(no subject)
Billy: *I've been staring at myself in the bathroom mirror for bloody near half an hour. My palms are flat on either side of the sink, and I'm staring into my own eyes, or my father's eyes, or both. I knew this was coming, *they* knew this was coming, and when I have to go, I have to go. But this time is different. This time I have Dominic. I feel guilty for not asking him sooner, but I know I'll feel even more guilty if I *don't* ask. Mum and Da would be ashamed if I didn't. I know that much. And I don't know why I'm so nervous about it. I know he'll say yes. I just don't know if he'll say yes out of pity or because he genuinely wants to meet them. I finally pry my hand away from the cool comfort of the counter and turn on the cold water. I splash a bit on my face, then laugh in spite of myself. It did nothing for how I feel, nothing for how I look right now. I'm wearing jeans and a green, short-sleeved t-shirt over a white, long sleeved t-shirt. One would think I'd dress more appropriately for the occasion, but Mum and Da were never big on pretension. I take a breath and leave the bathroom, taking the stairs two at a time as if I'm afraid I'll lose my nerve. I call his name, but my voice cracks on the first attempt. So I try again, with success.* Dom?
Dom: *I'm sprawled out on my back on our bed, headphones on, bopping my head along to the song I'm listening to and tapping my feet. I'm not quite lost in the music though, and over the low melody I can hear my name being called.* In the bedroom! *I call in response, turning off the music and putting the headphones and the player on the nightstand. I lie back for a moment longer before sitting up and, listening to his footsteps, waiting for Billy to make his way in here.*
Billy: *I climb the stairs again, a bit more slowly this time, and walk quietly to the bedroom. My breath catches when I see him sitting on the bed, and the lump already in my throat threatens to choke the life out of me. I swallow hard and force myself to smile. I shove my hands in my pockets and lean against the doorframe* Hi.
Dom: Hiya. *I respond, returning his smile, but I can tell something's not quite right. I try to keep my quizzical look down to a minimum, though, and I pat the bedspread gently, offering him a seat.* What's up?
Billy: *I hesitate before walking over to the bed. I sit down next to him and reach for his hand before pulling it back and crossing my arms in front of me. I'm being a child, I know this. I can be childish on my best days. But it's not everyday you ask the love of your life to come and meet your dead parents. I look down at his hands and speak. Barely* I have something to ask you.
Dom: *If I hadn't been clued in before that something was up, I am now. I eye him, wanting to reach back and take his hand for myself, but I restrain myself and put my hands on the bed behind me, leaning back on them.* Okay. What is it? *I ask, studying him.*
Billy: * I continue to watch his hands as he moves them, wanting nothing more than to have them around me right now, but I can't swallow my pride long enough to ask him to hold me. And he's good at knowing this. He knows when I'm being hesitant and he won't hold me until I ask. It's one of the million things I love about him.* I have to go see my parents today. *I steal a glance at him and wait for a moment before continuing.* I-I wondered....I was hoping maybe....would you come with me?
Dom: *That wasn't really what I was expecting to be up, not even in the ballpark, and I don't think I prevent all the surprise from crossing my face. But even through my surprise I answer almost immediately.* Of course I'll come with you, Billy. *I say quietly, offering a small smile. This is a big deal to him, I know. And it's a big deal to me too, that he'd invite me to do something so private and personal with him.* Thank you... *I say after a brief pause, looking at him. And I mean to add something to that, but the words fail me, so I just continue to look at him.*
Billy: *I swallow again, almost wishing the tears would come now so I can get it over with. I glance at him and see him looking at me, but the look in his eye is not pity. He loves me, and when he thanked me, he meant it. I blink rapidly for a few moments while glancing at him, then I lift my head and look him fully in the eye. I nod and give him a tiny smile again and uncross my arms. My fingers sort of spider-crawl across the bed toward him*
Dom: *My hands meet his halfway and lock fingers with him, before I tug us a little closer together and slide one of my arms around him. I brush my cheek against his hair, smiling softly as I rub my hand across his back.* Thank you so much Billy, for giving me the chance to meet them. It means a lot. *I say softly against his hair.*
Billy: *I nod again, my head resting on his shoulder, my arms now wrapped around his waist. I open my mouth to speak and choke again, so I take another breath, swallow, and try again* Don't have to thank me, Footie. They'll want to meet you, too.
Dom: Want to thank you anyway. *I murmur, sliding my other arm around him and holding him a bit tighter. I'm nervous, I realise, which in some ways seems odd but in most ways seems perfectly natural.*
Billy: *I lay here in his arms for a moment, my fingertips tickling his lower back and hips, as I collect myself. Then I sit up and look at him. I lean in and kiss him softly on the lips* Let's go, yeah?
Dom: *I nod, finding his hand again to squeeze it for a bit of reassurance.* Okay... Am I dressed okay? *I ask a bit helplessly, wondering if I should change my t-shirt.*
Billy: *I actually giggle a bit* Yeah, you look fine. You have to come as you are when you meet them. They'll be insulted if we dress up. I'm going just as I am.
Dom: Okay. *I squeeze his hand again and then let go, standing up.* Let's go then.
Billy: *I stand with him and hold his hand. Without hesitation, I lead him down the stairs and out the front door, grabbing my keys before shutting it. I open the passenger side of my car for him, then I climb into the driver's seat. I buckle my seatbelt and rest my hands on the steering wheel for a moment before putting the key in the ignition*
Dom: *I settle into my seat, buckling my seat belt and then leaning back, my fingers tapping on my knees. I turn to look at Billy, watching him for a long moment as he starts the car.*
Billy: *I pull out of the driveway and drive to the cemetery, my hands gripping the steering wheel for dear life. The sun is darting in and out from behind clouds and every time it breaks free I blink rapidly. I should have asked Dom to drive*
Dom: *I try to alternate between staring out the window and staring at Billy, but I inevitably spend more time with my eyes on Billy.* You okay? *I ask in the silence finally, forgetting to look out the window at all.*
Billy: *I nod quickly, then shake my head, as if I can't make up my mind* Yes and no. I'm sorry. I always get like this when I go to see them.
Dom: You don't have to be sorry for anything. I understand. *Of course, I don't really. I can't. But I know how I'm feeling right now. I'm silent for a moment.* How often do you usually go see them?
Billy: Um...*I turn onto a narrow road and tap one finger against the steering wheel* Guaranteed four times a year: on each of their birthdays, their wedding anniversary and Christmas. But...every now and then I get the urge to just go, so....I go.
Dom: *I nod, glancing at him and then looking out of the window again. He sees his parents more than I see my parents. It isn't really the same but... I should call them. But I won't think about that now.*
Billy: *We approach the entrance to the cemetery. I park the car directly across the street from the gates and kill the engine. I look over at the gates and the headstones beyond* I've always had this thing about driving through cemeteries. It just seems disrespectful, so I always park here, even though there's a road inside.
Dom: *I follow his gaze, looking for a long moment at the gates before I turn back to him and give him a smile, hoping that I look less nervous than I feel. I unbuckle my seatbelt and open the door, getting out and waiting for Billy to join me.*
Billy: *I take a deep breath and unbuckle my seatbelt and slowly climb out of the car. I turn to Dom and nod, holding my hand out to him* You ready?
Dom: *I take his hand immediately, glad to have him to hold onto. I nod quickly, glancing over at him.* I am, yeah. Let's go.
Billy: *I lead him through the gates, nodding my head at the groundskeeper who is tending a grave a little ways to our left. I turn right down the path and squeeze his hand. We walk for about ten minutes, and I turn left, carefully stepping onto the grass, tip-toeing to avoid stepping directly on top of a grave. Dom may think me strange as I incline my head toward this headstone and that. I've never been one to believe that someone who dies, *truly* dies. I can still feel my parents with me, even though they're not. The dead deserve just as much respect, if not more, than the living*
Dom: *I hold tightly to Billy's hand as we walk through the rows of graves, and I read most of the headstones we pass. I haven't been in many graveyards, none in a very long time, and I've almost forgotten what it feels like. It's a completely different atmosphere, unlike any other, but it's not frightening in the slightest, not like it was when I was very small and just barely grasped the concept. Now it's just... peaceful, like no other place.*
Billy: *A few more paces and I step off to the left and pull Dom close. There are two modest headstones in front of us now, and, still holding Dom's hand, I kneel down between them. I look up at Dom, feeling tears sting my eyes, though I don't think they'll spill just yet* William and Mary Boyd.
Dom: *We're here, and suddenly I have no idea what to say. In this intensely private part of Billy's life, I suddenly feel lost. But I want to be in this part of Billy's life, because he wants me here. I squeeze his hand tightly before lowering myself to the ground next to him, focusing first on one headstone, and then the other. It's time to meet his parents.* I'm very honoured to meet you. *I say quietly, knowing that I would feel odd speaking so openly like this in any other situation, but with Billy by my side, it doesn't feel so strange at all.*
Billy: *I smile at Dom, settling comfortably on the ground, pushing away leaves and weeds that have collected by the stones since my last visit. I scoot closer to Dom and tug on his sleeve, encouraging him to sit down next to me. I stare at the names on the stones*
Dom: *I settle down on the ground, slipping an arm around Billy's waist and nestling against his side. My eyes skip back and forth between the two headstones, pausing every once in awhile to look over at Billy.*
Billy: *I speak now, in a normal speaking voice, a smile pulling at the corner of my lips* I usually don't speak when I'm here. I just...think about them. Sometimes I'll tell them a story from my childhood, as if they'll forget. Sometimes...sometimes they tell me stories. Old memories will flare up, long buried, and it will feel as though they are reminding me of my time with them. And sometimes....sometimes I talk only to Mum, because I would imagine, because I know my Mum very well, that she feels bad about not being able to make it without Da. She feels bad that she left us. But he was the love of her life. I apologize to her now, and to you now, Dom, because I feel so foolish for thinking love didn't exist. I didn't think it was real, even though love is essentially what killed my Mum. She promised Da she'd be with him forever, and she is. She wasn't leaving us, she was just keeping her promise. *I turn and look at Dom, and the tears finally come, though my voice remains steady.* I sold you short before I even knew I loved you. We fit together so perfectly, you and I...and now we're sitting here with the two of them, and I don't know how I could ever be so blind to it. Even before I met you, the plain truth was right here *I motion to the headstones* and I was too wrapped up in my own selfish misery to see it. Please forgive me. *I say the last three words as I look at Dom, then I look at my parents' headstones and repeat them*
Dom: *I turn a bit more to Billy, taking his hand with the one not wrapped around him and holding it tightly in my own.* There's nothing to forgive. Everyone's faith gets tested in life, and some people lose it entirely. *I bring my hand up to his face and touch his cheek lightly.* I'm glad you found your faith again, Billy. And your parents are, too.
Billy: *I nod and whisper* Thank you. *I curl up against him and let the tears come, watching the graves* I miss them so much.
Dom: *I sit silently for a moment, arm tightly, protectively around him.* I know you do, love. But like you've said, they're not really gone, even though it's not the same. They're still here, watching over you and Margaret.
Billy: *I nod and smile through the tears* Remind me when we get back to the house to show you pictures of them. They would have loved you. Da would have enlisted you to help him with his many pranks, and Mum would have shook her head and asked you how many times you ate today.
Dom: *I smile and tip my head against his, nodding.* I will. And I would have loved them too, you know. Like my own family. *I look at him and lean in, kissing his cheek and tasting his tears.*
Billy: *My eyes flutter closed and I hug him tighter* I hope they're proud of me. I feel they are, but you know me. I worry about that sometimes.
Dom: *I nod, resting my cheek back against his hair, eyes watching the two headstones.* I know you do. And I know you're going think that I'm just saying this but... how could they not be, Billy?
Billy: *I shrug* I'm sure they are...like I said, I feel it. They're proud of you, too, you know. So am I.
Dom: *I'm silent, closing my eyes, having subconsciously known his words to be true for a long time but not having really considered them.* Thank you Billy.
Billy: Of course. *I smile and sit up, looking at him, then at the headstones* When was the last time you talked to your parents?
Dom: *I frown and rub a hand past my face, trying to remember and feeling rotten that I can't pinpoint when it was.* Awhile ago... several weeks... maybe a month? *I sigh.* I should call them.
Billy: I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...I was just curious. *I bite my lip and give his hand a squeeze*
Dom: It's not your fault that I don't call them like I should, Billy. *I look at him and smile reassuringly.* I still want to take you to meet them sometime. They're going to love you.
Billy: *I nod and smile, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand* I would love to meet them. *I rest against him again for a long moment* Do you want to have a family someday, Dom?
Dom: *I catch a lingering tear he missed with my thumb, smiling.* Sometime soon then... maybe sometime around Christmas. We'll go visit them. *I pause at his question, considering it for a long moment.* Yeah, I think I do eventually.
Billy: *I don't answer, but I turn and look at him, gazing at him for a long time before turning away and looking again at my parents' graves. I sigh longingly, then smile, more to myself than actually at anyone in particular*
Dom: *Wrapping both my arms around him and holding him close, I sigh, resting my cheek against his soft hair.* What about you, Billy? Do you want a family?
Billy: *I think about it for a while, then nod* I admit it's something I haven't thought much of. Not for myself anyway. But yeah...I do.
Dom: *I squeeze him a bit tighter, sighing quietly but happily and turning my eyes back to the headstones. I stay silent, just thinking about how much I owe these two people and wishing I could have the chance to tell them in person.*
Billy: *I purse my lips as I feel tears welling again, and I fight them. I blink several times before untangling myself from Dom's arms. I lean forward and crawl a bit, then bend at the waist and place a kiss on my Mum's headstone* I'm happy, Mum. Don't worry about me. Dom's taking good care of me. I miss you. I love you. *I place a kiss on my Da's headstone and smile* Miss, you, Da. Take care of Mum. I'll send Maggie your love...
Dom: *I sit back at watch him with a smile, amazed that he feels comfortable with letting me watch this intensely private moment. I give my own thanks to his parents silently, hoping they can hear me without speaking out loud.*
Billy: *I sit back on my knees and stare at the headstones for a long while. Then I stand and reach behind me, offering my hand to Dom* We'll see you at Christmas, okay? *I speak to them as though they're sitting right there. And in a way, I guess they are. I turn to Dom now.* Ready to go?
Dom: *I take Billy's hand and lift myself off the ground, nodding.* I am, yeah. *I wrap an arm around his waist and pull him close, kissing his temple.* Thank you for bringing me here today.
Billy: *I lean my forehead against his, kissing his nose* Thank you for coming. They were thrilled to meet you. I know it.
Dom: *I smile gratefully, sighing gently and shutting my eyes for a brief moment.* And I was glad to meet them, too, finally.
Billy: *I pull back and look at him, smiling at those beautiful silver-blues. I turn one more time and look at the headstones, and I blow them a kiss. I give Dom's hand a light squeeze*
Dom: *I give my own last glance and then turn back to Billy, squeezing his hand in response.* Let's go. *I say softly, pulling his hand gently as we make our way back towards the gate.*
Billy: *I follow him, my eyes on our hands, my body close to his. I don't look back*
Dom: *We make our way back out through the gate, still holding hands tightly.* Do you want me to drive home, love?
Billy: *I nod, giving him a grateful smile* Do you mind much?
Dom: Not at all. *I slip my hand from his and into his pocket, pulling out the car keys and smiling as we approach the car and I let him in on the passenger's side.*
Billy: *I slide into the seat and buckle the seatbelt. I pinch the bridge of my nose, slumping comfortably into the seat as Dom gets in the car*
Dom: *I get in and start the car and buckle my seatbelt, leaning over to brush a hand through his hair before pulling out onto the street.*
Billy: *I reach over to take his hand and watch the gate as we pull away from the cemetery* You don't know how much it meant, you coming here with me, Dom. *My voice is quiet, my eyes still on the window*
Dom: *Well, maybe not exactly, but I have a good idea. I glance at him and smile softly as we draw away from the cemetery, squeezing his hand before focusing on the road.* I was glad to have come.
Billy: *I clear my throat and look at him now* Would you be offended if I told you you're...part of my family now? I mean, I know we're not...y'know...married or anything but...*I flush and drop my voice again* You know...
Dom: Why would I ever be offended by that? *I ask, my tone genuinely confused. I have to remove my hand from his to make a turn but then I immediately seek it out again, grasping it tightly and slipping my fingers between his, glancing at him.* I'm honoured, Billy. And you're as much a part of my family as my mum or dad or brother are. Even if we were married, that couldn't be any more true. *Now it's my turn to flush, eyes flickering back to the road.*
Billy: *I smile at him, watching the red fade into pink on his skin. Beautiful sight, that* Why're you blushing, Dom? *I chuckle a little*
Dom: I don't know. *I reply with a tiny smile of my own, and I think I blush even more, if that's possible. I glance over at him finally, grinning.*
Billy: *I let go of his hand and run my fingers through his hair* Oh come now. We're past the points of secrets, aren't we?
Dom: Secrets? Who said anything about secrets? It's no secret that I love you like mad, is it? *I incline my head towards his hand. I want to kiss him right now. I hate driving. It takes far too much concentration.*
Billy: *I cup his face and trace my thumb across his lips. I lean in, then, and place a light kiss on his neck, then his lips* Anyone who walked into a room would know how I feel about you just by looking at me. No...no secret at all.
Dom: *I sigh softly, chancing another glance at him, realizing my eyes are probably more often focused on him then on the road.* That's why I blush. When you say things like that to me.
Billy: I should say things like that more often, then. You're even more beautiful when you blush.
Dom: Quit it. *I say softly, without conviction, because I'm blushing again, I think. I smile.* You're too good at this.
Billy: You're too good to me, Dommie. It was almost as though you were born to love me or something. All these years we didn't even realize there was beauty in the making. *I smile fondly, remembering* Seems like ages and ages ago. Then again, everything does anymore. I feel like you've been with me all my life. Somewhere between my parents dying and filming "Rings" my life didn't exist. You taught me how to live again before I even knew I loved you.
Dom: I think maybe I was born to love you. It's the most important thing I've ever done in my life. And I don't think anything will top that. *I reach over and squeeze his knee.* I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner.
Billy: *I shake my head, suppressing the chuckle as his gesture tickles my knee* No..no apologies. It was much better this way. Loving someone I couldn't have made me appreciate you more, I think. Hurt like hell, but I had to go through it.
Dom: Well, you'll never have to go through it again, I promise you that. *I say sincerely, making the promise to both him and myself. I understand what he is saying, though.*
Billy: No..I won't, will I? *I don't think Dom will ever know what having him in my life has done for me. In such a short time, I've changed so, so much. There are very few things I fear anymore, and I feel better about myself than I think I ever have. No, I won't have to worry about love ever again. I have all I need and want right here behind the wheel of my car.* Which is why I know I'll all but go insane when you're in beautiful Maui with beautiful people getting tanned while I'm bloody freezing in Glasgow.
Dom: *I groan, trying to distract my mind from dwelling on it.* Oh, don't mention it, Billy. *The day grows closer all the time, and as much as I know we'll both be okay, we'll both survive it, the idea still chills me to the bone.* You just have to come visit me during every available minute.
Billy: Aye, I'm dreading it, too. But I'm so, so proud of you, Footie. My biggest worry is how I'm going to keep all these women...and probably men...from trying to get at you once they have you on their tele once a week. *I grin and lean to kiss his jaw*
Dom: Don't make me laugh. *I do anyway, grinning over at him.* It won't matter anyway, because the only one I want to get at me already has me, and I won't even notice anyone else.
Billy: Well...*I grin a bit cheekily* You should at least notice a few other people. I'm not too much on jealousy, and as long as you end up in bed with me every night, a little flirting never hurt anyone.
Dom: You're the only one I'll ever end up in bed with. And the nights I can't do that I'll end up in bed alone, imagining you're there. And as far as flirting goes... no one'll ever make me blush like you do, Bills.
Billy: Well, they'd better not or I would get jealous. But I find it rather flattering when people flirt with you, or I hear about people who want to fuck you through the mattress. I have to pat myself on the back whenever I hear that.
Dom: *I laugh delightedly, turning onto our street.* Well, the next time someone comes up and says that to me I'll give them your mobile number, yeah? Then they can tell you themselves.
Billy: Good idea. Then I can tell them that it's even better than they imagine it.
Dom: Oi, that's for you to know and for them to dream about. *I poke him gently, chuckling.* That's what I'll tell them when people ask you... that's it's none of their business, and only I get to know. I'm not even sharing that little bit of you... *I pull up outside the house and stop the car.* ...because I do get jealous.
Billy: Ah...*I unbuckle my seatbelt and get out of the car, rushing over to his side to open the door* I will have to remember that. I don't want you to feel jealous ever. You have no reason to.
Dom: *I unbuckle my seatbelt and slide out of the car, catching him by the waist and pulling him close immediately.* I know I don't. Just like you wouldn't, even if you did get jealous. *I kiss him on the tip of his nose.*
Billy: Mm..*I look at him for a long moment, then give him a proper kiss, my lips meeting his, parting them, tongue seeking his*
Dom: *I grin into the kiss, kissing him back with equal fervor, tongue pushing against his happily, and I whimper contentedly. This is the kind of kiss I would have given him driving if I could. I'm glad he had the same idea.*
Billy: *I pull him closer, letting the kiss linger and linger and fill me and shatter me, then I pull away, breathless* You made this day easier.
Dom: That's what I'm here for, love... *I say softly, leaning in to peck at his lips once more, then just holding him tightly to me.*
Billy: I love you...*I whisper the words softly, caressing his face with my thumb*
Dom: *I lean forward and breathe across his lips, exhaling the words.* I love you, too... *I whisper, kissing him gently before pulling slightly away with a smile on my face.* Let's go inside.
Billy: *I nod and take his hand, leading the way into the house*
Dom: *Once inside I head into the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water and leaning up against the counter, watching Billy.* You hungry? *I ask, taking a sip.* Thirsty?
Billy: I could go for something to drink, yeah. Not hungry yet, though.
Dom: What do you want? You know what's in this fridge as well as I do. *I grin and set my glass down, pulling open the refrigerator and leaning in to look.*
Billy: Anything with caffeine. We got any of that in there? *I sit down at the table and stretch my arms above my head*
Dom: Uhh... let's see... We've got a couple of cans of Coke... *I shrug and stand up, looking at him.* I'd be happy to make you a cup of tea, love. Or some coffee.
Billy: Coffee would be good. But I'll make it...*I stand and walk over to the coffee pot*
Dom: I don't mind. *I say, but I don't stop him. I just walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, chin leaning down to rest against his shoulder.*
Billy: *I reach behind me and muss a bit of his hair, then I fill the pot with water.* I wonder how Viggo and Sean are.
Dom: *I frown a bit, thinking of our friends.* I don't know... hopefully better. Should call them sometime soon. *I squeeze him around the waist a bit, not willing to let go even as he moves around the kitchen.*
Billy: *I get the coffee started then turn and slide my arms around his waist* I know this isn't an easy thing for them to get over. I'm glad they still have each other.
Dom: Must be so hard... *I look at him, then tip my cheek to rest against his.* They'll look after each other. We know that, at least.
Billy: Yeah...*I'm silent then, just standing there holding him. And I do think of Viggo and Sean. Dom's right. We need to call them soon*
Dom: *I turn and kiss his cheek, pulling back a little to smile at him.* We'll call them. *I promise, still keeping him close to me.* I'm sure they're doing fine together.
Billy: I'm sure they are, too. I just don't want them to think we've forgotten them.
Dom: *I nod in affirmation, leaning in again to rest my head against his. It's so peaceful, standing here like this, the only sounds being the coffee pot working and our gentle breathing.*
Billy: I think I could stay here forever.
Dom: Here? In the kitchen? But you haven't even had your coffee yet. *I tickle his sides gently, kissing his neck and grinning.* I think I know what you mean, though.
Billy: *I laugh and pull away reluctantly. I make a cup of coffee for myself* Would you like a cup?
Dom: No thanks. *I say with a smile, picking up my glass of water and going to sit at the kitchen table, pushing the chair back enough to make room for Billy, if he wants to come join me.*