Fanfic: B&S episode 602: part 4/4
Season 6 - Episode 2 - UPSIDE DOWN (DIZZY DOES IT MAKE ME)
By Marea67
About: Brothers & Sisters (general)
Rate: Can’t go higher than PG-13, as this is American Television, but I may add a few ‘deleted scenes’ here and there. ;)
Disclaimer: Just escaping from reality here, not created for financial gain
Summary: It is my very own season 6, you guys! Go with it! ;) Don’t complain! If YOU can do better, post your own story! (I dare you!)
***** PART 4/4 *****
“Are you seriously trying to convince me that Kevin, Kevin Walker, will kill Bill Stanton?” Max’s face clearly shows his disbelief and Alex feels desperate.
“I’m not sure." He replies. "I don’t think that Kevin has it in him to pull that trigger on another man, but I don’t want him to waste his life by finding out that he could.” Max starts to doubt. Sure, Alex is crazy, but this story is so insane it might actually hold some truth to it.
“Max,…” Alex starts, making it personal by using Max’s first name. “You have me under surveillance. I know you do. This means, that you also know that I use my medicine, that I’m reasonable, approachable and non-violent at the moment. I am in prison. There’s nothing I can do. You have barred any escape-route you could think of. My hands are tied, I can’t save Kevin from making a terrible mistake.
I called you, because I know you care about Kevin. Right now, other inmates can see me. They can see me talk to a cop. Do you know what repercussions that could have for me? Do you sincerely believe that I would run the risk, if there wasn’t an important reason to do so? In fact, there is only one reason that I would do this.”
“Kevin.” Max nods.
“You have to believe me. I’ve made sure that he’s got a gun. Catch him with it. Put the fear of God in him… Stop him!” Max starts to doubt even more. What if Alex is right?
“I’ll talk to Kevin.” He then promises and Alex sinks back in his chair.
*****
“… think about Scotty and your kids and what impact it would have on them…. Seriously, Kevin, you have a husband … and kids! …. The impact on Scotty and his restaurant… Your kids and their future…” Alex’s voice drones in Kevin’s head. Somewhere deep inside Kevin knows that Alex is right.
He can’t do this. He could never do this. He could never get away with it. He would betray himself to the first cop he saw. He could as well be carrying a neon-sign that said "I did it!'. It would be written all over his face.
Kevin puts his briefcase on the desk and stares at it. Alex had been right. What was he thinking off? Killing someone? Kevin quickly opens the briefcase and takes out the gun. He goes back to the drawer and places the gun back, all the way in the back, so no one can see it.
*****
“Hey, you’re back.” Justin smiles when Tyler enters.
“That smells good. I’m hungry.” She replies, taking off her coat.
“How was your day? How was the hotel?”
“Amazing. Awful. Old. Used. But somehow…. Endearing.”
“Endearing?”
“Yes. I couldn’t help but ‘feel’ for the place. It’s a hotel that was obviously loved, but not well taken care off. Clean, but old. Scotty and I were day-dreaming…. It might be interesting, Especially with me being out of a job.”
“You could work for Scotty?”
“They have a wonderful manager.”
“Scotty could make you the boss.”
“He sure got excited by the possibilities the kitchen had to offer…”
“He has 429.”
“Yes, but 429 works very well. Doesn’t need him as much as it did before, but the hotel.. Oh, man, the staff loves to work there, but, and this according to Scotty, I’m not an expert, they make a lot of mistakes in the kitchen.”
“So Scotty got excited?”
“I think his fingers started to itch the moment he saw the kitchen. On the way back home, he was like a horse ready for the race, he got all tensed, excited, talking about the possibilities the kitchen offfered and he took me with him in that excitement.
I think the hotel can be saved, can be pretty, can be interesting. A challenge…. which I can’t afford.” She finishes with a sigh. Justin looks at her go from very excited and happy to sad and disappointed. “Scotty says he might want to talk to the bank, see what he can do about raising money. He does have some leverage with the restaurant and all…”
For a moment Justin considers telling her about the money that may be coming their way once Sarah sells the house, but then he changes his mind.
“And how was your day?” Tyler now asks.
“Remember that I told you about this guy I knew, who took an overdose?”
Tyler takes the dish that Justin gives to her and takes a bite before she nods that she remembers.
“I was afraid to ask before, but today I went to the hospital to see how he was doing and … he died the night we brought him in.”
“I’m sorry…. How are you feeling about it?”
“I’m good… Not great. I keep thinking about how it could have been me.”
“But it’s not.” Tyler says. “It’s good to be aware of what could have been, but don’t spend too much time on all those dark thoughts.
It is sad that he died, but use it as it reminder why you should stay away from those drugs, rather than have some replacement-guilt that drives you back to it.”
“Are you sure that you and Dan aren’t twins?” Justin laughs. “That is about the same thing he said.”
“Then he’s smarter than I thought.” Tyler admits.
“It’s also something someone else said…. Do you remember Fawn? I … cheated on you.. with her? … Way back then.” Justin sees the frown on Tyler’s face.
“Just a blur, I’m afraid. I was too busy being mad and disappointed in you.”
“I ran into her today. She works at the hospital. She’s clean now. Has a kid. She specializes on drugs-related issues. Gives lectures on schools as well, to talk about the danger of using.”
“Good for her.” Tyler replies, feeling more satisfied than she should be.
“She has a kid… Nearly 6 years old?” He looks at her and Tyler, about to take another bite, stops halfway.
“Yours?” She asks, there suddenly seems to be a wall between them.
“Could be. She’s not sure.” He replies, choked up.
“Does she want something from you?”
“Nothing. Says she’s happy just the way things are. It was a thought that came up in my head, not something she talked about.” The tension seems to ebb away and Tyler thoughtfully finishes her bite.
“Does it bother you?” She then asks and when she sees that Justin doesn’t follow her, she explains: “Not knowing if you are the kid’s father?”
“Don’t know. I feel like I did when we still didn’t know who Elizabeth’s biological father was. It could have been me.
And with this boy, it’s the same. I wonder, what if he is mine? Should I care? Should I take some responsibility? And what if he isn’t? Do I really want to know? And what can I do? Fawn made it clear that, regardless of who the father is, she doesn’t need him in her life. She’s doing fine on her own, with her son, why upset their family and us?”
Tyler can hear his confusion.
“Would you like the boy to yours? Her questions is direct and Justin plays with his food, while coming up with an answer.
“I don’t know. I always wanted to have kids, but somehow… it just never happened. Elizabeth wasn’t mine and Rebecca lost the baby we were expecting….”
“And how did you feel about finding out that Elizabeth was Kevin’s?” Again Justin has to think over the answer.
“I don’t know…. We were too busy being worried about Elizabeth, and then Kevin, to think about it.”
“We?”
“Rebecca and I. We just never talked about it, though I know it triggered Rebecca’s desire to see her father again.”
“And what about you?”
“I have no clue. I never thought about it.”
“But you must have felt something? Were you disappointed? Relieved? Happy? Sad?”
“Scared to death! How about that? My niece and my brother would both need surgery and they were my main concern…”
“But after that? You must have stopped somewhere along the line and …”
“None of us did! It was just a fact! Elizabeth was Kevin’s! Period!” Justin suddenly feels terribly annoyed. “I’m sorry, I never over-analyze things that happen to me. Maybe that is part of my problem.”
“But…”
“I’m sorry, Tyler. There was nothing to discuss at the time. We just dealt with the facts and I didn’t care about it then, and I don’t care about it now.” Justin’s entire attitude makes it clear that he wants to drop the conversation.
*****
Paige stirs the beans in tomato-sauce to make sure they don’t stick to the bottom and Paula smiles at her.
“I’m glad you decided to stay here with me, rather than running off with your dad and brothers.” She says.
“They only want to do stupid ‘boy’-things anyway.” Paige shrugs. “And this is nice too. I like to help with the cooking.”
“Really?” Paula asks surprised, she never noticed much of it. In fact, Paige usually stays miles away from her and her kitchen when she’s staying over.
“I spend a lot of time with uncle Scotty and he’s such an amazing chef. I want to be a chef too…. I think. I like to cook, try out recipes, taste if ingredients work or not… It’s the cleaning up afterwards that I don’t like.” She jokes and Paula laughs.
“I get that. A chef-cook, huh?”
Paige looks at Paula. These last few weeks she finds it more easier to talk to her than to her own mother.
“I don’t know. I’d still like to be a teacher as well… Or perhaps run a business one day, just like mom. It’s just that… I really want to chose something, make up my mind, have a plan, I like it to have something to work towards, but somehow I just can’t…”
Her shoulders sink and she stirs once more, just to have something to do. Paula remembers that Gabe was like that too, several years ago, and she remembers the advice given to him. An advice that was still applicable today. She wraps an arm around Paige.
“You know what? Just be Paige, the teenager, for a while. You’ll have countless years of being adult and being responsible waiting for you. No need to rush.”
Paige raises her head and looks up at Paula, stunned as if she hadn’t thought of this option at all.
“That is something grandma Nora would say….” Paige sighs.
“Doesn’t make any less of good advice.”
“No, it doesn’t.” Paige suddenly turns to Paula and gives her a firm hug. “Thank you. I really feel better now.” She smiles.
Paula takes the whistling kettle off the fire to make some coffee. She wonders if she should mention that her advice was the advice given to Gabe by Sarah, but she decides against it. After all, it doesn’t really matter. Sarah helped Gabe and now Paula can help Paige with the same words.
*****
“You’re back.” Saul states, when Jonathan comes in. Jonathan looks very serious and Saul feels insecurity rise again. “Is everything alright?”
“Are you asking me how Ian is doing or are you asking me if I slept with him?” Jonathan’s question is rather harsh.
Saul gets up and walks up to Jonathan.
“I’m sorry.” He says. “I don’t want to fight with you… I don’t like the way our conversation went this morning. I feel I should have said things differently.”
“I wouldn’t cheat on you, Saul. As a lover, Ian is in my past…” Jonathan replies.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve told you before that I keep waiting for this bubble of happiness, that I’m in, to explode and…”
“You’re hurting me with your constant doubt. If you don’t trust me…”
“I do trust you. Again, I’m sorry.”
Jonathan sees that Saul is genuine with his apology.
“It’s alright. I could use a hug though. It's been an awful day.” He says and Saul complies.
“What’s wrong?”
“You know that Ian is HIV+ as well?”
“Yes.”
“He called me this morning, because his partner is New York and he just a call from his doctor that he had to come back for the test-results. He didn’t want to go the doctor alone. He asked me to go with him.”
Jonathan is so serious that Saul’s heart sinks.
“His results weren’t good?” He asks carefully and Jonathan shakes his head, suddenly looking very tired. Saul knows what this means. He makes Jonathan sit down next to him, so he can put an arm around him.
“I’m going to lose another of my friends…” Jonathan’s eyes fill with tears. “I’m going to have to watch him die and there will be nothing else I can do, but offer my support.”
“I’m sorry.” Saul says, feeling even worse about his earlier thoughts about cheating.
“Are you?” Jonathan asks bitterly.
“What is that is supposed to mean?” Saul asks.
“I thought you’d be happy to get ‘the competition’ out of the way.”
“Do you seriously believe that I’m the sort of man, who’d rejoice over the fact that another man is dying?” Saul is nearly speechless.
“No, not rejoice, but… not very compassionate either.” Jonathan replies and Saul is shocked at his words.
“Jonathan, I’m sorry that I acted like a jealous fool this morning, I still have a lot to learn about being in a relationship, I think.
But as afraid as I was that you might be more interested in Ian than in me, I never, ever wished for his medical status to go from bad to worse. If you seriously believe that about me, then … I’m not the only one who needs to get to know his partner better.”
“And you think that I don’t know you better than that?” Jonathan asks.
Saul doesn’t answer, but only pulls Jonathan closer. He feels how Jonathan resists at first, but then comes closer anyway.
“I’m sorry.” Jonathan says quietly.
“It’s alright.” Saul whispers and he holds Jonathan tightly in his arms.
*****
Holly checks her emails and she hopes that there will be one from either Rebecca or David, but none of them are. She can feel tears in her eyes. Have they forgotten her? She systematically reads every single of the 10 emails, 8 of them disappear in the trash-can and the 9th gets a quick reply.
She opens up the 10th one and reads it again and again. There’s a certain ache in her heart she knows she shouldn’t be feeling. Her fingers slide over the key-board. She wants to answer, but she doesn’t know how. She starts typing, deletes the words, makes another attempt, but erases it all again feeling, she's rather frustrated that she can’t find the right words.
Some people just have strong emotions and memories attached to them. Memories she doesn’t talk about with either Rebecca or David. Names like William Walker, Justin Walker and Saul Holden bring back images, sometimes voices or even the scent of an after-shave.
She gets up to get a glass of wine. She’s not supposed to drink, but she needs a glass tonight, now that the evening seems so incredibly long. The first sip tastes good and she takes another one. She licks the last drop from her lip, while calmly putting the glass of wine down. Her fingers find grip on the keyboard.
“Hi Nora, Thank you for your little email. It is so nice to hear from you and the others, even though Rebecca keeps me up-to-date as well. What can I tell you? Am I suffering from some sort of empty-nest-syndrome? I’m bored. Terribly, terribly bored, now that David and Rebecca are in Brazil…..”
*****
“What was I thinking?” Max asks himself out loud. “Alex is crazy.” He talks to his rearview-mirror. “And all he wanted to do was make me make a fool out of myself. Kevin would never kill anyone. I know that. He knows that. But it would certainly freak Kevin out, if he knows that Alex was thinking about him again….
Well, it’s not going to happen. I will not contact Kevin. I’m not going to scare him by placing Alex in his life again.” He promises himself and instead of taking the exit that would lead him to Kevin, Max breaks his promise to Alex and continues to his office.
*****
“You seriously believe you couldn’t love this baby? If anything happened to me, I mean?” Kitty wipes away her tears. She’s tired of fighting all the time. Seth was right earlier on. There’s no compromise to be had here. She can’t be half-pregnant and yet she feels as if she is.
She had hoped that, after the initial shock, people would be happy for her, but everyone around her keeps telling her that having this child is not a good idea. Maybe she’s the one desperately trying to hang on to a dream that just wasn’t meant to be.
“I want this baby so much…” She whispers.
“I know you do. You told me about the struggles you’ve had, but we also both know that you weren’t supposed to get pregnant. I know, I’m so aware, of what I’m asking of you. I know it must feel like the ultimate sacrifice, but this baby was not meant to be. And at first I thought that I could get over it, that I would be happy ... eventually. Just give it time.
But that did not happen. I only get more concerned and this feeling, that this child will ultimately kill you. is getting stronger. It’s like seeing a big dark cloud approach and I can’t stop it. And to answer your question, no, I would not be able to forgive this child if it did kill you. Even though I know that it’s not really accountable for what happened.”
Kitty feels tired and disappointed, but she knows that Seth is telling the truth. He did try to be optimistic, but even she had noticed how the cloud of fear had invaded their lives.
“I’ll make an appointment with the doctor… While I still can made that decision… I will have our baby taken away.” She decides with a sad face and she refuses the hug that Seth wants to give her.
*****
“Dinner will be ready in no time.” Scotty promises, peeking into Kevin’s office.
“Scotty! Please, come here for a moment.” Kevin asks and Scotty enters. Kevin closes the door behind him, to take Scotty in his arms and kiss him rather thoroughly.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers against Scotty’s lips.
“For what?” Scotty asks, not entirely able to think anymore.
“For being so self-absorbed these last few days. For not going with you to the hotel. For letting you down.”
“You didn’t let me down. I assumed you were working on one of your files.”
“True. I have something difficult on my mind. But still….”
“It’s okay, babe.” Scotty says. “Glad you apologized though.”
“So, how was the hotel?”
“It has so much potential. Both Tyler and I can see that. I don’t know…”
“You like it?”
“It has something. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s definitely something.”
“Are you going to keep it? Run it?”
“How? I can’t see how we can afford it.”
“It’s not exactly like we don’t have the cash…”
“Kev, your practice is picking up and the restaurant isn’t doing bad, but… to put our resources on a hotel that just might not work, … it’s too dangerous. There’s isn’t just us to consider, but also Olivia and Daniel. It’s such a big gamble.”
“You’re right… We do have think things over. Very carefully…” Though Kevin’s mind is by now back on the topic of Stanton.
“I believe you’re mind is not with me on the topic of the hotel?” Scotty asks gently and Kevin shakes his head.
“I’m sorry, my love, I guess I’m in the same boat as you. I have something going on, that I’m not sure off either. If I should do it or not.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“No. Not really.”
“Ultimately I think we should both follow our hearts.” Scotty advices.
“What if that doesn’t seem the smartest thing to do?”
“If that is what you believe you must do, then it can’t be the wrong decision…” Scotty answers.
“Will you forgive me, if it turns out that I made the wrong choice after all?” Scotty is surprised by the seriousness in Kevin’s voice.
“Yes. Of course. I love you.” Scotty replies. “Unless you decided to cheat on me?”
“No! Never!” Kevin laughs, glad he can at least take that worry away.
“Then don’t worry, I’ll forgive you anything else.” Scotty laughs as well. He gives Kevin one more kiss and then leaves Kevin’s office to finish dinner. Kevin puts his briefcase back on the desk and stares at it for a while, until he nods that he agrees with this decision. He opens the drawer once more and puts the gun with silencer back in the briefcase.
*****
END OF EPISODE TWO
By Marea67
About: Brothers & Sisters (general)
Rate: Can’t go higher than PG-13, as this is American Television, but I may add a few ‘deleted scenes’ here and there. ;)
Disclaimer: Just escaping from reality here, not created for financial gain
Summary: It is my very own season 6, you guys! Go with it! ;) Don’t complain! If YOU can do better, post your own story! (I dare you!)
***** PART 4/4 *****
“Are you seriously trying to convince me that Kevin, Kevin Walker, will kill Bill Stanton?” Max’s face clearly shows his disbelief and Alex feels desperate.
“I’m not sure." He replies. "I don’t think that Kevin has it in him to pull that trigger on another man, but I don’t want him to waste his life by finding out that he could.” Max starts to doubt. Sure, Alex is crazy, but this story is so insane it might actually hold some truth to it.
“Max,…” Alex starts, making it personal by using Max’s first name. “You have me under surveillance. I know you do. This means, that you also know that I use my medicine, that I’m reasonable, approachable and non-violent at the moment. I am in prison. There’s nothing I can do. You have barred any escape-route you could think of. My hands are tied, I can’t save Kevin from making a terrible mistake.
I called you, because I know you care about Kevin. Right now, other inmates can see me. They can see me talk to a cop. Do you know what repercussions that could have for me? Do you sincerely believe that I would run the risk, if there wasn’t an important reason to do so? In fact, there is only one reason that I would do this.”
“Kevin.” Max nods.
“You have to believe me. I’ve made sure that he’s got a gun. Catch him with it. Put the fear of God in him… Stop him!” Max starts to doubt even more. What if Alex is right?
“I’ll talk to Kevin.” He then promises and Alex sinks back in his chair.
*****
“… think about Scotty and your kids and what impact it would have on them…. Seriously, Kevin, you have a husband … and kids! …. The impact on Scotty and his restaurant… Your kids and their future…” Alex’s voice drones in Kevin’s head. Somewhere deep inside Kevin knows that Alex is right.
He can’t do this. He could never do this. He could never get away with it. He would betray himself to the first cop he saw. He could as well be carrying a neon-sign that said "I did it!'. It would be written all over his face.
Kevin puts his briefcase on the desk and stares at it. Alex had been right. What was he thinking off? Killing someone? Kevin quickly opens the briefcase and takes out the gun. He goes back to the drawer and places the gun back, all the way in the back, so no one can see it.
*****
“Hey, you’re back.” Justin smiles when Tyler enters.
“That smells good. I’m hungry.” She replies, taking off her coat.
“How was your day? How was the hotel?”
“Amazing. Awful. Old. Used. But somehow…. Endearing.”
“Endearing?”
“Yes. I couldn’t help but ‘feel’ for the place. It’s a hotel that was obviously loved, but not well taken care off. Clean, but old. Scotty and I were day-dreaming…. It might be interesting, Especially with me being out of a job.”
“You could work for Scotty?”
“They have a wonderful manager.”
“Scotty could make you the boss.”
“He sure got excited by the possibilities the kitchen had to offer…”
“He has 429.”
“Yes, but 429 works very well. Doesn’t need him as much as it did before, but the hotel.. Oh, man, the staff loves to work there, but, and this according to Scotty, I’m not an expert, they make a lot of mistakes in the kitchen.”
“So Scotty got excited?”
“I think his fingers started to itch the moment he saw the kitchen. On the way back home, he was like a horse ready for the race, he got all tensed, excited, talking about the possibilities the kitchen offfered and he took me with him in that excitement.
I think the hotel can be saved, can be pretty, can be interesting. A challenge…. which I can’t afford.” She finishes with a sigh. Justin looks at her go from very excited and happy to sad and disappointed. “Scotty says he might want to talk to the bank, see what he can do about raising money. He does have some leverage with the restaurant and all…”
For a moment Justin considers telling her about the money that may be coming their way once Sarah sells the house, but then he changes his mind.
“And how was your day?” Tyler now asks.
“Remember that I told you about this guy I knew, who took an overdose?”
Tyler takes the dish that Justin gives to her and takes a bite before she nods that she remembers.
“I was afraid to ask before, but today I went to the hospital to see how he was doing and … he died the night we brought him in.”
“I’m sorry…. How are you feeling about it?”
“I’m good… Not great. I keep thinking about how it could have been me.”
“But it’s not.” Tyler says. “It’s good to be aware of what could have been, but don’t spend too much time on all those dark thoughts.
It is sad that he died, but use it as it reminder why you should stay away from those drugs, rather than have some replacement-guilt that drives you back to it.”
“Are you sure that you and Dan aren’t twins?” Justin laughs. “That is about the same thing he said.”
“Then he’s smarter than I thought.” Tyler admits.
“It’s also something someone else said…. Do you remember Fawn? I … cheated on you.. with her? … Way back then.” Justin sees the frown on Tyler’s face.
“Just a blur, I’m afraid. I was too busy being mad and disappointed in you.”
“I ran into her today. She works at the hospital. She’s clean now. Has a kid. She specializes on drugs-related issues. Gives lectures on schools as well, to talk about the danger of using.”
“Good for her.” Tyler replies, feeling more satisfied than she should be.
“She has a kid… Nearly 6 years old?” He looks at her and Tyler, about to take another bite, stops halfway.
“Yours?” She asks, there suddenly seems to be a wall between them.
“Could be. She’s not sure.” He replies, choked up.
“Does she want something from you?”
“Nothing. Says she’s happy just the way things are. It was a thought that came up in my head, not something she talked about.” The tension seems to ebb away and Tyler thoughtfully finishes her bite.
“Does it bother you?” She then asks and when she sees that Justin doesn’t follow her, she explains: “Not knowing if you are the kid’s father?”
“Don’t know. I feel like I did when we still didn’t know who Elizabeth’s biological father was. It could have been me.
And with this boy, it’s the same. I wonder, what if he is mine? Should I care? Should I take some responsibility? And what if he isn’t? Do I really want to know? And what can I do? Fawn made it clear that, regardless of who the father is, she doesn’t need him in her life. She’s doing fine on her own, with her son, why upset their family and us?”
Tyler can hear his confusion.
“Would you like the boy to yours? Her questions is direct and Justin plays with his food, while coming up with an answer.
“I don’t know. I always wanted to have kids, but somehow… it just never happened. Elizabeth wasn’t mine and Rebecca lost the baby we were expecting….”
“And how did you feel about finding out that Elizabeth was Kevin’s?” Again Justin has to think over the answer.
“I don’t know…. We were too busy being worried about Elizabeth, and then Kevin, to think about it.”
“We?”
“Rebecca and I. We just never talked about it, though I know it triggered Rebecca’s desire to see her father again.”
“And what about you?”
“I have no clue. I never thought about it.”
“But you must have felt something? Were you disappointed? Relieved? Happy? Sad?”
“Scared to death! How about that? My niece and my brother would both need surgery and they were my main concern…”
“But after that? You must have stopped somewhere along the line and …”
“None of us did! It was just a fact! Elizabeth was Kevin’s! Period!” Justin suddenly feels terribly annoyed. “I’m sorry, I never over-analyze things that happen to me. Maybe that is part of my problem.”
“But…”
“I’m sorry, Tyler. There was nothing to discuss at the time. We just dealt with the facts and I didn’t care about it then, and I don’t care about it now.” Justin’s entire attitude makes it clear that he wants to drop the conversation.
*****
Paige stirs the beans in tomato-sauce to make sure they don’t stick to the bottom and Paula smiles at her.
“I’m glad you decided to stay here with me, rather than running off with your dad and brothers.” She says.
“They only want to do stupid ‘boy’-things anyway.” Paige shrugs. “And this is nice too. I like to help with the cooking.”
“Really?” Paula asks surprised, she never noticed much of it. In fact, Paige usually stays miles away from her and her kitchen when she’s staying over.
“I spend a lot of time with uncle Scotty and he’s such an amazing chef. I want to be a chef too…. I think. I like to cook, try out recipes, taste if ingredients work or not… It’s the cleaning up afterwards that I don’t like.” She jokes and Paula laughs.
“I get that. A chef-cook, huh?”
Paige looks at Paula. These last few weeks she finds it more easier to talk to her than to her own mother.
“I don’t know. I’d still like to be a teacher as well… Or perhaps run a business one day, just like mom. It’s just that… I really want to chose something, make up my mind, have a plan, I like it to have something to work towards, but somehow I just can’t…”
Her shoulders sink and she stirs once more, just to have something to do. Paula remembers that Gabe was like that too, several years ago, and she remembers the advice given to him. An advice that was still applicable today. She wraps an arm around Paige.
“You know what? Just be Paige, the teenager, for a while. You’ll have countless years of being adult and being responsible waiting for you. No need to rush.”
Paige raises her head and looks up at Paula, stunned as if she hadn’t thought of this option at all.
“That is something grandma Nora would say….” Paige sighs.
“Doesn’t make any less of good advice.”
“No, it doesn’t.” Paige suddenly turns to Paula and gives her a firm hug. “Thank you. I really feel better now.” She smiles.
Paula takes the whistling kettle off the fire to make some coffee. She wonders if she should mention that her advice was the advice given to Gabe by Sarah, but she decides against it. After all, it doesn’t really matter. Sarah helped Gabe and now Paula can help Paige with the same words.
*****
“You’re back.” Saul states, when Jonathan comes in. Jonathan looks very serious and Saul feels insecurity rise again. “Is everything alright?”
“Are you asking me how Ian is doing or are you asking me if I slept with him?” Jonathan’s question is rather harsh.
Saul gets up and walks up to Jonathan.
“I’m sorry.” He says. “I don’t want to fight with you… I don’t like the way our conversation went this morning. I feel I should have said things differently.”
“I wouldn’t cheat on you, Saul. As a lover, Ian is in my past…” Jonathan replies.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve told you before that I keep waiting for this bubble of happiness, that I’m in, to explode and…”
“You’re hurting me with your constant doubt. If you don’t trust me…”
“I do trust you. Again, I’m sorry.”
Jonathan sees that Saul is genuine with his apology.
“It’s alright. I could use a hug though. It's been an awful day.” He says and Saul complies.
“What’s wrong?”
“You know that Ian is HIV+ as well?”
“Yes.”
“He called me this morning, because his partner is New York and he just a call from his doctor that he had to come back for the test-results. He didn’t want to go the doctor alone. He asked me to go with him.”
Jonathan is so serious that Saul’s heart sinks.
“His results weren’t good?” He asks carefully and Jonathan shakes his head, suddenly looking very tired. Saul knows what this means. He makes Jonathan sit down next to him, so he can put an arm around him.
“I’m going to lose another of my friends…” Jonathan’s eyes fill with tears. “I’m going to have to watch him die and there will be nothing else I can do, but offer my support.”
“I’m sorry.” Saul says, feeling even worse about his earlier thoughts about cheating.
“Are you?” Jonathan asks bitterly.
“What is that is supposed to mean?” Saul asks.
“I thought you’d be happy to get ‘the competition’ out of the way.”
“Do you seriously believe that I’m the sort of man, who’d rejoice over the fact that another man is dying?” Saul is nearly speechless.
“No, not rejoice, but… not very compassionate either.” Jonathan replies and Saul is shocked at his words.
“Jonathan, I’m sorry that I acted like a jealous fool this morning, I still have a lot to learn about being in a relationship, I think.
But as afraid as I was that you might be more interested in Ian than in me, I never, ever wished for his medical status to go from bad to worse. If you seriously believe that about me, then … I’m not the only one who needs to get to know his partner better.”
“And you think that I don’t know you better than that?” Jonathan asks.
Saul doesn’t answer, but only pulls Jonathan closer. He feels how Jonathan resists at first, but then comes closer anyway.
“I’m sorry.” Jonathan says quietly.
“It’s alright.” Saul whispers and he holds Jonathan tightly in his arms.
*****
Holly checks her emails and she hopes that there will be one from either Rebecca or David, but none of them are. She can feel tears in her eyes. Have they forgotten her? She systematically reads every single of the 10 emails, 8 of them disappear in the trash-can and the 9th gets a quick reply.
She opens up the 10th one and reads it again and again. There’s a certain ache in her heart she knows she shouldn’t be feeling. Her fingers slide over the key-board. She wants to answer, but she doesn’t know how. She starts typing, deletes the words, makes another attempt, but erases it all again feeling, she's rather frustrated that she can’t find the right words.
Some people just have strong emotions and memories attached to them. Memories she doesn’t talk about with either Rebecca or David. Names like William Walker, Justin Walker and Saul Holden bring back images, sometimes voices or even the scent of an after-shave.
She gets up to get a glass of wine. She’s not supposed to drink, but she needs a glass tonight, now that the evening seems so incredibly long. The first sip tastes good and she takes another one. She licks the last drop from her lip, while calmly putting the glass of wine down. Her fingers find grip on the keyboard.
“Hi Nora, Thank you for your little email. It is so nice to hear from you and the others, even though Rebecca keeps me up-to-date as well. What can I tell you? Am I suffering from some sort of empty-nest-syndrome? I’m bored. Terribly, terribly bored, now that David and Rebecca are in Brazil…..”
*****
“What was I thinking?” Max asks himself out loud. “Alex is crazy.” He talks to his rearview-mirror. “And all he wanted to do was make me make a fool out of myself. Kevin would never kill anyone. I know that. He knows that. But it would certainly freak Kevin out, if he knows that Alex was thinking about him again….
Well, it’s not going to happen. I will not contact Kevin. I’m not going to scare him by placing Alex in his life again.” He promises himself and instead of taking the exit that would lead him to Kevin, Max breaks his promise to Alex and continues to his office.
*****
“You seriously believe you couldn’t love this baby? If anything happened to me, I mean?” Kitty wipes away her tears. She’s tired of fighting all the time. Seth was right earlier on. There’s no compromise to be had here. She can’t be half-pregnant and yet she feels as if she is.
She had hoped that, after the initial shock, people would be happy for her, but everyone around her keeps telling her that having this child is not a good idea. Maybe she’s the one desperately trying to hang on to a dream that just wasn’t meant to be.
“I want this baby so much…” She whispers.
“I know you do. You told me about the struggles you’ve had, but we also both know that you weren’t supposed to get pregnant. I know, I’m so aware, of what I’m asking of you. I know it must feel like the ultimate sacrifice, but this baby was not meant to be. And at first I thought that I could get over it, that I would be happy ... eventually. Just give it time.
But that did not happen. I only get more concerned and this feeling, that this child will ultimately kill you. is getting stronger. It’s like seeing a big dark cloud approach and I can’t stop it. And to answer your question, no, I would not be able to forgive this child if it did kill you. Even though I know that it’s not really accountable for what happened.”
Kitty feels tired and disappointed, but she knows that Seth is telling the truth. He did try to be optimistic, but even she had noticed how the cloud of fear had invaded their lives.
“I’ll make an appointment with the doctor… While I still can made that decision… I will have our baby taken away.” She decides with a sad face and she refuses the hug that Seth wants to give her.
*****
“Dinner will be ready in no time.” Scotty promises, peeking into Kevin’s office.
“Scotty! Please, come here for a moment.” Kevin asks and Scotty enters. Kevin closes the door behind him, to take Scotty in his arms and kiss him rather thoroughly.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers against Scotty’s lips.
“For what?” Scotty asks, not entirely able to think anymore.
“For being so self-absorbed these last few days. For not going with you to the hotel. For letting you down.”
“You didn’t let me down. I assumed you were working on one of your files.”
“True. I have something difficult on my mind. But still….”
“It’s okay, babe.” Scotty says. “Glad you apologized though.”
“So, how was the hotel?”
“It has so much potential. Both Tyler and I can see that. I don’t know…”
“You like it?”
“It has something. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s definitely something.”
“Are you going to keep it? Run it?”
“How? I can’t see how we can afford it.”
“It’s not exactly like we don’t have the cash…”
“Kev, your practice is picking up and the restaurant isn’t doing bad, but… to put our resources on a hotel that just might not work, … it’s too dangerous. There’s isn’t just us to consider, but also Olivia and Daniel. It’s such a big gamble.”
“You’re right… We do have think things over. Very carefully…” Though Kevin’s mind is by now back on the topic of Stanton.
“I believe you’re mind is not with me on the topic of the hotel?” Scotty asks gently and Kevin shakes his head.
“I’m sorry, my love, I guess I’m in the same boat as you. I have something going on, that I’m not sure off either. If I should do it or not.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“No. Not really.”
“Ultimately I think we should both follow our hearts.” Scotty advices.
“What if that doesn’t seem the smartest thing to do?”
“If that is what you believe you must do, then it can’t be the wrong decision…” Scotty answers.
“Will you forgive me, if it turns out that I made the wrong choice after all?” Scotty is surprised by the seriousness in Kevin’s voice.
“Yes. Of course. I love you.” Scotty replies. “Unless you decided to cheat on me?”
“No! Never!” Kevin laughs, glad he can at least take that worry away.
“Then don’t worry, I’ll forgive you anything else.” Scotty laughs as well. He gives Kevin one more kiss and then leaves Kevin’s office to finish dinner. Kevin puts his briefcase back on the desk and stares at it for a while, until he nods that he agrees with this decision. He opens the drawer once more and puts the gun with silencer back in the briefcase.
*****
END OF EPISODE TWO