on the verge of breaking down.
‘Ohhh, Taemin…what is it? Why are you crying? Is it because of Minho?’
‘No…i-it’s Ji-Jinki-hyung’ strong hiccups covered the other line as he continued to listen. Anxiety covered his whole being as he waited for a proper response from the other line. Something bad has occurred and it involved his beloved hyung. He placed the phone nearer to his ears as he listened to Taemin’s soft voice.
‘Jinki hyung…he-he’ a sniffing sound was heard, obviously holding back the tears welling on his eyes. After a deep intake of breath, Taemin finally continued the news he’s about to say to Kibum.
‘he…met a car accident…and-and passed away.’ The other line immediately broke down into tears as he said the last statement while he remained frozen, the intensity of those words ringing into his ears like an alarm clock breaking his eardrums.
he…met a car accident…and-and passed away
It was the last thing he has thought as he went bolting out of the room.
////
He didn’t know how he has sanely reached his home, his mind off to some distant place as he slumped down while closing his door. He clutched a small paper bag near his chest while he stared blankly at the dark area of his apartment.
’here are some things we’ve found at his car hyung. It’s a paper bag. Attached to it was a card with your name written inside of it. We didn’t look inside of it; you are the one who needs to see its content.
And…by the way hyung, before…before he left, he told me that he’s…sorry for not being able to come tomorrow.’
Taemin’s reminders resounded through his ears in a monotonous manner. He remained shocked disbelieving all of the events that have occurred.
But the sight of his Jinki-hyung, lying on the cold hard metal bed flashed back unto his mind. His once lively features replaced with a lifeless one. His lips, that was so plump and red, was now portraying a shade of dark blue. His light brown complexion turned into a dangerously chalk white tone.
The image he’d seen a while ago sent another wave of new tears flowing into his cheeks. No matter how he denied the reality; it would go back striking the freshly-made wounds in his heart very hard. It’s suffocating him, like the air suddenly vanished on this closed area.
‘Jinki…’
It was the first time he’d said Jinki’s name without any formalities. The regret of not saying this to him face-to-face was eating him up. Looking back at their relationship; he saw all of the missed chances and he regretted each of those for letting it pass. He regretted not saying sappy lines at him; he regretted those times in which he ditched Jinki for practice and mostly he regretted setting aside Jinki so he could fulfill his dream.
He curled himself up, crumpling the paper bag on his chest as he tucked his legs near his chest. Noticing the paper bag he repositioned his legs once more and fixed the now ruined paper bag.
Marked on its exterior were the traces of the accident, a lot of brown splatters tainted into its white color. He reached out to the card attached to it; a plain white card with a heart on its center and some splatters of Jinki’s dried blood. Wiping out the tears that were clouding his eyesight, he opened the card and read its content.
To Kibum:
Hope you’ll like this. It’s just a simple gift.
I love you.
-Jinki
He placed the card on his side and directed his direction to the bag. He opened it and saw a small box. Opening the box, he was overwhelmed with mixed emotions as he saw the content it holds.
A simple gold ring was placed on the center. He removed the ring from the box and placed it into his ring finger while the tears rolled into his cheeks.
A wistful smile started to form his lips as the gold ring glistened behind his tear-filled eyes. Even on the verge of danger, Jinki still thought of him. He placed the ring near his tear-stricken cheeks then into lips, the cold smooth texture of the metal under his lips.
‘Thank you Jinki. Thank you for everything. I love you.’ He said as he pressed his palms into his face and as he cried out all of his heart’s content.
~o.o.o~
Don’t be like me. Don’t miss out the chance of finding your true happiness. I had mine but I simply let it go out of my clutch and lost it forever.
I’m a fool for being blinded by my ambition to be famous. I’m a fool for letting Jinki go. He was always there for me but now he won’t be here walking alongside with me.
Jinki, you’re so unfair for leaving me alone. I thought we’ll gonna walk the same road but you ended up taking the shortcut and left me out to walk the long way.
But I want to thank you. Thank you for being there for me, for supporting me and most especially for loving me. Even if I was a jerk for ignoring you, you still stood there by my side and never left me.
All I want to say is that I’m sorry, thank you and I love you Jinki.
We’ll soon meet again.
~o.o.o~
Shoving some leaves on the polished marble, he finally found the right place. He placed the bouquet of red roses on top of his tombstone and kneeled in front of it.
‘Hey Jinki, how have you been? I brought you roses, your favorite flower.’ He caressed the smooth marble, feeling those embedded words on it. His lips curved into a smile as he looked at the imprinted letters on the tomb.
‘You know. I finally achieve my dream of being a performer. I’m so happy. I got to meet a lot of new people and gained a lot of fans.’ He sighed heavily as he continued to blab his story to the wind.
‘But you know what if not because of you; I won’t be on this place. Thank you, hyung.’ He looked up to see the sky, painted with a red orange hue as the sun was about to set into the horizon.
‘Jinki, I miss you.’ A tear fell unto his cheek, glistening as the some rays of sunlight reflected into it. He quickly wiped it off and stared at the setting sun.
‘I love you Jinki.’ He remained staring at the beautiful scenery.
Unbeknownst to him was a person, robed with pure white clothes, was standing beside him. His eyes crinkling into crescents while grinning as he eyed on the person beside him.
You’ve improved a lot Kibum-ah.
We meet each other again soon.
And I love you too.
-END
a/n: Onkey angst :) Suddenly had this fic idea while listening to Christina Aguilera's Hurt. So I know it's lame and all because my ideas are lame.
Took me a while to create this oneshot. I've been attending review school for college entrance exams, which is for a full day, so I always end up getting super exhausted =_______= I swear math did the trick of killing half of my brain cells. :|
And I'm so bad for breaking my OTP /shoots myself/