Fanfic: B&S episode 609: part 4/4
Season 6 - Episode 9 - (I JUST) DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT
By Marea67
About: Brothers & Sisters (general)
Rate: Can’t go higher than PG-13, as this is American Television, but I may add a few ‘deleted scenes’ here and there. ;)
Disclaimer: Just escaping from reality here, not created for financial gain
Summary: It is my very own season 6, you guys! Go with it! ;) Don’t complain! If YOU can do better, post your own story! (I dare you!)
***** Part 4/4 *****
“Thank you, for allowing me to speak to Michelle.” Scotty says to Max, who nods. "How is she?"
“They've been giving her some strong sedatives and she was out all night. I think this must be the best sleep she’s had in months… She ate this morning, but threw up almost half an hour later.
The doctor thinks that she’s grown so accustomed to pills and booze, that her body rejected solid food…”
“That is awful.” Scotty says.
“It is… Michelle? You have a visitor.”
Scotty had no idea what he had expected, but Michelle is at the other side of the table, looking a little pale, playing nervously with her hands and looking away from him, when she sees him look at her.
“I look like a mess.” She says apologetic.
“No. You look fine…” Scotty says and she does. She obviously showered. Her hair is washed and combed. She has no make-up on, which is a way that Scotty hadn’t seen her since she was 12 years old. She looks suddenly older, more mature, and Scotty no longer knows what to do or say, now that he sees her.
“They told me he’s dead.” She says, taking the bull by the horns.
“You shot Alex. Yes.”
“How’s Kevin?”
“Don’t know. We had a fight.”
“About me?” She asks timidly.
“Amongst other things…” Scotty can’t lie.
“I’m sorry.”
“Are you?”
She looks up, just as surprised as Scotty that there’s so much sarcasm.
“Yes, I am. I …. I really screwed things up, didn’t I?” Her demeanor moves so quickly from mature to child-like that it worries Scotty.
“Yes. You did.” He answers.
“Where have I been? What have I been doing? I mean… I know where I’ve been and what I’ve done, but … it all feels so unreal. Like it wasn’t me doing it. I just .. I loved Daniel so much. It was so amazing to feel him grow inside me and … I started to remember the abortion and wondering ….
I never thought about that baby again, I just erased it from my mind. I’d squash the smallest hint, that it might come back to my mind, but … when I was pregnant, it was like the flood-gates just opened. I would have a son or a daughter. A teenager by now. What would he or she have been like? Like you? Like me? Something in between?
I just couldn’t stop and I began to dislike having to give up this child too and … then I was in New York, to visit family, and … I was upset that I would lose this child also and … I don’t know what happened, but I suddenly found myself calling you, telling you that I’d lost it… I never even considered what I was doing to you…. And I’m so sorry. You were my best friend and I lied to you and kept our baby to myself…”
“Daniel is not ‘our’ baby, Michelle. He’s mine … and Kevin’s.” Scotty corrects, becoming a bit hyper-sensitive to the way Michelle speaks about Daniel.
Sensing the growing annoyance in Scotty, Michelle sits back and looks at Scotty. She knows that he’s nervous about something.
“You said… that you did everything you could to get rid of the first … implant… Is that true? You got rid of it, because it could have been Kevin’s?”
When he looks up at her, he hopes to see some sign that it was a lie and that she had just wanted to hurt them where it would hurt the most, but what he sees is sadness and shame.
“It is true… I’m not proud of what I did, but … it’s true…”
“Michelle….”
“Scotty, I’m so sorry, for everything I’ve put you through…”
“And Kevin? What you put him through.” He can see in her eyes, that Kevin’s feelings are not her as much her concern as his feelings are and it hurts him to see that.
There’s a knock and a young woman enters the small room.
“I’m Bridget Springthorpe, your attorney.” She introduces herself to Michelle. “Can I call you Michelle?” Michelle nods, clearly confused at seeing the woman in front of her. She’s clearly all business and no fun, but she’s not unkind.
“Shall I leave?” Scotty asks, but Bridget shakes her head.
“No, Mr Wandell, you don’t have to. In fact, it will immediately give me the chance to double-check the story that Kevin told me.”
“Kevin?”
“Yes, he hired me to defend Michelle.” Bridget explains.
“What?” Scotty’s jaw drops.
“This will be strictly professional. He just wishes that Michelle will get the best defense there is.
He has made it clear that Michelle has a good case, citing self-defense and temporary insanity due to pills and alcohol, combined with prolonged emotional stress as an explanation for what she did.” Michelle looks at Scotty, not sure what to think of it all.
“What will happen to me?” She asks.
“Depends on the judge. Prison. Rehab most certainly. Counseling. Psychiatric help. After all, you did kill Alex Grodin, after having threatened the lives of Kevin Walker and Mateo Paresa. I can’t undo that. It’s in the police-reports, and both you and Scotty, as well as Kevin and Mateo have testified to that.
I think, that you should also know that Kevin has filed for a restraining order. You’re not allowed to come near him, Mateo Paresa, Olivia Carla Salazar or Daniel Walker-Wandell again, if and when you get out of prison.”
“He can stop me from coming near my son?”
Scotty starts to feel nauseous. ‘My son’. Kevin is protecting himself and the children, while leaving the door open for Scotty to be in touch with Michelle, and vice versa, if that is what Scotty wishes. But he looks at Michelle and he can no longer see the girl he used to know.
He only sees as stubborn looking girl, who’s convinced that because she gave birth to Daniel, she’s the most important person in his life.
“If you will excuse me… I need some fresh air, I think.” Scotty gets up and Michelle looks up at him.
“When you come by next time, bring Daniel, will you? I’d love to see him again.” She asks with a dreamy smile as if Bridget’s words haven’t really any meaning to her. Scotty doesn’t answer, but leaves the small room in a hurry. Once outside he leans against the wall and he covers his face with his hands.
He’s too tired and too empty to cry. He just waits for Bridget to leave the room as well.
“Mr Wandell. Were you waiting for me to leave so you can go back in?” She asks.
“No. I wanted to know if you can adjust the restraining order and add my name to it…” he asks with a rough voice. She nods with a serious look on her face.
*****
TUESDAY MORNING
*****
“Mr Walker? We’re ready for the ceremony.” Kevin nods and the undertaker explains. “As per your wish there will only be a short ceremony. You requested only two songs. First the ‘Ave Maria’, then ‘Amazing Grace’. I understand that there’s no one who wishes to say a few words?”
“There won’t be anyone other than me to say goodbye. It’s sort of silly to stand there talking to yourself.” Kevin says quietly. The man seems surprised by Kevin’s words, but then remembers the name and the conditions under which Alex died. So he merely nods and he enters the room reserved for Alex’s coffin.
“I will you give you a minute. If you’re ready, we will start the music as you requested.” Kevin nods quietly and looks at the wooden coffin. Behind him are empty rows of chairs, where no one will sit, because no one but Kevin cares that Alex is dead. He lets his hand slide over the coffin, suddenly too upset to cry.
There’s a little noise behind him and Kevin believes it’s the undertaker.
“You can play the music.” He says, his voice thick with tears, that he tries not to cry.
“Kev…?” It is but a whisper in the empty room, but Kevin stiffens at the sound of it. He slowly turns around.
Daniel sits nicely on Scotty’s arm. Olivia stands beside him and Mateo a little behind Scotty, as if to stay out of sight.
“You came.” Kevin states overwhelmed by Scotty's sudden appearance..
“I’m so sorry, Kevin.” Scotty says.
“You don’t have to be here, Scotty… I know how you feel about what happened.”
“I should be here. With my husband. Because he is hurting over losing a friend. And regardless of how I feel about that friend, you need me and you need your kids.…” Kevin hugs Scotty, Daniel between them, and Olivia joins the hug.
Kevin reaches out to Mateo and pulls him into the hug as well.
“He saved your life… That means a lot to me.” Mateo says quietly.
“Thank you so much for being here.” Kevin sniffs. “I felt so alone….”
“Can we start?” The undertaker asks and if he’s surprised to see the others, he’s not showing it.
“Yes, we can…” Kevin says and the first notes of the ‘Ave Maria’ start to play and Kevin and Scotty look very serious, listening to the music. Scotty takes Kevin's hand. Mateo’s hand rests on Olivia shoulder, they are both aware of the respect they come to pay here. A noise makes Mateo look over his shoulder.
Jason and Chad enter the room and find a place to sit down. Mateo gently taps Kevin on the arm to get his attention and nods at Chad and Jason. Kevin is shocked to see them and when he looks at Scotty he sees the same surprise on Scotty’s face. The door opens again and this time Nora enters with Saul and Jonathan. The door doesn’t close. More people enter.
Sarah, Gabe, Paige and Cooper take their seats. Kitty and Seth sit down quickly as well, very close to Justin, Tyler and Julia. Max takes a chair all the way in the back. Overwhelmed by the sudden presence of his family and friends, Kevin can no longer control his tears and Scotty wraps an arm around him and Olivia takes Kevin’s hand.
The music stops and the undertaker greets everyone and he looks at Kevin, as he offers his place to anyone who wishes to say something.
“You have to speak, Kevin.” Scotty whispers.
“I have nothing prepared, I didn’t expect anyone.” Kevin quickly answers.
“Improvise!” Scotty replies. Kevin slowly gets up and walks up to the little microphone. He clears his throat.
“Thanks you all for coming here today to say goodbye to Alex Grodin. I have nothing prepared, so forgive me if I’m not to coherent sometimes.
Alex Grodin used to be my friend. He used to be the one to stand up for me. He would bully others who would bully me… Alex had a rough youth, never learned to love himself, and I sometimes wonder what would have become of him, if he would have had a better start ... and if had been taught to use his talents for a good cause.
Because he was not stupid nor lazy. He made friends easily and he could just as easily forget about them. He had a good memory, if he wanted to... He was patient. Could sit down and watch, analyze and act on his findings... . He was smart and resourceful… and he had love to give… it just seemed like no one wanted him or his love and… I think I even failed him there.
He was a complicated man, who used the talents he had for bad things, and …. I cannot turn that into something good.... I cannot undo the fact that he killed people, that he lied about himself and who he was and that he swindled people.... I cannot forgive or forget what he did to Scotty.. or Jason and Chad, but …
I know that he loved me, even when I didn’t want him to, when I made it very clear to him that I no longer wanted to know him… He remained loyal to me, where any other may have felt... that I no longer deserved that loyalty.... It’s that loyalty that cost him his life and I feel responsible for that, ... even though he would be the first to call me a fool for feeling like that.
I’ve had a lot of time to think about all this, these last few days. I’ve hated him, but I’ve loved him too. I’ve been afraid of him, and yet, I also felt that he would never hurt me... I know that people are happy that he’s gone and that he will never pose a threat again, but I cannot join that party... I loved him too much for that.
It’s … complicated… just like he was, just as my relationship to him was…. I may not be able to mourn the man he turned out to be, but I do mourn the kid he used to be, the boy with all these dreams, that he never could fulfill and the man he was when he died in my arms a few days ago. … Thank you…”
Kevin steps away and walks back to his chair. He watches the people in the room. Nora shows him an encouraging smile. He sees how Chad and Jason’s fingers are intertwined, there must be some memories there of their ordeal with Alex… He’s slightly puzzled by the deep frown on Cooper’s face.
He’s glad to sit down and feel Scotty’s hand on his. The ceremony continues and Scotty remains with Kevin when all the others leave the room. Kitty and Sarah take Olivia, Mateo and Daniel with them, leaving Kevin to blow out the candles around Alex’s coffin. His fingers slide over the wood as if to caress the person inside one last time.
“Goodbye, Alex. I hope that you can finally have peace…” He whispers softly and he looks at Scotty.
“You’ve done the right thing, Kevin. It was a beautiful ceremony.”
“Thank you…” Kevin answers. He takes Scotty’s hand and they leave the room together.
*****
LATE IN THE EVENING
*****
“All the kids are asleep.” Scotty says and he kicks off his shoes. Kevin is on the couch, reading a book, though Scotty suspects that he wasn’t really reading.
“It’s been a long day.” Kevin answers automatically.
“Yeah, it was.” Scotty nods and he sits down next to Kevin.
“Scotty,….”
“Kevin,….”
They both laugh softly over their simultaneous reaction.
“You go first.” Scotty says and Kevin clears his throat, looks a little awkward at Scotty, not knowing exactly where to start.
“Scotty, I’m sorry…. I’ve been giving it some thought and I suppose that…. Looking from Michelle’s point of view,… maybe there could have been some sort of … s-s-self-defense…. But after Alex died, I couldn’t see it that way… It's why I hired Bridget for her.” Scotty nods at Kevin’s words, feeling that Kevin is trying to bridge the gap between them..
“It’s all well and good for me to say that Michelle wouldn’t have pulled that trigger, but, to be honest, I am not really sure about that either. The Michelle I used to know would never have done that, but… the Michelle I used to know would also never have stolen our child, or held us at gunpoint, or traumatize our kids or… anything…”
“It’s complicated…” Kevin says.
“Complicated is the right word…” Scotty agrees.
“There was just .. so much frustration, so much anger… with Michelle, with me…."
“I was worried, about what she might do to you…”
“I would never have let her steal Daniel again.” Kevin assures his husband.
“Me neither… I had no idea who that woman was, who stood there, threatening us. She was so different. Somewhere something just went hay-wire in her head….”
“Now, maybe, you can understand why it was so hard for me to let go of Alex…?”
Tears fill Kevin’s eyes again and Scotty holds him close, arms around him, as he lets Kevin lie close against him, Kevin’s head against his shoulder.
“I love you so much, Kevin, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. I was so focused on my own pain and I couldn’t understand yours…”
“I know. I was feeling the same way. I couldn’t understand why you went on protecting Michelle, when she killed Alex… but all along I was standing up for Alex, despite of everything he’s done to you, Chad and Jason… Guess it was real case of ‘pot meet kettle’.” Kevin explains dryly and Scotty laughs softly.
“Well, I’m sorry and… I’m not going to see Michelle again either.”
“You can’t leave her like this.”
“I don’t know. I guess, I finally saw her for who she really is right now and not the person she used to be in my head….”
“That’s hard.” Kevin agrees and he moves even closer to Scotty. “But I love you and I don’t want you to stop seeing her on my account….”
“It’s not about you, it’s about me. I don’t want to see her anymore. She's not my Michelle…”
“Well, if that is your decision....?”
“It is.” Scotty kisses Kevin’s lips very tenderly.
“Good…” Kevin lets his head rest against Scotty’s chest and Scotty runs his fingers soothingly through Kevin’s hair until he notices that Kevin is very heavy and limp against him. Kevin is asleep.
Scotty sighs. Maybe he should wake Kevin, so they can go to bed, but at the same time it’s so peaceful and quiet in the living-room and after all the screaming, yelling and arguing of these last few days, he doesn’t dare to break the silence. He’s tired, but glad that Kevin and he are back on the same page.
*****
Mateo wakes up and looks automatically at his alarm-clock. 2.27 am. He yawns, still a whole night to go. He can’t wait that long. He slips out of bed and quickly goes to the bathroom. When he comes back, a few minutes later, he sees that there’s still a light on in the living-room.
He sincerely hopes that Kevin and Scotty are not still fighting. Not after the beautiful ceremony Kevin had given Alex. Kevin didn’t need more stress. He carefully opens the door, hoping he won’t fall in the middle of an argument, but he smiles at what he sees instead.
Scotty is on the couch. Kevin tightly in his arms. A tangle of arms and legs. Amused, Mateo can see that these two will have quite some back-ache tomorrow when they wake up, but he doesn’t want to wake them up. He goes into their bedroom and takes their blanket.
He returns to the living-room and gently covers Kevin and Scotty with it. They don’t even move. If he couldn’t see their chests move, he’d think they were dead.
“Sleep tight.” Mateo whispers and he moves to the door, where he stops for one last look and then he turns off the lights.
*****
END OF EPISODE NINE
*****
Episode 610 - "I'll be home for Christmas" is the Christmas-episode, not sure if I can post it on Sunday, as I will be celebrating Christmas that evening with my daughter and husband (and maybe my dad). If I can, it will be very late in the evening, my time, or else on the 26th. :)
By Marea67
About: Brothers & Sisters (general)
Rate: Can’t go higher than PG-13, as this is American Television, but I may add a few ‘deleted scenes’ here and there. ;)
Disclaimer: Just escaping from reality here, not created for financial gain
Summary: It is my very own season 6, you guys! Go with it! ;) Don’t complain! If YOU can do better, post your own story! (I dare you!)
***** Part 4/4 *****
“Thank you, for allowing me to speak to Michelle.” Scotty says to Max, who nods. "How is she?"
“They've been giving her some strong sedatives and she was out all night. I think this must be the best sleep she’s had in months… She ate this morning, but threw up almost half an hour later.
The doctor thinks that she’s grown so accustomed to pills and booze, that her body rejected solid food…”
“That is awful.” Scotty says.
“It is… Michelle? You have a visitor.”
Scotty had no idea what he had expected, but Michelle is at the other side of the table, looking a little pale, playing nervously with her hands and looking away from him, when she sees him look at her.
“I look like a mess.” She says apologetic.
“No. You look fine…” Scotty says and she does. She obviously showered. Her hair is washed and combed. She has no make-up on, which is a way that Scotty hadn’t seen her since she was 12 years old. She looks suddenly older, more mature, and Scotty no longer knows what to do or say, now that he sees her.
“They told me he’s dead.” She says, taking the bull by the horns.
“You shot Alex. Yes.”
“How’s Kevin?”
“Don’t know. We had a fight.”
“About me?” She asks timidly.
“Amongst other things…” Scotty can’t lie.
“I’m sorry.”
“Are you?”
She looks up, just as surprised as Scotty that there’s so much sarcasm.
“Yes, I am. I …. I really screwed things up, didn’t I?” Her demeanor moves so quickly from mature to child-like that it worries Scotty.
“Yes. You did.” He answers.
“Where have I been? What have I been doing? I mean… I know where I’ve been and what I’ve done, but … it all feels so unreal. Like it wasn’t me doing it. I just .. I loved Daniel so much. It was so amazing to feel him grow inside me and … I started to remember the abortion and wondering ….
I never thought about that baby again, I just erased it from my mind. I’d squash the smallest hint, that it might come back to my mind, but … when I was pregnant, it was like the flood-gates just opened. I would have a son or a daughter. A teenager by now. What would he or she have been like? Like you? Like me? Something in between?
I just couldn’t stop and I began to dislike having to give up this child too and … then I was in New York, to visit family, and … I was upset that I would lose this child also and … I don’t know what happened, but I suddenly found myself calling you, telling you that I’d lost it… I never even considered what I was doing to you…. And I’m so sorry. You were my best friend and I lied to you and kept our baby to myself…”
“Daniel is not ‘our’ baby, Michelle. He’s mine … and Kevin’s.” Scotty corrects, becoming a bit hyper-sensitive to the way Michelle speaks about Daniel.
Sensing the growing annoyance in Scotty, Michelle sits back and looks at Scotty. She knows that he’s nervous about something.
“You said… that you did everything you could to get rid of the first … implant… Is that true? You got rid of it, because it could have been Kevin’s?”
When he looks up at her, he hopes to see some sign that it was a lie and that she had just wanted to hurt them where it would hurt the most, but what he sees is sadness and shame.
“It is true… I’m not proud of what I did, but … it’s true…”
“Michelle….”
“Scotty, I’m so sorry, for everything I’ve put you through…”
“And Kevin? What you put him through.” He can see in her eyes, that Kevin’s feelings are not her as much her concern as his feelings are and it hurts him to see that.
There’s a knock and a young woman enters the small room.
“I’m Bridget Springthorpe, your attorney.” She introduces herself to Michelle. “Can I call you Michelle?” Michelle nods, clearly confused at seeing the woman in front of her. She’s clearly all business and no fun, but she’s not unkind.
“Shall I leave?” Scotty asks, but Bridget shakes her head.
“No, Mr Wandell, you don’t have to. In fact, it will immediately give me the chance to double-check the story that Kevin told me.”
“Kevin?”
“Yes, he hired me to defend Michelle.” Bridget explains.
“What?” Scotty’s jaw drops.
“This will be strictly professional. He just wishes that Michelle will get the best defense there is.
He has made it clear that Michelle has a good case, citing self-defense and temporary insanity due to pills and alcohol, combined with prolonged emotional stress as an explanation for what she did.” Michelle looks at Scotty, not sure what to think of it all.
“What will happen to me?” She asks.
“Depends on the judge. Prison. Rehab most certainly. Counseling. Psychiatric help. After all, you did kill Alex Grodin, after having threatened the lives of Kevin Walker and Mateo Paresa. I can’t undo that. It’s in the police-reports, and both you and Scotty, as well as Kevin and Mateo have testified to that.
I think, that you should also know that Kevin has filed for a restraining order. You’re not allowed to come near him, Mateo Paresa, Olivia Carla Salazar or Daniel Walker-Wandell again, if and when you get out of prison.”
“He can stop me from coming near my son?”
Scotty starts to feel nauseous. ‘My son’. Kevin is protecting himself and the children, while leaving the door open for Scotty to be in touch with Michelle, and vice versa, if that is what Scotty wishes. But he looks at Michelle and he can no longer see the girl he used to know.
He only sees as stubborn looking girl, who’s convinced that because she gave birth to Daniel, she’s the most important person in his life.
“If you will excuse me… I need some fresh air, I think.” Scotty gets up and Michelle looks up at him.
“When you come by next time, bring Daniel, will you? I’d love to see him again.” She asks with a dreamy smile as if Bridget’s words haven’t really any meaning to her. Scotty doesn’t answer, but leaves the small room in a hurry. Once outside he leans against the wall and he covers his face with his hands.
He’s too tired and too empty to cry. He just waits for Bridget to leave the room as well.
“Mr Wandell. Were you waiting for me to leave so you can go back in?” She asks.
“No. I wanted to know if you can adjust the restraining order and add my name to it…” he asks with a rough voice. She nods with a serious look on her face.
*****
TUESDAY MORNING
*****
“Mr Walker? We’re ready for the ceremony.” Kevin nods and the undertaker explains. “As per your wish there will only be a short ceremony. You requested only two songs. First the ‘Ave Maria’, then ‘Amazing Grace’. I understand that there’s no one who wishes to say a few words?”
“There won’t be anyone other than me to say goodbye. It’s sort of silly to stand there talking to yourself.” Kevin says quietly. The man seems surprised by Kevin’s words, but then remembers the name and the conditions under which Alex died. So he merely nods and he enters the room reserved for Alex’s coffin.
“I will you give you a minute. If you’re ready, we will start the music as you requested.” Kevin nods quietly and looks at the wooden coffin. Behind him are empty rows of chairs, where no one will sit, because no one but Kevin cares that Alex is dead. He lets his hand slide over the coffin, suddenly too upset to cry.
There’s a little noise behind him and Kevin believes it’s the undertaker.
“You can play the music.” He says, his voice thick with tears, that he tries not to cry.
“Kev…?” It is but a whisper in the empty room, but Kevin stiffens at the sound of it. He slowly turns around.
Daniel sits nicely on Scotty’s arm. Olivia stands beside him and Mateo a little behind Scotty, as if to stay out of sight.
“You came.” Kevin states overwhelmed by Scotty's sudden appearance..
“I’m so sorry, Kevin.” Scotty says.
“You don’t have to be here, Scotty… I know how you feel about what happened.”
“I should be here. With my husband. Because he is hurting over losing a friend. And regardless of how I feel about that friend, you need me and you need your kids.…” Kevin hugs Scotty, Daniel between them, and Olivia joins the hug.
Kevin reaches out to Mateo and pulls him into the hug as well.
“He saved your life… That means a lot to me.” Mateo says quietly.
“Thank you so much for being here.” Kevin sniffs. “I felt so alone….”
“Can we start?” The undertaker asks and if he’s surprised to see the others, he’s not showing it.
“Yes, we can…” Kevin says and the first notes of the ‘Ave Maria’ start to play and Kevin and Scotty look very serious, listening to the music. Scotty takes Kevin's hand. Mateo’s hand rests on Olivia shoulder, they are both aware of the respect they come to pay here. A noise makes Mateo look over his shoulder.
Jason and Chad enter the room and find a place to sit down. Mateo gently taps Kevin on the arm to get his attention and nods at Chad and Jason. Kevin is shocked to see them and when he looks at Scotty he sees the same surprise on Scotty’s face. The door opens again and this time Nora enters with Saul and Jonathan. The door doesn’t close. More people enter.
Sarah, Gabe, Paige and Cooper take their seats. Kitty and Seth sit down quickly as well, very close to Justin, Tyler and Julia. Max takes a chair all the way in the back. Overwhelmed by the sudden presence of his family and friends, Kevin can no longer control his tears and Scotty wraps an arm around him and Olivia takes Kevin’s hand.
The music stops and the undertaker greets everyone and he looks at Kevin, as he offers his place to anyone who wishes to say something.
“You have to speak, Kevin.” Scotty whispers.
“I have nothing prepared, I didn’t expect anyone.” Kevin quickly answers.
“Improvise!” Scotty replies. Kevin slowly gets up and walks up to the little microphone. He clears his throat.
“Thanks you all for coming here today to say goodbye to Alex Grodin. I have nothing prepared, so forgive me if I’m not to coherent sometimes.
Alex Grodin used to be my friend. He used to be the one to stand up for me. He would bully others who would bully me… Alex had a rough youth, never learned to love himself, and I sometimes wonder what would have become of him, if he would have had a better start ... and if had been taught to use his talents for a good cause.
Because he was not stupid nor lazy. He made friends easily and he could just as easily forget about them. He had a good memory, if he wanted to... He was patient. Could sit down and watch, analyze and act on his findings... . He was smart and resourceful… and he had love to give… it just seemed like no one wanted him or his love and… I think I even failed him there.
He was a complicated man, who used the talents he had for bad things, and …. I cannot turn that into something good.... I cannot undo the fact that he killed people, that he lied about himself and who he was and that he swindled people.... I cannot forgive or forget what he did to Scotty.. or Jason and Chad, but …
I know that he loved me, even when I didn’t want him to, when I made it very clear to him that I no longer wanted to know him… He remained loyal to me, where any other may have felt... that I no longer deserved that loyalty.... It’s that loyalty that cost him his life and I feel responsible for that, ... even though he would be the first to call me a fool for feeling like that.
I’ve had a lot of time to think about all this, these last few days. I’ve hated him, but I’ve loved him too. I’ve been afraid of him, and yet, I also felt that he would never hurt me... I know that people are happy that he’s gone and that he will never pose a threat again, but I cannot join that party... I loved him too much for that.
It’s … complicated… just like he was, just as my relationship to him was…. I may not be able to mourn the man he turned out to be, but I do mourn the kid he used to be, the boy with all these dreams, that he never could fulfill and the man he was when he died in my arms a few days ago. … Thank you…”
Kevin steps away and walks back to his chair. He watches the people in the room. Nora shows him an encouraging smile. He sees how Chad and Jason’s fingers are intertwined, there must be some memories there of their ordeal with Alex… He’s slightly puzzled by the deep frown on Cooper’s face.
He’s glad to sit down and feel Scotty’s hand on his. The ceremony continues and Scotty remains with Kevin when all the others leave the room. Kitty and Sarah take Olivia, Mateo and Daniel with them, leaving Kevin to blow out the candles around Alex’s coffin. His fingers slide over the wood as if to caress the person inside one last time.
“Goodbye, Alex. I hope that you can finally have peace…” He whispers softly and he looks at Scotty.
“You’ve done the right thing, Kevin. It was a beautiful ceremony.”
“Thank you…” Kevin answers. He takes Scotty’s hand and they leave the room together.
*****
LATE IN THE EVENING
*****
“All the kids are asleep.” Scotty says and he kicks off his shoes. Kevin is on the couch, reading a book, though Scotty suspects that he wasn’t really reading.
“It’s been a long day.” Kevin answers automatically.
“Yeah, it was.” Scotty nods and he sits down next to Kevin.
“Scotty,….”
“Kevin,….”
They both laugh softly over their simultaneous reaction.
“You go first.” Scotty says and Kevin clears his throat, looks a little awkward at Scotty, not knowing exactly where to start.
“Scotty, I’m sorry…. I’ve been giving it some thought and I suppose that…. Looking from Michelle’s point of view,… maybe there could have been some sort of … s-s-self-defense…. But after Alex died, I couldn’t see it that way… It's why I hired Bridget for her.” Scotty nods at Kevin’s words, feeling that Kevin is trying to bridge the gap between them..
“It’s all well and good for me to say that Michelle wouldn’t have pulled that trigger, but, to be honest, I am not really sure about that either. The Michelle I used to know would never have done that, but… the Michelle I used to know would also never have stolen our child, or held us at gunpoint, or traumatize our kids or… anything…”
“It’s complicated…” Kevin says.
“Complicated is the right word…” Scotty agrees.
“There was just .. so much frustration, so much anger… with Michelle, with me…."
“I was worried, about what she might do to you…”
“I would never have let her steal Daniel again.” Kevin assures his husband.
“Me neither… I had no idea who that woman was, who stood there, threatening us. She was so different. Somewhere something just went hay-wire in her head….”
“Now, maybe, you can understand why it was so hard for me to let go of Alex…?”
Tears fill Kevin’s eyes again and Scotty holds him close, arms around him, as he lets Kevin lie close against him, Kevin’s head against his shoulder.
“I love you so much, Kevin, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. I was so focused on my own pain and I couldn’t understand yours…”
“I know. I was feeling the same way. I couldn’t understand why you went on protecting Michelle, when she killed Alex… but all along I was standing up for Alex, despite of everything he’s done to you, Chad and Jason… Guess it was real case of ‘pot meet kettle’.” Kevin explains dryly and Scotty laughs softly.
“Well, I’m sorry and… I’m not going to see Michelle again either.”
“You can’t leave her like this.”
“I don’t know. I guess, I finally saw her for who she really is right now and not the person she used to be in my head….”
“That’s hard.” Kevin agrees and he moves even closer to Scotty. “But I love you and I don’t want you to stop seeing her on my account….”
“It’s not about you, it’s about me. I don’t want to see her anymore. She's not my Michelle…”
“Well, if that is your decision....?”
“It is.” Scotty kisses Kevin’s lips very tenderly.
“Good…” Kevin lets his head rest against Scotty’s chest and Scotty runs his fingers soothingly through Kevin’s hair until he notices that Kevin is very heavy and limp against him. Kevin is asleep.
Scotty sighs. Maybe he should wake Kevin, so they can go to bed, but at the same time it’s so peaceful and quiet in the living-room and after all the screaming, yelling and arguing of these last few days, he doesn’t dare to break the silence. He’s tired, but glad that Kevin and he are back on the same page.
*****
Mateo wakes up and looks automatically at his alarm-clock. 2.27 am. He yawns, still a whole night to go. He can’t wait that long. He slips out of bed and quickly goes to the bathroom. When he comes back, a few minutes later, he sees that there’s still a light on in the living-room.
He sincerely hopes that Kevin and Scotty are not still fighting. Not after the beautiful ceremony Kevin had given Alex. Kevin didn’t need more stress. He carefully opens the door, hoping he won’t fall in the middle of an argument, but he smiles at what he sees instead.
Scotty is on the couch. Kevin tightly in his arms. A tangle of arms and legs. Amused, Mateo can see that these two will have quite some back-ache tomorrow when they wake up, but he doesn’t want to wake them up. He goes into their bedroom and takes their blanket.
He returns to the living-room and gently covers Kevin and Scotty with it. They don’t even move. If he couldn’t see their chests move, he’d think they were dead.
“Sleep tight.” Mateo whispers and he moves to the door, where he stops for one last look and then he turns off the lights.
*****
END OF EPISODE NINE
*****
Episode 610 - "I'll be home for Christmas" is the Christmas-episode, not sure if I can post it on Sunday, as I will be celebrating Christmas that evening with my daughter and husband (and maybe my dad). If I can, it will be very late in the evening, my time, or else on the 26th. :)