Fanfic: Just a quiet holiday 04/?
Just a quiet holiday 04/?
THIS IS AN AU(=Alternate universe) so things will be most likely different from the original version. Read at your own risk. Don't blame me if you don't like what you read! Not set in any time/place in particular.
By Marea67
About: Kevin & Scotty ( with Chad & Jason dropping by occassionally)
Disclaimer: Merely borrowing the characters, no harm will come to them. (I think...) Written with love not for money.
Rate: I'm going for NC-17 eventually. :)
Summery: Scotty could use a vacation.... So could Kevin
*****
Chad’s car is obnoxiously white and just as obnoxiously big and it stops right in front of Scotty. Jason immediately gets out to help Scotty put his luggage in the trunk, while Chad stays behind the wheel, sunglasses hiding his eyes.
“Are you ready for this?” Jason asks enthusiastically.
“No.” Scotty answers.
He had spent the last two hours reconsidering this ‘holiday’ over and over again, cursing himself that he had not insisted on meeting this Kevin prior to this day. Scotty had been afraid that Kevin, upon meeting Scotty, would change his mind about this, which would have left Scotty empty handed and with no holidays on a yacht.
But now Scotty can see how maybe he himself could be the person not interested in going. But can he disappoint this Kevin? Scotty knows how important this trip is to Kevin.
“Kevin, this is Scotty. Scotty, Kevin.” Chad introduces. For a moment the two men stare at each other, only to give each other a polite nod and then they shake hands.
Scotty's eyes rest on Kevin's face. He had see the pictures, but no current ones. Kevin seems much skinnier and older than he was in the pictures. Kevin doesn’t know what to say. He had expected Scotty to somehow look younger and be more flamboyant and effeminate, although he can’t put his finger on why he would have thought that.
“Well, isn’t that a flashing start. I can feel the static electricity in the air….” Chad jokes and Scotty feels slightly embarrassed.
“I strongly suggest you stop combing your hair so often, sweetheart.” Kevin answers dryly.
Scotty is surprised by how much he immediately likes the sound of Kevin’s voice. He can’t help but laugh and when his eyes meet Kevin’s eyes, he can see that Kevin is amused, but also that there’s the deep pain of a loss that weighs heavy on him. He still isn’t sure if spending five weeks alone with Kevin is a good idea.
Jason gives Scotty a little push in the back and practically forces Scotty to sit down next to Kevin. When Jason gets back to the front-seat of the car, he quickly exchanges looks with Chad. Both are feeling slightly worried. Scotty and Kevin are acting very reserved. Chad gives Jason an encouraging smile and he turns on the engine.
They take to the busy streets and after a while they leave the city behind them and drive along the coast. Scotty tries to relax a bit and find positives to this adventure. Kevin seems nice, but reserved. But Scotty immediately admits to himself that he isn’t feeling very comfortable either at the moment, so why should it be different for Kevin?
Kevin avoids any possible physical contact with Scotty. At every curve he tries to keep his balance so that he doesn't move any closer to the young man sitting beside him. Maybe he should just call it all off?
Chad knows exactly where Kevin’s yacht is, but he drives calmly, which is something he usually doesn’t do. It worries him that both men on the back-seat are quiet, rather than talking to each other. Every now and then he looks at Jason, who’s concern is also growing. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all.
Chad and Jason try to get Kevin and Scotty to talk to each other with some casual chit-chat, but it’s not working. Both Kevin and Scotty are ill at ease and answer all questions with one syllable words. Frustration is growing in Chad in particular, as he wonders why neither of the men makes some effort to make this easier.
Perhaps it had been a stupid idea. Perhaps Kevin and Scotty are just too different to make this work. Of course, Chad knows Scotty very well. Maybe it is too much to ask Kevin to make such a switch. Maybe it’s just too soon. Just as he’s about to suggest to call the whole thing off, he feels Kevin’s grab his shoulder.
“Can you stop, please, my leg hurts.” Chad pulls over and Kevin nearly tumbles out of the car, pain on his face… He tries to stretch his leg, but his muscles pull together in a cramp… Tears fill his eyes. It’s the worst attack in days. He feels a hand on his back and a warm voice gently tells him to sit down.
He lets Scotty guide him to the floor, where Scotty begins to massage his legs. Chad and Jason watch for a few seconds and Chad opens his door to go over to Kevin, but Jason stops him.
“No. Let Scotty do what he needs to do.”
Kevin’s breathing is irregular as waves of pain rush through his body, but Scotty’s soothing voice calms him down and Scotty’s strong hands massage away the tension in his legs. Kevin relaxes and finally the pain subsides to a point where he can focus on the concentrated expression Scotty’s face. His hands takes Scotty’s.
“The pain is gone… For now anyway… That was good job.” He says.
“Thank you….” Scotty lets go of the breath he’s been holding.
“I wasn’t too sure this would work out. I didn’t have much faith in this.” Kevin confesses.
“Neither did I.” Scotty admits.
“I could use your help…” Kevin admits, slightly lowering his defensive walls. “It’s not easy for me to have to rely on someone else…. And I’m not an easy person to be with… I seem to have lost my ability to be nice….
I’m sick and tired of people telling me how to live my life, how to grieve, what to cry about and what I should or shouldn’t say… I’m tired of people talking to me. In general… I’m sick of people telling me that I just move on and …. I’m sorry. You are not the solution. … A quick fuck, no matter how good, won’t take away my pain. I just … I just want all the noise to go away, all those people talking… I want silence … in my head….” Kevin says softly.
“Listen, Kevin. Chad and Jason are paying for me to go with you."Scotty shrugs. "I’m a licensed masseur and I know how to take away that particular pain…” He points at Kevin’s legs. “But I’m not a magician. I can’t fix your heartaches and I’m not going to try. I’m paid for, whether you have sex with me or whether just want me to read a book… But I do hope that you don’t expect me to read too many books. I only brought a few…” Scotty jokes lightly.
“Don’t worry, there are books on the yacht.” Kevin teases back, equally careful. For a moment they just shyly smile at each other.
“I could use a bit time away from life myself… It would be nice to have a few days without someone being all over me…. or inside me….” Scotty then admits reluctantly.
“So, we both just want to get away from the wicked world?” Kevin realizes.
“I can’t talk for you, but I wouldn’t mind… It's why I really said yes to this.” Scotty answers.
“Are you sure that you're ready to spend five weeks alone with me?”
“No.” Scotty shrugs. “....But let’s get it over with anyway.” And he smiles.
*****
Three days into the holiday and Scotty supposes it still takes some getting used to. The ocean is all around him. The silence on the boat makes everything almost surreal. Kevin isn’t a bad host, but not very warm either. He prefers to be alone and read, a hobby Scotty has picked up again as well.
There’s enough food on the yacht, and if it runs out, they aren’t days away from the coast to replenish. They travel far away from the coast, but still follow the coast-line, all be it very slowly. It’s fine with Scotty. The sun is hot and around noon he usually seeks cover under the sunshades, or below deck.
Kevin has the largest room, with a 2-persons bed. Scotty sleeps in a smaller room with bunk-beds, but he doesn’t care. There’s something liberating about the small space and about not being obliged to have sex. So far, Kevin doesn’t need much help, aside from the troubles with his legs, which seems to have muscles with a mind of their own.
In general, Kevin avoids Scotty. Not with hostility, he doesn’t seem to consider Scotty an intruder. It’s more a respectful distance, that Scotty doesn’t breach either. They occasionally share a polite conversation about the hot sun, the food to eat or if one of them offers to get a drink for the other, but other than that, silence reigns.
For the first time in a long time, Scotty can get his thoughts organized. He makes notes on what he needs to do upon returning. He estimates how much money he needs to turn Café 429, the restaurant that belongs to Kevin’s uncle Saul, into his dream-restaurant.
He quietly draws a new layout for the place. Not that he would change much. He likes the place as it is… Just…. A little less plastic, more wood. Get rid of the old-yellow napkins and such and buy more cheerful colors and… He’s so wrapped up in his thoughts, that he hasn’t noticed that Kevin approaching him.
“Want me to get you a drink?” Kevin offers. Scotty puts his hand over his eyes to protect them when he has to look up at Kevin.
“No, thanks, I still have some here… I’d get out of the sun though, if I were you, your shoulders are turning red.”
“Yes, I was thinking the same thing.” Kevin sighs, feeling his skin tightening on his shoulders. “Would you mind putting some sunscreen on my back?” He holds up a bottle and Scotty takes it. Quietly he wonders if this a way for Kevin to ask him for sex. He’s still a bit unsettled by Kevin’s apparent lack of physical interest in him.
Scotty is used to hands on his body, he’s used to being taken or doing the taking. He’s used to sex several times a week. To suddenly lose that is more disturbing that he had thought. He doesn’t mind the lack of sex, but at the same time he had not expected that he would miss it as much as he does either.
He carefully rubs the lotion over Kevin’s back, adding gently more caresses, thinking it might be what Kevin wants. But at a certain moment, Kevin gets up and he takes Scotty by the wrists.
“I know what you're doing, but I’m fine. All I needed was the lotion, nothing more.” Kevin says sharply.
For some strange reason, Scotty suddenly feels his blood race to his face. He’s blushing! He hasn’t done that in years! Kevin sees it as well and lets go of Scotty wrists.
“I’m sorry. I know… this is not what you were hired to do. I appreciate your efforts, and you’re very attractive, but …. I’m not ready for this.”
“If you say so… Just … just know that if you need me…” Scotty leaves the offer hanging between them. Kevin nods that he got the message.
“I don’t…. Not for sex….” Kevin says decidedly and he leaves Scotty alone to go below deck and Scotty puts aside his book to think things through.
It’s hard to figure out if he’s insulted or happy that Kevin is so dedicated to not have sex with him. A part of him likes that Kevin seems to remain faithful to Guy (he knows too many couples where fidelity is nowhere to be found), but at the same time he feels personally rejected. As if he’s not good enough somehow and….
That’s when he suddenly hears Kevin cry out in pain and he hears Kevin call out his name. He doesn’t waste another second. Instead he just quickly rushes down the small stairs to find Kevin on the floor clutching his leg. He’s in tears and Scotty almost immediately recognizes another cramp.
“Here, lie down…” He orders gently. He works on Kevin’s legs again, massaging up and down to get the blood flowing again and as he watches Kevin’s face, filled with pain, he cannot help but wonder if Kevin’s pain is not so much physical, but psychological. There should be no reason for Kevin’s pain and the way his legs seem to hurt at random moments doesn’t make much sense either.
He oils up his hands again and carefully massages Kevin’s legs. Kevin seems to relax a bit more, until he takes Scotty’s hands away from his legs.
“I’m fine.” He says. Scotty wants to protest, but when he sees that the massage has had a bit of an arousing effect on Kevin, he decides not to say anything.
Scotty pretends not to have seen the shape of the erection under the fabric of Kevin's shorts and Kevin gets up off the couch where Scotty had made him sit on, and disappears into his bedroom. And slowly but surely Scotty starts to feel he has had enough. He begins to regret that he took on this job and he desires to be home, to be wanted, to be touched and to be acknowledged.
*****
The fourth day seems to go a bit better. Kevin is a bit kinder and he ask Scotty to join him for a board-game, which takes up a great part of their afternoon. They laugh a lot and Kevin proves to be a good loser, especially after Scotty promises him the chance of revenge in a rematch.
Kevin helps Scotty with the preparation of their dinner. He’s amazed by the amount of vegetables that Scotty uses, but he has to admit that the dinner is delicious and when Scotty offers the rematch, Kevin is, at first, very enthusiastic. But an hour into the game Kevin seems to emotionally pull away from the game and from the company he’s in.
“Are you tired?” Scotty asks.
“No. It’s just… I can’t tell you how often Guy and I have played this game. It was our favorite…. I miss.. what we used to have….” Kevin answers staring at the board. Scotty doesn’t know what to say.
He has no idea how to comfort Kevin, who stares at the board with dry eyes. If only he would cry, Scotty would have a reason to put an arm around him, but Scotty can almost ‘touch’ Kevin’s defensive walls and he doesn’t know how to bring them down.
“What can I do for you?” Scotty eventually asks.
Kevin looks up as if he had completely forgotten Scotty’s existence.
“Nothing.” He answers in rough voice. “But thanks for offering…” He places his hand encouragingly on Scotty’s. A gesture that shows that he appreciates Scotty’s kindness. “I think I’m going to bed… I’m sorry that I’m such a terrible person to be with.”
“You’re not.” Scotty insists. He helps Kevin up and he follows Kevin to his cabin. “I think I might want some sleep as well.” But when he’s about to leave Kevin alone, Kevin grabs his hand.
“Scotty, will you please stay here…. Just… a little while. Until I’m asleep...”
He sounds so vulnerable that Scotty can only nod. He takes the chair by the bed, but Kevin taps on the bed, showing that he wants Scotty to sit beside him.
“Will you read for me?” Kevin asks and he gives Scotty a book that’s on his side of the bed.
Scotty notices that Kevin sleeps on only one side of the bed and he assumes that the other side is where Guy used to sleep. It touches him deeply somehow.
“Where do you want me to start?” Scotty asks.
“Doesn’t matter. It’s a book of poems, start wherever you like.” Kevin answers.
While Scotty begins to read out loud, his voice gentle and clear in the night, Kevin takes his time to study Scotty. He likes the young man, even though he’s not too sure of what he should do with him. Though a side of him screams that he doesn’t need Scotty, he’s happy that Scotty is here.
There’s a cheerfulness and liveliness about him that seems to give Kevin some energy as well. He likes Scotty’s politeness and his smile. And he likes how Scotty is focused on the here and now. Scotty lets him be. If he wants to be quiet and sulk, Scotty lets him. If he wants to talk, Scotty replies to him.
He doesn’t have to be anyone other than who he is. No faking feelings to please people, no smiling because people will think he’s depressed if he doesn’t smile. No acting like he’s fine when he’s not. It’s liberating to not have to be constantly aware of others. He closes his eyes and listens to Scotty’s voice.
The poems and their words of love flow easily from Scotty’s mouth and somewhere, in the back of his mind, Kevin registers that Scotty would be a good actor, but the thought fades as sleep take over and Kevin doesn’t notice that Scotty only reads two more poems, before closing the book, putting it back on the nightstand and leaving Kevin alone.
END OF PART 4
THIS IS AN AU(=Alternate universe) so things will be most likely different from the original version. Read at your own risk. Don't blame me if you don't like what you read! Not set in any time/place in particular.
By Marea67
About: Kevin & Scotty ( with Chad & Jason dropping by occassionally)
Disclaimer: Merely borrowing the characters, no harm will come to them. (I think...) Written with love not for money.
Rate: I'm going for NC-17 eventually. :)
Summery: Scotty could use a vacation.... So could Kevin
*****
Chad’s car is obnoxiously white and just as obnoxiously big and it stops right in front of Scotty. Jason immediately gets out to help Scotty put his luggage in the trunk, while Chad stays behind the wheel, sunglasses hiding his eyes.
“Are you ready for this?” Jason asks enthusiastically.
“No.” Scotty answers.
He had spent the last two hours reconsidering this ‘holiday’ over and over again, cursing himself that he had not insisted on meeting this Kevin prior to this day. Scotty had been afraid that Kevin, upon meeting Scotty, would change his mind about this, which would have left Scotty empty handed and with no holidays on a yacht.
But now Scotty can see how maybe he himself could be the person not interested in going. But can he disappoint this Kevin? Scotty knows how important this trip is to Kevin.
“Kevin, this is Scotty. Scotty, Kevin.” Chad introduces. For a moment the two men stare at each other, only to give each other a polite nod and then they shake hands.
Scotty's eyes rest on Kevin's face. He had see the pictures, but no current ones. Kevin seems much skinnier and older than he was in the pictures. Kevin doesn’t know what to say. He had expected Scotty to somehow look younger and be more flamboyant and effeminate, although he can’t put his finger on why he would have thought that.
“Well, isn’t that a flashing start. I can feel the static electricity in the air….” Chad jokes and Scotty feels slightly embarrassed.
“I strongly suggest you stop combing your hair so often, sweetheart.” Kevin answers dryly.
Scotty is surprised by how much he immediately likes the sound of Kevin’s voice. He can’t help but laugh and when his eyes meet Kevin’s eyes, he can see that Kevin is amused, but also that there’s the deep pain of a loss that weighs heavy on him. He still isn’t sure if spending five weeks alone with Kevin is a good idea.
Jason gives Scotty a little push in the back and practically forces Scotty to sit down next to Kevin. When Jason gets back to the front-seat of the car, he quickly exchanges looks with Chad. Both are feeling slightly worried. Scotty and Kevin are acting very reserved. Chad gives Jason an encouraging smile and he turns on the engine.
They take to the busy streets and after a while they leave the city behind them and drive along the coast. Scotty tries to relax a bit and find positives to this adventure. Kevin seems nice, but reserved. But Scotty immediately admits to himself that he isn’t feeling very comfortable either at the moment, so why should it be different for Kevin?
Kevin avoids any possible physical contact with Scotty. At every curve he tries to keep his balance so that he doesn't move any closer to the young man sitting beside him. Maybe he should just call it all off?
Chad knows exactly where Kevin’s yacht is, but he drives calmly, which is something he usually doesn’t do. It worries him that both men on the back-seat are quiet, rather than talking to each other. Every now and then he looks at Jason, who’s concern is also growing. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all.
Chad and Jason try to get Kevin and Scotty to talk to each other with some casual chit-chat, but it’s not working. Both Kevin and Scotty are ill at ease and answer all questions with one syllable words. Frustration is growing in Chad in particular, as he wonders why neither of the men makes some effort to make this easier.
Perhaps it had been a stupid idea. Perhaps Kevin and Scotty are just too different to make this work. Of course, Chad knows Scotty very well. Maybe it is too much to ask Kevin to make such a switch. Maybe it’s just too soon. Just as he’s about to suggest to call the whole thing off, he feels Kevin’s grab his shoulder.
“Can you stop, please, my leg hurts.” Chad pulls over and Kevin nearly tumbles out of the car, pain on his face… He tries to stretch his leg, but his muscles pull together in a cramp… Tears fill his eyes. It’s the worst attack in days. He feels a hand on his back and a warm voice gently tells him to sit down.
He lets Scotty guide him to the floor, where Scotty begins to massage his legs. Chad and Jason watch for a few seconds and Chad opens his door to go over to Kevin, but Jason stops him.
“No. Let Scotty do what he needs to do.”
Kevin’s breathing is irregular as waves of pain rush through his body, but Scotty’s soothing voice calms him down and Scotty’s strong hands massage away the tension in his legs. Kevin relaxes and finally the pain subsides to a point where he can focus on the concentrated expression Scotty’s face. His hands takes Scotty’s.
“The pain is gone… For now anyway… That was good job.” He says.
“Thank you….” Scotty lets go of the breath he’s been holding.
“I wasn’t too sure this would work out. I didn’t have much faith in this.” Kevin confesses.
“Neither did I.” Scotty admits.
“I could use your help…” Kevin admits, slightly lowering his defensive walls. “It’s not easy for me to have to rely on someone else…. And I’m not an easy person to be with… I seem to have lost my ability to be nice….
I’m sick and tired of people telling me how to live my life, how to grieve, what to cry about and what I should or shouldn’t say… I’m tired of people talking to me. In general… I’m sick of people telling me that I just move on and …. I’m sorry. You are not the solution. … A quick fuck, no matter how good, won’t take away my pain. I just … I just want all the noise to go away, all those people talking… I want silence … in my head….” Kevin says softly.
“Listen, Kevin. Chad and Jason are paying for me to go with you."Scotty shrugs. "I’m a licensed masseur and I know how to take away that particular pain…” He points at Kevin’s legs. “But I’m not a magician. I can’t fix your heartaches and I’m not going to try. I’m paid for, whether you have sex with me or whether just want me to read a book… But I do hope that you don’t expect me to read too many books. I only brought a few…” Scotty jokes lightly.
“Don’t worry, there are books on the yacht.” Kevin teases back, equally careful. For a moment they just shyly smile at each other.
“I could use a bit time away from life myself… It would be nice to have a few days without someone being all over me…. or inside me….” Scotty then admits reluctantly.
“So, we both just want to get away from the wicked world?” Kevin realizes.
“I can’t talk for you, but I wouldn’t mind… It's why I really said yes to this.” Scotty answers.
“Are you sure that you're ready to spend five weeks alone with me?”
“No.” Scotty shrugs. “....But let’s get it over with anyway.” And he smiles.
*****
Three days into the holiday and Scotty supposes it still takes some getting used to. The ocean is all around him. The silence on the boat makes everything almost surreal. Kevin isn’t a bad host, but not very warm either. He prefers to be alone and read, a hobby Scotty has picked up again as well.
There’s enough food on the yacht, and if it runs out, they aren’t days away from the coast to replenish. They travel far away from the coast, but still follow the coast-line, all be it very slowly. It’s fine with Scotty. The sun is hot and around noon he usually seeks cover under the sunshades, or below deck.
Kevin has the largest room, with a 2-persons bed. Scotty sleeps in a smaller room with bunk-beds, but he doesn’t care. There’s something liberating about the small space and about not being obliged to have sex. So far, Kevin doesn’t need much help, aside from the troubles with his legs, which seems to have muscles with a mind of their own.
In general, Kevin avoids Scotty. Not with hostility, he doesn’t seem to consider Scotty an intruder. It’s more a respectful distance, that Scotty doesn’t breach either. They occasionally share a polite conversation about the hot sun, the food to eat or if one of them offers to get a drink for the other, but other than that, silence reigns.
For the first time in a long time, Scotty can get his thoughts organized. He makes notes on what he needs to do upon returning. He estimates how much money he needs to turn Café 429, the restaurant that belongs to Kevin’s uncle Saul, into his dream-restaurant.
He quietly draws a new layout for the place. Not that he would change much. He likes the place as it is… Just…. A little less plastic, more wood. Get rid of the old-yellow napkins and such and buy more cheerful colors and… He’s so wrapped up in his thoughts, that he hasn’t noticed that Kevin approaching him.
“Want me to get you a drink?” Kevin offers. Scotty puts his hand over his eyes to protect them when he has to look up at Kevin.
“No, thanks, I still have some here… I’d get out of the sun though, if I were you, your shoulders are turning red.”
“Yes, I was thinking the same thing.” Kevin sighs, feeling his skin tightening on his shoulders. “Would you mind putting some sunscreen on my back?” He holds up a bottle and Scotty takes it. Quietly he wonders if this a way for Kevin to ask him for sex. He’s still a bit unsettled by Kevin’s apparent lack of physical interest in him.
Scotty is used to hands on his body, he’s used to being taken or doing the taking. He’s used to sex several times a week. To suddenly lose that is more disturbing that he had thought. He doesn’t mind the lack of sex, but at the same time he had not expected that he would miss it as much as he does either.
He carefully rubs the lotion over Kevin’s back, adding gently more caresses, thinking it might be what Kevin wants. But at a certain moment, Kevin gets up and he takes Scotty by the wrists.
“I know what you're doing, but I’m fine. All I needed was the lotion, nothing more.” Kevin says sharply.
For some strange reason, Scotty suddenly feels his blood race to his face. He’s blushing! He hasn’t done that in years! Kevin sees it as well and lets go of Scotty wrists.
“I’m sorry. I know… this is not what you were hired to do. I appreciate your efforts, and you’re very attractive, but …. I’m not ready for this.”
“If you say so… Just … just know that if you need me…” Scotty leaves the offer hanging between them. Kevin nods that he got the message.
“I don’t…. Not for sex….” Kevin says decidedly and he leaves Scotty alone to go below deck and Scotty puts aside his book to think things through.
It’s hard to figure out if he’s insulted or happy that Kevin is so dedicated to not have sex with him. A part of him likes that Kevin seems to remain faithful to Guy (he knows too many couples where fidelity is nowhere to be found), but at the same time he feels personally rejected. As if he’s not good enough somehow and….
That’s when he suddenly hears Kevin cry out in pain and he hears Kevin call out his name. He doesn’t waste another second. Instead he just quickly rushes down the small stairs to find Kevin on the floor clutching his leg. He’s in tears and Scotty almost immediately recognizes another cramp.
“Here, lie down…” He orders gently. He works on Kevin’s legs again, massaging up and down to get the blood flowing again and as he watches Kevin’s face, filled with pain, he cannot help but wonder if Kevin’s pain is not so much physical, but psychological. There should be no reason for Kevin’s pain and the way his legs seem to hurt at random moments doesn’t make much sense either.
He oils up his hands again and carefully massages Kevin’s legs. Kevin seems to relax a bit more, until he takes Scotty’s hands away from his legs.
“I’m fine.” He says. Scotty wants to protest, but when he sees that the massage has had a bit of an arousing effect on Kevin, he decides not to say anything.
Scotty pretends not to have seen the shape of the erection under the fabric of Kevin's shorts and Kevin gets up off the couch where Scotty had made him sit on, and disappears into his bedroom. And slowly but surely Scotty starts to feel he has had enough. He begins to regret that he took on this job and he desires to be home, to be wanted, to be touched and to be acknowledged.
*****
The fourth day seems to go a bit better. Kevin is a bit kinder and he ask Scotty to join him for a board-game, which takes up a great part of their afternoon. They laugh a lot and Kevin proves to be a good loser, especially after Scotty promises him the chance of revenge in a rematch.
Kevin helps Scotty with the preparation of their dinner. He’s amazed by the amount of vegetables that Scotty uses, but he has to admit that the dinner is delicious and when Scotty offers the rematch, Kevin is, at first, very enthusiastic. But an hour into the game Kevin seems to emotionally pull away from the game and from the company he’s in.
“Are you tired?” Scotty asks.
“No. It’s just… I can’t tell you how often Guy and I have played this game. It was our favorite…. I miss.. what we used to have….” Kevin answers staring at the board. Scotty doesn’t know what to say.
He has no idea how to comfort Kevin, who stares at the board with dry eyes. If only he would cry, Scotty would have a reason to put an arm around him, but Scotty can almost ‘touch’ Kevin’s defensive walls and he doesn’t know how to bring them down.
“What can I do for you?” Scotty eventually asks.
Kevin looks up as if he had completely forgotten Scotty’s existence.
“Nothing.” He answers in rough voice. “But thanks for offering…” He places his hand encouragingly on Scotty’s. A gesture that shows that he appreciates Scotty’s kindness. “I think I’m going to bed… I’m sorry that I’m such a terrible person to be with.”
“You’re not.” Scotty insists. He helps Kevin up and he follows Kevin to his cabin. “I think I might want some sleep as well.” But when he’s about to leave Kevin alone, Kevin grabs his hand.
“Scotty, will you please stay here…. Just… a little while. Until I’m asleep...”
He sounds so vulnerable that Scotty can only nod. He takes the chair by the bed, but Kevin taps on the bed, showing that he wants Scotty to sit beside him.
“Will you read for me?” Kevin asks and he gives Scotty a book that’s on his side of the bed.
Scotty notices that Kevin sleeps on only one side of the bed and he assumes that the other side is where Guy used to sleep. It touches him deeply somehow.
“Where do you want me to start?” Scotty asks.
“Doesn’t matter. It’s a book of poems, start wherever you like.” Kevin answers.
While Scotty begins to read out loud, his voice gentle and clear in the night, Kevin takes his time to study Scotty. He likes the young man, even though he’s not too sure of what he should do with him. Though a side of him screams that he doesn’t need Scotty, he’s happy that Scotty is here.
There’s a cheerfulness and liveliness about him that seems to give Kevin some energy as well. He likes Scotty’s politeness and his smile. And he likes how Scotty is focused on the here and now. Scotty lets him be. If he wants to be quiet and sulk, Scotty lets him. If he wants to talk, Scotty replies to him.
He doesn’t have to be anyone other than who he is. No faking feelings to please people, no smiling because people will think he’s depressed if he doesn’t smile. No acting like he’s fine when he’s not. It’s liberating to not have to be constantly aware of others. He closes his eyes and listens to Scotty’s voice.
The poems and their words of love flow easily from Scotty’s mouth and somewhere, in the back of his mind, Kevin registers that Scotty would be a good actor, but the thought fades as sleep take over and Kevin doesn’t notice that Scotty only reads two more poems, before closing the book, putting it back on the nightstand and leaving Kevin alone.
END OF PART 4