I've given up counting the days on how long this thing is going on.  Obviously, we're at a point now where literally all protective measures done over the last 3 months have been rendered moot.  So we just threw away that time.  Considering my cynicism about people in general, it's not like I'm surprised.  I'm not feeling good or smug about being ( Read more... )

Limbo has ended and I've entered a time of frenzy and I kinda hate (love) it.  I have a job, I have a new apartment and I need to pack and move within a week.  It can't be that hard.  Half of my stuff is still in boxes anyway.

It's weird because just as all of this stuff is coming together, the job interview I interviewed for on the west coast has ( Read more... )

Days have started to blend into each other and time had lost most senses of meaning.  I have to keep track of unemployment filing day and trash day.  I lose track of how many days since I've been shopping or showered.

I haven't been sticking to a sleep schedule.  I had been putting on NPR to sleep to, because it functioned as great white noise.  I ( Read more... )

I'm not feeling great about may behaviors and how they're chipping away at my mental health.  I feel like I haven't left the house in forever, but I think it was just a few days ago I went and got a new coffee maker.  I haven't been doing my marathon training.  I can't remember the last time I took a shower.  I'm tired of cooking.  I'm actually ( Read more... )

I went shopping today.  I was able to get some fruit and meat that wasn't bacon.  The Coke wasn't on sale, so I only bought one.  I definitely cannot afford to spend $20 a week on soda.

I looked into mortgage relief and it turns out that forbearance is a bad option.  You get to delay your payments but then you just owe all that delayed payment at ( Read more... )

I knew on Sunday night that I was going to lose my job.  I just felt it.  It was unnaturally reassuring that it didn't happen right away.  We had some morning meetings and everything went normally.  Then I got a message, "please call me".  I knew what it was.  I spent about an hour trying to figure out who to say goodbye to and what to do to turn ( Read more... )

I'm trying to test the waters of dating again.  I pick over okcupid profiles finding reasons to hide people from ever being seen again.  I found someone that reminded me of Missy.  I kept looking at her profile over a week and couldn't find a reason to hide her.  I sent her a message.  No reply.  That's fine.  Then I found an old message that Missy ( Read more... )

I miss her.  I miss the little things.  Our jokes.  I start thinking, "oh, I should text her about that.  Maybe she'll appreciate some sort of sweet communication between us.  Maybe it'll start to make things alright."  Then I remember the things she's said to me and it feels like the ground underneath me has melted ( Read more... )

I didn't think I could be any more heart broken than I was last summer.  That was when I finally gave in to the bullying that broke our marriage in my mind.  That's when I finally decided that I'd rather have a broken marriage and keep someone close to me than keep any semblance of the marriage we originally had ( Read more... )

I met with a lawyer for the first time today.  He says it'll be a pretty open and shut divorce, but it's still going to take 6 to 9 months.  I feel like I'm going to wear out my welcome staying here that long.  I've already been here for 3 weeks ( Read more... )