Stargazer (1/2)
Stargazer
Luhan/Xiumin
14,570 words, PG-13, AU (but also AR)
Luhan is a DBSK fanboy from Alpha Centauri who visits Earth and incidentally debuts with EXO, learning about love along the way.
a/n: Happy birthday, Minseok! Except for the part about Luhan being an alien, this is sort of like my pre-debut fic for Xiuhan. Written for eonians at deerofdawn. Originally posted here. Special thanks to onyu who held my hand through several word wars and pretty much encouraged me to keep going. You're the best. :)
Life on Alpha Centauri is sweltering (too much heat and light since they're one of the brightest stars in the galaxy) and boring (the days are too long, and there's always too much learning to do). Or, at least, that's what 17-year-old Luhan thinks as he looks out the classroom window during his statistics class, his mind drifting to images of colorful streets lined with lanterns and dancing dragon mascots. It's Chinese New Year on Earth today, and Luhan can't wait to celebrate it. He's out of his seat as soon as the bell rings, his feet automatically taking him to the astronomy lab where the thing he values the most in school is: the telescope.
Luhan plonks his electronic tablet carelessly on a nearby table and heads to the nearest telescope that no one is using. Only a few students are in the lab today, and Luhan is thankful for small favors. Even though he'd picked Earth studies as his life calling as soon as he could talk, he knows his mom and dad still find it strange that their only son isn't like most kids who pick something common like technology or constellation studies or medicine. To put it more plainly, no one has picked Earth studies as their life calling in the last 20 light years. His preoccupation with Earth is bordering on obsession, they'd said in monotonous tones typical of Centaurians, and they'd taken away his own telescope at home until Luhan's grade in statistics improves.
Luhan enters the coordinates for his favorite place, a city called Beijing in China, and zooms in. At age 6, when every student was required to learn a second language, Luhan had researched about Earth languages and picked Mandarin. Since then, he has exhausted every electronic resource he could get on China and he regularly watches Beijing from behind the lenses of his telescope.
Luhan still remembers his first lesson about Earth and using telescopes, incidentally from the guy who last picked Earth studies 20 light years ago, now a professor at Luhan's school. "Did you know that Alpha Centauri is 4.3 light years away from Earth?" he'd said, and there was a light in his eyes that Luhan recognized as similar to his own. "The speed of light is 186,262 miles per second and Earth is 25.6 trillion miles away. If an Earth telescope suddenly had the capability of looking at Alpha Centauri, the image they would see would take 4.3 light years to get there. So, if you think about it, what they’re seeing has already happened that many years ago. That's why on Earth there's a popular saying that stargazing is like time traveling. Fascinating, isn't it?"
Luhan had frowned then, feeling confused. "But there really are time travelers, right? Don't they live on Sirius? And what do you mean in the past? Isn’t our own technology advanced enough to handle instantaneous feeds?"
The professor had just laughed at him. “The keyword here is ‘Earth,’ Luhan,” he said patiently. “They’re not as advanced as we are.” The conversation would be imprinted on Luhan's mind for years to come.
(The truth is, despite every Centaurian being born a scholar and a genius, Luhan still doesn't get it up to now.)
There are a lot of people out on the streets today because of the New Year, and he watches a performance of the dragon dance greeted by claps and happy smiles from onlookers. Luhan pauses from watching and practices smiling too. A boy from the next table flinches, and Luhan sighs. He must have looked like his face was twitching again. Smiling really isn't a thing on the Alpha Centauri star system, so Luhan hasn't had enough practice.
When he looks into the telescope again, he realizes he must have accidentally tipped the coordinates while he was busy smiling. Instead of Beijing, Luhan is now looking at what looks like a round hill. He frowns and zooms out a little, and things finally make sense. The hill he's seeing is actually a very round cheek belonging to a short boy in a big shirt, baggy pants, and blue beanie. He's jumping up and down and waving a handmade sign. Luhan does his best to read the text. He recognizes it as hangul, characters used in one of the nearby countries, South Korea. "Dong Bang Shin Ki," he mutters quietly to himself. "Tong Vfang Xien Qi."
The round-cheeked boy is part of a throng of girls watching some sort of performance. Luhan peers at the stage and sees five men in black outfits with holes (rips?) in them, dancing in sync. "Ah, a concert," he figures out. He'd seen a lot of them in China. He'll look up the audio for this one later. He is fascinated by their hair (one of the men even has a hairstyle that reminds him of an Earth animal, the hamster), but he's more intrigued by how the round-cheeked boy, now nicknamed Baozi in his head after his favorite Chinese steamed bun, is so obviously delighted by the performance. His smile is so wide Luhan can see his gums, and he's wiggling his hips to a beat Luhan can't hear. "Tong Vfang Xien Qi," Luhan repeats. His eyes go back to the stage.
Luhan's obsession with K-Pop begins that day.
★
Every boy and girl on Alpha Centauri can't wait for the year they turn 19 and travel to other stars or planets. Luhan is no different, but while others dream of going to Andromeda where everything is made of the most expensive stardust in the galaxy, all Luhan wants is to visit Earth and maybe even live there. He already has a list of things he wants to do like experiencing “happiness” and “love” and learning how to smile and laugh properly. Luhan’s always been more emotional than the average Centaurian, and he’s excited to learn about Earth feelings firsthand. Most of all, though, he wants to make his favorite fantasy come true: watching a DBSK concert with Baozi.
In preparation for his trip to Earth, Luhan has educated himself in Korean and Korean culture for the past two years. He has also downloaded and consumed every little bit of information he could about DBSK and stored them all on his tablet (the Internet is an amazing thing). Aside from listening to DBSK's music and collecting their photos (especially of his favorite member, Jaejoong), Luhan has recorded himself singing and dancing to DBSK songs. He’s no budding Xiah Junsu, but Centaurians are a persistent lot, so he practices until he feels he’s improved enough. He’s even taken to reading fanfic to exercise his hangul reading skills.
He keeps tabs on Baozi too, noting down his routines and life events in a special Earth file on his tablet. His real name is Kim Minseok, Luhan learns, and he loves singing and DBSK. Luhan wishes he can hear Minseok’s voice, but telescopes can only be so advanced. Minseok's cheeks have gotten a little less plump in the past year due to the dance classes he's so keen on taking, but he's still a big Cassiopeia, as DBSK's fans are called, and Luhan accompanies him on all his outings with his trusty telescope.
Luhan’s dreams are dashed when DBSK breaks up a few months after his 19th birthday. He doesn’t know why, but he feels like he can’t breathe. There’s a tightness in his stomach that he can’t explain as he watches Minseok crying at the news, the boy’s face turning splotchy as ugly tears run down his face. Luhan decides right then and there that it’s time to go to Earth.
Alpha Centauri ships are top of the line, but it will still take a light year for him to get to Earth. The thought of not being able to use his telescope makes him uncomfortable (what will he do with no news of Minseok for a year?), but at least, he thinks, at least the Internet still works onboard. He figures the sacrifice will be worth it the moment he sets foot on Earth. There's that weird tightness in his stomach again as he enters the spacecraft (his mom just tells him he must not have eaten enough of his breakfast), and as he waves goodbye to his stony-faced parents, the tightness only increases.
(Later on, he will learn that the tightness is "fear" and "nerves" and “loss.”)
★
Luhan arrives on Earth in one piece. He chooses to land in Seoul, of course, armed with a false identity perfectly crafted by his professor that will enable him to live among humans and study them in peace. He is Lu Han, born and raised in Beijing, a Chinese exchange student studying Korean in Yonsei. Luhan had gone through enough modules throughout the years to make this believable.
Luhan soaks in the sights and sounds, and he thinks, "Finally," as he inhales Seoul's cool air (and probably smog, but he'll need to research on that) and takes his first few steps on real Earth concrete. He listens to the conversations going on around him. Their voices are loud and raucous--and is that a couple kissing in the alleyway? It's a bit disconcerting, at first, to finally know what Earth sounds like after just looking at it from behind a telescope, but Centaurians are good at adapting and Luhan knows he'll get used to this soon enough.
His apartment is actually just a tiny room in an apartment complex in Sinchon. It has a long crack on the ceiling and peeling floral wallpaper. He has to blend in with the crowd, his professor had told him, and so his professor had picked an inconspicuous place for him to stay at. Luhan is kind of in love with it even though he has to bend his knees a little to make sure he fits in the bed and he's forced to build a shrine for his newly bought DBSK merchandise in one corner of the room because his closet can't even fit the meager selection of clothes he brought from home.
Luhan spends most of his first night awake, staring out the window of his room and looking, not at the stars, but at the street below. It's late, and while in Alpha Centauri, people would have long been asleep (or locked up in their own libraries or laboratories doing research), Seoul is alive with students and workers, their cheeks red with alcohol, stumbling their way along turns and corners, and laughing at jokes Luhan doesn't understand. Centaurians don’t really drink alcohol, so Luhan is pretty curious about how the whole process goes. One day, Luhan tells himself, he's going to try drinking soju. Maybe he can get Minseok to join him.
Still restless, he opens his tablet and checks and rechecks his research plan for Earth. First on his list: seeing Minseok. He falls asleep listening to DBSK's "Somebody to Love," an image of Minseok still in his mind.
★
Luhan doesn’t like sasaengs. He learned about them while he was doing his research on DBSK and he’d cringed when he’d seen just how much shit his idols had to go through because of them. Through the lens of his telescope, he’d watched with both fascination and dread as sasaengs had invaded DBSK’s privacy at their dorms (he’s proud to say Minseok isn’t one of the “fans” he’d seen stalking them). But now that he’s finally here on Earth, he wants to hang his head in shame. He’s no better than sasaengs.
Because there’s no denying it: Luhan is stalking Minseok.
Luhan doesn't really mean to do it, at first. He's known Minseok's address since day one, and it’s only logical that he’d try to find him there to visit him. After all, one of the reasons he was so excited to visit Earth in the first place was because of Minseok. After seeing Minseok stumble out of his house, Luhan had wanted to see more, so he followed him to the subway station and rode it with him, wondering where he was going.
Following Minseok as he goes about his daily routine is nothing like Luhan has ever imagined. It’s just so different from watching Minseok from behind the safety of his telescope. Minseok is much better-looking in real life, he thinks, although Luhan’s a little disappointed that he can’t view Minseok’s face as close as he usually does with his telescope. Minseok in the flesh is paler, thinner, and just a little taller than the boy he remembers seeing behind the lens. He finds himself wishing he can get closer and touch Minseok’s cheeks (and maybe his hair to see if it’s as soft as it looks). Sometimes Luhan thinks Minseok even shines like the sun, which is strange, because the last time Luhan checked, Minseok isn’t a star. He’s just human.
The most fascinating thing about seeing Minseok in real life is, well, hearing him. He marvels at the sound of Minseok’s footsteps as his sneakers hit the ground. His jaw drops when he hears Minseok speak for the first time (not to him, of course, but to a classmate from school). Minseok’s voice is thinner and higher than he expects, but it’s also endearing. Luhan can’t quite explain it.
He finds out about Minseok’s second life one afternoon. Minseok gets off at Apgujeong Rodeo Station and walks to the SM Entertainment building. At first, he thinks Minseok is just meeting some Cassie friends at the entrance. Maybe, Luhan thinks, Minseok’s hoping to catch a glimpse of Yunho or Changmin.
What surprises him is when Minseok marches straight to the entrance of the building, easily getting in with no one stopping to question him. Minseok doesn’t come out until hours later. By then, Luhan has paced back and forth the entire length of road near the entrance, a feeling of heaviness weighing down his chest. It immediately eases when he sees Minseok coming out of the building, but the relief is short-lived when he realizes Minseok isn’t alone.
He’s accompanied by a boy slightly taller than him with long bangs that keep getting into his eyes. Minseok ruffles the boy’s hair with obvious affection, and the other boy accepts the gesture, looking pleased.
“Being a trainee sucks balls. I’m soooo tired all the time,” the boy whines playfully.
“Hey!” Minseok bops him on the head but smiles. “Just be grateful we’re even trainees. Imagine how successful we’ll get after we debut.”
“Girls would finally be falling all over me?”
Minseok rolls his eyes. “Priorities, Sehunnie.”
“Exactly my point!”
They head in the direction of the subway together, their arms around each other as they argue. “Shut up. Let’s go home, Sehunnie,” Luhan hears Minseok say.
The heaviness in Luhan’s chest intensifies.
★
It's on one of Luhan's “stalking Minseok” days that things progress into something unexpected. He is hiding behind a lamppost (admittedly not one of his brighter ideas, but Earth has a way of messing with his superior Centaurian intellect), eyes widened considerably, as he watches that Sehun kid laughing with Minseok. He wants to laugh with Minseok too. He clears his throat and attempts to laugh. What comes out is a weird raspy sound, similar to that of a peculiar Earth animal with a big nose (a donkey?). His shoulders droop. This is definitely not what a proper laugh sounds like at all.
"You have quite a beautiful face," a female voice says, and Luhan startles at the sound. "Even if you have the strangest laugh. We'll have to train you out of that." A woman in an imposing-looking business suit is giving him a once over, her expression cool and calculating.
Luhan suppresses the urge to shiver under her steady gaze. "M-me?" he stutters, barely remembering to answer in Korean.
"Come in for casting." Her tone brooks no argument. She hands him a business card, the embossed logo of SM Entertainment winking at Luhan with the last vestiges of the afternoon sun.
Luhan spends all night staring at the card, wondering “what if?” It’s not like he hasn’t imagined what it would be like to be a star like his idols, but the only thing running in his mind right now is how passing would mean being in the same entertainment agency as Minseok. It’s a really poor reason, he tells himself. It’s a very selfish reason. At the same time, he rationalizes, passing would mean he would be able to do even more research on human behavior.
The next day, Luhan enters the SM building, the card clutched determinedly in one hand. He is going to get into SME if it’s the last thing he does.
Luhan is cast with flying colors.
★
The first thing Luhan does when he finally meets Minseok is tell him he’s beautiful.
“Sorry?” Minseok replies, his eyebrows scrunching in confusion, because, of course, Luhan is brilliant and blurts it out in Centaurese.
“I am Luhan,” Luhan says, trying to backtrack. His Korean pronunciation is almost native, having learned it religiously in the past three light years, but now that he’s in front of Minseok, he sounds stilted and unsure. It’s a miracle words are even coming out of his mouth. “Nice to meet you.” He mimics a bow.
“Oh!” Minseok’s face is full of wonder when Luhan finally gets the courage to meet his eyes. “You’re not Korean.”
“Ah, yes.” Luhan’s lips stretch into the smile he’s been trying to perfect for a long time. The ends waver. He wonders if Minseok thinks he’s constipated. “I’m Chinese.”
“Cool,” Minseok says, returning the smile. Luhan envies how it lights up his face with ease. “I’m Kim Minseok.”
Luhan feels his chest tightening as he grasps Minseok’s hand in his. It’s a strange feeling. It almost feels like his heart is going to explode (if Luhan’s mom were here, he’s sure she would have said something about learning not to exaggerate). There’s sweat coming out of Luhan’s palms too, and it worries him as much as it fascinates him. He stares at their joint fingertips in wonder. The warmth of Minseok's skin does funny things to his insides. Touch isn't particularly encouraged in his homeland, where even couples’ favorite bonding activity is sharing information with each other while drinking coffee. Luhan is clingy by Centaurian standards, but from a human's point of view, he wonders if he's barely tipping the scale.
Minseok clears his throat. “So.”
Luhan looks up at him, and that’s when he notices he’s been holding Minseok’s hand in a death grip. Minseok’s smile is definitely amused. Luhan feels his cheeks heat, and he resists the urge to place his palms against them to check. “I’m sorry.”
“You must be nervous,” Minseok says, and his tone is not unkind. “Don’t worry. You’ll fit right in soon enough. I’ll give you a tour around the building if you’d like.”
“I would like that very much, Minseok-sshi,” Luhan says, wincing at how stiff and formal he must sound.
Minseok waves his comment away. "How old are you?"
Luhan frantically does a mental computation of Korean years. "Twenty-one."
Minseok's eyes widen. His eyes are really big and cat-like, Luhan notices. "We're the same age! But you look so young."
Luhan hesitates. It would probably be bad etiquette to say Minseok doesn't look his age too.
“Call me Minseok,” the other boy says, flashing another smile.
Luhan wonders how fast a heart can beat before it decides to explode.
★
As Luhan starts life as a trainee, the feeling of heaviness in his chest doesn’t ease. The thing is, he’s not quite sure what to do with himself now that he’s training alongside with Minseok and not just viewing him from behind a telescope. He realizes Minseok is kind of like his idol, in a way, and now that he has a chance to finally get to know him, he’s scared of what will happen.
He finds himself looking for Minseok anyway: in the hallways, in the practice room, at voice lessons. But the other boy is always preoccupied with someone else. Minseok waves at him, rewards him with a smile or two when he waves giddily back, before going back into conversation with “Sehunnie” or the tall, big-eared trainee, Chanyeol. The other trainees welcome Luhan readily enough, but he doesn’t quite feel like he belongs. He thinks he understands that phrase he once read in an e-book now: how a person can still be alone when he’s surrounded by so many people.
Meeting the Chinese trainees lightens his mood somewhat. He becomes particularly close to Wu Fan, Yixing, and Zitao, soaking up their stories from China like a sponge. In exchange, he tells them about his life in Beijing, how he loves to play soccer (which is actually true) and how Lunar New Year is his favorite occasion. He's sure no one can tell he's only watched everything from behind the lenses of his telescope.
Luhan is particularly fascinated by Zitao, the youngest out of all of them, a sleepy-eyed boy with dark eyebags who follows Wu Fan around like a lost puppy. Zitao is a person who thrives on touch, unhesitating when he takes Wu Fan’s hand in his or gathers Yixing in his arms for a big embrace.
“Is that...normal here?” Luhan finds himself asking Yixing as he watches Zitao drape himself all over Wu Fan like a warm blanket.
Luhan often seeks Yixing out when he has questions because Yixing always answers and doesn’t ask questions of his own. Luhan sometimes wonders if this is just because Yixing is forgetful, but he’s grateful for the other’s patience.
Yixing follows his gaze before turning back to blink at him. “Zitao is naturally clingy and he misses home.” He smiles, dimples deepening as he does so. “But, yeah, ‘skinship’ is normal here, I guess, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Luhan mulls this over, biting on his lower lip. “Good,” he says. “Because I kind of need a hug and I was wondering if it would be against some code to ask for one.”
Yixing laughs. “You’re cute. Why didn’t you just say you wanted a hug in the first place?” He reaches over to put his arms around Luhan’s shoulders. Luhan is surprised by how much lighter the simple gesture makes him feel. “Now tell me what’s wrong so that I can help you out.”
“I want to be friends with Minseok,” Luhan blurts out.
Yixing pulls back from the hug and stares at him. “Okay,” he says slowly. “Why don’t you? Minseok is a nice guy.”
“That’s just it. He’s nice, but it’s so hard to get close to him?” Luhan makes a sound of frustration under his breath. “He smiles and waves at me at practice, but that’s about all he’s willing to do. He doesn’t really talk to me.”
Yixing gives Luhan’s drooping shoulders a consoling pat. “Minseok is just shy.”
Luhan frowns. He’d seen Minseok interact with Cassies for years, and he didn’t seem all that shy, just quiet. He’d been perfectly fine introducing himself to strangers as he stood in line for DBSK concerts and music show performances. “Maybe he just doesn’t like me.”
“Nonsense,” Yixing says. “Once he warms up to you, everything will be fine. He’s probably still getting used to you. You’re a bit...enthusiastic.”
Luhan’s head snaps up abruptly. That’s exactly what he doesn’t want to hear. “I am?”
“Yeah,” Yixing says with a shrug that implies it doesn’t really matter. “You’re always so curious about so many things. It’s cute.”
“You think everything’s cute.” Luhan worries his bottom lip. “Am I annoying? Just tell me and I’ll stop.”
“Of course not.” Yixing reaches over to pat Luhan’s knee. He looks into Luhan’s eyes and smiles at him. “If befriending him is so important to you, just stop worrying and talk to him, yeah? Besides, you don’t put in half as much effort in getting his attention compared to how you are with us. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”
“I’m just...” Luhan tries to think of an Earth word to describe the weird feeling in his stomach. “Scared, I guess.”
“Of what?”
“Not living up to expectations.” Well, Minseok not living up to Luhan’s expectations, actually, but it’s not like Minseok knows Luhan has some in the first place.
Yixing scratches his chin thoughtfully. “Why? Do you guys know each other from somewhere?”
Luhan licks his lips; he hadn’t intended to tell Yixing so much. “It’s complicated.”
Yixing, being Yixing, doesn’t pry. He smiles kindly at Luhan before waving at Wu Fan, who’s gesturing at them to hurry up. “Come on, they’re waiting for us. Stop worrying.”
Luhan attempts to smile.
“Has anyone ever told you your smile makes you look...unattractive?”
“Loads of times,” Luhan says dryly. But he forgives Yixing as soon as he feels the other giving his hand a gentle squeeze.
★
In the end, Luhan gets help in the most unexpected of ways. It’s a late night for all of them but especially for Luhan, who had to do extra vocal lessons until his throat was raw because their coach didn’t think he was trying hard enough. It irks Luhan, whose sense of competitiveness got triggered by his coach’s harsh comments. Right now, though, all Luhan wants to do is rest (and maybe eat some chicken wings).
But then there’s Jung Yunho walking down the hallway from the practice room.
The Jung Yunho.
Luhan thinks he might have actually stopped breathing for a few seconds. His jaw drops, and he wonders if he has a weird expression on his face again (he still hasn’t mastered how to smile properly). He tries to school his expression into something blank, but he doesn’t think it’s working. He turns around quickly, hoping he has time to fix himself before Yunho comes his way.
Instead, he comes face to face with a wide-eyed Minseok, whose face and neck are dripping with sweat after putting in extra dance practice tonight. But Minseok isn’t looking at him. His eyes are glued to the tall figure making its way towards them. “Yunho-sunbaenim.” Minseok’s voice is soft, and the way he says Yunho’s name has an air of reverence to it that has Luhan’s heart beating double-time.
“I know,” Luhan says. And then he’s grabbing Minseok by the shoulders, saying, “Quick, does my face look okay?”
Minseok comes out of his trance and blinks at him, his brown eyes finally taking in Luhan’s appearance. “Oh. Luhan, I didn’t notice you were there.”
“Never mind that.” Luhan’s grip is firm on Minseok’s shoulders. He’s afraid to turn around in case Yunho is already behind them. “Am I too pale right now? Can you pinch my cheeks so that I won’t look like a zombie in front of sunbaenim?”
Minseok looks at him dumbly for a second, and then he’s shaking his head. “You look fine. Your, uh, cheeks look fine.” Minseok’s eyes widen, and then he’s running a hand through his hair (later on, when they’re closer, Luhan will come to recognize this as a nervous gesture). “Wait, what about me? I’m so sweaty! I look horrible! Oh god. I’m about to make the worst first impression ever.” He makes a last-minute attempt to wipe the worst of the sweat away with the small towel he’s carrying, but his hands are shaking so much it’s not really helping.
Luhan smiles because Minseok is adorable and he doesn’t even know it. “You’re making it worse.” He takes the towel from Minseok and starts wiping away the sweat from his neck.
“Sunbaenim,” Minseok calls out, just as Luhan is trying to pocket the towel (an impossible feat considering it’s thrice the size of his pocket). Luhan’s body turns rigid. He urges his legs to move in the right direction until he’s facing his idol.
Yunho smiles at them, and it’s so warm Luhan feels like he’s won an award. “Still practicing? It’s really late.”
“We were just about to head home, sunbaenim,” Minseok says. His voice sounds normal, as if he’s talking to a friend. Meanwhile, Luhan can’t even open his mouth. He’s struggling to keep his jaw closed because, really, when does a DBSK fanboy ever get a chance like this?
“Minseokkie, right?” Yunho says.
Minseok draws himself up to his full height. Luhan bites back a yelp because Minseok’s hand is suddenly clutching his, so tightly it’s like his fingers are going to break.
“I heard you’re going to be a part of M1,” Yunho continues. “It’s a really big project. You should be proud.”
“Thank you, sunbaenim.” Minseok is bowing now, and Luhan clumsily follows along. Their hands are still linked together. “Luhan and I are both being considered for the project.”
“Well, good luck to both of you,” Yunho says, clapping them both on the back. “I’m sure you’ll do great.”
Luhan and Minseok both watch Yunho’s back until the man rounds a corner and completely disappears from view. Minseok’s grip loosens on Luhan’s hand.
“I can’t believe that just happened,” Minseok says. His eyes are bright. “Jung Yunho just talked to us.”
“I can’t believe it either,” Luhan says. He can still feel the heat of Yunho’s palm on his back. “Did I just--did we really just have a moment with DBSK?”
Minseok looks at him searchingly. “You’re a DBSK fan?”
“One of their biggest fans in China.” Despite Luhan already knowing about Minseok’s own obsession with DBSK, he feels oddly shy about sharing his own fanboy tendencies. “I have most of their albums...and a lot of photobooks.”
“Oh wow, I do too.” Minseok’s face really lights up when he smiles, Luhan thinks. “I just...try not to talk about it too much with the other trainees because, well, how embarrassing is it to be one of DBSK’s biggest fanboys?”
“I think Jongin’s a big fan too,” Luhan says, remembering how their fellow trainee had mentioned loving DBSK in a past conversation.
“But I’m an actual member of Cassiopeia.” Minseok looks down sheepishly, and Luhan gets the urge to ruffle his hair. “I, um, I’ve been to all their concerts. I don’t just buy official merch. I have fangoods too.”
“I read fanfic,” Luhan blurts out.
Minseok looks up, both eyebrows raised.
Luhan feels his cheeks heating up. If he had his dictionary right now, he knows he’ll find what he feels outlined clearly under the entry for “embarrassment.” Luhan laughs. It’s awkward, and he still sounds like a donkey. “Can you forget I said that?”
Minseok gives him a considering look. “I’m a Yoosu fan.”
“Oh.” Luhan can feel the tension in his muscles ebbing away. “I like them too. But I think Jaesu has more interesting dynamics.”
“And here I was thinking you’d be a Yunjae fan.”
Luhan smiles widely. It’s the first time it has felt so natural on his lips. It’s time to take a chance, he decides. “Hey, how about sleeping over at my place tonight?” His mouth feels dry, but he forges on. “My place is really tiny, but I’ve got a sleeping bag. I can show you my merch collection!”
Minseok smiles back easily. “Sounds fun. Lead the way.”
Luhan takes a deep breath and links their arms together. There’s a surge of something in his chest when Minseok doesn’t pull away. “So who’s your favorite member?” he asks as they walk out of the building. They spend the rest of the journey to Luhan’s place talking animatedly.
Later on, when they’re both exhausted from poring over Luhan’s DBSK photobooks, Luhan asks Minseok to look at the stars with him. “They’re not really that visible here in Seoul, huh?” he says, noting the meager handful he can see in the sky right next to the moon.
“Are they brighter in Beijing?” Minseok says softly.
The truth is Luhan doesn’t know. He’s looked at Beijing’s streets and peeped into buildings, but that’s about it. He clears his throat. “Do you know why people say stargazing is like time traveling?” he asks instead.
Minseok gives him a questioning look. “Not really.”
Luhan thinks of everything his professor had once told him as he gazes into Minseok’s curious eyes. “I don’t either,” he ends up saying.
Minseok lets out a surprised bark of laughter. “Well, what was the point of asking me then?”
Luhan shrugs. “If you knew, then I’d learn something new, and if you didn’t, I could just say something like, ‘It’s because each star holds one of our memories.’” Sounds romantic, right? he doesn’t add, because that’s something Zitao would say.
“Gross,” Minseok says. “Is Wu Fan teaching you pick-up lines? Don’t listen to him.”
Luhan tries not to feel embarrassed again.
“I think,” Minseok continues, “it’s probably because when we look at the stars, we’re always wishing for something.” He’s looking out Luhan’s window now, a pensive expression on his face as he takes in the sky. “And isn’t turning back time something people always wish for?”
★
Being Minseok’s friend is easy once he gets the hang of it. Minseok isn’t someone who actively seeks out other people, but that doesn’t mean he hates company. Even when he’s tired, Minseok never says no when Luhan asks him to take him around Seoul. It takes months because they’re busy with training, but they’ve already been to most of the tourist-y places Luhan has dreamed of going to back when he was just looking at them from his telescope: N Seoul Tower, Gyeongbokgung Palace, the Han River, Cheonggyecheon Stream, even Lotte World.
“Are you really a Yonsei student?” Minseok jokes once. “Did your classmates not take you anywhere?”
“We were busy,” Luhan says, the lie making him want to choke on his words. “Besides, Koreans don’t really want to visit these things. I’m just glad you’re even coming with me.”
“I am a pretty awesome friend.”
“Getting arrogant, aren’t we?” Luhan rolls his eyes, but the tightness in his stomach is back as he watches Minseok smile.
In exchange for taking him around Seoul, Luhan becomes Minseok’s coffee buddy. For every tourist spot they visit, Minseok adds a coffee shop to their list. There’s a small coffee shop in Hannam-dong called Baok Coffee that Minseok likes taking Luhan to. It’s got anime figurines on a table against the shop window. Minseok often chooses to seat them there.
“The barista makes a really good Americano,” he says, as he drags Luhan inside one time.
Luhan orders the Americano because Minseok likes it, but his face scrunches up when he finally gets a taste.
Minseok laughs at him. “You make really weird faces.”
“I know,” Luhan says for the nth time. “Everyone says so.”
Minseok slides the drink he ordered, a mochaccino, in front of Luhan. “I knew this was going to happen. Let’s exchange drinks.” He takes the Americano without waiting for answer.
“I already drank from that!”
Minseok shrugs and takes a sip from the mug. “So? I drank some of that too.” He nudges his head at the mochaccino.
Luhan’s fingers tighten around the sides of his cup. The heat of the drink is warming his skin. The latte art on top is in the shape of a fern, he notices vaguely.
“You’re not going to drink it? You’ll like it, I promise.”
Luhan is weak in the face of Minseok’s earnest grin. He brings the cup to his lips and takes a hesitant sip. The taste is wonderfully bittersweet, just the way Luhan likes it. He stares at Minseok out of the corner of his eye. The other boy looks smug.
The tightness in Luhan’s stomach pierces his chest and stays there.
★
They debut sooner than Luhan expects, just not the way everyone thought it would go. M1 becomes M1 and M2 and eventually EXO-K and EXO-M. Luhan is completely aware of how ironic it is that he is debuting in a group with a concept of the members coming from another planet.
Luhan pretty much knows he’s debuting in M with Wu Fan, Yixing, and Zitao, but what surprises him is when SME adds two Korean members to their group. One is Jongdae, a newcomer who’s only been training for a few months, with a strong voice Luhan can only dream of having. The other is Minseok.
“They asked us if any of us wanted to volunteer for M,” Minseok tells him afterward when they’re drinking canned coffee from the vending machine beside the practice room.
“And you volunteered? How can you be so selfless?” Luhan is light years away from home, but he doesn’t regret it. He’s not an Earthling, so he doesn’t have a strong sense of displacement anyway. But Minseok is human, and he’s a different matter altogether.
“I don’t think it’s going to be too bad,” Minseok says. “I mean, Jongdae’s going to be with me. I don’t know him too well yet, but we’ll manage…” His voice trails off. “Besides, I’m debuting with you.”
Luhan wishes that doesn’t sway him easily, but it does. “You’ll have to learn to speak Mandarin. I heard you in class, and your pronunciation sucks.”
Minseok pushes him playfully. “Look, just because you speak Korean like a native doesn’t mean you have the right to rag on my poor Mandarin.”
“I’m just saying,” Luhan says, catching Minseok’s hands in his. “I’ll translate for you.” He gets a fleeting look into Minseok’s brown eyes and drops Minseok’s hands gently. He clears his throat. “EXO-M is going to be awesome.”
Minseok smiles at him. “It will be.”
★
It’s not easy being an idol and an alien. Their debut showcase is actually Luhan’s first honest-to-goodness visit to China. It’s scary. He’s supposed to know Beijing like the back of his hand, but all he knows about it he learned from his studies and from intensive viewing on his telescope.
“You look disoriented,” Yixing points out, and when it’s Yixing who points something out, you know things are glaringly obvious.
“I’m just really nervous.” Luhan is pacing around backstage. He is wearing shimmery silver pants that only people from Andromeda would probably even care to wear. He doesn’t know why humans think metallic fabrics equals outerspace. “There are so many people.”
“This is home,” Yixing says, his voice warm. “Aren’t you glad we’re making our debut concert on home turf?”
This isn’t home, Luhan thinks, but it’s not like Alpha Centauri is either. Centaurians are made to wander around the galaxy to explore and learn new things. “Yeah,” he says. “I guess so.”
“Luhan.” Minseok appears like a shadow behind Yixing, a look of understanding on his face as he cups Luhan’s cheek. “It’s going to be all right.”
Luhan laughs, but the sound is hollow.
"Luhan," Minseok says, "It's my first time in China, and I'm really nervous. You told me you'd help me."
Luhan gives Minseok a skeptical look. Minseok looks back at him, brown eyes steady. "You don't look nervous at all." Luhan’s voice cracks at the last word.
Minseok smiles and sits next to him. He squeezes Luhan's hand. "How do you say thank you in Mandarin again? I can't even remember how to introduce myself. Man, Xiumin is such a weird name," he says, almost to himself. "How did they even dream that up?”
Luhan knows Minseok is just trying to distract him from his own nerves, but he appreciates his efforts all the same. "You really suck at hiding your real intentions. Do you know that?" he asks.
Minseok smiles at him unabashedly.
Luhan takes a deep breath and prepares to tell Minseok how to give his introduction in Mandarin.
★
It becomes a routine for the two of them. Luhan is Minseok's translator during interviews. Minseok has this wide-eyed look about him that makes him look like a startled bunny whenever a TV host addresses him. Luhan makes it a point to sit next to him, their thighs often touching, as he whispers in soft Korean into Minseok's ear. Never mind if their real translator is just there beside them. Luhan thinks his grasp of Korean is better than hers anyway.
They’ve just finished doing one interview and they’re on their way back to the van. Luhan stares, dumbfounded, as a girl throws a Gucci paper bag into his arms. Minseok is walking right beside him, but the girl doesn’t even spare him a glance. Behind them, Luhan can see Tao and Wu Fan fending off four girls who are insisting they take their gifts.
Minseok doesn't get as much fan gifts as the others, Luhan notices. In fact, he hardly gets any at all. It irks Luhan because if anyone deserves to be popular, it’s Minseok.
In the van, Luhan sits next to Minseok and watches him carefully, checking to see if he feels even the least bit resentful about not receiving gifts. But Minseok looks the same as always does, his face a serene mask that betrays no ill will.
"Why do they keep giving me gifts?" Luhan mumbles to himself. "I'm not even that attractive."
Minseok raises his eyebrows at him. "Are you kidding? You're the face of EXO-M."
Luhan sniffs. "Only because SM says so."
"You're a flower boy, and you know it," Minseok says, bumping their shoulders slightly. "Joonmyun always said you look like a girl."
Luhan bristles at that. "I do not look like a girl! God, I wish our fans would stop calling me girly." Back in Alpha Centauri, no one would even dare call him anything less than a man.
Minseok smiles. "Yeah, they only say that because they obviously haven’t seen your soccer thighs in action." He pointedly pats Luhan's thigh; Luhan freezes at the contact. "They're like rocks. Rocks, I tell you."
"You suck," Luhan says and turns away from Minseok.
"It's a compliment." Minseok gives Luhan a one-armed hug that does nothing to calm his insides. "You're not manlier than I am, of course, but it's a start."
"You still suck," Luhan says as he resists the urge to cling to Minseok's arms. He fails and ends up hugging Minseok’s shoulders. “But I like you anyway.”
“Ugh, my eyes.” Jongdae slips into the seat behind them. “No bro hugs in the van please.”
Minseok just laughs and doesn’t let go of Luhan.
★
Minseok is Luhan's crutch. There's no other word for it. China is moving too fast for Luhan, but taking care of Minseok distracts him from feeling anything but the deep wariness in his bones from too much practice and too many schedules. Who knew living on Earth would be so tiring? He only hopes he’s helping Minseok in the same way.
"I can't believe you just called me baozi on national TV," Minseok says with a groan, after their recording for Hunan TV.
They're back in their dorm where the two of them currently share a room. Minseok has just finished taking a shower, and he's sitting on his bed in a tank top and sweats, drying his hair with a small towel. The room feels too small and too hot. Luhan tries not to stare at his bare arms too much.
The others have already retired to their own rooms for some much needed rest. Luhan heard Wu Fan--no, Kris, he needs to keep reminding himself that--talking about his complicated beauty routine while Yixing--Lay--laughed at him.
"What? The audience liked it!"
"Now everyone's going to associate me with food." Minseok puffs his cheeks.
Luhan gives in to the urge to pinch them.
"Luhan!" Minseok looks affronted. He throws his towel at Luhan.
"I'm sorry," Luhan says, feeling instantly remorseful at the look of annoyance on Minseok's face. "I really am. I won't mention it again." He hesitates. "It's just...you weren't saying anything. And I wanted them to notice you."
There's silence in the room, and Luhan finds himself looking at the ground. He's not wearing socks tonight, and he wiggles his toes on the carpeted floor.
"You're such a sap," Minseok finally says, his voice soft. "You don't have to look after me."
Luhan shrugs and keeps looking at the floor. "But I want to. We're friends."
Minseok makes a weird gurgling sound that has Luhan looking up at him. "Are you laughing at me right now?" Luhan splutters.
"N-no," Minseok says, but he's obviously holding back laughter. His normally wide eyes have turned into crescents. "I'm just--I can't believe you're real sometimes. Normal people don't act like you.”
Luhan's eyes widen in alarm. It's not like Minseok is going to suddenly say he's an alien, but the thought scares him all the same. "I'm perfectly normal!"
"I don't mean it in a bad way," Minseok says. He shakes his head, sending the water droplets in his hair flying in different directions. "You're just so innocent that sometimes you make me wonder why you even decided to be an idol in the first place."
Because you wanted to be one, Luhan's mind screams at him. "How about you? You're so shy and quiet. Why did you want to be an idol?"
Minseok looks down at the ground. "I used to really love singing," he says quietly.
Luhan purses his lips. "And you don't now?"
Minseok gives him a small smile. "I still do, but my voice isn't as strong as it used to be after I hit a late puberty and it broke." He shrugs. "It's why I started learning how to dance better. I knew I couldn't get by with just my voice. I’m just happy I even debuted, you know?”
It’s painful, Luhan registers for the first time. The tightness in his chest is painful. His throat hurts a little bit too. "You never told me this before," he manages to say.
Minseok shrugs again. “I haven’t really told anyone. I didn’t really feel the need to.”
Luhan throws the towel back at Minseok, and it hits him right on the forehead. The look of surprise on Minseok’s face is priceless.
“Hey! What was that for?”
Luhan sneers at him. “That’s for not confiding in me earlier like a real best friend would.”
“Since when was I--Yixing is your best friend,” Minseok says, and Luhan thinks he’s not imagining the little bit of wonder in his eyes as he stares at Luhan. As if he’s seeing him for the first time.
Luhan sticks his tongue out at him. “I’m special. I’m allowed to have two.”
Minseok laughs. “Okay, I can believe that.” He turns away from Luhan and starts drying his hair with the towel again.
Luhan lies down on his bed and watches him out of the corner of his eye. He must be more tired than he originally thought he was, though, because his eyelids start to droop as soon as his head hits the pillow. “Thank you,” he thinks he hears Minseok say before his eyes close and sleep overtakes him.
Part 2
Luhan/Xiumin
14,570 words, PG-13, AU (but also AR)
Luhan is a DBSK fanboy from Alpha Centauri who visits Earth and incidentally debuts with EXO, learning about love along the way.
a/n: Happy birthday, Minseok! Except for the part about Luhan being an alien, this is sort of like my pre-debut fic for Xiuhan. Written for eonians at deerofdawn. Originally posted here. Special thanks to onyu who held my hand through several word wars and pretty much encouraged me to keep going. You're the best. :)
Life on Alpha Centauri is sweltering (too much heat and light since they're one of the brightest stars in the galaxy) and boring (the days are too long, and there's always too much learning to do). Or, at least, that's what 17-year-old Luhan thinks as he looks out the classroom window during his statistics class, his mind drifting to images of colorful streets lined with lanterns and dancing dragon mascots. It's Chinese New Year on Earth today, and Luhan can't wait to celebrate it. He's out of his seat as soon as the bell rings, his feet automatically taking him to the astronomy lab where the thing he values the most in school is: the telescope.
Luhan plonks his electronic tablet carelessly on a nearby table and heads to the nearest telescope that no one is using. Only a few students are in the lab today, and Luhan is thankful for small favors. Even though he'd picked Earth studies as his life calling as soon as he could talk, he knows his mom and dad still find it strange that their only son isn't like most kids who pick something common like technology or constellation studies or medicine. To put it more plainly, no one has picked Earth studies as their life calling in the last 20 light years. His preoccupation with Earth is bordering on obsession, they'd said in monotonous tones typical of Centaurians, and they'd taken away his own telescope at home until Luhan's grade in statistics improves.
Luhan enters the coordinates for his favorite place, a city called Beijing in China, and zooms in. At age 6, when every student was required to learn a second language, Luhan had researched about Earth languages and picked Mandarin. Since then, he has exhausted every electronic resource he could get on China and he regularly watches Beijing from behind the lenses of his telescope.
Luhan still remembers his first lesson about Earth and using telescopes, incidentally from the guy who last picked Earth studies 20 light years ago, now a professor at Luhan's school. "Did you know that Alpha Centauri is 4.3 light years away from Earth?" he'd said, and there was a light in his eyes that Luhan recognized as similar to his own. "The speed of light is 186,262 miles per second and Earth is 25.6 trillion miles away. If an Earth telescope suddenly had the capability of looking at Alpha Centauri, the image they would see would take 4.3 light years to get there. So, if you think about it, what they’re seeing has already happened that many years ago. That's why on Earth there's a popular saying that stargazing is like time traveling. Fascinating, isn't it?"
Luhan had frowned then, feeling confused. "But there really are time travelers, right? Don't they live on Sirius? And what do you mean in the past? Isn’t our own technology advanced enough to handle instantaneous feeds?"
The professor had just laughed at him. “The keyword here is ‘Earth,’ Luhan,” he said patiently. “They’re not as advanced as we are.” The conversation would be imprinted on Luhan's mind for years to come.
(The truth is, despite every Centaurian being born a scholar and a genius, Luhan still doesn't get it up to now.)
There are a lot of people out on the streets today because of the New Year, and he watches a performance of the dragon dance greeted by claps and happy smiles from onlookers. Luhan pauses from watching and practices smiling too. A boy from the next table flinches, and Luhan sighs. He must have looked like his face was twitching again. Smiling really isn't a thing on the Alpha Centauri star system, so Luhan hasn't had enough practice.
When he looks into the telescope again, he realizes he must have accidentally tipped the coordinates while he was busy smiling. Instead of Beijing, Luhan is now looking at what looks like a round hill. He frowns and zooms out a little, and things finally make sense. The hill he's seeing is actually a very round cheek belonging to a short boy in a big shirt, baggy pants, and blue beanie. He's jumping up and down and waving a handmade sign. Luhan does his best to read the text. He recognizes it as hangul, characters used in one of the nearby countries, South Korea. "Dong Bang Shin Ki," he mutters quietly to himself. "Tong Vfang Xien Qi."
The round-cheeked boy is part of a throng of girls watching some sort of performance. Luhan peers at the stage and sees five men in black outfits with holes (rips?) in them, dancing in sync. "Ah, a concert," he figures out. He'd seen a lot of them in China. He'll look up the audio for this one later. He is fascinated by their hair (one of the men even has a hairstyle that reminds him of an Earth animal, the hamster), but he's more intrigued by how the round-cheeked boy, now nicknamed Baozi in his head after his favorite Chinese steamed bun, is so obviously delighted by the performance. His smile is so wide Luhan can see his gums, and he's wiggling his hips to a beat Luhan can't hear. "Tong Vfang Xien Qi," Luhan repeats. His eyes go back to the stage.
Luhan's obsession with K-Pop begins that day.
★
Every boy and girl on Alpha Centauri can't wait for the year they turn 19 and travel to other stars or planets. Luhan is no different, but while others dream of going to Andromeda where everything is made of the most expensive stardust in the galaxy, all Luhan wants is to visit Earth and maybe even live there. He already has a list of things he wants to do like experiencing “happiness” and “love” and learning how to smile and laugh properly. Luhan’s always been more emotional than the average Centaurian, and he’s excited to learn about Earth feelings firsthand. Most of all, though, he wants to make his favorite fantasy come true: watching a DBSK concert with Baozi.
In preparation for his trip to Earth, Luhan has educated himself in Korean and Korean culture for the past two years. He has also downloaded and consumed every little bit of information he could about DBSK and stored them all on his tablet (the Internet is an amazing thing). Aside from listening to DBSK's music and collecting their photos (especially of his favorite member, Jaejoong), Luhan has recorded himself singing and dancing to DBSK songs. He’s no budding Xiah Junsu, but Centaurians are a persistent lot, so he practices until he feels he’s improved enough. He’s even taken to reading fanfic to exercise his hangul reading skills.
He keeps tabs on Baozi too, noting down his routines and life events in a special Earth file on his tablet. His real name is Kim Minseok, Luhan learns, and he loves singing and DBSK. Luhan wishes he can hear Minseok’s voice, but telescopes can only be so advanced. Minseok's cheeks have gotten a little less plump in the past year due to the dance classes he's so keen on taking, but he's still a big Cassiopeia, as DBSK's fans are called, and Luhan accompanies him on all his outings with his trusty telescope.
Luhan’s dreams are dashed when DBSK breaks up a few months after his 19th birthday. He doesn’t know why, but he feels like he can’t breathe. There’s a tightness in his stomach that he can’t explain as he watches Minseok crying at the news, the boy’s face turning splotchy as ugly tears run down his face. Luhan decides right then and there that it’s time to go to Earth.
Alpha Centauri ships are top of the line, but it will still take a light year for him to get to Earth. The thought of not being able to use his telescope makes him uncomfortable (what will he do with no news of Minseok for a year?), but at least, he thinks, at least the Internet still works onboard. He figures the sacrifice will be worth it the moment he sets foot on Earth. There's that weird tightness in his stomach again as he enters the spacecraft (his mom just tells him he must not have eaten enough of his breakfast), and as he waves goodbye to his stony-faced parents, the tightness only increases.
(Later on, he will learn that the tightness is "fear" and "nerves" and “loss.”)
★
Luhan arrives on Earth in one piece. He chooses to land in Seoul, of course, armed with a false identity perfectly crafted by his professor that will enable him to live among humans and study them in peace. He is Lu Han, born and raised in Beijing, a Chinese exchange student studying Korean in Yonsei. Luhan had gone through enough modules throughout the years to make this believable.
Luhan soaks in the sights and sounds, and he thinks, "Finally," as he inhales Seoul's cool air (and probably smog, but he'll need to research on that) and takes his first few steps on real Earth concrete. He listens to the conversations going on around him. Their voices are loud and raucous--and is that a couple kissing in the alleyway? It's a bit disconcerting, at first, to finally know what Earth sounds like after just looking at it from behind a telescope, but Centaurians are good at adapting and Luhan knows he'll get used to this soon enough.
His apartment is actually just a tiny room in an apartment complex in Sinchon. It has a long crack on the ceiling and peeling floral wallpaper. He has to blend in with the crowd, his professor had told him, and so his professor had picked an inconspicuous place for him to stay at. Luhan is kind of in love with it even though he has to bend his knees a little to make sure he fits in the bed and he's forced to build a shrine for his newly bought DBSK merchandise in one corner of the room because his closet can't even fit the meager selection of clothes he brought from home.
Luhan spends most of his first night awake, staring out the window of his room and looking, not at the stars, but at the street below. It's late, and while in Alpha Centauri, people would have long been asleep (or locked up in their own libraries or laboratories doing research), Seoul is alive with students and workers, their cheeks red with alcohol, stumbling their way along turns and corners, and laughing at jokes Luhan doesn't understand. Centaurians don’t really drink alcohol, so Luhan is pretty curious about how the whole process goes. One day, Luhan tells himself, he's going to try drinking soju. Maybe he can get Minseok to join him.
Still restless, he opens his tablet and checks and rechecks his research plan for Earth. First on his list: seeing Minseok. He falls asleep listening to DBSK's "Somebody to Love," an image of Minseok still in his mind.
★
Luhan doesn’t like sasaengs. He learned about them while he was doing his research on DBSK and he’d cringed when he’d seen just how much shit his idols had to go through because of them. Through the lens of his telescope, he’d watched with both fascination and dread as sasaengs had invaded DBSK’s privacy at their dorms (he’s proud to say Minseok isn’t one of the “fans” he’d seen stalking them). But now that he’s finally here on Earth, he wants to hang his head in shame. He’s no better than sasaengs.
Because there’s no denying it: Luhan is stalking Minseok.
Luhan doesn't really mean to do it, at first. He's known Minseok's address since day one, and it’s only logical that he’d try to find him there to visit him. After all, one of the reasons he was so excited to visit Earth in the first place was because of Minseok. After seeing Minseok stumble out of his house, Luhan had wanted to see more, so he followed him to the subway station and rode it with him, wondering where he was going.
Following Minseok as he goes about his daily routine is nothing like Luhan has ever imagined. It’s just so different from watching Minseok from behind the safety of his telescope. Minseok is much better-looking in real life, he thinks, although Luhan’s a little disappointed that he can’t view Minseok’s face as close as he usually does with his telescope. Minseok in the flesh is paler, thinner, and just a little taller than the boy he remembers seeing behind the lens. He finds himself wishing he can get closer and touch Minseok’s cheeks (and maybe his hair to see if it’s as soft as it looks). Sometimes Luhan thinks Minseok even shines like the sun, which is strange, because the last time Luhan checked, Minseok isn’t a star. He’s just human.
The most fascinating thing about seeing Minseok in real life is, well, hearing him. He marvels at the sound of Minseok’s footsteps as his sneakers hit the ground. His jaw drops when he hears Minseok speak for the first time (not to him, of course, but to a classmate from school). Minseok’s voice is thinner and higher than he expects, but it’s also endearing. Luhan can’t quite explain it.
He finds out about Minseok’s second life one afternoon. Minseok gets off at Apgujeong Rodeo Station and walks to the SM Entertainment building. At first, he thinks Minseok is just meeting some Cassie friends at the entrance. Maybe, Luhan thinks, Minseok’s hoping to catch a glimpse of Yunho or Changmin.
What surprises him is when Minseok marches straight to the entrance of the building, easily getting in with no one stopping to question him. Minseok doesn’t come out until hours later. By then, Luhan has paced back and forth the entire length of road near the entrance, a feeling of heaviness weighing down his chest. It immediately eases when he sees Minseok coming out of the building, but the relief is short-lived when he realizes Minseok isn’t alone.
He’s accompanied by a boy slightly taller than him with long bangs that keep getting into his eyes. Minseok ruffles the boy’s hair with obvious affection, and the other boy accepts the gesture, looking pleased.
“Being a trainee sucks balls. I’m soooo tired all the time,” the boy whines playfully.
“Hey!” Minseok bops him on the head but smiles. “Just be grateful we’re even trainees. Imagine how successful we’ll get after we debut.”
“Girls would finally be falling all over me?”
Minseok rolls his eyes. “Priorities, Sehunnie.”
“Exactly my point!”
They head in the direction of the subway together, their arms around each other as they argue. “Shut up. Let’s go home, Sehunnie,” Luhan hears Minseok say.
The heaviness in Luhan’s chest intensifies.
★
It's on one of Luhan's “stalking Minseok” days that things progress into something unexpected. He is hiding behind a lamppost (admittedly not one of his brighter ideas, but Earth has a way of messing with his superior Centaurian intellect), eyes widened considerably, as he watches that Sehun kid laughing with Minseok. He wants to laugh with Minseok too. He clears his throat and attempts to laugh. What comes out is a weird raspy sound, similar to that of a peculiar Earth animal with a big nose (a donkey?). His shoulders droop. This is definitely not what a proper laugh sounds like at all.
"You have quite a beautiful face," a female voice says, and Luhan startles at the sound. "Even if you have the strangest laugh. We'll have to train you out of that." A woman in an imposing-looking business suit is giving him a once over, her expression cool and calculating.
Luhan suppresses the urge to shiver under her steady gaze. "M-me?" he stutters, barely remembering to answer in Korean.
"Come in for casting." Her tone brooks no argument. She hands him a business card, the embossed logo of SM Entertainment winking at Luhan with the last vestiges of the afternoon sun.
Luhan spends all night staring at the card, wondering “what if?” It’s not like he hasn’t imagined what it would be like to be a star like his idols, but the only thing running in his mind right now is how passing would mean being in the same entertainment agency as Minseok. It’s a really poor reason, he tells himself. It’s a very selfish reason. At the same time, he rationalizes, passing would mean he would be able to do even more research on human behavior.
The next day, Luhan enters the SM building, the card clutched determinedly in one hand. He is going to get into SME if it’s the last thing he does.
Luhan is cast with flying colors.
★
The first thing Luhan does when he finally meets Minseok is tell him he’s beautiful.
“Sorry?” Minseok replies, his eyebrows scrunching in confusion, because, of course, Luhan is brilliant and blurts it out in Centaurese.
“I am Luhan,” Luhan says, trying to backtrack. His Korean pronunciation is almost native, having learned it religiously in the past three light years, but now that he’s in front of Minseok, he sounds stilted and unsure. It’s a miracle words are even coming out of his mouth. “Nice to meet you.” He mimics a bow.
“Oh!” Minseok’s face is full of wonder when Luhan finally gets the courage to meet his eyes. “You’re not Korean.”
“Ah, yes.” Luhan’s lips stretch into the smile he’s been trying to perfect for a long time. The ends waver. He wonders if Minseok thinks he’s constipated. “I’m Chinese.”
“Cool,” Minseok says, returning the smile. Luhan envies how it lights up his face with ease. “I’m Kim Minseok.”
Luhan feels his chest tightening as he grasps Minseok’s hand in his. It’s a strange feeling. It almost feels like his heart is going to explode (if Luhan’s mom were here, he’s sure she would have said something about learning not to exaggerate). There’s sweat coming out of Luhan’s palms too, and it worries him as much as it fascinates him. He stares at their joint fingertips in wonder. The warmth of Minseok's skin does funny things to his insides. Touch isn't particularly encouraged in his homeland, where even couples’ favorite bonding activity is sharing information with each other while drinking coffee. Luhan is clingy by Centaurian standards, but from a human's point of view, he wonders if he's barely tipping the scale.
Minseok clears his throat. “So.”
Luhan looks up at him, and that’s when he notices he’s been holding Minseok’s hand in a death grip. Minseok’s smile is definitely amused. Luhan feels his cheeks heat, and he resists the urge to place his palms against them to check. “I’m sorry.”
“You must be nervous,” Minseok says, and his tone is not unkind. “Don’t worry. You’ll fit right in soon enough. I’ll give you a tour around the building if you’d like.”
“I would like that very much, Minseok-sshi,” Luhan says, wincing at how stiff and formal he must sound.
Minseok waves his comment away. "How old are you?"
Luhan frantically does a mental computation of Korean years. "Twenty-one."
Minseok's eyes widen. His eyes are really big and cat-like, Luhan notices. "We're the same age! But you look so young."
Luhan hesitates. It would probably be bad etiquette to say Minseok doesn't look his age too.
“Call me Minseok,” the other boy says, flashing another smile.
Luhan wonders how fast a heart can beat before it decides to explode.
★
As Luhan starts life as a trainee, the feeling of heaviness in his chest doesn’t ease. The thing is, he’s not quite sure what to do with himself now that he’s training alongside with Minseok and not just viewing him from behind a telescope. He realizes Minseok is kind of like his idol, in a way, and now that he has a chance to finally get to know him, he’s scared of what will happen.
He finds himself looking for Minseok anyway: in the hallways, in the practice room, at voice lessons. But the other boy is always preoccupied with someone else. Minseok waves at him, rewards him with a smile or two when he waves giddily back, before going back into conversation with “Sehunnie” or the tall, big-eared trainee, Chanyeol. The other trainees welcome Luhan readily enough, but he doesn’t quite feel like he belongs. He thinks he understands that phrase he once read in an e-book now: how a person can still be alone when he’s surrounded by so many people.
Meeting the Chinese trainees lightens his mood somewhat. He becomes particularly close to Wu Fan, Yixing, and Zitao, soaking up their stories from China like a sponge. In exchange, he tells them about his life in Beijing, how he loves to play soccer (which is actually true) and how Lunar New Year is his favorite occasion. He's sure no one can tell he's only watched everything from behind the lenses of his telescope.
Luhan is particularly fascinated by Zitao, the youngest out of all of them, a sleepy-eyed boy with dark eyebags who follows Wu Fan around like a lost puppy. Zitao is a person who thrives on touch, unhesitating when he takes Wu Fan’s hand in his or gathers Yixing in his arms for a big embrace.
“Is that...normal here?” Luhan finds himself asking Yixing as he watches Zitao drape himself all over Wu Fan like a warm blanket.
Luhan often seeks Yixing out when he has questions because Yixing always answers and doesn’t ask questions of his own. Luhan sometimes wonders if this is just because Yixing is forgetful, but he’s grateful for the other’s patience.
Yixing follows his gaze before turning back to blink at him. “Zitao is naturally clingy and he misses home.” He smiles, dimples deepening as he does so. “But, yeah, ‘skinship’ is normal here, I guess, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Luhan mulls this over, biting on his lower lip. “Good,” he says. “Because I kind of need a hug and I was wondering if it would be against some code to ask for one.”
Yixing laughs. “You’re cute. Why didn’t you just say you wanted a hug in the first place?” He reaches over to put his arms around Luhan’s shoulders. Luhan is surprised by how much lighter the simple gesture makes him feel. “Now tell me what’s wrong so that I can help you out.”
“I want to be friends with Minseok,” Luhan blurts out.
Yixing pulls back from the hug and stares at him. “Okay,” he says slowly. “Why don’t you? Minseok is a nice guy.”
“That’s just it. He’s nice, but it’s so hard to get close to him?” Luhan makes a sound of frustration under his breath. “He smiles and waves at me at practice, but that’s about all he’s willing to do. He doesn’t really talk to me.”
Yixing gives Luhan’s drooping shoulders a consoling pat. “Minseok is just shy.”
Luhan frowns. He’d seen Minseok interact with Cassies for years, and he didn’t seem all that shy, just quiet. He’d been perfectly fine introducing himself to strangers as he stood in line for DBSK concerts and music show performances. “Maybe he just doesn’t like me.”
“Nonsense,” Yixing says. “Once he warms up to you, everything will be fine. He’s probably still getting used to you. You’re a bit...enthusiastic.”
Luhan’s head snaps up abruptly. That’s exactly what he doesn’t want to hear. “I am?”
“Yeah,” Yixing says with a shrug that implies it doesn’t really matter. “You’re always so curious about so many things. It’s cute.”
“You think everything’s cute.” Luhan worries his bottom lip. “Am I annoying? Just tell me and I’ll stop.”
“Of course not.” Yixing reaches over to pat Luhan’s knee. He looks into Luhan’s eyes and smiles at him. “If befriending him is so important to you, just stop worrying and talk to him, yeah? Besides, you don’t put in half as much effort in getting his attention compared to how you are with us. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”
“I’m just...” Luhan tries to think of an Earth word to describe the weird feeling in his stomach. “Scared, I guess.”
“Of what?”
“Not living up to expectations.” Well, Minseok not living up to Luhan’s expectations, actually, but it’s not like Minseok knows Luhan has some in the first place.
Yixing scratches his chin thoughtfully. “Why? Do you guys know each other from somewhere?”
Luhan licks his lips; he hadn’t intended to tell Yixing so much. “It’s complicated.”
Yixing, being Yixing, doesn’t pry. He smiles kindly at Luhan before waving at Wu Fan, who’s gesturing at them to hurry up. “Come on, they’re waiting for us. Stop worrying.”
Luhan attempts to smile.
“Has anyone ever told you your smile makes you look...unattractive?”
“Loads of times,” Luhan says dryly. But he forgives Yixing as soon as he feels the other giving his hand a gentle squeeze.
★
In the end, Luhan gets help in the most unexpected of ways. It’s a late night for all of them but especially for Luhan, who had to do extra vocal lessons until his throat was raw because their coach didn’t think he was trying hard enough. It irks Luhan, whose sense of competitiveness got triggered by his coach’s harsh comments. Right now, though, all Luhan wants to do is rest (and maybe eat some chicken wings).
But then there’s Jung Yunho walking down the hallway from the practice room.
The Jung Yunho.
Luhan thinks he might have actually stopped breathing for a few seconds. His jaw drops, and he wonders if he has a weird expression on his face again (he still hasn’t mastered how to smile properly). He tries to school his expression into something blank, but he doesn’t think it’s working. He turns around quickly, hoping he has time to fix himself before Yunho comes his way.
Instead, he comes face to face with a wide-eyed Minseok, whose face and neck are dripping with sweat after putting in extra dance practice tonight. But Minseok isn’t looking at him. His eyes are glued to the tall figure making its way towards them. “Yunho-sunbaenim.” Minseok’s voice is soft, and the way he says Yunho’s name has an air of reverence to it that has Luhan’s heart beating double-time.
“I know,” Luhan says. And then he’s grabbing Minseok by the shoulders, saying, “Quick, does my face look okay?”
Minseok comes out of his trance and blinks at him, his brown eyes finally taking in Luhan’s appearance. “Oh. Luhan, I didn’t notice you were there.”
“Never mind that.” Luhan’s grip is firm on Minseok’s shoulders. He’s afraid to turn around in case Yunho is already behind them. “Am I too pale right now? Can you pinch my cheeks so that I won’t look like a zombie in front of sunbaenim?”
Minseok looks at him dumbly for a second, and then he’s shaking his head. “You look fine. Your, uh, cheeks look fine.” Minseok’s eyes widen, and then he’s running a hand through his hair (later on, when they’re closer, Luhan will come to recognize this as a nervous gesture). “Wait, what about me? I’m so sweaty! I look horrible! Oh god. I’m about to make the worst first impression ever.” He makes a last-minute attempt to wipe the worst of the sweat away with the small towel he’s carrying, but his hands are shaking so much it’s not really helping.
Luhan smiles because Minseok is adorable and he doesn’t even know it. “You’re making it worse.” He takes the towel from Minseok and starts wiping away the sweat from his neck.
“Sunbaenim,” Minseok calls out, just as Luhan is trying to pocket the towel (an impossible feat considering it’s thrice the size of his pocket). Luhan’s body turns rigid. He urges his legs to move in the right direction until he’s facing his idol.
Yunho smiles at them, and it’s so warm Luhan feels like he’s won an award. “Still practicing? It’s really late.”
“We were just about to head home, sunbaenim,” Minseok says. His voice sounds normal, as if he’s talking to a friend. Meanwhile, Luhan can’t even open his mouth. He’s struggling to keep his jaw closed because, really, when does a DBSK fanboy ever get a chance like this?
“Minseokkie, right?” Yunho says.
Minseok draws himself up to his full height. Luhan bites back a yelp because Minseok’s hand is suddenly clutching his, so tightly it’s like his fingers are going to break.
“I heard you’re going to be a part of M1,” Yunho continues. “It’s a really big project. You should be proud.”
“Thank you, sunbaenim.” Minseok is bowing now, and Luhan clumsily follows along. Their hands are still linked together. “Luhan and I are both being considered for the project.”
“Well, good luck to both of you,” Yunho says, clapping them both on the back. “I’m sure you’ll do great.”
Luhan and Minseok both watch Yunho’s back until the man rounds a corner and completely disappears from view. Minseok’s grip loosens on Luhan’s hand.
“I can’t believe that just happened,” Minseok says. His eyes are bright. “Jung Yunho just talked to us.”
“I can’t believe it either,” Luhan says. He can still feel the heat of Yunho’s palm on his back. “Did I just--did we really just have a moment with DBSK?”
Minseok looks at him searchingly. “You’re a DBSK fan?”
“One of their biggest fans in China.” Despite Luhan already knowing about Minseok’s own obsession with DBSK, he feels oddly shy about sharing his own fanboy tendencies. “I have most of their albums...and a lot of photobooks.”
“Oh wow, I do too.” Minseok’s face really lights up when he smiles, Luhan thinks. “I just...try not to talk about it too much with the other trainees because, well, how embarrassing is it to be one of DBSK’s biggest fanboys?”
“I think Jongin’s a big fan too,” Luhan says, remembering how their fellow trainee had mentioned loving DBSK in a past conversation.
“But I’m an actual member of Cassiopeia.” Minseok looks down sheepishly, and Luhan gets the urge to ruffle his hair. “I, um, I’ve been to all their concerts. I don’t just buy official merch. I have fangoods too.”
“I read fanfic,” Luhan blurts out.
Minseok looks up, both eyebrows raised.
Luhan feels his cheeks heating up. If he had his dictionary right now, he knows he’ll find what he feels outlined clearly under the entry for “embarrassment.” Luhan laughs. It’s awkward, and he still sounds like a donkey. “Can you forget I said that?”
Minseok gives him a considering look. “I’m a Yoosu fan.”
“Oh.” Luhan can feel the tension in his muscles ebbing away. “I like them too. But I think Jaesu has more interesting dynamics.”
“And here I was thinking you’d be a Yunjae fan.”
Luhan smiles widely. It’s the first time it has felt so natural on his lips. It’s time to take a chance, he decides. “Hey, how about sleeping over at my place tonight?” His mouth feels dry, but he forges on. “My place is really tiny, but I’ve got a sleeping bag. I can show you my merch collection!”
Minseok smiles back easily. “Sounds fun. Lead the way.”
Luhan takes a deep breath and links their arms together. There’s a surge of something in his chest when Minseok doesn’t pull away. “So who’s your favorite member?” he asks as they walk out of the building. They spend the rest of the journey to Luhan’s place talking animatedly.
Later on, when they’re both exhausted from poring over Luhan’s DBSK photobooks, Luhan asks Minseok to look at the stars with him. “They’re not really that visible here in Seoul, huh?” he says, noting the meager handful he can see in the sky right next to the moon.
“Are they brighter in Beijing?” Minseok says softly.
The truth is Luhan doesn’t know. He’s looked at Beijing’s streets and peeped into buildings, but that’s about it. He clears his throat. “Do you know why people say stargazing is like time traveling?” he asks instead.
Minseok gives him a questioning look. “Not really.”
Luhan thinks of everything his professor had once told him as he gazes into Minseok’s curious eyes. “I don’t either,” he ends up saying.
Minseok lets out a surprised bark of laughter. “Well, what was the point of asking me then?”
Luhan shrugs. “If you knew, then I’d learn something new, and if you didn’t, I could just say something like, ‘It’s because each star holds one of our memories.’” Sounds romantic, right? he doesn’t add, because that’s something Zitao would say.
“Gross,” Minseok says. “Is Wu Fan teaching you pick-up lines? Don’t listen to him.”
Luhan tries not to feel embarrassed again.
“I think,” Minseok continues, “it’s probably because when we look at the stars, we’re always wishing for something.” He’s looking out Luhan’s window now, a pensive expression on his face as he takes in the sky. “And isn’t turning back time something people always wish for?”
★
Being Minseok’s friend is easy once he gets the hang of it. Minseok isn’t someone who actively seeks out other people, but that doesn’t mean he hates company. Even when he’s tired, Minseok never says no when Luhan asks him to take him around Seoul. It takes months because they’re busy with training, but they’ve already been to most of the tourist-y places Luhan has dreamed of going to back when he was just looking at them from his telescope: N Seoul Tower, Gyeongbokgung Palace, the Han River, Cheonggyecheon Stream, even Lotte World.
“Are you really a Yonsei student?” Minseok jokes once. “Did your classmates not take you anywhere?”
“We were busy,” Luhan says, the lie making him want to choke on his words. “Besides, Koreans don’t really want to visit these things. I’m just glad you’re even coming with me.”
“I am a pretty awesome friend.”
“Getting arrogant, aren’t we?” Luhan rolls his eyes, but the tightness in his stomach is back as he watches Minseok smile.
In exchange for taking him around Seoul, Luhan becomes Minseok’s coffee buddy. For every tourist spot they visit, Minseok adds a coffee shop to their list. There’s a small coffee shop in Hannam-dong called Baok Coffee that Minseok likes taking Luhan to. It’s got anime figurines on a table against the shop window. Minseok often chooses to seat them there.
“The barista makes a really good Americano,” he says, as he drags Luhan inside one time.
Luhan orders the Americano because Minseok likes it, but his face scrunches up when he finally gets a taste.
Minseok laughs at him. “You make really weird faces.”
“I know,” Luhan says for the nth time. “Everyone says so.”
Minseok slides the drink he ordered, a mochaccino, in front of Luhan. “I knew this was going to happen. Let’s exchange drinks.” He takes the Americano without waiting for answer.
“I already drank from that!”
Minseok shrugs and takes a sip from the mug. “So? I drank some of that too.” He nudges his head at the mochaccino.
Luhan’s fingers tighten around the sides of his cup. The heat of the drink is warming his skin. The latte art on top is in the shape of a fern, he notices vaguely.
“You’re not going to drink it? You’ll like it, I promise.”
Luhan is weak in the face of Minseok’s earnest grin. He brings the cup to his lips and takes a hesitant sip. The taste is wonderfully bittersweet, just the way Luhan likes it. He stares at Minseok out of the corner of his eye. The other boy looks smug.
The tightness in Luhan’s stomach pierces his chest and stays there.
★
They debut sooner than Luhan expects, just not the way everyone thought it would go. M1 becomes M1 and M2 and eventually EXO-K and EXO-M. Luhan is completely aware of how ironic it is that he is debuting in a group with a concept of the members coming from another planet.
Luhan pretty much knows he’s debuting in M with Wu Fan, Yixing, and Zitao, but what surprises him is when SME adds two Korean members to their group. One is Jongdae, a newcomer who’s only been training for a few months, with a strong voice Luhan can only dream of having. The other is Minseok.
“They asked us if any of us wanted to volunteer for M,” Minseok tells him afterward when they’re drinking canned coffee from the vending machine beside the practice room.
“And you volunteered? How can you be so selfless?” Luhan is light years away from home, but he doesn’t regret it. He’s not an Earthling, so he doesn’t have a strong sense of displacement anyway. But Minseok is human, and he’s a different matter altogether.
“I don’t think it’s going to be too bad,” Minseok says. “I mean, Jongdae’s going to be with me. I don’t know him too well yet, but we’ll manage…” His voice trails off. “Besides, I’m debuting with you.”
Luhan wishes that doesn’t sway him easily, but it does. “You’ll have to learn to speak Mandarin. I heard you in class, and your pronunciation sucks.”
Minseok pushes him playfully. “Look, just because you speak Korean like a native doesn’t mean you have the right to rag on my poor Mandarin.”
“I’m just saying,” Luhan says, catching Minseok’s hands in his. “I’ll translate for you.” He gets a fleeting look into Minseok’s brown eyes and drops Minseok’s hands gently. He clears his throat. “EXO-M is going to be awesome.”
Minseok smiles at him. “It will be.”
★
It’s not easy being an idol and an alien. Their debut showcase is actually Luhan’s first honest-to-goodness visit to China. It’s scary. He’s supposed to know Beijing like the back of his hand, but all he knows about it he learned from his studies and from intensive viewing on his telescope.
“You look disoriented,” Yixing points out, and when it’s Yixing who points something out, you know things are glaringly obvious.
“I’m just really nervous.” Luhan is pacing around backstage. He is wearing shimmery silver pants that only people from Andromeda would probably even care to wear. He doesn’t know why humans think metallic fabrics equals outerspace. “There are so many people.”
“This is home,” Yixing says, his voice warm. “Aren’t you glad we’re making our debut concert on home turf?”
This isn’t home, Luhan thinks, but it’s not like Alpha Centauri is either. Centaurians are made to wander around the galaxy to explore and learn new things. “Yeah,” he says. “I guess so.”
“Luhan.” Minseok appears like a shadow behind Yixing, a look of understanding on his face as he cups Luhan’s cheek. “It’s going to be all right.”
Luhan laughs, but the sound is hollow.
"Luhan," Minseok says, "It's my first time in China, and I'm really nervous. You told me you'd help me."
Luhan gives Minseok a skeptical look. Minseok looks back at him, brown eyes steady. "You don't look nervous at all." Luhan’s voice cracks at the last word.
Minseok smiles and sits next to him. He squeezes Luhan's hand. "How do you say thank you in Mandarin again? I can't even remember how to introduce myself. Man, Xiumin is such a weird name," he says, almost to himself. "How did they even dream that up?”
Luhan knows Minseok is just trying to distract him from his own nerves, but he appreciates his efforts all the same. "You really suck at hiding your real intentions. Do you know that?" he asks.
Minseok smiles at him unabashedly.
Luhan takes a deep breath and prepares to tell Minseok how to give his introduction in Mandarin.
★
It becomes a routine for the two of them. Luhan is Minseok's translator during interviews. Minseok has this wide-eyed look about him that makes him look like a startled bunny whenever a TV host addresses him. Luhan makes it a point to sit next to him, their thighs often touching, as he whispers in soft Korean into Minseok's ear. Never mind if their real translator is just there beside them. Luhan thinks his grasp of Korean is better than hers anyway.
They’ve just finished doing one interview and they’re on their way back to the van. Luhan stares, dumbfounded, as a girl throws a Gucci paper bag into his arms. Minseok is walking right beside him, but the girl doesn’t even spare him a glance. Behind them, Luhan can see Tao and Wu Fan fending off four girls who are insisting they take their gifts.
Minseok doesn't get as much fan gifts as the others, Luhan notices. In fact, he hardly gets any at all. It irks Luhan because if anyone deserves to be popular, it’s Minseok.
In the van, Luhan sits next to Minseok and watches him carefully, checking to see if he feels even the least bit resentful about not receiving gifts. But Minseok looks the same as always does, his face a serene mask that betrays no ill will.
"Why do they keep giving me gifts?" Luhan mumbles to himself. "I'm not even that attractive."
Minseok raises his eyebrows at him. "Are you kidding? You're the face of EXO-M."
Luhan sniffs. "Only because SM says so."
"You're a flower boy, and you know it," Minseok says, bumping their shoulders slightly. "Joonmyun always said you look like a girl."
Luhan bristles at that. "I do not look like a girl! God, I wish our fans would stop calling me girly." Back in Alpha Centauri, no one would even dare call him anything less than a man.
Minseok smiles. "Yeah, they only say that because they obviously haven’t seen your soccer thighs in action." He pointedly pats Luhan's thigh; Luhan freezes at the contact. "They're like rocks. Rocks, I tell you."
"You suck," Luhan says and turns away from Minseok.
"It's a compliment." Minseok gives Luhan a one-armed hug that does nothing to calm his insides. "You're not manlier than I am, of course, but it's a start."
"You still suck," Luhan says as he resists the urge to cling to Minseok's arms. He fails and ends up hugging Minseok’s shoulders. “But I like you anyway.”
“Ugh, my eyes.” Jongdae slips into the seat behind them. “No bro hugs in the van please.”
Minseok just laughs and doesn’t let go of Luhan.
★
Minseok is Luhan's crutch. There's no other word for it. China is moving too fast for Luhan, but taking care of Minseok distracts him from feeling anything but the deep wariness in his bones from too much practice and too many schedules. Who knew living on Earth would be so tiring? He only hopes he’s helping Minseok in the same way.
"I can't believe you just called me baozi on national TV," Minseok says with a groan, after their recording for Hunan TV.
They're back in their dorm where the two of them currently share a room. Minseok has just finished taking a shower, and he's sitting on his bed in a tank top and sweats, drying his hair with a small towel. The room feels too small and too hot. Luhan tries not to stare at his bare arms too much.
The others have already retired to their own rooms for some much needed rest. Luhan heard Wu Fan--no, Kris, he needs to keep reminding himself that--talking about his complicated beauty routine while Yixing--Lay--laughed at him.
"What? The audience liked it!"
"Now everyone's going to associate me with food." Minseok puffs his cheeks.
Luhan gives in to the urge to pinch them.
"Luhan!" Minseok looks affronted. He throws his towel at Luhan.
"I'm sorry," Luhan says, feeling instantly remorseful at the look of annoyance on Minseok's face. "I really am. I won't mention it again." He hesitates. "It's just...you weren't saying anything. And I wanted them to notice you."
There's silence in the room, and Luhan finds himself looking at the ground. He's not wearing socks tonight, and he wiggles his toes on the carpeted floor.
"You're such a sap," Minseok finally says, his voice soft. "You don't have to look after me."
Luhan shrugs and keeps looking at the floor. "But I want to. We're friends."
Minseok makes a weird gurgling sound that has Luhan looking up at him. "Are you laughing at me right now?" Luhan splutters.
"N-no," Minseok says, but he's obviously holding back laughter. His normally wide eyes have turned into crescents. "I'm just--I can't believe you're real sometimes. Normal people don't act like you.”
Luhan's eyes widen in alarm. It's not like Minseok is going to suddenly say he's an alien, but the thought scares him all the same. "I'm perfectly normal!"
"I don't mean it in a bad way," Minseok says. He shakes his head, sending the water droplets in his hair flying in different directions. "You're just so innocent that sometimes you make me wonder why you even decided to be an idol in the first place."
Because you wanted to be one, Luhan's mind screams at him. "How about you? You're so shy and quiet. Why did you want to be an idol?"
Minseok looks down at the ground. "I used to really love singing," he says quietly.
Luhan purses his lips. "And you don't now?"
Minseok gives him a small smile. "I still do, but my voice isn't as strong as it used to be after I hit a late puberty and it broke." He shrugs. "It's why I started learning how to dance better. I knew I couldn't get by with just my voice. I’m just happy I even debuted, you know?”
It’s painful, Luhan registers for the first time. The tightness in his chest is painful. His throat hurts a little bit too. "You never told me this before," he manages to say.
Minseok shrugs again. “I haven’t really told anyone. I didn’t really feel the need to.”
Luhan throws the towel back at Minseok, and it hits him right on the forehead. The look of surprise on Minseok’s face is priceless.
“Hey! What was that for?”
Luhan sneers at him. “That’s for not confiding in me earlier like a real best friend would.”
“Since when was I--Yixing is your best friend,” Minseok says, and Luhan thinks he’s not imagining the little bit of wonder in his eyes as he stares at Luhan. As if he’s seeing him for the first time.
Luhan sticks his tongue out at him. “I’m special. I’m allowed to have two.”
Minseok laughs. “Okay, I can believe that.” He turns away from Luhan and starts drying his hair with the towel again.
Luhan lies down on his bed and watches him out of the corner of his eye. He must be more tired than he originally thought he was, though, because his eyelids start to droop as soon as his head hits the pillow. “Thank you,” he thinks he hears Minseok say before his eyes close and sleep overtakes him.
Part 2