Sexy (Genre redux Challenge on ds-flashfiction)

Dec 24, 2006 14:23

Genre/Form: RPF of a kind/Dialog only
Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski/Gross/Rennie
Rating: PG (because, alas, there’s no such thing as a CKR rating)
Size: about 700 words
Note: Sequel to Versatility

Sexy

“You like him, Fraser?”

“Well…yes, I find him very attractive, Ray.”

“Have you started looking at other guys now, Fraser?”

“If by ‘started looking at other guys’ you mean have I started contemplating cheating on you, then the answer is ‘no’, Ray, as you very well understand. But I’m not entirely blind to the appeal of other men.”

“You’re not? What kind of Mountie are you, Fraser?”

“I believe that ‘gay’ Mountie would be the appropriate term, Ray.”

“But you don’t find all men attractive.”

“No, Ray. Homosexuals are just as selective in their attraction to others as heterosexuals.”

“So…you like Brad Pitt, for instance, but you don’t like-”

“Ray!”

“Him whose name can not be mentioned in this house without the Mountie throwing a hissy fit and forbidding his sweet, perfectly innocent lover to ever set foot in Canada, after which, realizing that this is kinda ridiculous, especially in view of their annual holiday, he settles for ordering said sweet, innocent lover to stay at least 4200 miles away from Toronto.”

“That is quite a sentence, Ray.”

“Thanks, Fraser.”

“I wouldn’t say a beautiful one, but it’s certainly long.”

“You want me to say it shorter? Paul Gross.”

“Ray!”

“You didn’t see that coming, did you, baby?”

“No, Ray, I have to confess that I didn’t. I prefer to ban all thoughts of…”

“Oh, I won’t do it again, Fraser. Too easy. And besides, I love you.”

“And I you, Ray.”

“Yeah. And Callum Keith Rennie.”

“Well, strictly speaking-“

“It’s not love. I know. It’s a boy crush.”

“Ray…”

“What? Gonna tell me that Mounties don’t have those? I know you’ve been looking him up on the internet, Fraser.”

“…”

“What’s with the eyebrow rub, honey?”

“I only followed your lead, Ray.”

“I’m sure you did, buddy. You don’t have to look so guilty.”

“Thank you. Ray?”

“Yeah, Fraser?”

“Why have you been searching on the internet for information on C- on Mr. Rennie?”

“His name’s Callum, Fraser. Callum Keith. Can you say ‘Callum’?

“Of course I can, Ray. ‘Callum’.”

“Very good! Now can you say ‘Callum’?”

“Ray!”

“Jealous again, Fraser?”

“No, Ray. I’m appalled that you think I would consider saying Mr. Rennie’s first name in that tone.”

“Why is that, Fraser?”

“Well, it’s… it’s…”

“It’s not as if he can hear it, is it? Come on, it’s fun. You should try it. Callum.”

“Ray, would you…There’s something highly unnerving in the way you say that name. And you haven’t answered my question.”

“What question, Fraser?”

“About why you have been searching on the internet for information on Mr. Rennie.”

“What do you think? I like him, Fraser. I think he’s sexy.”

“Ray…”

“What, Fraser? Don’t tell me you don’t understand what I mean.”

“…”

“Exactly. Very well put, Fraser.”

“Ray…”

“What, Fraser? Admit it, baby, we’re both crushed on Callum. Let’s chat about our idol a little.”

“I don’t think I would feel very comfortable doing that, Ray.”

“Oh, come on, Fraser.”

“Ray…”

“I’ll start. Did you know he has a tattoo?”

“…Yes. Yes, I did. I do. It looks very fetching on him.”

“Yeah. Noticed anything weird about it?”

“Well…”

“Did you, Fraser?”

“It looks remarkably similar to yours, Ray.”

“Yeah, it does. Do you think I look like Callum, Fraser?”

“Ray…”

“Do you think I look like him?”

“The resemblance is striking, Ray.”

“Do you think he’s sexy?””

“…”

“Don’t rub your eyebrow, Fraser. Just answer the question.”

“Yes. Very much.”

“Fraser?”

“Yes, Ray?”

“You can have it, you know.”

“I don’t quite follow, Ray.”

“You can mix us up a little, if you like. Cal and me. In bed I mean.”

“Ray…”

“I wouldn’t mind, Fraser.”

“Ray…”

“I wouldn’t be jealous. I know I have an advantage over him.”

“Ray…”

“I’m real. He’s not. Actors never are.”

“Not even Paul Gross?”

“Especially not Paul Gross, Fraser.”

“So I don’t have to fear that I might at some point find myself mixed up with Mr. Gross in our bed, Ray?”

“Ooh, interesting picture there, honey. But no. No mixing up. I don’t need Paul when I have you, Fraser.”

“It is a relief to know that, Ray.”

“I bet it is, honey.”

“And my sentiments regarding Callum are of a similar nature. When I have you in my arms, Ray, Mr. Rennie is utterly redundant.”

END
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