Fanfic: Family loyalty?
Family loyalty?
By Marea67
About: Mostly Robert and Jason, but it's about Kevin. And Scotty.
Rate: G
Disclaimer: Written with love, not for money
Summary: Somewhere between 2.03 and 2.11, between Scotty coming back into Kevin's life and Jason's return. Robert sees how things are going downhill for Kevin/Jason, and he wants to remain loyal to family, but Jason isn't making things easy for him.
*****
“You’re not serious?! Scotty?! No way!... I’m very happy to hear he’s back… This is good gossip. Keep me posted!” Kitty still grins when she hangs up.
“Who was that?” Robert asks.
“Sarah.”
“What has you grinning like that?” Robert now wants to know.
“Sarah told me that she heard from Tommy - who heard from Justin- that Scotty is back.”
“Who’s Scotty?” Robert has the impression that he has heard the name before, but he can’t put his finger on where, when and under what circumstances.
“Oh, he’s…” Kitty suddenly realizes what she’s about to say. Not a good idea perhaps to tell Robert that Kevin has been seen with his former boyfriend. Especially not, now that Kevin’s new boyfriend, Robert’s kid-brother, is in Malaysia and Robert already has suspicions regarding Kevin’s ability to remain faithful.
“… a friend of the family.” She finishes her sentence after some hesitation. Robert looks up, but because her back is turned to him, he can’t judge if she’s lying or just distracted.
“That is nice. Any one in particular?” Robert wonders, feeling suspicious.
“No, we all like him…” Kitty starts.
Then she bites her lip. Why is she lying to Robert anyway? If Robert finds out the truth, he’ll be mad at her.
“As a matter of fact. We all like him, but… he was special to Kevin in particular.” She says slowly. Robert looks up.
“What do you mean exactly?” He asks. Kitty sighs.
“He is Kevin’s ex-boyfriend?”
“The actor?”
“No. Before that. He was a waiter.”
“A waiter?” Robert smirks.
“Hey! There’s nothing wrong with being a waiter. You’d be really pissed off if you’d have to get your own food and drinks at a restaurant.” Kitty immediately defends Scotty.
“That’s not it. Just… Kevin? … And a waiter? He’s too much of a snob.”
“Well that’s why they broke up. First time.”
“Was there a second time?” Robert asks. Kitty shrugs. She’s come this far with the story.
“He cheated on Chad, the actor, .. with Scotty. They had this one-night thing, but then Scotty left again.”
“Right.” Robert says curtly. It reminds him of why he hadn’t liked the fact that Jason had gotten involved with Kevin. Kevin has no restraints. He cheats and sleeps around. Kitty notices the change in Robert and she crosses her arms in front of her chest and impatiently taps with her finger on her arm.
“Don’t look like that. Chad was deeply in the closet, flirting and dating with his girlfriend, right in front of Kevin, who he had invited to a party to meet for a blind date with another guy. Hardly the steady relationship that Kevin wants to have with Jason. You can’t compare what he had with Chad to what he now has with your brother.”
“Fine. I’m not going to argue.” Robert says in the annoying way that tells Kitty that he feels too good for this conversation.
“Neither am I. I’m glad we agree that Kevin did nothing wrong. ” Kitty answers with a cynical grin.
That was not what Robert had wanted to say, but he knows that Kitty can be very protective of her brother, so he wisely decides not to cross swords with her about this.
“So, if Kevin was going for a blind date, how did he end up with this Scott?”
“.. ty. His name is Scotty. Scotty WAS Kevin’s blind date?”
“So, Kevin’s in-the-closet boyfriend reintroduces Kevin to his ex?”
“Actually, Chad’s girlfriend did, but let’s not complicate things.”
“No. Let’s not. … What happened then?” Robert finds himself drawn into the story despite himself.
“Kevin and Scotty had a few drinks, left and … wham-bam.”
“Wham-bam?” Robert repeats with a grin.
“They had sex.” Kitty translates.
“Yeah, I kind of expected that ‘wham-bam’ was another way to say sex.” Robert nods slowly.
“And then Kevin screwed it all up, Scotty left and Kevin went back to Chad. Temporarily anyway. Until they broke up the relationship that Chad insisted they didn’t have… And then there was Jason…” She stops deliberately, expecting Robert to start pointing out that Kevin wasn’t exactly steady-boyfriend-material, but Robert, wisely, keeps quiet.
“So now this Scotty is back again?”
“Yes. And I’m glad he is. It’s good for Kevin to have a friend, someone who can distract him, while he waits for Jason to return.” Kitty focuses her attention on a letter on the table. It gives Robert a moment to hide his anger.
For him, ‘distract’ can only mean one thing, Kevin will have an affair behind Jason’s back. Though he’s partially not sure that he should care, it’s not like he wants Kevin in his family as his brother’s partner, at the same time, he wants to protect his brother from a broken heart. Something that seems to be clearly in his future.
*****
“Travis, do me a favor. Find out everything you can on a Scotty Wandell… Here’s some personal information on him, like date of birth and such… and with ‘everything’ I mean ‘everything’.” Robert hands Travis a piece of paper. Travis is surprised. Robert never really wants to know ‘everything’ on someone.
“What seems to be the problem?... If you don’t mind me asking?”
“I do mind, because it’s basically none of your business,…” Robert says. “But he’s an ex-boyfriend to Kevin Walker, who just walked back into Kevin’s life. As you know, Kevin is dating my brother, Jason… I don’t want Jason to get hurt.”
Travis makes a face, but then shrugs. It’s not up to him to care one way or another.
“Everything? Every bit of dirt I can find?” He asks, just to be sure.
“Everything. Oh, and there's no reason for Kitty to know about this.”
Robert has a grim look on his face. He's not sure that Kitty will appreciate it if he looks too much into Scotty's life, but if this Scotty thinks that he can hurt Jason, he’s got another thing coming. Robert will make sure that no one messes with a McCallister.
*****
Wow, when Travis says ‘everything’ it’s literally ‘everything’. It had been a few days. but then he had given Robert a large file with everything he could find on Scotty Wandell. Robert had spent the last hour going through all the information. From the different places Scotty had worked (at least he seems to have work-ethic) to his income-taxes (sigh - he pays them).
From the bank-statements he finds out that Scotty is chronically fighting his low income, just getting by, and now he’s practically broke. He can also see that Kevin has been getting involved with Scotty’s study, in fact last month, Kevin had paid Scotty’s tuition and Scotty had repaid him in 2 installments.
Robert looks at the pictures that in the file. Scotty seems to like sports; hiking and swimming in particular. He has that in common with Kevin… (and with Jason). He finds a copy of the check that Scotty had gotten from Kevin’s law-firm for telling on Mangopean. And he’s pleased to see that Scotty had been responsible enough to invest in a new career.
Robert would like to dislike the man who seems to have squeezed himself into Kevin’s life, but he can’t. From the pictures he seems like a nice person, with a gentle smile and an open face. Nothing in the file suggests that he’s bad, manipulative, creepy or a fraud. He doesn’t seem to have any secrets or faults…
Well, aside for the ‘vagrancy’-charge that is. Robert is actually curious what the story behind that charge could be. Scotty seems to have travelled around quite a lot, never staying in one place…. From the school-records Robert finds out that the start of this period of drifting coincides with Scotty coming out as gay.
It’s something that makes sense to Robert. It reminds him of how lost Jason had been, after he had been pulled out of the closet, kicking and screaming, while he wasn’t ready yet to acknowledge it to himself. And it reminds that he hadn’t handled things so well those days. He still feels that, in that moment that had been so important and life-changing for Jason, he had let Jason down by not being fully supportive.
Robert had always considered Jason to be quiet and shy, a bit more withdrawn, not liking it to be the centre of attention. He had always been awkward around women. But then, some boys just are. Doesn't mean they're gay. It still stings that he had never known about Jason's struggles. He had never even considered the possibilitiy that Jason could be gay.
Robert is usually not very sentimental, but now he opens his laptop and searches for his file with pictures. It’s where he finds pictures of Jason from a few months ago. He scrolls down even further and finds an even older picture. He opens them both and looks at the face of his younger brother.
Something had changed. Jason seemed more reserved, more closed off in the picture from before he met Kevin. The younger picture, taken while he was with Kevin shows a far more carefree Jason, a warm smile that reaches his eyes, a sparkle that Robert had never really noticed before.
Obviously, having been with Kevin had done something good to Jason. He finds a picture of Jason and Kevin together and even Kevin seems more relaxed. Robert takes his time to look at the picture. He had, at first, felt odd about his brother dating Kitty’s brother, but it would seem that Kevin made Jason happy…. And vice versa.
Robert again looks at the file. He would like to forget the things that Kitty had told him about Kevin being a serial-dater and not being able to hold on to a relationship. If only because he wants Jason to be happy. Yet, the return of this Scotty worries him. Should he tell Jason or just simply forget about it?
*****
"I really think you should talk to Kevin." Robert tries carefully. He hears a tired sigh on the other side.
"I can't. If I'd hear his voice I'd be back on the first available plane." Jason answers.
"You make it sound like that would be a bad thing."
Robert knows it's supposed to be a joke, but somehow it doesn't come out of his mouth in the right intonation.
"Robert, it would be a bad thing. The church is counting on me to finish things here... I can't simply leave. Not even for Kevin."
No. Of course not. McCallisters don't walk away from their responsibilities. Robert's mother had taught them well. And yet, Robert wouldn't mind if Jason would take the first plane back, even if it was to reunite with Kevin. Somehow Jason-dating-Kevin no longer sounds so bad, now that Jason is on the other side of the planet.
"I worry about you... that's all." Robert says.
"Thanks, brother, but I'll be alright." Jason laughs.
"And I think that maybe Kevin worries about you and that he misses you too. I just think that you should talk to him."
Robert wonders if he should tell Jason about the ex that has moved in with Kevin. An ex who is sleeping is om Kevin's living-room floor. An ex who looks attractive and who seems to be a kind person... And available.... And Kevin is lonely. Kitty told him that last bit.
"Wow, since when are you worried about Kevin and me?" Jason asks.
Robert is not willing to give the wrong impression, he's not a gossip. After all he doesn't know what is going on between Kevin and Scotty.
"I'm not worried. But Kitty is. And if Kitty is worried, and it's my brother's fault, in her eyes, than I'm in the doghouse too. With you.. So, it's pure self-interest." Robert jokes.
Jason laughs and Robert laughs as well. He's glad that Jason can't see him. It means he can't see that the laughter is fake. Robert is worried about Jason getting his heart broken, but at the same time, he can strangle Jason for not trying harder to get in touch with Kevin.
******
"This would be an excellent opportunity to call Kevin and talk to him." Robert suggests.
"No, thanks. I'm not in the mood to talk to him. I'm tired and it's been a long day. I just want to know, short and without drama, how Justin is." Jason answers.
"Working through things. Drama still going on. That's the short end of it."
Robert's answer is perhaps more curt than he's used to be with his brother. But Kitty is emotionally worn out from trying to help Justin, so close after suffering a miscarriage. He knows that it's been a strain on Nora, Saul, Tommy and Kevin too. He has heard, through the grapevine, that Jason has actually never called Kevin, since he left for Malaysia.
Robert had first believed it to be an exaggeration. Kevin can be such a drama-queen. So what if Jason doesn't call him a few days...? But it has not been 'a few days', it's been 'not at all' and this for several weeks now... Robert would love nothing more than to lay the blame with Kevin, if anything goes wrong with Kevin and Jason, but it's getting a bit hard this way.
And it doesn't help that the Walkers are raving about Scotty. They clearly love him and approve of him. And they all agree that Scotty wouldn't let Kevin cheat on Jason.... Pay attention: Scotty wouldn't let it happen.... does this imply though that Kevin might try?... Kevin seems to be the weak link here and not this mythical Scotty.
"I think that if you really want the ins and outs, you'll have to talk to Kevin. Please, call him. I wasn't there and I'm sure he can tell you far more than you want to hear." Robert tries again. It remains quiet on the other side. "Jason?"
"Still here. Gotta go.... I'll think about it. Bye." And the line is dead.
*****
"I haven't spoken to him in weeks and he's called you twice?" Robert isn't sure what he found the most uncomfortable. The hurt in Kevin's voice, the fact that he couldn't really apologize for Jason's behaviour, or the way that every of the other Walkers had rolled their eyes and looked at each other, while trying to avoid to look at each other at the same time.
And so he had quickly changed the subject and then Nora had began to talk about her first boyfriend and all conversations had halted... Yet, Robert can't get that hurt look in Kevin's eyes out of his mind. His fingers slide over his phone. Should he call Jason? While he hasn't completely made up his mind, his fingers have already pressed 'call'.
"Jason McCallister." Jason's voice sounds distracted.
"Hi Jase, it's me, Bobby."
"Bobby! I'm surprised. You usually don't call me... Is everything alright? Kitty? No complications from the miscarriage, I hope?"
Funny that Jason's first concern would be Kitty... If it would have been the other way around, Robert's first concern would have been for Kitty too... But that's because Kitty is the woman he loves, and not a future-in-law. Why would it not occur to Jason that Robert might call for Kevin?
"I'm calling you about Kevin."
"Kevin?" Robert can almost imagine that Jason doesn't remember who he's talking about. The silence hangs between them maybe just a little too long, before Jason carefully asks. "Is he okay?"
"I don't know. He seemed very hurt to hear that you won't be coming to our wedding."
"Surely you explained to him...."
"... but even more than that, he seemed hurt by the fact that he hadn't heard from you in weeks. And I understand that he's not exaggerating."
"Robert...." Jason seems annoyed to be called out like this.
"You're going to lose him if you don't do something. He's still monogamous, but I understand that he's 'highly sought after'.. His words, by the way. And he has few exes running around who certainly wouldn't mind to help heal his broken heart."
"Now you're the one who's exaggerating." Jason dismisses Robert's words. "I'm not worried. If Kevin really loves me, he'll wait for me."
"Maybe he needs a bit of a reminder? A little appetizer? Just something to remind him that he's in a relationship with you? Something like ... oh, I don't know... a phone-call?"
Robert is far more snarky than he had intended to be and he can almost feel Jason pulling up walls between them.
"I'm sure we're fine." Jason says in a voice that doesn't accept contradiction.
"Fine." Robert's voice lets Jason know that it's not 'fine'. For a moment there's a silence.
"Alright. I'll call him."
"When?"
"Maybe tomorrow. Or the day after."
"Do it." Robert orders. And he hopes that Jason will.
*****
Robert puts down his phone. He's not sure what to think. Jason had been upset that Kevin broke up with him. Kevin had also confessed to sleeping with Scotty... Robert tries to digest the information. He wants to be angry at Kevin, but he can see Kevin's point of view too. He wants to be supportive to his brother, but... can't really bring up sympathy.
His conversation with Jason is still running in his head, but he picks up the guest-list to his wedding with Kitty to distract himself... But the only name he seems to be able to see, practically in neon-letters, is Kevin's... and his plus one, Scotty. He remembers Kitty assuring him that Scotty only came along as 'a friend'.
Had Kitty lied? Had Kitty known that her brother was back with Scotty? Had she simply not wanted him to know? No. He can't believe that. She couldn't lie him that well, could she? Because what would that say about honesty in their marriage? He puts away the guest-list, angry that issues between Jason and Kevin causes him to question Kitty.
According to Jason, Kevin had told him that he and this Scotty had only had one night together, which would be sufficient to ruin the relationship between Jason and Kevin, he supposes. But, again according to Jason, Kevin hadn't seemed too sure that Scotty would actually take him back.
Wouldn't that be a big joke? If Kevin would ask Scotty back and Scotty would say 'no thanks'? And now he would really want to know what happened and in what order, but how can he find out? Of course, the family grapevine would be the best and easiest solution, but he can't go up to Kitty and ask her what she knows about it... Can he?
*****
"Kit?"
"Yes?"
"Have you heard that Kevin and Jason split up?" Robert asks straight out. Diplomacy is usually wasted on the Walkers anyway.
Kitty's lips become a thin line as if she's trying to keep her mouth shut and really making an effort of it.
"I heard." She replies reluctantly.
"Kevin slept with someone else."
"Scotty." Kitty nods.
"Are they back together?"
"Unsure." Kitty shrugs. "Apparently Scotty really wants to think it over and Kevin has no choice but to give him the space and time he needs to make a decision."
"Have you any idea how long they're back together?"
"They're not back together officially. I just told you that."
"I mean.... How often did they...?" Robert shuts up. Damn, it's none of his business. He can't ask for information like that.
"How often did they have sex?" Kitty asks sharply. The question sounds almost rude if you put it that way and Robert guesses that she's a little offended. Kitty is not sure if she likes Robert's questions. She recognizes that Kevin made a mistake, but all this is not just Kevin's fault. However, Robert is kind enough to look embarrassed. So she takes a deep breath.
"Only once." She then answers. "They had too much to drink. One thing lead to another. No excuse of course, but that's just the way it is and the way it happened and Kevin told Jason the truth almost immediately. No lies for several years, no subterfuges, but the cold honest truth, right the next day."
"Just once?" Robert asks, just be sure that he understood it right.
"Once is enough. It's cheating. Jason and Kevin broke up. End of story." Kitty replies curtly.
"I agree. Once is enough." Robert nods.
*****
The wedding is over. He's happy that Kitty is finally his wife. And he smiles when he sees her sleep next to him. Yet, he can't catch his sleep. Too much has happened. Too many images in his head. Too many reveals. Too many adjustments of opinions. He somehow feels he hasn't really been able to keep up.
The Walker-family is truly demanding the most of him. But today had proven to him that he had misjudged Kevin. Finding out that Kevin had tried to protect him, had left him with a feeling that somehow he owed Kevin something in return. Not that Kevin had asked for anything.
Robert had wanted to stay mad at Kevin for having dumped Jason, but, in all honesty, he can't. First off, Kevin had really stuck out his neck for him. And secondly, Jason hadn't really tried to keep his relationship with Kevin going either. And third, Robert had only seen Scotty briefly, barely exchanged a word with him, but he seemed like a nice guy.
Family-loyalty is all good and nice, but if Jason is acting like an idiot and Kevin might be better off with a nice guy like Scotty.... Who is he to blame Kevin for picking someone who apparently cares about him, like Scotty, over someone who can't be bothered to stay in touch.... like Jason?
And now Kevin is family as well. Isn't he? And he has proven his own loyalty to Robert (even if it was just for Kitty), shouldn't Robert return some loyalty to Kevin? He sighs in the dark. He wants Kitty to be happy, he wants Jason to be happy. He even wants Kevin and Scotty to be happy, but is it possible to for everyone to be happy?
*****
Robert is glad to see Jason come through the gates. Jason smiles his familiar smile. He's a bit thinner than Robert remembers, but also more muscular. Apparently he had done quite some manual work in Malaysia. He's suntanned, but not as deep as Robert had imagined he would be.
"Do you have more luggage?" He aks, assuming that there must be more than just one suitcase. Jason shakes his head.
"No. This is all I have with me. I've left a lot of my clothes and other belongings in Malaysia. They need it more than I do."
"You look great." Robert says, feeling a bit useless.
"I'm fine. It's been quite an experience. I've learned a lot, also about myself. It was confrontational. I think I went over my own limits here and there."
"It's good to know it was a positive experience." Robert nods.
"It was." Jason confirms, without any further explanation. Their conversation falls silent. It is an awkward silence, which is something that usually doesn't happen between them. They are used to silences, neither being quite the talkers when it is not necessary. But their silences are usually not of the awkward kind and Robert feels a bit taken off guard.
He had really looked forward to having his brother back home and now this weird silence kills his good mood. Jason seems more interested in the pavement under his feet and Robert occasionally looks at his brother, but can't seem to make contact with him, so he's glad when they finally arrive at his car.
Jason puts his suitcase in the trunk.
"Kitty and I have a guest-room prepared for you at the ranch. I hope that's alright? Or are you going back to church?"
"No. The ranch will do." Jason mutters.
Robert starts his car, he navigates through traffic and he's glad when he's on the highway so he can drive a bit faster.
"Hope you had a great wedding?" Jason asks.
"Oh, yes, it was great."
"I wish I had been there." Jason says softly. Robert quickly looks at him. Is he serious? Jason had made it clear that the church and Malaysia took precedence over his own brother, so isn't it a bit late for regrets?
"Well, you had important work to do." Robert manages to keep his voice neutral.
"I was allowed to go, you know." Jason then says. "But I didn't want to."
"Because of Kevin." Robert understands, getting a little angry at the thought. Jason seems suprised by Robert's reaction. He shakes his head, the first real smile on his face.
"You know, news-flash, the world does not revolve around Kevin." Jason teases. Robert can't help but laugh.
"Don't tell him that."
"No, I won't." Jason grins and adds: "No more than I will tell you that the world doesn't revolve around you either."
It's rather tongue-in-cheek, but Robert gets it.
"What?! It doesn't?! You're kidding me?!" Robert fakes shock. Jason laughs out loud. As if he had thawed and come to life again. Finally the 'old' feeling is back.
"What was it then? The reason why you didn't come to my marriage."
"I had a crises of faith. I was really doubting myself, my life, my choices, ... My dedication to God. I think if I would have flown back for your marriage, I would have given up on my religion altogether."
"Why?"
"Because I wanted what I couldn't have...." Jason replies softly. Robert looks at him, question on his lips, wondering what it could be. "Kevin. I wanted Kevin. But at the same time I knew it would be the wrong decision."
He can see that Robert doesn't understand. To be honest, he's not quite sure he understands it himself.
"I wanted Kevin. Or rather what he represented to me... A 'normal' life."
"Normal? With the Walkers nothing is ever 'normal'."
Though Robert speaks softly and under his breath, Jason has heard him anyway.
"Maybe not, but Kevin would have been the easy way out of certain responsibilities. I wanted to quit the church, no longer be a minister, just relax, get a 9 to 5 job, live an average life and simply be happy with the relationship I had."
"But, ...."
"At the same time, I knew it would be 'the easy way out'. And I didn't want that. I've always known who I was, what I wanted to be, and I also started to see that it would clash with what I wanted with Kevin.
In the end, I don't think that Kevin could have made me happy. And I wouldn't have made Kevin happy either. And I knew that. Yet, I didn't want to give up Kevin. And I didn't want to give up God. But I had to give up one of the two, because I could not have them both in my life at the same time. I could not make the choice.
Once Kevin told me that he had cheated, it was as if a huge weight fell off my shoulders. Everything fell into place. I had a good reason to end it. I'm sorry if I've put all the blame on Kevin back then. That was not very fair and honest of me. Of course, it hurt that he had cheated on me, but at the same time, I was happy, because breaking up with him was a blessing in disguise.
I didn't want to come home because I realized that I needed this time to be on my own and alone. I was hurt. I turned to prayer. And slowly I found myself and my purpose in life once more. I felt I could finally focus on my duty to God again."
"I'm glad." Robert says in a neutral voice. He sure wished that Jason had said something sooner, instead of making it sound like Kevin had been the worst thing that ever happened to him.
To Robert, it now sounds as if Jason had been rather selfish and he doesn't like to think about his brother as being selfish.
"What happens next? You. Kevin. Things might still get awkward if you two would meet each other again." Robert asks. Jason doesn't seem to see it the same way.
"I already sent Kevin an email to confirm that I was on my way home. I've asked him if he wanted to have lunch with me, one of these days. If we talk face-to-face, I'm sure we can resolve any issues that might still linger between us."
"Lunch?" Robert isn't sure he heard that right.
"Robert, we're adults. We can handle it."
"I'm not sure Scotty will appreciate it." Robert can't help but say.
"This has nothing to do with him. I just want to ..." Jason doesn't finish his sentence, suddenly aware that he's not too sure of what he wants.
Robert quickly looks at Jason. Yes. Nice. Brave talk about 'finding yourself', 'duty to God' and 'being alright', but in the meantime Robert knows better and he shakes his head and asks:
"Are you going to try to get Kevin back?" The question is so direct that it surprises both Robert and Jason.
They remain silent for a few seconds.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business." Robert apologizes. "The Walkers. I blame them. They always blab about whatever comes to their minds. It's rubbing off on me."
Robert tries to joke about it and it even puts a little smile back on Jason's face. Jason seems to weigh his answer before answering with an indecisive voice:
"I don't know if I would really want him back. I don't think so. However, it still annoys me that he dumped me... But, like I just said, it was for the best. For both of us."
"Maybe you shouldn't go on a date with him then."
"It's not a date. It's just lunch."
"That how it usually starts...."
"If he's really in love with his new boyfriend, then I'm not the enemy."
"What if you two still have feelings for each other?"
"Then maybe we made the wrong choice to break up."
"You never chose for anything. Kevin made the choice for you." Robert points out.
"Then Kevin will stick to to his choice and we're definitely through."
"And you'll be hurt. Because you still have feelings for him." Robert understands. Jason doesn't react straightaway.
"If I do and he doesn't, then I will have to deal with it. And if there's still lingering feelings, we'll have to deal with it too. I just want a proper closure."
"I think you're setting yourself up for more heartache." Robert sighs.
"I will deal with it when it happens." Jason answers stiffly and Robert remains quiet. He's not sure what he wants to happen next, but somewhere deep inside, he hopes that Kevin and Jason will resolve this once and for all.
*****
Jason closes the door as quietly as possible and tries to sneak up the stairs.
"You're late." A voice in the dark says.
"And you practically gave me a heart-attack." Jason replies.
"Why are you sneaking in like that?"
"I knew you had been in Iowa and that you'd be coming home today. I thought that maybe you and Kitty wanted to catch up on some sleep."
"Mhmm-mm. Sure." There's quite some disbelief in Robert's voice. "And where have you been? Last I heard you would have lunch with Kevin? How did that go?"
"What? Did the Walker-grapevine burn down or something? I thought you'd hear the news before I could tell you."
"What news?" Robert fears the worst.
"Kevin and I ... Definitely over." Jason says, turning on the light so he can see Robert.
"I'm sorry to hear that..." Robert says.
"Mhmm-mm. Sure." Jason replies with the same level of disbelief as his brother had earlier.
"How bad was the lunch?"
"It wasn't lunch, it was supposed to be coffee, then it turned into a late lunch/early dinner, or something, and it wasn't so much 'bad', as it was 'awkward', then 'entertaining' and then... 'enlightening' ... and in the end, it was very 'final'."
"So, no lingering feelings from your side?"
"I didn't say that... but I'll deal with them on my own terms."
"What happened?"
"Kev and I met, we started off awkwardly, couldn't really come to a topic to talk about. Then Scotty come home early, obviously marking his territory and staking his claim on Kevin.
That part was kind of amusing and endearing to see. He was really determined to fight for Kevin. Then Kevin got all drama-queen, sulking and such, and Scotty overdid the whole 'be kind to Jason'-spiel, overcompensating because Kevin acted like a spoiled brat..."
"That sounds ... I don't know..." Robert wonders if Jason is mocking him and his curiosity, because it all sounds so weird.
"It was a weird afternoon, because I was wondering why Kevin and I just couldn't reach out to each other, then I got confused by Scotty's showing up, but also amused by it. He's younger than I thought he would be. He was like an angry puppy trying to chase off the big bad dog... Besides, I couldn't really hate Scotty, he's actually nice.
It was Kevin who disappointed me. He got rather passive-aggressive, and became annoying, which in return annoyed me. We had a few harsh words, but that faded as quickly as it started. I think that the last word hasn't been spoken between Kevin and Scotty, but ... through all that passive-aggressive behavior there was one thing suddenly very obvious to me.
Kevin is completely in love with Scotty. I don't think either of them realize how deeply in love they are with each other... If only they could see themselves as I can see them, I think they'd be shocked. Everything suddenly fell into place for me. It all made sense." Jason smiles gently.
"So, how big is the heartache?" Robert asks, noticing that it becomes easier each time to talk to his brother about personal things.
"It's there. A bit. But I want nothing but the best for Kevin. And I think he found it. And it's not me... So be it... I'll find my own happiness eventually."
"So, everything is good? I don't have to hide from Kitty's wrath?" Robert asks.
"Everything is good. Be nice to Kevin and Scotty from now on. All our choices were good ones... Forgive, turn the other cheek... I think it all went exactly as God intended it to be."
"That is one way of looking at it." Robert agrees. Jason smiles. He knows that Robert will most likely not agree with his words, but it's fine with him. He has found peace in the situation. And he sincerely hopes his brother will too. Soon.
"Listen, Kevin is Kitty's brother, I'm your brother. Unless you really want to make things complicated for Kitty, Kevin, Scotty and me, I suggest you get over this. We are." Jason's voice is sweet, but Robert can recognize the warning.
"Fine. If that is what you want."
"It is... and now I'm the one who will go to bed because I'm tired and I want some sleep."
"Goodnight." Robert watches Jason walk away and he's glad that Jason and Kevin have seemingly come to an adult conclusion. Jason doesn't seem to be too upset. Maybe it is for the best to let it go and focus on the future, now that the entire Kevin/Jason-story has come to its conclusion. Once and for all.
THE END
/
By Marea67
About: Mostly Robert and Jason, but it's about Kevin. And Scotty.
Rate: G
Disclaimer: Written with love, not for money
Summary: Somewhere between 2.03 and 2.11, between Scotty coming back into Kevin's life and Jason's return. Robert sees how things are going downhill for Kevin/Jason, and he wants to remain loyal to family, but Jason isn't making things easy for him.
*****
“You’re not serious?! Scotty?! No way!... I’m very happy to hear he’s back… This is good gossip. Keep me posted!” Kitty still grins when she hangs up.
“Who was that?” Robert asks.
“Sarah.”
“What has you grinning like that?” Robert now wants to know.
“Sarah told me that she heard from Tommy - who heard from Justin- that Scotty is back.”
“Who’s Scotty?” Robert has the impression that he has heard the name before, but he can’t put his finger on where, when and under what circumstances.
“Oh, he’s…” Kitty suddenly realizes what she’s about to say. Not a good idea perhaps to tell Robert that Kevin has been seen with his former boyfriend. Especially not, now that Kevin’s new boyfriend, Robert’s kid-brother, is in Malaysia and Robert already has suspicions regarding Kevin’s ability to remain faithful.
“… a friend of the family.” She finishes her sentence after some hesitation. Robert looks up, but because her back is turned to him, he can’t judge if she’s lying or just distracted.
“That is nice. Any one in particular?” Robert wonders, feeling suspicious.
“No, we all like him…” Kitty starts.
Then she bites her lip. Why is she lying to Robert anyway? If Robert finds out the truth, he’ll be mad at her.
“As a matter of fact. We all like him, but… he was special to Kevin in particular.” She says slowly. Robert looks up.
“What do you mean exactly?” He asks. Kitty sighs.
“He is Kevin’s ex-boyfriend?”
“The actor?”
“No. Before that. He was a waiter.”
“A waiter?” Robert smirks.
“Hey! There’s nothing wrong with being a waiter. You’d be really pissed off if you’d have to get your own food and drinks at a restaurant.” Kitty immediately defends Scotty.
“That’s not it. Just… Kevin? … And a waiter? He’s too much of a snob.”
“Well that’s why they broke up. First time.”
“Was there a second time?” Robert asks. Kitty shrugs. She’s come this far with the story.
“He cheated on Chad, the actor, .. with Scotty. They had this one-night thing, but then Scotty left again.”
“Right.” Robert says curtly. It reminds him of why he hadn’t liked the fact that Jason had gotten involved with Kevin. Kevin has no restraints. He cheats and sleeps around. Kitty notices the change in Robert and she crosses her arms in front of her chest and impatiently taps with her finger on her arm.
“Don’t look like that. Chad was deeply in the closet, flirting and dating with his girlfriend, right in front of Kevin, who he had invited to a party to meet for a blind date with another guy. Hardly the steady relationship that Kevin wants to have with Jason. You can’t compare what he had with Chad to what he now has with your brother.”
“Fine. I’m not going to argue.” Robert says in the annoying way that tells Kitty that he feels too good for this conversation.
“Neither am I. I’m glad we agree that Kevin did nothing wrong. ” Kitty answers with a cynical grin.
That was not what Robert had wanted to say, but he knows that Kitty can be very protective of her brother, so he wisely decides not to cross swords with her about this.
“So, if Kevin was going for a blind date, how did he end up with this Scott?”
“.. ty. His name is Scotty. Scotty WAS Kevin’s blind date?”
“So, Kevin’s in-the-closet boyfriend reintroduces Kevin to his ex?”
“Actually, Chad’s girlfriend did, but let’s not complicate things.”
“No. Let’s not. … What happened then?” Robert finds himself drawn into the story despite himself.
“Kevin and Scotty had a few drinks, left and … wham-bam.”
“Wham-bam?” Robert repeats with a grin.
“They had sex.” Kitty translates.
“Yeah, I kind of expected that ‘wham-bam’ was another way to say sex.” Robert nods slowly.
“And then Kevin screwed it all up, Scotty left and Kevin went back to Chad. Temporarily anyway. Until they broke up the relationship that Chad insisted they didn’t have… And then there was Jason…” She stops deliberately, expecting Robert to start pointing out that Kevin wasn’t exactly steady-boyfriend-material, but Robert, wisely, keeps quiet.
“So now this Scotty is back again?”
“Yes. And I’m glad he is. It’s good for Kevin to have a friend, someone who can distract him, while he waits for Jason to return.” Kitty focuses her attention on a letter on the table. It gives Robert a moment to hide his anger.
For him, ‘distract’ can only mean one thing, Kevin will have an affair behind Jason’s back. Though he’s partially not sure that he should care, it’s not like he wants Kevin in his family as his brother’s partner, at the same time, he wants to protect his brother from a broken heart. Something that seems to be clearly in his future.
*****
“Travis, do me a favor. Find out everything you can on a Scotty Wandell… Here’s some personal information on him, like date of birth and such… and with ‘everything’ I mean ‘everything’.” Robert hands Travis a piece of paper. Travis is surprised. Robert never really wants to know ‘everything’ on someone.
“What seems to be the problem?... If you don’t mind me asking?”
“I do mind, because it’s basically none of your business,…” Robert says. “But he’s an ex-boyfriend to Kevin Walker, who just walked back into Kevin’s life. As you know, Kevin is dating my brother, Jason… I don’t want Jason to get hurt.”
Travis makes a face, but then shrugs. It’s not up to him to care one way or another.
“Everything? Every bit of dirt I can find?” He asks, just to be sure.
“Everything. Oh, and there's no reason for Kitty to know about this.”
Robert has a grim look on his face. He's not sure that Kitty will appreciate it if he looks too much into Scotty's life, but if this Scotty thinks that he can hurt Jason, he’s got another thing coming. Robert will make sure that no one messes with a McCallister.
*****
Wow, when Travis says ‘everything’ it’s literally ‘everything’. It had been a few days. but then he had given Robert a large file with everything he could find on Scotty Wandell. Robert had spent the last hour going through all the information. From the different places Scotty had worked (at least he seems to have work-ethic) to his income-taxes (sigh - he pays them).
From the bank-statements he finds out that Scotty is chronically fighting his low income, just getting by, and now he’s practically broke. He can also see that Kevin has been getting involved with Scotty’s study, in fact last month, Kevin had paid Scotty’s tuition and Scotty had repaid him in 2 installments.
Robert looks at the pictures that in the file. Scotty seems to like sports; hiking and swimming in particular. He has that in common with Kevin… (and with Jason). He finds a copy of the check that Scotty had gotten from Kevin’s law-firm for telling on Mangopean. And he’s pleased to see that Scotty had been responsible enough to invest in a new career.
Robert would like to dislike the man who seems to have squeezed himself into Kevin’s life, but he can’t. From the pictures he seems like a nice person, with a gentle smile and an open face. Nothing in the file suggests that he’s bad, manipulative, creepy or a fraud. He doesn’t seem to have any secrets or faults…
Well, aside for the ‘vagrancy’-charge that is. Robert is actually curious what the story behind that charge could be. Scotty seems to have travelled around quite a lot, never staying in one place…. From the school-records Robert finds out that the start of this period of drifting coincides with Scotty coming out as gay.
It’s something that makes sense to Robert. It reminds him of how lost Jason had been, after he had been pulled out of the closet, kicking and screaming, while he wasn’t ready yet to acknowledge it to himself. And it reminds that he hadn’t handled things so well those days. He still feels that, in that moment that had been so important and life-changing for Jason, he had let Jason down by not being fully supportive.
Robert had always considered Jason to be quiet and shy, a bit more withdrawn, not liking it to be the centre of attention. He had always been awkward around women. But then, some boys just are. Doesn't mean they're gay. It still stings that he had never known about Jason's struggles. He had never even considered the possibilitiy that Jason could be gay.
Robert is usually not very sentimental, but now he opens his laptop and searches for his file with pictures. It’s where he finds pictures of Jason from a few months ago. He scrolls down even further and finds an even older picture. He opens them both and looks at the face of his younger brother.
Something had changed. Jason seemed more reserved, more closed off in the picture from before he met Kevin. The younger picture, taken while he was with Kevin shows a far more carefree Jason, a warm smile that reaches his eyes, a sparkle that Robert had never really noticed before.
Obviously, having been with Kevin had done something good to Jason. He finds a picture of Jason and Kevin together and even Kevin seems more relaxed. Robert takes his time to look at the picture. He had, at first, felt odd about his brother dating Kitty’s brother, but it would seem that Kevin made Jason happy…. And vice versa.
Robert again looks at the file. He would like to forget the things that Kitty had told him about Kevin being a serial-dater and not being able to hold on to a relationship. If only because he wants Jason to be happy. Yet, the return of this Scotty worries him. Should he tell Jason or just simply forget about it?
*****
"I really think you should talk to Kevin." Robert tries carefully. He hears a tired sigh on the other side.
"I can't. If I'd hear his voice I'd be back on the first available plane." Jason answers.
"You make it sound like that would be a bad thing."
Robert knows it's supposed to be a joke, but somehow it doesn't come out of his mouth in the right intonation.
"Robert, it would be a bad thing. The church is counting on me to finish things here... I can't simply leave. Not even for Kevin."
No. Of course not. McCallisters don't walk away from their responsibilities. Robert's mother had taught them well. And yet, Robert wouldn't mind if Jason would take the first plane back, even if it was to reunite with Kevin. Somehow Jason-dating-Kevin no longer sounds so bad, now that Jason is on the other side of the planet.
"I worry about you... that's all." Robert says.
"Thanks, brother, but I'll be alright." Jason laughs.
"And I think that maybe Kevin worries about you and that he misses you too. I just think that you should talk to him."
Robert wonders if he should tell Jason about the ex that has moved in with Kevin. An ex who is sleeping is om Kevin's living-room floor. An ex who looks attractive and who seems to be a kind person... And available.... And Kevin is lonely. Kitty told him that last bit.
"Wow, since when are you worried about Kevin and me?" Jason asks.
Robert is not willing to give the wrong impression, he's not a gossip. After all he doesn't know what is going on between Kevin and Scotty.
"I'm not worried. But Kitty is. And if Kitty is worried, and it's my brother's fault, in her eyes, than I'm in the doghouse too. With you.. So, it's pure self-interest." Robert jokes.
Jason laughs and Robert laughs as well. He's glad that Jason can't see him. It means he can't see that the laughter is fake. Robert is worried about Jason getting his heart broken, but at the same time, he can strangle Jason for not trying harder to get in touch with Kevin.
******
"This would be an excellent opportunity to call Kevin and talk to him." Robert suggests.
"No, thanks. I'm not in the mood to talk to him. I'm tired and it's been a long day. I just want to know, short and without drama, how Justin is." Jason answers.
"Working through things. Drama still going on. That's the short end of it."
Robert's answer is perhaps more curt than he's used to be with his brother. But Kitty is emotionally worn out from trying to help Justin, so close after suffering a miscarriage. He knows that it's been a strain on Nora, Saul, Tommy and Kevin too. He has heard, through the grapevine, that Jason has actually never called Kevin, since he left for Malaysia.
Robert had first believed it to be an exaggeration. Kevin can be such a drama-queen. So what if Jason doesn't call him a few days...? But it has not been 'a few days', it's been 'not at all' and this for several weeks now... Robert would love nothing more than to lay the blame with Kevin, if anything goes wrong with Kevin and Jason, but it's getting a bit hard this way.
And it doesn't help that the Walkers are raving about Scotty. They clearly love him and approve of him. And they all agree that Scotty wouldn't let Kevin cheat on Jason.... Pay attention: Scotty wouldn't let it happen.... does this imply though that Kevin might try?... Kevin seems to be the weak link here and not this mythical Scotty.
"I think that if you really want the ins and outs, you'll have to talk to Kevin. Please, call him. I wasn't there and I'm sure he can tell you far more than you want to hear." Robert tries again. It remains quiet on the other side. "Jason?"
"Still here. Gotta go.... I'll think about it. Bye." And the line is dead.
*****
"I haven't spoken to him in weeks and he's called you twice?" Robert isn't sure what he found the most uncomfortable. The hurt in Kevin's voice, the fact that he couldn't really apologize for Jason's behaviour, or the way that every of the other Walkers had rolled their eyes and looked at each other, while trying to avoid to look at each other at the same time.
And so he had quickly changed the subject and then Nora had began to talk about her first boyfriend and all conversations had halted... Yet, Robert can't get that hurt look in Kevin's eyes out of his mind. His fingers slide over his phone. Should he call Jason? While he hasn't completely made up his mind, his fingers have already pressed 'call'.
"Jason McCallister." Jason's voice sounds distracted.
"Hi Jase, it's me, Bobby."
"Bobby! I'm surprised. You usually don't call me... Is everything alright? Kitty? No complications from the miscarriage, I hope?"
Funny that Jason's first concern would be Kitty... If it would have been the other way around, Robert's first concern would have been for Kitty too... But that's because Kitty is the woman he loves, and not a future-in-law. Why would it not occur to Jason that Robert might call for Kevin?
"I'm calling you about Kevin."
"Kevin?" Robert can almost imagine that Jason doesn't remember who he's talking about. The silence hangs between them maybe just a little too long, before Jason carefully asks. "Is he okay?"
"I don't know. He seemed very hurt to hear that you won't be coming to our wedding."
"Surely you explained to him...."
"... but even more than that, he seemed hurt by the fact that he hadn't heard from you in weeks. And I understand that he's not exaggerating."
"Robert...." Jason seems annoyed to be called out like this.
"You're going to lose him if you don't do something. He's still monogamous, but I understand that he's 'highly sought after'.. His words, by the way. And he has few exes running around who certainly wouldn't mind to help heal his broken heart."
"Now you're the one who's exaggerating." Jason dismisses Robert's words. "I'm not worried. If Kevin really loves me, he'll wait for me."
"Maybe he needs a bit of a reminder? A little appetizer? Just something to remind him that he's in a relationship with you? Something like ... oh, I don't know... a phone-call?"
Robert is far more snarky than he had intended to be and he can almost feel Jason pulling up walls between them.
"I'm sure we're fine." Jason says in a voice that doesn't accept contradiction.
"Fine." Robert's voice lets Jason know that it's not 'fine'. For a moment there's a silence.
"Alright. I'll call him."
"When?"
"Maybe tomorrow. Or the day after."
"Do it." Robert orders. And he hopes that Jason will.
*****
Robert puts down his phone. He's not sure what to think. Jason had been upset that Kevin broke up with him. Kevin had also confessed to sleeping with Scotty... Robert tries to digest the information. He wants to be angry at Kevin, but he can see Kevin's point of view too. He wants to be supportive to his brother, but... can't really bring up sympathy.
His conversation with Jason is still running in his head, but he picks up the guest-list to his wedding with Kitty to distract himself... But the only name he seems to be able to see, practically in neon-letters, is Kevin's... and his plus one, Scotty. He remembers Kitty assuring him that Scotty only came along as 'a friend'.
Had Kitty lied? Had Kitty known that her brother was back with Scotty? Had she simply not wanted him to know? No. He can't believe that. She couldn't lie him that well, could she? Because what would that say about honesty in their marriage? He puts away the guest-list, angry that issues between Jason and Kevin causes him to question Kitty.
According to Jason, Kevin had told him that he and this Scotty had only had one night together, which would be sufficient to ruin the relationship between Jason and Kevin, he supposes. But, again according to Jason, Kevin hadn't seemed too sure that Scotty would actually take him back.
Wouldn't that be a big joke? If Kevin would ask Scotty back and Scotty would say 'no thanks'? And now he would really want to know what happened and in what order, but how can he find out? Of course, the family grapevine would be the best and easiest solution, but he can't go up to Kitty and ask her what she knows about it... Can he?
*****
"Kit?"
"Yes?"
"Have you heard that Kevin and Jason split up?" Robert asks straight out. Diplomacy is usually wasted on the Walkers anyway.
Kitty's lips become a thin line as if she's trying to keep her mouth shut and really making an effort of it.
"I heard." She replies reluctantly.
"Kevin slept with someone else."
"Scotty." Kitty nods.
"Are they back together?"
"Unsure." Kitty shrugs. "Apparently Scotty really wants to think it over and Kevin has no choice but to give him the space and time he needs to make a decision."
"Have you any idea how long they're back together?"
"They're not back together officially. I just told you that."
"I mean.... How often did they...?" Robert shuts up. Damn, it's none of his business. He can't ask for information like that.
"How often did they have sex?" Kitty asks sharply. The question sounds almost rude if you put it that way and Robert guesses that she's a little offended. Kitty is not sure if she likes Robert's questions. She recognizes that Kevin made a mistake, but all this is not just Kevin's fault. However, Robert is kind enough to look embarrassed. So she takes a deep breath.
"Only once." She then answers. "They had too much to drink. One thing lead to another. No excuse of course, but that's just the way it is and the way it happened and Kevin told Jason the truth almost immediately. No lies for several years, no subterfuges, but the cold honest truth, right the next day."
"Just once?" Robert asks, just be sure that he understood it right.
"Once is enough. It's cheating. Jason and Kevin broke up. End of story." Kitty replies curtly.
"I agree. Once is enough." Robert nods.
*****
The wedding is over. He's happy that Kitty is finally his wife. And he smiles when he sees her sleep next to him. Yet, he can't catch his sleep. Too much has happened. Too many images in his head. Too many reveals. Too many adjustments of opinions. He somehow feels he hasn't really been able to keep up.
The Walker-family is truly demanding the most of him. But today had proven to him that he had misjudged Kevin. Finding out that Kevin had tried to protect him, had left him with a feeling that somehow he owed Kevin something in return. Not that Kevin had asked for anything.
Robert had wanted to stay mad at Kevin for having dumped Jason, but, in all honesty, he can't. First off, Kevin had really stuck out his neck for him. And secondly, Jason hadn't really tried to keep his relationship with Kevin going either. And third, Robert had only seen Scotty briefly, barely exchanged a word with him, but he seemed like a nice guy.
Family-loyalty is all good and nice, but if Jason is acting like an idiot and Kevin might be better off with a nice guy like Scotty.... Who is he to blame Kevin for picking someone who apparently cares about him, like Scotty, over someone who can't be bothered to stay in touch.... like Jason?
And now Kevin is family as well. Isn't he? And he has proven his own loyalty to Robert (even if it was just for Kitty), shouldn't Robert return some loyalty to Kevin? He sighs in the dark. He wants Kitty to be happy, he wants Jason to be happy. He even wants Kevin and Scotty to be happy, but is it possible to for everyone to be happy?
*****
Robert is glad to see Jason come through the gates. Jason smiles his familiar smile. He's a bit thinner than Robert remembers, but also more muscular. Apparently he had done quite some manual work in Malaysia. He's suntanned, but not as deep as Robert had imagined he would be.
"Do you have more luggage?" He aks, assuming that there must be more than just one suitcase. Jason shakes his head.
"No. This is all I have with me. I've left a lot of my clothes and other belongings in Malaysia. They need it more than I do."
"You look great." Robert says, feeling a bit useless.
"I'm fine. It's been quite an experience. I've learned a lot, also about myself. It was confrontational. I think I went over my own limits here and there."
"It's good to know it was a positive experience." Robert nods.
"It was." Jason confirms, without any further explanation. Their conversation falls silent. It is an awkward silence, which is something that usually doesn't happen between them. They are used to silences, neither being quite the talkers when it is not necessary. But their silences are usually not of the awkward kind and Robert feels a bit taken off guard.
He had really looked forward to having his brother back home and now this weird silence kills his good mood. Jason seems more interested in the pavement under his feet and Robert occasionally looks at his brother, but can't seem to make contact with him, so he's glad when they finally arrive at his car.
Jason puts his suitcase in the trunk.
"Kitty and I have a guest-room prepared for you at the ranch. I hope that's alright? Or are you going back to church?"
"No. The ranch will do." Jason mutters.
Robert starts his car, he navigates through traffic and he's glad when he's on the highway so he can drive a bit faster.
"Hope you had a great wedding?" Jason asks.
"Oh, yes, it was great."
"I wish I had been there." Jason says softly. Robert quickly looks at him. Is he serious? Jason had made it clear that the church and Malaysia took precedence over his own brother, so isn't it a bit late for regrets?
"Well, you had important work to do." Robert manages to keep his voice neutral.
"I was allowed to go, you know." Jason then says. "But I didn't want to."
"Because of Kevin." Robert understands, getting a little angry at the thought. Jason seems suprised by Robert's reaction. He shakes his head, the first real smile on his face.
"You know, news-flash, the world does not revolve around Kevin." Jason teases. Robert can't help but laugh.
"Don't tell him that."
"No, I won't." Jason grins and adds: "No more than I will tell you that the world doesn't revolve around you either."
It's rather tongue-in-cheek, but Robert gets it.
"What?! It doesn't?! You're kidding me?!" Robert fakes shock. Jason laughs out loud. As if he had thawed and come to life again. Finally the 'old' feeling is back.
"What was it then? The reason why you didn't come to my marriage."
"I had a crises of faith. I was really doubting myself, my life, my choices, ... My dedication to God. I think if I would have flown back for your marriage, I would have given up on my religion altogether."
"Why?"
"Because I wanted what I couldn't have...." Jason replies softly. Robert looks at him, question on his lips, wondering what it could be. "Kevin. I wanted Kevin. But at the same time I knew it would be the wrong decision."
He can see that Robert doesn't understand. To be honest, he's not quite sure he understands it himself.
"I wanted Kevin. Or rather what he represented to me... A 'normal' life."
"Normal? With the Walkers nothing is ever 'normal'."
Though Robert speaks softly and under his breath, Jason has heard him anyway.
"Maybe not, but Kevin would have been the easy way out of certain responsibilities. I wanted to quit the church, no longer be a minister, just relax, get a 9 to 5 job, live an average life and simply be happy with the relationship I had."
"But, ...."
"At the same time, I knew it would be 'the easy way out'. And I didn't want that. I've always known who I was, what I wanted to be, and I also started to see that it would clash with what I wanted with Kevin.
In the end, I don't think that Kevin could have made me happy. And I wouldn't have made Kevin happy either. And I knew that. Yet, I didn't want to give up Kevin. And I didn't want to give up God. But I had to give up one of the two, because I could not have them both in my life at the same time. I could not make the choice.
Once Kevin told me that he had cheated, it was as if a huge weight fell off my shoulders. Everything fell into place. I had a good reason to end it. I'm sorry if I've put all the blame on Kevin back then. That was not very fair and honest of me. Of course, it hurt that he had cheated on me, but at the same time, I was happy, because breaking up with him was a blessing in disguise.
I didn't want to come home because I realized that I needed this time to be on my own and alone. I was hurt. I turned to prayer. And slowly I found myself and my purpose in life once more. I felt I could finally focus on my duty to God again."
"I'm glad." Robert says in a neutral voice. He sure wished that Jason had said something sooner, instead of making it sound like Kevin had been the worst thing that ever happened to him.
To Robert, it now sounds as if Jason had been rather selfish and he doesn't like to think about his brother as being selfish.
"What happens next? You. Kevin. Things might still get awkward if you two would meet each other again." Robert asks. Jason doesn't seem to see it the same way.
"I already sent Kevin an email to confirm that I was on my way home. I've asked him if he wanted to have lunch with me, one of these days. If we talk face-to-face, I'm sure we can resolve any issues that might still linger between us."
"Lunch?" Robert isn't sure he heard that right.
"Robert, we're adults. We can handle it."
"I'm not sure Scotty will appreciate it." Robert can't help but say.
"This has nothing to do with him. I just want to ..." Jason doesn't finish his sentence, suddenly aware that he's not too sure of what he wants.
Robert quickly looks at Jason. Yes. Nice. Brave talk about 'finding yourself', 'duty to God' and 'being alright', but in the meantime Robert knows better and he shakes his head and asks:
"Are you going to try to get Kevin back?" The question is so direct that it surprises both Robert and Jason.
They remain silent for a few seconds.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business." Robert apologizes. "The Walkers. I blame them. They always blab about whatever comes to their minds. It's rubbing off on me."
Robert tries to joke about it and it even puts a little smile back on Jason's face. Jason seems to weigh his answer before answering with an indecisive voice:
"I don't know if I would really want him back. I don't think so. However, it still annoys me that he dumped me... But, like I just said, it was for the best. For both of us."
"Maybe you shouldn't go on a date with him then."
"It's not a date. It's just lunch."
"That how it usually starts...."
"If he's really in love with his new boyfriend, then I'm not the enemy."
"What if you two still have feelings for each other?"
"Then maybe we made the wrong choice to break up."
"You never chose for anything. Kevin made the choice for you." Robert points out.
"Then Kevin will stick to to his choice and we're definitely through."
"And you'll be hurt. Because you still have feelings for him." Robert understands. Jason doesn't react straightaway.
"If I do and he doesn't, then I will have to deal with it. And if there's still lingering feelings, we'll have to deal with it too. I just want a proper closure."
"I think you're setting yourself up for more heartache." Robert sighs.
"I will deal with it when it happens." Jason answers stiffly and Robert remains quiet. He's not sure what he wants to happen next, but somewhere deep inside, he hopes that Kevin and Jason will resolve this once and for all.
*****
Jason closes the door as quietly as possible and tries to sneak up the stairs.
"You're late." A voice in the dark says.
"And you practically gave me a heart-attack." Jason replies.
"Why are you sneaking in like that?"
"I knew you had been in Iowa and that you'd be coming home today. I thought that maybe you and Kitty wanted to catch up on some sleep."
"Mhmm-mm. Sure." There's quite some disbelief in Robert's voice. "And where have you been? Last I heard you would have lunch with Kevin? How did that go?"
"What? Did the Walker-grapevine burn down or something? I thought you'd hear the news before I could tell you."
"What news?" Robert fears the worst.
"Kevin and I ... Definitely over." Jason says, turning on the light so he can see Robert.
"I'm sorry to hear that..." Robert says.
"Mhmm-mm. Sure." Jason replies with the same level of disbelief as his brother had earlier.
"How bad was the lunch?"
"It wasn't lunch, it was supposed to be coffee, then it turned into a late lunch/early dinner, or something, and it wasn't so much 'bad', as it was 'awkward', then 'entertaining' and then... 'enlightening' ... and in the end, it was very 'final'."
"So, no lingering feelings from your side?"
"I didn't say that... but I'll deal with them on my own terms."
"What happened?"
"Kev and I met, we started off awkwardly, couldn't really come to a topic to talk about. Then Scotty come home early, obviously marking his territory and staking his claim on Kevin.
That part was kind of amusing and endearing to see. He was really determined to fight for Kevin. Then Kevin got all drama-queen, sulking and such, and Scotty overdid the whole 'be kind to Jason'-spiel, overcompensating because Kevin acted like a spoiled brat..."
"That sounds ... I don't know..." Robert wonders if Jason is mocking him and his curiosity, because it all sounds so weird.
"It was a weird afternoon, because I was wondering why Kevin and I just couldn't reach out to each other, then I got confused by Scotty's showing up, but also amused by it. He's younger than I thought he would be. He was like an angry puppy trying to chase off the big bad dog... Besides, I couldn't really hate Scotty, he's actually nice.
It was Kevin who disappointed me. He got rather passive-aggressive, and became annoying, which in return annoyed me. We had a few harsh words, but that faded as quickly as it started. I think that the last word hasn't been spoken between Kevin and Scotty, but ... through all that passive-aggressive behavior there was one thing suddenly very obvious to me.
Kevin is completely in love with Scotty. I don't think either of them realize how deeply in love they are with each other... If only they could see themselves as I can see them, I think they'd be shocked. Everything suddenly fell into place for me. It all made sense." Jason smiles gently.
"So, how big is the heartache?" Robert asks, noticing that it becomes easier each time to talk to his brother about personal things.
"It's there. A bit. But I want nothing but the best for Kevin. And I think he found it. And it's not me... So be it... I'll find my own happiness eventually."
"So, everything is good? I don't have to hide from Kitty's wrath?" Robert asks.
"Everything is good. Be nice to Kevin and Scotty from now on. All our choices were good ones... Forgive, turn the other cheek... I think it all went exactly as God intended it to be."
"That is one way of looking at it." Robert agrees. Jason smiles. He knows that Robert will most likely not agree with his words, but it's fine with him. He has found peace in the situation. And he sincerely hopes his brother will too. Soon.
"Listen, Kevin is Kitty's brother, I'm your brother. Unless you really want to make things complicated for Kitty, Kevin, Scotty and me, I suggest you get over this. We are." Jason's voice is sweet, but Robert can recognize the warning.
"Fine. If that is what you want."
"It is... and now I'm the one who will go to bed because I'm tired and I want some sleep."
"Goodnight." Robert watches Jason walk away and he's glad that Jason and Kevin have seemingly come to an adult conclusion. Jason doesn't seem to be too upset. Maybe it is for the best to let it go and focus on the future, now that the entire Kevin/Jason-story has come to its conclusion. Once and for all.
THE END
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