Just when I finally needed that Diablo notebook...damnit, where are funny quotes when you need them?
You know, it's a true blessing that my laptop should be too old to install video games, else nobody would ever hear from me again (or at least not until I was done with Diablo II).
Thank you thank you thank you, Alex, for this poisoned gift! <3
Of course, at first, my disappointment was acute. The game worked, to be sure, and after spending ten minutes in agony as to which character to choose (Oblivion had made me used to being able to customize my character just as much as I wanted, and in the end, being faced with only five choices made the choosing much more difficult) and finally settling for the Necromancer (on the false memory that he could turn himself into a werewolf, except that was in DarkStone), the Rogue Camp appeared, I gaily stepped forward to be greeted by whatshisname.....and gaped in horror as he began his speech in French. French! How could I have been so remiss as to forget it would be in French?!
After a very futile attempt at swapping the Speech files for the English ones (hey, you never know, right?...), I decided to try and make my peace with the incredibly crappy dubbing -- No, seriously, these guys aren't even trying. Diablo in English was one of the best dubbed games I'd ever played to, with funny accents and melodramatic performances, that made me fall in love with characters and endeavour to speak to them for whichever futile reason I could fathom, but here those guys are simply. not. trying. The worst was talking to Caain, because he's from Diablo I and, having played to it again only recently, his original voice was clear in my head and in my ears. *sighs*
But well, you get used to it, and the sheer joy of all those worlds to explore, of having a day as well as a night (not that it mattered much in Diablo I, what with the entire game happening below earth level, but still), of going back to Tristram for a bittersweet farewell, all this more than makes for the loss of Original Voices.
Aaaah, the return to Tristram... I remember how delighted I'd been the first time around, when I'd realized I was going back there, and how badly my heart broke at the sight of the town burnt to the ground, corpses strewn around, Griswold turned into a monster so reminiscent of the original Butcher that I'd almost pissed my pants in terror at the mere thought of fighting him, and then, my horrified silence as I stumbled upon the still body of Wirt, that little piece of shit of a boy who always tried to rob me of my money but still probably didn't deserve to die. The fact that you can't actually sell his wooden leg anywhere has never been the reason I've preciously kept it in my luggage, I can tell you. Even if I could sell it for 200 000 gold I wouldn't part with it.
I do wish they had actually kept the layout of Tristram as it was in the first opus, though. What difference did it make, if the town was bigger than it needed to be? I didn't expect to be able to go back into the church, but being able to see it, or cross the bridge to Adria's place, spot the burnt sign of The Tavern of the Rising Sun hanging from Ogden's door, and maybe have the secret pleasure of finding that stupid Gillian's body dismembered...that would have been perfect. Not to mention I hate not knowing (not that I can't imagine it...) what happened to my beloved Farnham, the funniest character ever to grace any of those games. And Pepin! What happened to Pepin, pray tell? Why did they keep that boring-as-sin Caain, instead of giving me back my lovely, naive, so-easy-to-fool Pepin?! Yes, of course, he never had any idea about what was going on, but Caain is so boring, I want to stuff my arm down his throat every time he launches into one of his stories.
I remember, I'd once found a hilarious site about Diablo with perfect descriptions of the characters. I wonder if I saved it somewhere...
I had forgotten so much about this second opus that it was quite weird getting re-acquainted with all its weird rules. No Save Game? What the hell? At first I thought maybe Alex's version had a defect, or something. Mind you, it does make the game more interesting, especially considering that being a Necromancer (and already having at my disposal two skeletons, a skeleton mage, and a Golem, without counting my hired Rogue), my job is pretty much cut for me enough already without having the cowardly option of Saving every two steps. There is something even more addictive in the knowledge that unless you make your way to the end of the your Quest, or the next Teleportation Portal, you will have to muddle your way through an entire level again (sometimes two). And of course it's great if you're an Experience fiend and were only looking for an easy way of getting those dratsy points up in a jiffy.
Then there's the fact that there aren't basic spells anymore. For Baal's sake, I can't even heal myself, let alone heal my allies! What happened to all those books randomly strewn around, the knowledge that you could play as a Rogue and still get to grill your enemies with a well-directed fireball?
But what I like best about Diablo II is how playing to it gives birth to such interesting questions as: How can a bony skeleton explode in blood and gore when killed? Who was the guy who lovingly drew all those flayed mutilated corpses in the background of the prison -- or, for that matter, how much did they laugh when they came up with all the Monsters names, especially the Unique ones, like Frozenstein, Pindleskin, or Witch Doctor Endugu (and what genius decided to make me laugh to tears by making the midgets say "Guacamole" when they attack?* I want to send him chocolates)? Why does my perfectly healthy Golem die whenever he's too slow to keep up with my manly run ("Brave sir Robin ran away, brave brave sir Robin! When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled..."), when all my other minions just teleport? And why aren't I allowed to flirt with the smoking hot female blacksmith in the Rogue's Camp? I may be an adventurer, but I am still a man!! At least this time around I am!
It also brings back to mind exactly how much of a sissy I am, for my heart broke each time one of my first 5 Golem got killed (after that, it lost its drama-potential), and I won't even talk about the bitter tears I shed over the death of my first hired Rogue (afterwards, I remembered how quickly they always died and decided to treat them as spare meat. Spare meat in iron-hot bodies, might I add). For some reason my Skeletons never cause me grief, maybe because they're the only ones that can't keep me warm at night (does a Golem exude warmth? I imagine it'd be quite clammy and cold, actually...).
A sissy and something of a wuss, too, but then again, I already knew that. I just finally managed to defeat Andarielle, sending hordes of my minions to get massacred before I figured out maybe some antidote potions might be useful considering her sting kept killing me (well, I died once, then did my bestest for it not to happen again. I just hate going back to a level and seeing my own body lying in a pool of blood) -- but god, was I ever terrified of facing her! Even after I'd seen her and escaped (in death) (hey, death is an honourable escape) (as long as you can come back afterwards and avenge your own death, that is), every time I went back down to that level to try and hurt her some more I'd dawdle in the antechamber, trying to push my minions forward, but they must have sensed I was bullshitting them because they wouldn't budge until I myself had stepped forth. Goddamn minions, soon they'll start asking for wages!
Okay, second part's the desert, I'd been hoping it would be the Jungle with the crazy pigmies. Oh god, I remember now, there's also an eclipse in that Act!! Goddamnit, I hate eclipses! It's bad enough when night falls, but it takes forever to get the sun back out in that quest! *trudges towards the first Act Quest*
* At least the background noises have been left unchanged.
Thank you thank you thank you, Alex, for this poisoned gift! <3
Of course, at first, my disappointment was acute. The game worked, to be sure, and after spending ten minutes in agony as to which character to choose (Oblivion had made me used to being able to customize my character just as much as I wanted, and in the end, being faced with only five choices made the choosing much more difficult) and finally settling for the Necromancer (on the false memory that he could turn himself into a werewolf, except that was in DarkStone), the Rogue Camp appeared, I gaily stepped forward to be greeted by whatshisname.....and gaped in horror as he began his speech in French. French! How could I have been so remiss as to forget it would be in French?!
After a very futile attempt at swapping the Speech files for the English ones (hey, you never know, right?...), I decided to try and make my peace with the incredibly crappy dubbing -- No, seriously, these guys aren't even trying. Diablo in English was one of the best dubbed games I'd ever played to, with funny accents and melodramatic performances, that made me fall in love with characters and endeavour to speak to them for whichever futile reason I could fathom, but here those guys are simply. not. trying. The worst was talking to Caain, because he's from Diablo I and, having played to it again only recently, his original voice was clear in my head and in my ears. *sighs*
But well, you get used to it, and the sheer joy of all those worlds to explore, of having a day as well as a night (not that it mattered much in Diablo I, what with the entire game happening below earth level, but still), of going back to Tristram for a bittersweet farewell, all this more than makes for the loss of Original Voices.
Aaaah, the return to Tristram... I remember how delighted I'd been the first time around, when I'd realized I was going back there, and how badly my heart broke at the sight of the town burnt to the ground, corpses strewn around, Griswold turned into a monster so reminiscent of the original Butcher that I'd almost pissed my pants in terror at the mere thought of fighting him, and then, my horrified silence as I stumbled upon the still body of Wirt, that little piece of shit of a boy who always tried to rob me of my money but still probably didn't deserve to die. The fact that you can't actually sell his wooden leg anywhere has never been the reason I've preciously kept it in my luggage, I can tell you. Even if I could sell it for 200 000 gold I wouldn't part with it.
I do wish they had actually kept the layout of Tristram as it was in the first opus, though. What difference did it make, if the town was bigger than it needed to be? I didn't expect to be able to go back into the church, but being able to see it, or cross the bridge to Adria's place, spot the burnt sign of The Tavern of the Rising Sun hanging from Ogden's door, and maybe have the secret pleasure of finding that stupid Gillian's body dismembered...that would have been perfect. Not to mention I hate not knowing (not that I can't imagine it...) what happened to my beloved Farnham, the funniest character ever to grace any of those games. And Pepin! What happened to Pepin, pray tell? Why did they keep that boring-as-sin Caain, instead of giving me back my lovely, naive, so-easy-to-fool Pepin?! Yes, of course, he never had any idea about what was going on, but Caain is so boring, I want to stuff my arm down his throat every time he launches into one of his stories.
I remember, I'd once found a hilarious site about Diablo with perfect descriptions of the characters. I wonder if I saved it somewhere...
I had forgotten so much about this second opus that it was quite weird getting re-acquainted with all its weird rules. No Save Game? What the hell? At first I thought maybe Alex's version had a defect, or something. Mind you, it does make the game more interesting, especially considering that being a Necromancer (and already having at my disposal two skeletons, a skeleton mage, and a Golem, without counting my hired Rogue), my job is pretty much cut for me enough already without having the cowardly option of Saving every two steps. There is something even more addictive in the knowledge that unless you make your way to the end of the your Quest, or the next Teleportation Portal, you will have to muddle your way through an entire level again (sometimes two). And of course it's great if you're an Experience fiend and were only looking for an easy way of getting those dratsy points up in a jiffy.
Then there's the fact that there aren't basic spells anymore. For Baal's sake, I can't even heal myself, let alone heal my allies! What happened to all those books randomly strewn around, the knowledge that you could play as a Rogue and still get to grill your enemies with a well-directed fireball?
But what I like best about Diablo II is how playing to it gives birth to such interesting questions as: How can a bony skeleton explode in blood and gore when killed? Who was the guy who lovingly drew all those flayed mutilated corpses in the background of the prison -- or, for that matter, how much did they laugh when they came up with all the Monsters names, especially the Unique ones, like Frozenstein, Pindleskin, or Witch Doctor Endugu (and what genius decided to make me laugh to tears by making the midgets say "Guacamole" when they attack?* I want to send him chocolates)? Why does my perfectly healthy Golem die whenever he's too slow to keep up with my manly run ("Brave sir Robin ran away, brave brave sir Robin! When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled..."), when all my other minions just teleport? And why aren't I allowed to flirt with the smoking hot female blacksmith in the Rogue's Camp? I may be an adventurer, but I am still a man!! At least this time around I am!
It also brings back to mind exactly how much of a sissy I am, for my heart broke each time one of my first 5 Golem got killed (after that, it lost its drama-potential), and I won't even talk about the bitter tears I shed over the death of my first hired Rogue (afterwards, I remembered how quickly they always died and decided to treat them as spare meat. Spare meat in iron-hot bodies, might I add). For some reason my Skeletons never cause me grief, maybe because they're the only ones that can't keep me warm at night (does a Golem exude warmth? I imagine it'd be quite clammy and cold, actually...).
A sissy and something of a wuss, too, but then again, I already knew that. I just finally managed to defeat Andarielle, sending hordes of my minions to get massacred before I figured out maybe some antidote potions might be useful considering her sting kept killing me (well, I died once, then did my bestest for it not to happen again. I just hate going back to a level and seeing my own body lying in a pool of blood) -- but god, was I ever terrified of facing her! Even after I'd seen her and escaped (in death) (hey, death is an honourable escape) (as long as you can come back afterwards and avenge your own death, that is), every time I went back down to that level to try and hurt her some more I'd dawdle in the antechamber, trying to push my minions forward, but they must have sensed I was bullshitting them because they wouldn't budge until I myself had stepped forth. Goddamn minions, soon they'll start asking for wages!
Okay, second part's the desert, I'd been hoping it would be the Jungle with the crazy pigmies. Oh god, I remember now, there's also an eclipse in that Act!! Goddamnit, I hate eclipses! It's bad enough when night falls, but it takes forever to get the sun back out in that quest! *trudges towards the first Act Quest*
* At least the background noises have been left unchanged.