I'm a mommy!
Hope Ashley Roberts
February 24, 2007
10:33 PM
7 pounds
19 1/4 inches
She's an angel <3
AND DADDY MADE IT HOME!!!!
In the nick of time...
Henry got home 9:30 pm on February 23rd. We had one night together after spending 7 months appart. (So yeah, to be as subtle as possible... I am now a firm believer in "sex induced labor" )
lol... TMI, I'm sure.
Anyway, I woke up having contractions the next morning. All day I wasn't sure if it was "it" or not. And to be honest, I didn't even think it was it as we left for the hospital. I really just wanted something for the pain. I was so NOT what I expected a labor contraction to feel like.
I had contractions starting at about 10 am. They were ten minutes appart then and very regular. But I was so stubborn, lol. We left for the hospital at 3pm when I was 3 minutes appart.
They checked me and I was 2 cm dilated (I was 0 cm the day before) so the contractions were doing something. I wanted an epidural BAD... but I still was waiting for them to say "You're not dilating that much" or something, and then send me home. So next time they checked me I was 3 cm and I got the epidural.
THIS WAS IT!
Henry became much less tense after it kicked in and I wasn't in so much pain. I told him right before the epi, "If I knew that THIS was the worst it would get, I could totally do it. But I kow it'll get worse, so I really don't know if I should wait it out."
The whole experience was VERY surreal...
When we left the house to go to the hospital, I didn't think I was in labor. I was just in pain and wanted to see if I could get anything for it.
When I was told I was 3 cm and given the epidural, I finally said "Ok, this is really it..." and tried to begin preparing myself. I was still so unconvinced in my head. I couldn't comprehend that I was about to NOT be pregnant anymore. I was about to be a mom and have a baby.
It just wouldn't click.
Next time they checked me like an hour later, I was almost 5 cm.
I still was sitting there with Henry, talking with him, talking with my friend Jennifer who stopped by, talking with the family that was coming through... etc.
I took a short nap. When I woke up, Jennifer was hanging out in the room, Henry was still there... he never left my side except to go tell the family any news.
SO... they come to check me again... last time they checked me I was 5 cm, and they said "Usually it goes about a centimeter an hour" so I was waiting for "yep you're abour 6 or 7 centimeters, more waiting"
I was WANTING that, to be honest. I wasn't ready yet. I was still trying to make sense of the fact that I was REALLY in labor and I would REALLY be having a baby soon.
She checked me and I was still groggy, waiting to go back to sleep, and I hear "OH wow, you're done!" I said..."what?"
I went from 'almost' 5 centimeters to 10 centimeters.. IN AN HOUR.
Right then was when I was so glad I decided to get the epidural.
From then on it was surreal. Henry was the only one I wanted in the room, so we asked Jennifer to leave. My mom tried to come back in but then she left, too...
The nurse went to get the doctor so I could start pushing. (Actually my memory is hazy, I think I pushed for a while without the doctor??) At some point, the nurse asked me if I wanted a mirror and I said yes. The nurse was really great. Another woman who came in to check vitals or something kept saying the mirror was in her way, so we took forever to find a position where I could see and she wouldn't run into it.
I was so calm while I pushed. It STILL hadn't hit me that a baby was going to come out of me. My mind just wouldn't wrap around it. My husband was great, holding my hand and staying really calm. She told me when to push, she told me I was pushing well. I heard her tell my husband to look so he could see the head. That's when I started to get scared. I didn't feel ready to have the baby.
I pushed for abour 45 minutes if remember right. It wasn't long. During this time it was so calm, like we were just having a conversation and every now and then they'd say "Ok, push now" and I'd push 3 times and then we'd just wait again.
When her head started to come out I could see it in the mirror. I wanted to reach down and touch her head but I didn't because I worried that it would be weird. Looking back, I should have. Because it wouldn't helped this become more real. I was STILL not getting it somehow. It just wouldn't click. And the next thing I know... somebody bumps the mirror. The nurse it trying to adjust it as I tell her where to move it, and in the middle of this, the mirror shows me my thigh. All I see is my leg when the doctor says to push.
She didn't say "this is it" or "one more push" it was just another seemingly normal "Ok time to push now"
And suddenly, there was a baby in my lap. She was red all over, her eyes were wide, and she cried almost immediately. I touched her, wanted to hold her, but she was just sitting there in my lap. I was trying to look at her and soak her in, I didn't feel like I had got a good look at her...and the nurse took her to the warmer. Henry kept holding my hand. I told him to go see her and he walked over and saw her.
She cried like donald duck laughs. :)
I just stared across the room trying to see her, and I STILL couldn't see her face because one of the monitors was in the way. I just heard her crying and saw her kicking her legs and moving... I wanted to talk to her and tell her "It's ok! I'm here!" But..nothing would come out.. I just stared at her body and stared at my husband's face as he watched her.
I was still so in shock. When they handed her to me again and we held her... I was still in disbelief. I couldn't believe I had a baby.
The doctor told me I had first degree tears and some stitches... I was zoned out.
It was 2 days later in recovery when I was sittin there holding her by myself. Henry was asleep, and she was sleeping in my arms. I had watched the sun come up out my window, and she just looked so peaceful in my arms.
I just looked down and broke into tears, suddenly realizing that I was holding my daughter in my arms. It took 2 days to hit me that I was a mom, that I wasn't pregnant anymore. And that this little tiny creature sleeping on my chest was a part of me, was part of Henry. That we'd been given a charge to love her and care for her. This was my daughter I had next to me.
I cried the happiest cry I ever have cried, touching her face, kissing her head and her cheek, and her hands... thinking to myself "I am holding the rest of my life in my arms right now. I am looking at my everything, my heart, right here, so tiny, curled onto my chest."
I'm still so in awe, really. Every now and then it hits me, and sometimes I still can't believe that's my daughter I'm looking at. She really is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Sorry it took me so long to post, ladies. She's almost 2 weeks old before I announce that she's been born... I feel terrible, lol. But so much has been going on. You understand, I bet. :D It's been so fast. The first time I went somewhere without her I almost broke down. Breastfeeding was a challenge, I cried and had to lean into my husband everytime she nursed because it just hurt so bad. So we're pumping breastmilk and taking it in a bottle. I'm a little heartbroken over it, I feel guilty for giving up so easy, but I was bleeding into her mouth... :/
Anyway, a lot has happened, a LOT of adjusting still to be done. To Henry and I finally being together and having a baby. And (my poor husband, I wish I could fix this...) his mother got in a very serious car accident last wednesday when hope was 5 days old. She was hit head on by a drunk driver and has been in ICU ever since. She will be in ICU for a LONG time. Probably my husband's entire leave. She's still very heavily sedated and I've only been able to see her once (Hope can't go to the hospital... she's too little to be around so much sickness) and I know that's going to break his mom's heart. I cry every time I think about it.
ANYWAY...
I'm really sorry for the long post. And I'm sorry it took so long to post in the first place. But... I'm a mom now. And I know from here on out my life will never be the same again.
<3
February 24, 2007
10:33 PM
7 pounds
19 1/4 inches
She's an angel <3
AND DADDY MADE IT HOME!!!!
In the nick of time...
Henry got home 9:30 pm on February 23rd. We had one night together after spending 7 months appart. (So yeah, to be as subtle as possible... I am now a firm believer in "sex induced labor" )
lol... TMI, I'm sure.
Anyway, I woke up having contractions the next morning. All day I wasn't sure if it was "it" or not. And to be honest, I didn't even think it was it as we left for the hospital. I really just wanted something for the pain. I was so NOT what I expected a labor contraction to feel like.
I had contractions starting at about 10 am. They were ten minutes appart then and very regular. But I was so stubborn, lol. We left for the hospital at 3pm when I was 3 minutes appart.
They checked me and I was 2 cm dilated (I was 0 cm the day before) so the contractions were doing something. I wanted an epidural BAD... but I still was waiting for them to say "You're not dilating that much" or something, and then send me home. So next time they checked me I was 3 cm and I got the epidural.
THIS WAS IT!
Henry became much less tense after it kicked in and I wasn't in so much pain. I told him right before the epi, "If I knew that THIS was the worst it would get, I could totally do it. But I kow it'll get worse, so I really don't know if I should wait it out."
The whole experience was VERY surreal...
When we left the house to go to the hospital, I didn't think I was in labor. I was just in pain and wanted to see if I could get anything for it.
When I was told I was 3 cm and given the epidural, I finally said "Ok, this is really it..." and tried to begin preparing myself. I was still so unconvinced in my head. I couldn't comprehend that I was about to NOT be pregnant anymore. I was about to be a mom and have a baby.
It just wouldn't click.
Next time they checked me like an hour later, I was almost 5 cm.
I still was sitting there with Henry, talking with him, talking with my friend Jennifer who stopped by, talking with the family that was coming through... etc.
I took a short nap. When I woke up, Jennifer was hanging out in the room, Henry was still there... he never left my side except to go tell the family any news.
SO... they come to check me again... last time they checked me I was 5 cm, and they said "Usually it goes about a centimeter an hour" so I was waiting for "yep you're abour 6 or 7 centimeters, more waiting"
I was WANTING that, to be honest. I wasn't ready yet. I was still trying to make sense of the fact that I was REALLY in labor and I would REALLY be having a baby soon.
She checked me and I was still groggy, waiting to go back to sleep, and I hear "OH wow, you're done!" I said..."what?"
I went from 'almost' 5 centimeters to 10 centimeters.. IN AN HOUR.
Right then was when I was so glad I decided to get the epidural.
From then on it was surreal. Henry was the only one I wanted in the room, so we asked Jennifer to leave. My mom tried to come back in but then she left, too...
The nurse went to get the doctor so I could start pushing. (Actually my memory is hazy, I think I pushed for a while without the doctor??) At some point, the nurse asked me if I wanted a mirror and I said yes. The nurse was really great. Another woman who came in to check vitals or something kept saying the mirror was in her way, so we took forever to find a position where I could see and she wouldn't run into it.
I was so calm while I pushed. It STILL hadn't hit me that a baby was going to come out of me. My mind just wouldn't wrap around it. My husband was great, holding my hand and staying really calm. She told me when to push, she told me I was pushing well. I heard her tell my husband to look so he could see the head. That's when I started to get scared. I didn't feel ready to have the baby.
I pushed for abour 45 minutes if remember right. It wasn't long. During this time it was so calm, like we were just having a conversation and every now and then they'd say "Ok, push now" and I'd push 3 times and then we'd just wait again.
When her head started to come out I could see it in the mirror. I wanted to reach down and touch her head but I didn't because I worried that it would be weird. Looking back, I should have. Because it wouldn't helped this become more real. I was STILL not getting it somehow. It just wouldn't click. And the next thing I know... somebody bumps the mirror. The nurse it trying to adjust it as I tell her where to move it, and in the middle of this, the mirror shows me my thigh. All I see is my leg when the doctor says to push.
She didn't say "this is it" or "one more push" it was just another seemingly normal "Ok time to push now"
And suddenly, there was a baby in my lap. She was red all over, her eyes were wide, and she cried almost immediately. I touched her, wanted to hold her, but she was just sitting there in my lap. I was trying to look at her and soak her in, I didn't feel like I had got a good look at her...and the nurse took her to the warmer. Henry kept holding my hand. I told him to go see her and he walked over and saw her.
She cried like donald duck laughs. :)
I just stared across the room trying to see her, and I STILL couldn't see her face because one of the monitors was in the way. I just heard her crying and saw her kicking her legs and moving... I wanted to talk to her and tell her "It's ok! I'm here!" But..nothing would come out.. I just stared at her body and stared at my husband's face as he watched her.
I was still so in shock. When they handed her to me again and we held her... I was still in disbelief. I couldn't believe I had a baby.
The doctor told me I had first degree tears and some stitches... I was zoned out.
It was 2 days later in recovery when I was sittin there holding her by myself. Henry was asleep, and she was sleeping in my arms. I had watched the sun come up out my window, and she just looked so peaceful in my arms.
I just looked down and broke into tears, suddenly realizing that I was holding my daughter in my arms. It took 2 days to hit me that I was a mom, that I wasn't pregnant anymore. And that this little tiny creature sleeping on my chest was a part of me, was part of Henry. That we'd been given a charge to love her and care for her. This was my daughter I had next to me.
I cried the happiest cry I ever have cried, touching her face, kissing her head and her cheek, and her hands... thinking to myself "I am holding the rest of my life in my arms right now. I am looking at my everything, my heart, right here, so tiny, curled onto my chest."
I'm still so in awe, really. Every now and then it hits me, and sometimes I still can't believe that's my daughter I'm looking at. She really is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Sorry it took me so long to post, ladies. She's almost 2 weeks old before I announce that she's been born... I feel terrible, lol. But so much has been going on. You understand, I bet. :D It's been so fast. The first time I went somewhere without her I almost broke down. Breastfeeding was a challenge, I cried and had to lean into my husband everytime she nursed because it just hurt so bad. So we're pumping breastmilk and taking it in a bottle. I'm a little heartbroken over it, I feel guilty for giving up so easy, but I was bleeding into her mouth... :/
Anyway, a lot has happened, a LOT of adjusting still to be done. To Henry and I finally being together and having a baby. And (my poor husband, I wish I could fix this...) his mother got in a very serious car accident last wednesday when hope was 5 days old. She was hit head on by a drunk driver and has been in ICU ever since. She will be in ICU for a LONG time. Probably my husband's entire leave. She's still very heavily sedated and I've only been able to see her once (Hope can't go to the hospital... she's too little to be around so much sickness) and I know that's going to break his mom's heart. I cry every time I think about it.
ANYWAY...
I'm really sorry for the long post. And I'm sorry it took so long to post in the first place. But... I'm a mom now. And I know from here on out my life will never be the same again.
<3