(no subject)
Title: i'm there, always there.
Author: mariagatesdirnt
Pairing: Matt Sanders/you'll find out
type: one shot
Disclaimer: i'f i owned then, there'd be no insperation for writng these ;]
Dedication: to anyone who reads it haha
Summary: matt's fed up with all the lies and mysteries.
My trust is being stretched thin, too thin for my liking. He’s been acting differently, He’s hiding something.
“No Matt, there’s nothing wrong.” he would say when I questioned, I wanted to believe him. My heart said yes, my mind shouted no. I loved him so much, it burned with every fiber of my being. But this love didn’t answer the over-asked questions that still plagued my thoughts.
He looked tired, dark bags under his eyes that never went away; He always complained about never being able to sleep. His trips to the store that took to long, always returning with nothing bought, but a free excuse in his mouth. The night where he would return only minutes before the sunrise, ‘Why?’
That annoying, agonizing question never left my brain when I sat up late, waiting and worrying over him. ‘Why?’ plagued my mind when I silently cried facing away from him on my bed, his over-used excusing being thrown into my ear while he laid next to me, ignoring my tears as if they weren’t even there.
Tonight was the last night. I was going to find out the answer to that torturous question of ‘Why?’
My feelings weren’t going to stop me, I will be strong. I, Mathew Charles Sanders, am not weak, especially not to a person so much smaller than myself. Oh, I wish I was right in my self confidence.
He stumbled in that night, too late once again. He had said he was going to get some beer for us five long, worry-filled hours ago. I was tired, so very tired. When he walked through that front door, his radiating face smiling sheepishly at me, an excuse playing on his lips.
“Save it” I spoke before he could say anything. He appeared shocked at my words.
“…What?”
“Don’t give me another over played excuse, tell me where you really went.” he seemed to shift on his feet, closing the door behind him before answering.
“Matt, I went to the store. I was on my way out when-”
“Don’t!” I snapped harshly, my heart bleeding, my legs numb.
“I want to know that truth!” My cold voice rippled through him.
“It is the truth Matt. I wouldn’t lie to you.” His face told me to believe him, but his eyes shouted ’Lies! Lies!’
“Would you?” I questioned as I pushed him with force into the door that was inches behind him. I put my face inches from his, my rage was dripping through me, and yet I still had a strong yearning to kiss his lips softly and forget about everything.
“Where the fuck were you? I need to know the truth.” He looked so frightened, his dark eyes sparkling in fear, I had never been so rough with him, but I had also never felt so fed up in my life.
He dared to try again to lie.
“Matt why won’t you listen? I told you already-”
“You told me shit, just like you always do. Why do you lie to me? After everything I’ve done for you?!” I screamed, my own tears threatening to fall. I felt a crack ripple through my heart, I knew the truth would shatter it completely.
“Matt, I-”
“No, no more lies! I can’t take this anymore. I wait up hours upon hours for you, I worry to death for you, I don’t even know who you are anymore, you lie to me, you hide things, what the fuck did I do to make you do this to me?!” I was swelling with rage that had been built up a long time ago. I saw the fear in him, and even through my anger and screaming, I still wanted to comfort him.
“Either you tell me the truth, or I’ll walk out this door right now.”
He stood there, sweat glistening on his forehead, his hands trembling under my burning gaze. His mouth opened to speak, the shaking lips emitting unsteady breaths. I braced myself for whatever was going to come. Nothing could of braced me for what did happen.
He eyes went wide, only briefly. They then rolled into the back of him head and his knees gave out. I caught him before he hit the ground, the shock washed over me. My own eyes widened in fear. I placed my hand upon his now angelic face.
“Johnny, oh god Johnny!” I spoke softly. I let go of everything, my tears bled down my face.
“No, no, no! Johnny wake up!” he remained unconscious, I panicked. I set him down gently before I ran for the phone, faster that I ever knew I could run. I dialed the all famous emergency number, my voice was barely audible when I gave the operator my information. I hung up and quickly raced back to my lover. He hadn’t moved, his eyes closed, his breathing shallow. I put my face to his, my tears falling down his cheeks.
“ No, Johnny, why?! Why?!” His body remained limp, the sound of ambulances was heard in the distance.
“Don’t you dare leave me, not yet.” My hand fell limply to his waist, I felt a budge in his pocket. I looked down, my shaking hand reached in. Once I felt the plastic bag, I felt my heart shatter. I slowly pulled it out, a white powder was present. The bag it was in was much to large and much to empty. I let it fall from my fingers, a sharp pain surged through me causing me to collapse backwards next to him. I was to weak to sit up, to weak to cry anymore, the pieces of my broken heart scattered.
After that I didn’t remember what happened. I didn’t remember when the paramedics came in and took us both away, I didn’t remember being separated from him, I didn’t remember when he was brought back to life just to find out I didn’t make it. I didn’t remember my heart giving out, realizing that if Johnny was dead, then there was no life for me. The truth was he was what made me whole, he was my life. They said it was a heart attack the took me, a simple heart attack from to much stress and worry. Johnny knew, it wasn’t a heart attack that killed me, but a heart broken by addiction and lies. Even now, I hope he can still hear me when the wind moans in the distance, I hope he can still feel me when the sun shines upon his face, I hope he can still love me in his heart, because I’m there, always there.
Author: mariagatesdirnt
Pairing: Matt Sanders/you'll find out
type: one shot
Disclaimer: i'f i owned then, there'd be no insperation for writng these ;]
Dedication: to anyone who reads it haha
Summary: matt's fed up with all the lies and mysteries.
My trust is being stretched thin, too thin for my liking. He’s been acting differently, He’s hiding something.
“No Matt, there’s nothing wrong.” he would say when I questioned, I wanted to believe him. My heart said yes, my mind shouted no. I loved him so much, it burned with every fiber of my being. But this love didn’t answer the over-asked questions that still plagued my thoughts.
He looked tired, dark bags under his eyes that never went away; He always complained about never being able to sleep. His trips to the store that took to long, always returning with nothing bought, but a free excuse in his mouth. The night where he would return only minutes before the sunrise, ‘Why?’
That annoying, agonizing question never left my brain when I sat up late, waiting and worrying over him. ‘Why?’ plagued my mind when I silently cried facing away from him on my bed, his over-used excusing being thrown into my ear while he laid next to me, ignoring my tears as if they weren’t even there.
Tonight was the last night. I was going to find out the answer to that torturous question of ‘Why?’
My feelings weren’t going to stop me, I will be strong. I, Mathew Charles Sanders, am not weak, especially not to a person so much smaller than myself. Oh, I wish I was right in my self confidence.
He stumbled in that night, too late once again. He had said he was going to get some beer for us five long, worry-filled hours ago. I was tired, so very tired. When he walked through that front door, his radiating face smiling sheepishly at me, an excuse playing on his lips.
“Save it” I spoke before he could say anything. He appeared shocked at my words.
“…What?”
“Don’t give me another over played excuse, tell me where you really went.” he seemed to shift on his feet, closing the door behind him before answering.
“Matt, I went to the store. I was on my way out when-”
“Don’t!” I snapped harshly, my heart bleeding, my legs numb.
“I want to know that truth!” My cold voice rippled through him.
“It is the truth Matt. I wouldn’t lie to you.” His face told me to believe him, but his eyes shouted ’Lies! Lies!’
“Would you?” I questioned as I pushed him with force into the door that was inches behind him. I put my face inches from his, my rage was dripping through me, and yet I still had a strong yearning to kiss his lips softly and forget about everything.
“Where the fuck were you? I need to know the truth.” He looked so frightened, his dark eyes sparkling in fear, I had never been so rough with him, but I had also never felt so fed up in my life.
He dared to try again to lie.
“Matt why won’t you listen? I told you already-”
“You told me shit, just like you always do. Why do you lie to me? After everything I’ve done for you?!” I screamed, my own tears threatening to fall. I felt a crack ripple through my heart, I knew the truth would shatter it completely.
“Matt, I-”
“No, no more lies! I can’t take this anymore. I wait up hours upon hours for you, I worry to death for you, I don’t even know who you are anymore, you lie to me, you hide things, what the fuck did I do to make you do this to me?!” I was swelling with rage that had been built up a long time ago. I saw the fear in him, and even through my anger and screaming, I still wanted to comfort him.
“Either you tell me the truth, or I’ll walk out this door right now.”
He stood there, sweat glistening on his forehead, his hands trembling under my burning gaze. His mouth opened to speak, the shaking lips emitting unsteady breaths. I braced myself for whatever was going to come. Nothing could of braced me for what did happen.
He eyes went wide, only briefly. They then rolled into the back of him head and his knees gave out. I caught him before he hit the ground, the shock washed over me. My own eyes widened in fear. I placed my hand upon his now angelic face.
“Johnny, oh god Johnny!” I spoke softly. I let go of everything, my tears bled down my face.
“No, no, no! Johnny wake up!” he remained unconscious, I panicked. I set him down gently before I ran for the phone, faster that I ever knew I could run. I dialed the all famous emergency number, my voice was barely audible when I gave the operator my information. I hung up and quickly raced back to my lover. He hadn’t moved, his eyes closed, his breathing shallow. I put my face to his, my tears falling down his cheeks.
“ No, Johnny, why?! Why?!” His body remained limp, the sound of ambulances was heard in the distance.
“Don’t you dare leave me, not yet.” My hand fell limply to his waist, I felt a budge in his pocket. I looked down, my shaking hand reached in. Once I felt the plastic bag, I felt my heart shatter. I slowly pulled it out, a white powder was present. The bag it was in was much to large and much to empty. I let it fall from my fingers, a sharp pain surged through me causing me to collapse backwards next to him. I was to weak to sit up, to weak to cry anymore, the pieces of my broken heart scattered.
After that I didn’t remember what happened. I didn’t remember when the paramedics came in and took us both away, I didn’t remember being separated from him, I didn’t remember when he was brought back to life just to find out I didn’t make it. I didn’t remember my heart giving out, realizing that if Johnny was dead, then there was no life for me. The truth was he was what made me whole, he was my life. They said it was a heart attack the took me, a simple heart attack from to much stress and worry. Johnny knew, it wasn’t a heart attack that killed me, but a heart broken by addiction and lies. Even now, I hope he can still hear me when the wind moans in the distance, I hope he can still feel me when the sun shines upon his face, I hope he can still love me in his heart, because I’m there, always there.