Fanfic: More than this
More than this
By Marea67
About: Kevin/Scotty or should I say: Kevin........ and Scotty
Rate: G
Disclaimer: Don’t own the boys, don’t own the lyrics to the song. Written with love, not for money...
Summary: Set in 1.23, around the time that Nora asks Kevin to help with the arrangements for Kitty’s party
Inspiration: One Direction - More than this I was in my car, listening to this song, when I suddenly saw it all play out in my mind.
*****
I'm broken - Do you hear me - I'm blinded - Cause you are everything I see
I'm dancing - alone - I'm praying - That your heart will just turn around….
*****
Kevin would recognize Scotty anywhere, anytime and anyplace. So he has no doubt that it’s Scotty who he sees on the other side of the street, sitting down at a table and picking up the menu from the table. From this distance, he looks even better than before and it takes all of Kevin’s willpower to not just jump up from his little place in the shades and cross the street.
Of course, doing so would be a huge mistake. He’s not ready. His break up with Chad is still too fresh. There’s still so much pain around him. Nora dealing with William’s lies and with the existence of Rebecca. There’s Sarah’s marital problems. And the loss of little William that seems to have left such a scar in the lives of Tommy and Julia.
On the other side, there’s happiness too. Little Elizabeth is doing better than expected, even if she still has a long struggle ahead. And there’s Kitty’s plans to get married…. Kevin frowns. Okay, so he’s not ready to accept either of those McCallister-brothers into his life, but, well, the decision seems to have been taken from him.
All he wants to do now is just get up and go to Scotty and tell him about everything that has happened. If there’s one feeling that has survived their break up, it’s the feeling that he’s absolutely safe when he’s with Scotty. Scotty was the one person with whom he could be himself, if ever he would allow himself to be himself.
*****
And as I a walk up to your door - My head turns to face the floor
Cause I can't look you in the eyes and say…
*****
So, how will he do this? Just casually cross the street and pretend like he accidentally sees Scotty sitting there? And just say ‘hi’ and ‘hey, have you heard the latest drama from the Walker-clan?’ … and ‘just come home with me and never leave me again?’. Kevin smiles at the possibility of maybe, who knows, carefully rekindling what he had with Scotty.
He takes his sun-glasses, he’s ready to get up and cross the street and take a chance, when he sees a man walk up to Scotty. Scotty gets up. Over the table the two men kiss. On the cheek, sure, but still kissing in public. Scotty has a big smile on his face. Even from this distance Kevin can see that Scotty seems happy to be in the company of the man.
Kevin’s heart sinks. Scotty clearly has someone else. He can’t understand why he’s so shocked by this. Scotty is an amazing young man, and just because he had been too stupid to see this, it doesn’t mean that others are equally dumb. Confused by his pain, Kevin gets up, disappears into the restaurant where he is, and leaves by the side-door.
*****
When he open his arms and holds you close tonight
It just won't feel right, cause I can love you more than this, yeah
When he lays you down, I'm might just die inside, It just don't feel right
Cause I can love you more than this, can love you more than this
*****
Back in his car, wind in his hair, is the safest and fastest way to try and get rid of the memory of Scotty and the other man, but he doesn’t get much time to think about it. His phone rings. Nora. He listens to her and focuses on not letting her know that he’s upset.
“I knew it! You’re bogged down in a quagmire of Nora over-commitment.” He says.
“You know what? ‘I told you so’ is so ungracious. And yes, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. Please, just go look at the venue. It’s downtown, it’s colourful, it’s Renaissancy.” Nora answers.
“Renaissancy?” Kevin repeats. Oh, why not? It’s not like he has a life of his own…
*****
If I'm louder -Would you see me? - Would you lay down - in my arms and rescue me?
Cause we are - the same -You saved me - when you leave it's gone again
*****
Scotty shivers at the view he gets at the Bougainvillea Court. He has to cater a party here tonight and he had just come here to check the place, but this is all too pink, even for him. He tries to envision the best possible set up, when he sees something else that completely takes his mind off the party that needs catering.
Scotty would recognize Kevin anywhere, anytime and anyplace. So he has no doubt that it’s Kevin that he sees, in the parking-lot. No, that is indeed his car. A smile crosses over Scotty’s face. His heart beats faster. He’s been wondering for quite a while if perhaps his retreat that morning hadn’t been a bit too hasty.
Kevin has been on his mind ever since. He longs to be with Kevin again, but he’s too afraid to pick up the phone and ask to meet up again. He had kept an eye on the tabloids, but since Chad came out, there hasn’t been a single picture of Chad with Kevin. Chad and other men, yes, but not with Kevin….
*****
And then I see you on the street - in his arms - I get weak
My body fails - I'm on my knees - Praying
*****
But from the window he sees something else that immediately takes away his happiness of seeing Kevin again. Kevin is not alone. He’s with another man. They smile at each other. Scotty blinks away the tears that suddenly come up. He can see how the man places a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. It slides down Kevin’s arm….
Scotty turns around. He can’t handle seeing more… He swallows hard and his lips become a thin line. It had been such a wonderful day. Especially his lunch with Mario had lifted his spirit, Mario and his boyfriend are so in love with each other. Why can’t he find a love like that?
*****
When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
it just won't feel right, cause I can love you more than this, yeah,
When he lays you down, I'm might just die inside
It just don't feel right, Cause I can love you more than this
*****
Well, that went better than expected, Kevin has to admit to that. Jason had actually been .. nice. And he had apologized. Sort of. And there had been that weird moment when Jason had put his hand on Kevin’s shoulder and he had said that he was sorry to hear that Tommy and Julia had lost their baby.
And then he had wondered how Kevin was feeling under it? Strange. It’s the sort of question he’d expect from Scotty. Someone who looks past Tommy and Julia and see that there are more people hurting. Of course, it had crossed Kevin’s mind that the boy could be his and that it was his son that they had buried, but he had kept it to himself.
Jason’s question had taken Kevin by surprise and, for a moment, he had let down his guard. He had perhaps shown more feelings than he had intended. And Kevin had been pleasantly surprised to find out that Jason hadn’t used his moment of weekness against him. Jason had been kind and pleasant to be around.... Too bad he’s a McCallister.
*****
I've never had the words to say - But now I'm asking you to stay
For a little while inside my arms - And as you close your eyes tonight
I pray that you will see the light - That's shining from the stars above
*****
Kevin turns in his bed, the other side of the bed is empty and cold. He hugs the pillow. He’d rather die than admit that he purposely bought a bottle of Scotty’s after-shave to sprinkle it on the pillow, sometimes, so that, sometimes, he can imagine that Scotty is still here with him. In his arms.
But he has to admit that it will never happen again. Scotty has someone else and it’s time that he moves on as well. Tomorrow, he will throw away the after-shave. Tomorrow, he will wash the pillow-cases. Tomorrow, he will call Jason McCallister so they can deal with Kitty's engagement-party…. Tonight…. He will be alone and just miss Scotty. One last time.
*****
When he opens his arms, and holds you close tonight
It just won't feel right, cause I can love you more than this
Cause I can love you more than this
When he lays you down, I'm might just die inside
It just don't feel right, cause I can love you more than this, yeah
*****
Scotty is exhausted. The catering had been done. Everybody had been happy. He had worked harder than ever before. He had put all his frustrations and pain in his work tonight, but now he feels empty. And he dreads getting in that cold and empty bed. He can only hope that he’s so tired that he will fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He had wanted Kevin to be happy. Happy with him and not someone else. As he undresses he realizes that this will make something else easier. He can now quit daydreaming about getting back with Kevin. He can now focus on his study and on his career. But for tonight he will just miss Kevin. One last time.
*****
When he open his arms and holds you close tonight
It just won't feel right, cause I can love you more than this
When he lays you down, I'm might just die inside
It just don't feel right, cause I can love you more than this
Can love you more than this
THE END
By Marea67
About: Kevin/Scotty or should I say: Kevin........ and Scotty
Rate: G
Disclaimer: Don’t own the boys, don’t own the lyrics to the song. Written with love, not for money...
Summary: Set in 1.23, around the time that Nora asks Kevin to help with the arrangements for Kitty’s party
Inspiration: One Direction - More than this I was in my car, listening to this song, when I suddenly saw it all play out in my mind.
*****
I'm broken - Do you hear me - I'm blinded - Cause you are everything I see
I'm dancing - alone - I'm praying - That your heart will just turn around….
*****
Kevin would recognize Scotty anywhere, anytime and anyplace. So he has no doubt that it’s Scotty who he sees on the other side of the street, sitting down at a table and picking up the menu from the table. From this distance, he looks even better than before and it takes all of Kevin’s willpower to not just jump up from his little place in the shades and cross the street.
Of course, doing so would be a huge mistake. He’s not ready. His break up with Chad is still too fresh. There’s still so much pain around him. Nora dealing with William’s lies and with the existence of Rebecca. There’s Sarah’s marital problems. And the loss of little William that seems to have left such a scar in the lives of Tommy and Julia.
On the other side, there’s happiness too. Little Elizabeth is doing better than expected, even if she still has a long struggle ahead. And there’s Kitty’s plans to get married…. Kevin frowns. Okay, so he’s not ready to accept either of those McCallister-brothers into his life, but, well, the decision seems to have been taken from him.
All he wants to do now is just get up and go to Scotty and tell him about everything that has happened. If there’s one feeling that has survived their break up, it’s the feeling that he’s absolutely safe when he’s with Scotty. Scotty was the one person with whom he could be himself, if ever he would allow himself to be himself.
*****
And as I a walk up to your door - My head turns to face the floor
Cause I can't look you in the eyes and say…
*****
So, how will he do this? Just casually cross the street and pretend like he accidentally sees Scotty sitting there? And just say ‘hi’ and ‘hey, have you heard the latest drama from the Walker-clan?’ … and ‘just come home with me and never leave me again?’. Kevin smiles at the possibility of maybe, who knows, carefully rekindling what he had with Scotty.
He takes his sun-glasses, he’s ready to get up and cross the street and take a chance, when he sees a man walk up to Scotty. Scotty gets up. Over the table the two men kiss. On the cheek, sure, but still kissing in public. Scotty has a big smile on his face. Even from this distance Kevin can see that Scotty seems happy to be in the company of the man.
Kevin’s heart sinks. Scotty clearly has someone else. He can’t understand why he’s so shocked by this. Scotty is an amazing young man, and just because he had been too stupid to see this, it doesn’t mean that others are equally dumb. Confused by his pain, Kevin gets up, disappears into the restaurant where he is, and leaves by the side-door.
*****
When he open his arms and holds you close tonight
It just won't feel right, cause I can love you more than this, yeah
When he lays you down, I'm might just die inside, It just don't feel right
Cause I can love you more than this, can love you more than this
*****
Back in his car, wind in his hair, is the safest and fastest way to try and get rid of the memory of Scotty and the other man, but he doesn’t get much time to think about it. His phone rings. Nora. He listens to her and focuses on not letting her know that he’s upset.
“I knew it! You’re bogged down in a quagmire of Nora over-commitment.” He says.
“You know what? ‘I told you so’ is so ungracious. And yes, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. Please, just go look at the venue. It’s downtown, it’s colourful, it’s Renaissancy.” Nora answers.
“Renaissancy?” Kevin repeats. Oh, why not? It’s not like he has a life of his own…
*****
If I'm louder -Would you see me? - Would you lay down - in my arms and rescue me?
Cause we are - the same -You saved me - when you leave it's gone again
*****
Scotty shivers at the view he gets at the Bougainvillea Court. He has to cater a party here tonight and he had just come here to check the place, but this is all too pink, even for him. He tries to envision the best possible set up, when he sees something else that completely takes his mind off the party that needs catering.
Scotty would recognize Kevin anywhere, anytime and anyplace. So he has no doubt that it’s Kevin that he sees, in the parking-lot. No, that is indeed his car. A smile crosses over Scotty’s face. His heart beats faster. He’s been wondering for quite a while if perhaps his retreat that morning hadn’t been a bit too hasty.
Kevin has been on his mind ever since. He longs to be with Kevin again, but he’s too afraid to pick up the phone and ask to meet up again. He had kept an eye on the tabloids, but since Chad came out, there hasn’t been a single picture of Chad with Kevin. Chad and other men, yes, but not with Kevin….
*****
And then I see you on the street - in his arms - I get weak
My body fails - I'm on my knees - Praying
*****
But from the window he sees something else that immediately takes away his happiness of seeing Kevin again. Kevin is not alone. He’s with another man. They smile at each other. Scotty blinks away the tears that suddenly come up. He can see how the man places a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. It slides down Kevin’s arm….
Scotty turns around. He can’t handle seeing more… He swallows hard and his lips become a thin line. It had been such a wonderful day. Especially his lunch with Mario had lifted his spirit, Mario and his boyfriend are so in love with each other. Why can’t he find a love like that?
*****
When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
it just won't feel right, cause I can love you more than this, yeah,
When he lays you down, I'm might just die inside
It just don't feel right, Cause I can love you more than this
*****
Well, that went better than expected, Kevin has to admit to that. Jason had actually been .. nice. And he had apologized. Sort of. And there had been that weird moment when Jason had put his hand on Kevin’s shoulder and he had said that he was sorry to hear that Tommy and Julia had lost their baby.
And then he had wondered how Kevin was feeling under it? Strange. It’s the sort of question he’d expect from Scotty. Someone who looks past Tommy and Julia and see that there are more people hurting. Of course, it had crossed Kevin’s mind that the boy could be his and that it was his son that they had buried, but he had kept it to himself.
Jason’s question had taken Kevin by surprise and, for a moment, he had let down his guard. He had perhaps shown more feelings than he had intended. And Kevin had been pleasantly surprised to find out that Jason hadn’t used his moment of weekness against him. Jason had been kind and pleasant to be around.... Too bad he’s a McCallister.
*****
I've never had the words to say - But now I'm asking you to stay
For a little while inside my arms - And as you close your eyes tonight
I pray that you will see the light - That's shining from the stars above
*****
Kevin turns in his bed, the other side of the bed is empty and cold. He hugs the pillow. He’d rather die than admit that he purposely bought a bottle of Scotty’s after-shave to sprinkle it on the pillow, sometimes, so that, sometimes, he can imagine that Scotty is still here with him. In his arms.
But he has to admit that it will never happen again. Scotty has someone else and it’s time that he moves on as well. Tomorrow, he will throw away the after-shave. Tomorrow, he will wash the pillow-cases. Tomorrow, he will call Jason McCallister so they can deal with Kitty's engagement-party…. Tonight…. He will be alone and just miss Scotty. One last time.
*****
When he opens his arms, and holds you close tonight
It just won't feel right, cause I can love you more than this
Cause I can love you more than this
When he lays you down, I'm might just die inside
It just don't feel right, cause I can love you more than this, yeah
*****
Scotty is exhausted. The catering had been done. Everybody had been happy. He had worked harder than ever before. He had put all his frustrations and pain in his work tonight, but now he feels empty. And he dreads getting in that cold and empty bed. He can only hope that he’s so tired that he will fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He had wanted Kevin to be happy. Happy with him and not someone else. As he undresses he realizes that this will make something else easier. He can now quit daydreaming about getting back with Kevin. He can now focus on his study and on his career. But for tonight he will just miss Kevin. One last time.
*****
When he open his arms and holds you close tonight
It just won't feel right, cause I can love you more than this
When he lays you down, I'm might just die inside
It just don't feel right, cause I can love you more than this
Can love you more than this
THE END