As I Lay
As I lay here with this razor in my arm and this whole in my chest, I wonder where it all went wrong. I try to remember when I fell in love with you. I can't think of the last time I was truly happy.
"Joel, can we talk?"
"Of course, Benji, what's up?"
"Joel, Ya know how lately I've been puching you away? And how every time you try to talk to me, I snap?"
"Mhm..."
"I'm sorry, Joel. I'm sorry, but I had to. I love you, and I had to push you away."
"Benji, it's okay. I love you, too. It's okay."
"NOT! IT'S NOT OKAY, JOEL! IT CAN NEVER BE OKAY!!! You don't love me. Not the same way that I love you. I'm sorry, Joel. I'm sorry for being a bad brother. I'm sorry for pushing you away. But most of all, I'm sorry for loving you."
I couldn't stay to hear your reaction. I ran as fast as I could, as far as I could. I don't know where I am, but I don't care. Soon everything will be okay. I won't have to hurt you every day. I won't have to ache any longer. Soon, you won't have to live with the thought of your brother looking at you the way that I have. Soon I'll be happy. Soon, I'll have my heart back.
Things are slowly fading away. I wish you were here, Joel. I wish I could see your face one last time. I wish I could touch you, or hear your voice. But I'll never do any of those things again.
It's almost black now, Joel. We're twins! Aren't you supposed to know what I'm thinking? I wish you did.
Maybe we'll see each other again, Joel. Maybe then I won't love you. But for now, I do. That's why I had to do this. To save you a lifetime of worry. To save you from me, Joel, I had to do it. I had to protect you.
I love you, Joel.
Goodbye.