Versatility (Genre redux Challenge on ds-flashfiction)
Title: Versatility
Genre/Form: RPF of a kind/Dialog only
Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski/Gross
Rating: PG
Size: about 900 words
Versatility
“He looks like you, Fraser.”
“He does not, Ray.”
“Yes, he does. He’s beautiful. And cute.”
“I am not ‘cute’, Ray. And I fail to see the appeal of Mr. … Mr. …”
“Paul Gross.”
“Ray!”
“What?”
“Do you really have to say his name in that tone?”
“What tone, Fraser?”
“You know full well what I mean, Ray.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do. You’re cute when you’re jealous, Fraser.”
“I am neither cute nor jealous, Ray. And Mr. Gross strikes me as a man of highly questionable character.”
“He does, huh? How come, Fraser? Don’t tell me you did an investigation on the guy.”
“As a matter of fact, I did. You made it very easy for me, Ray. You forgot to erase the traces of your internet activities on the computer.”
“I didn’t forget to do that, Fraser, I just didn’t bother. I have nothing to hide. And, by the way, I think this is a very fun conversation we’re having.”
“Then you and I have a difference of opinion, Ray.”
“I can see that, honey. Now, tell me what you found on Paul.”
“‘Paul’, Ray?”
“No, I didn’t say ‘Paul’, I just said ‘Paul’. Don’t twist my words. Now tell me what you found.”
“Well, Mr. Gross seems quite a tease. Not to mention a flirt. And his sense of humour is… well, ‘juvenile’ would be putting it mildly.”
“But you’re not jealous.”
“I am not jealous, Ray.”
“Okay. Good. ‘Cause I think he’s very talented.”
“I see. And I assume that by ‘talented’ you mean that in addition to acting Mr. Gross also has tried the fields of producing, singing, writing, and directing, Ray?”
“Yeah. ‘S kinda cool, don’t you think?”
“I’m not sure that I do, Ray. ‘Fickle’ and ‘egotistical’ seem terms just as applicable.”
““The Mountie said without a hint of jealousy.” But anyway, Paul’s very talented. I think he’s great. And so versatile.”
“Ray!”
“What? ‘Versatile’ is not a dirty word, Fraser.”
“It is when you say it in that tone, Ray.”
“Oh, wow. I really found your Aristotle’s ankle, didn’t I?”
“My Achilles’ heel, Ray.”
“I know, honey. God, this is just too easy.”
“You seem to think it all tremendously funny, Ray.”
“Yeah, I do. Don’t you?”
“Ray…”
“Are you jealous yet, Fraser?”
“Ray…”
“You know, Fraser, you and Paul have something in common.”
“I assume that you’re referring to the fact that Mr. Gross and I are both Canadians, Ray.”
“Yeah, but it’s more than just being Canadian, Fraser. Did you know Paul had offers to come to Hollywood but he turned them down ‘cause he didn’t want to leave Canada? That’s loyalty, Fraser.”
“Is it, Ray? Hasn’t it occurred to you that Mr. Gross’s decision not to come to Hollywood may have been based on an ulterior motive?”
“No, but it sure has to you, so spill, Fraser.”
“Well, it appeared to me that Mr. Gross might have wanted to spare himself the wounding of his narcissistic pride.”
“Meaning what, Fraser? In English, please.”
“If he had come to Hollywood, he might have discovered that, despite his efforts, he wasn’t capable of becoming as famous as, for instance, Brad Pitt.”
“Brad Pitt, huh? You like Brad Pitt, Fraser?”
“…”
“‘S not a shame, Fraser. Loads of people like Brad Pitt. I like Brad Pitt.”
“You seem to like a lot of people, Ray.”
“But you’re not the jealous type, so it’s not a problem, is it Fraser?”
“It’s not a problem, Ray.”
“So you’re not all grumpy now? You’re not planning on canceling our next trip up North?”
“I’m not sure, Ray. In view of the fact that Mr. Gross is a Canadian citizen apparently very loyal to his country, it may be safer to keep you on this side of the border.”
“Oh, come on, Fraser. There’s 4200 miles between Inuvik and Toronto.”
“Toronto is Mr. Gross’s town of residence, if I recall correctly. And you calculated that distance, Ray? What else did you do? Found out his home address? His telephone number perhaps?”
“Yeah, Fraser, yeah, I did. I phoned him, and he was delighted to hear from me. Since then, we have long talks at night when you’re asleep. Come on, Fraser, stop it. Paul Gross is married. To a woman.”
“You were married to a woman once, Ray. And I was passionately in love with one myself.”
“…”
“…”
“Fraser, honey, listen. You don’t really doubt how much I love you, do you?”
“No, Ray. No, I don’t.”
“Good. ‘Cause you’re ten times as beautiful as Paul Gross.”
“Somehow I find that hard to believe, Ray.”
“’S true, though. And you’re ten times as cute.”
“Ray…”
“And ten times as versatile.”
“I see. And what kind of ‘versatility’ does this comparison between Mr. Gross and myself entail, Ray?”
“Jesus, Fraser, cut it out! I can’t possibly know how versatile he is, can I?”
“You can’t, Ray? Some of Mr. Gross’s fans seem to have a very detailed conception of his-”
“It’s a load of crap, Fraser. They’re making up stories, naming one of the characters ‘Paul Gross’ just for the fun of it.”
“Ah.”
“Yeah. ‘Ah’. Are you satisfied now, Fraser?”
“Satisfied, Ray? No, I’m not satisfied.”
“Oh. You wanna have that fixed?”
“Very much so, Ray, yes.”
“Okay. On one condition. ‘S gotta be a threesome.”
“Ray!”
“You, me, and your versatility. I don’t want it any other way.”
END
Genre/Form: RPF of a kind/Dialog only
Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski/Gross
Rating: PG
Size: about 900 words
Versatility
“He looks like you, Fraser.”
“He does not, Ray.”
“Yes, he does. He’s beautiful. And cute.”
“I am not ‘cute’, Ray. And I fail to see the appeal of Mr. … Mr. …”
“Paul Gross.”
“Ray!”
“What?”
“Do you really have to say his name in that tone?”
“What tone, Fraser?”
“You know full well what I mean, Ray.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do. You’re cute when you’re jealous, Fraser.”
“I am neither cute nor jealous, Ray. And Mr. Gross strikes me as a man of highly questionable character.”
“He does, huh? How come, Fraser? Don’t tell me you did an investigation on the guy.”
“As a matter of fact, I did. You made it very easy for me, Ray. You forgot to erase the traces of your internet activities on the computer.”
“I didn’t forget to do that, Fraser, I just didn’t bother. I have nothing to hide. And, by the way, I think this is a very fun conversation we’re having.”
“Then you and I have a difference of opinion, Ray.”
“I can see that, honey. Now, tell me what you found on Paul.”
“‘Paul’, Ray?”
“No, I didn’t say ‘Paul’, I just said ‘Paul’. Don’t twist my words. Now tell me what you found.”
“Well, Mr. Gross seems quite a tease. Not to mention a flirt. And his sense of humour is… well, ‘juvenile’ would be putting it mildly.”
“But you’re not jealous.”
“I am not jealous, Ray.”
“Okay. Good. ‘Cause I think he’s very talented.”
“I see. And I assume that by ‘talented’ you mean that in addition to acting Mr. Gross also has tried the fields of producing, singing, writing, and directing, Ray?”
“Yeah. ‘S kinda cool, don’t you think?”
“I’m not sure that I do, Ray. ‘Fickle’ and ‘egotistical’ seem terms just as applicable.”
““The Mountie said without a hint of jealousy.” But anyway, Paul’s very talented. I think he’s great. And so versatile.”
“Ray!”
“What? ‘Versatile’ is not a dirty word, Fraser.”
“It is when you say it in that tone, Ray.”
“Oh, wow. I really found your Aristotle’s ankle, didn’t I?”
“My Achilles’ heel, Ray.”
“I know, honey. God, this is just too easy.”
“You seem to think it all tremendously funny, Ray.”
“Yeah, I do. Don’t you?”
“Ray…”
“Are you jealous yet, Fraser?”
“Ray…”
“You know, Fraser, you and Paul have something in common.”
“I assume that you’re referring to the fact that Mr. Gross and I are both Canadians, Ray.”
“Yeah, but it’s more than just being Canadian, Fraser. Did you know Paul had offers to come to Hollywood but he turned them down ‘cause he didn’t want to leave Canada? That’s loyalty, Fraser.”
“Is it, Ray? Hasn’t it occurred to you that Mr. Gross’s decision not to come to Hollywood may have been based on an ulterior motive?”
“No, but it sure has to you, so spill, Fraser.”
“Well, it appeared to me that Mr. Gross might have wanted to spare himself the wounding of his narcissistic pride.”
“Meaning what, Fraser? In English, please.”
“If he had come to Hollywood, he might have discovered that, despite his efforts, he wasn’t capable of becoming as famous as, for instance, Brad Pitt.”
“Brad Pitt, huh? You like Brad Pitt, Fraser?”
“…”
“‘S not a shame, Fraser. Loads of people like Brad Pitt. I like Brad Pitt.”
“You seem to like a lot of people, Ray.”
“But you’re not the jealous type, so it’s not a problem, is it Fraser?”
“It’s not a problem, Ray.”
“So you’re not all grumpy now? You’re not planning on canceling our next trip up North?”
“I’m not sure, Ray. In view of the fact that Mr. Gross is a Canadian citizen apparently very loyal to his country, it may be safer to keep you on this side of the border.”
“Oh, come on, Fraser. There’s 4200 miles between Inuvik and Toronto.”
“Toronto is Mr. Gross’s town of residence, if I recall correctly. And you calculated that distance, Ray? What else did you do? Found out his home address? His telephone number perhaps?”
“Yeah, Fraser, yeah, I did. I phoned him, and he was delighted to hear from me. Since then, we have long talks at night when you’re asleep. Come on, Fraser, stop it. Paul Gross is married. To a woman.”
“You were married to a woman once, Ray. And I was passionately in love with one myself.”
“…”
“…”
“Fraser, honey, listen. You don’t really doubt how much I love you, do you?”
“No, Ray. No, I don’t.”
“Good. ‘Cause you’re ten times as beautiful as Paul Gross.”
“Somehow I find that hard to believe, Ray.”
“’S true, though. And you’re ten times as cute.”
“Ray…”
“And ten times as versatile.”
“I see. And what kind of ‘versatility’ does this comparison between Mr. Gross and myself entail, Ray?”
“Jesus, Fraser, cut it out! I can’t possibly know how versatile he is, can I?”
“You can’t, Ray? Some of Mr. Gross’s fans seem to have a very detailed conception of his-”
“It’s a load of crap, Fraser. They’re making up stories, naming one of the characters ‘Paul Gross’ just for the fun of it.”
“Ah.”
“Yeah. ‘Ah’. Are you satisfied now, Fraser?”
“Satisfied, Ray? No, I’m not satisfied.”
“Oh. You wanna have that fixed?”
“Very much so, Ray, yes.”
“Okay. On one condition. ‘S gotta be a threesome.”
“Ray!”
“You, me, and your versatility. I don’t want it any other way.”
END