Confession of Pain (Chapter 3)
Chapter 3
“Thanks for dinner again, Duck.” Gibbs said.
“It was a pleasure, old friend.” Ducky smiled as he shifted gears in his old Morgan. “I dare say that I am pleased you indulged me and tried the restaurant.”
“A little pricey there.” The former Marine commented.
“Yes, indeed, but their Foie Gras is to die for. And after all, it was my turn to treat. Next time, buyer’s choice.” Gibbs smirked as they were turning up his street. “Isn’t that young Anthony’s car, Jethro?” Ducky noticed as he pulled into the drive.
“Yes.” Gibbs said curtly as his stomach clenched.
Dr. Mallard noticed the tone of his friend. “Is there something wrong with the poor lad?”
“Something’s going on with him. I’m just not sure what it is. I told him today that he can talk to me.” He shook his head in slight disbelief. “I honestly didn’t think he would.”
“You underestimate how Tony feels about you, Jethro. He looks upon you as a father figure of sorts. That boy loves you.” He paused. “And I would be remiss if I did not mention that you care for him just the same.”
“Of course I care, Duck. He’s a member of my team.” Gibbs said as he opened the door to the vintage car.
“Leroy Jethro Gibbs.” Ducky said quietly. “You love that boy beyond the job and do not deny it. You both deserve more than that.”
Gibbs stopped and turned back to his friend. He wanted to deny Ducky’s claim, but he could not. “I do.”
“Have you told him?” He said as he stood beside Jethro.
“Not really a normal topic of conversation, Ducky.”
“Perhaps not. But after what I can assume was a less than stellar upbringing, it would benefit him to hear it more than you know.”
Gibbs paused. “What do you know about his Father?”
“Very little, unfortunately.” The medical examiner responded.
“Hmm.” Gibbs added as he looked at his house. “Let’s get inside.”
*
Gibbs opened up the front door and saw Tony sitting on the couch in the dark, head buried in his hands. Jethro realized that he needed a gentle touch. “Tony? I’m going to turn the light on.” As he did, the younger agent winced slightly as his eyes adjusted to the light. Gibbs worried when Tony said nothing. He had not changed his position. Gibbs joined him on the couch, but he didn’t sit too close. Ducky stayed by the door.
“Tony?” Gibbs said again in a soft tone as he placed his hand gently on Tony’s right knee. He was surprised when Tony flinched and scooted away. When he saw his senior agents face, he could see the red rimmed eyes and the tears rolling down his face. “Tony? I’m not going to hurt you. See? It’s me. Gibbs.”
Tony took his hands away from his face and looked at the voice. “You weren’t here…” Tony said, his voice sounding like a little boy to Ducky and Gibbs. The agent’s heart clenched. Something had hurt his Tony.
“I was out with Ducky.” He looked at the ME. “See? Ducky’s here with me.” The older man dared to step closer.
“Hello, dear boy.” Ducky sat down in the recliner.
Gibbs placed his hand on Tony’s leg again; this time pleased that he did not flinch. “I’m here now, Tony. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I can’t…I can’t…don’ wanna leave…” Tony whispered as he became more distressed.
Gibbs moved closer to the man he thought of as his son. “It’s okay…I’m here. Let me help. Tell me what’s wrong. You don’t have to leave.” He grabbed Tony’s hands and held them in his. “I won’t let anything happen to you. Do you understand? You are mine.” Gibbs said with conviction. “I won’t let anyone or anything harm you.” He reached up and wiped some tears from Tony’s face. He gently turned his chin up so he could face him. Tony’s eyes looked so innocent, so scared. “Please, Tony.”
He held his Boss’ gaze for a moment, but then had to look away. No one could help him, not even Gibbs, right? So many thoughts were barreling through Tony’s head. No one could help him. But when he heard Gibbs say please, hope blossomed within him.
Gibbs knew Tony was scared, but he needed Tony to talk. He was hoping this wouldn’t backfire, but he had to try. He spoke softly. “Tony, is this about the phone call you got?”
Tony’s head shot up at the question. “H-How?”
“Ziva and McGee told me Tony. They were worried about you. They love you. We all do. Let us help you.”
Ducky interjected. “We’re your family, Anthony.”
Tony nodded his head as he debated whether to tell. Fresh tears poured as a sob escaped his lips. He tried to calm himself but his voice wouldn’t abide. After some time, he spoke. His heart clamored away in his chest as he felt himself hyperventilating. “F-father c-called…” He wanted to slap himself for stuttering like a fool like he did when he was younger. “S-sorry…”
Gibbs had an idea why Tony was apologizing. “It’s okay.” He stroked Tony’s hair, a gesture that caused Tony to lean slightly into him.
“H-he’s c-coming n-next w-week…” Tony began to shake his head.
Gibbs stole a glance at Ducky. Both men had worry in their eyes. Ducky gave him gesture that encouraged him to continue to gently prod.
“When did you see him last, Tony?”
After some time, Tony answered, head still down, not able to make eye contact. “B-Baltimore. B-before I c-came h-here.” He sniffled. “I don’t wanna leave…”
“You don’t have to leave, Tony.”
“He f-found me…” Tony looked up with innocent eyes, sounding again like a little boy lost. “T-this is the f-first p-place I l-love! I don’t wanna leave! Please!”
Jethro gently grabbed Tony’s face with his hands. “You don’t have to leave, Tony.”
“I can’t anymore…I can’t…” Tony pulled himself back and wrapped his arms around himself.
“Tony…” Gibbs was at a loss for words. A lump in his throat had formed. But he forced himself to continue. “Tony, does your father hurt you?” He saw Tony bit his lip and look away. He moved closer to his agent. “You can tell me, son.”
“Can’t…” Tony answered as he looked down shook his head frantically. He whispered, “can’t tell grown ups…grown ups can‘t help…”
At that admission, Gibbs looked at Ducky with fear and uncertainty in his eyes. Gibbs has rarely been at a loss before, but he was feeling like he was about to lose control. As much as he wanted Ducky to continue the questioning, he knew it had to be him.
“Tony, listen to me. Not all grown ups are bad. I will believe you. Okay? I will believe you.” He stroked the younger man’s hair gently. “I love you, Tony. Like you were my own. I would never hurt you.” He pleaded with his senior agent. Tony eventually looked up, so Gibbs continued. “Tony, does your father hit you?” He waited with bated breath as Tony slowly and innocently nodded to the question.
As horrific as that admission was, Gibbs’ gut told him he needed to go farther. He took a calming breath to prepare himself. “Tony, does your father touch you?” Tony bit his lip as he looked down. A muffled sob came from him as he covered his face with his hands. Tony felt himself be pulled towards Gibbs as the older man embraced his broken agent. “Shh…it’s okay…I’m here…” Gibbs whispered as he gently held Tony head against his chest, stroking his head, whispering comforting words in his ear. Gibbs stole a look up at Ducky. Both men had a murderous glare in their eyes. Gibbs looked back at Tony and placed a kiss on the top of his head. “I’ve got you…”
It felt so good to be in Gibbs’ arms, Tony thought. For the first time in his life, he felt safe. But his insecurities reappeared quickly as he extracted himself from his Boss’ arms. “Y-you believe m-me?” Tony whispered as he looked upon Gibbs.
“Yes.” The former marine said with certainty as he answered. He looked at the ME.
“Of course, Anthony. What your father did is inexcusable.”
Tony stood as his distress rose again. “B-but h-he said I l-liked it…d-deserved i-it…” He looked at Gibbs with his panic in his eyes as he began to back up. “I-I d-didn’t I-I s-swear…I-I t-told him t-to s-stop! I s-swear…” His back hit the wall and he slid to the ground.
“Tony…” Gibbs responded by sitting on the ground with him. He cradled the senior agent in his arms and kissed him on the head. “Of course you didn’t…your father is the sick bastard, Tony.” They sat like that for some time before Gibbs spoke again. “How old, Tony…when he started…”
Tony turned his head into Gibbs chest and inhaled the scent that was Gibbs. It always made him feel better. His answer shook Gibbs to his core. "S-Seventeen.” Tony responded in a tiny voice.
Jethro had to close his eyes and counted to calm himself down. Tony could sense the increased tension because he looked at Gibbs with panic in his eyes. “No, I’m not mad at you, sweetheart. I’m mad at him.” He gave Tony an extra squeeze. “I swear to you, he will NEVR hurt you again.”
*
After Ducky made Tony some tea, Gibbs managed to get Tony to bed. He had Tony change into some of his USMC sweats. Being in Gibbs’ clothes seemed to offer Tony some comfort. Ducky considered a slight sedative, but they both thought against it. Ducky heart had melted when he watched from the hallway as Jethro gently tucked Tony in. If there was ever a doubt how close those two were, the unfortunate revelations of tonight solidified their bond. Gibbs stayed close to the stairs to listen for any sign of distress from him. He went downstairs briefly and grabbed his bourbon and two glasses. He poured generous amounts and handed one to Ducky and quickly downed his. Even Ducky was at a loss for words regarding Tony’s confession tonight, so the two old friends sat in silence. Jethro offered his bed to the ME. Gibbs knew he would spend the night watching Tony closely. Before he and Ducky retired upstairs, Gibbs made a call. As he waited for the person to answer, he nodded at Ducky.
“What do you want, Jethro? It‘s late. You know that, right?”
“Yep. Look, Tobias. I need your help…”
TBC...
Continue to Chapter 4
“Thanks for dinner again, Duck.” Gibbs said.
“It was a pleasure, old friend.” Ducky smiled as he shifted gears in his old Morgan. “I dare say that I am pleased you indulged me and tried the restaurant.”
“A little pricey there.” The former Marine commented.
“Yes, indeed, but their Foie Gras is to die for. And after all, it was my turn to treat. Next time, buyer’s choice.” Gibbs smirked as they were turning up his street. “Isn’t that young Anthony’s car, Jethro?” Ducky noticed as he pulled into the drive.
“Yes.” Gibbs said curtly as his stomach clenched.
Dr. Mallard noticed the tone of his friend. “Is there something wrong with the poor lad?”
“Something’s going on with him. I’m just not sure what it is. I told him today that he can talk to me.” He shook his head in slight disbelief. “I honestly didn’t think he would.”
“You underestimate how Tony feels about you, Jethro. He looks upon you as a father figure of sorts. That boy loves you.” He paused. “And I would be remiss if I did not mention that you care for him just the same.”
“Of course I care, Duck. He’s a member of my team.” Gibbs said as he opened the door to the vintage car.
“Leroy Jethro Gibbs.” Ducky said quietly. “You love that boy beyond the job and do not deny it. You both deserve more than that.”
Gibbs stopped and turned back to his friend. He wanted to deny Ducky’s claim, but he could not. “I do.”
“Have you told him?” He said as he stood beside Jethro.
“Not really a normal topic of conversation, Ducky.”
“Perhaps not. But after what I can assume was a less than stellar upbringing, it would benefit him to hear it more than you know.”
Gibbs paused. “What do you know about his Father?”
“Very little, unfortunately.” The medical examiner responded.
“Hmm.” Gibbs added as he looked at his house. “Let’s get inside.”
*
Gibbs opened up the front door and saw Tony sitting on the couch in the dark, head buried in his hands. Jethro realized that he needed a gentle touch. “Tony? I’m going to turn the light on.” As he did, the younger agent winced slightly as his eyes adjusted to the light. Gibbs worried when Tony said nothing. He had not changed his position. Gibbs joined him on the couch, but he didn’t sit too close. Ducky stayed by the door.
“Tony?” Gibbs said again in a soft tone as he placed his hand gently on Tony’s right knee. He was surprised when Tony flinched and scooted away. When he saw his senior agents face, he could see the red rimmed eyes and the tears rolling down his face. “Tony? I’m not going to hurt you. See? It’s me. Gibbs.”
Tony took his hands away from his face and looked at the voice. “You weren’t here…” Tony said, his voice sounding like a little boy to Ducky and Gibbs. The agent’s heart clenched. Something had hurt his Tony.
“I was out with Ducky.” He looked at the ME. “See? Ducky’s here with me.” The older man dared to step closer.
“Hello, dear boy.” Ducky sat down in the recliner.
Gibbs placed his hand on Tony’s leg again; this time pleased that he did not flinch. “I’m here now, Tony. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I can’t…I can’t…don’ wanna leave…” Tony whispered as he became more distressed.
Gibbs moved closer to the man he thought of as his son. “It’s okay…I’m here. Let me help. Tell me what’s wrong. You don’t have to leave.” He grabbed Tony’s hands and held them in his. “I won’t let anything happen to you. Do you understand? You are mine.” Gibbs said with conviction. “I won’t let anyone or anything harm you.” He reached up and wiped some tears from Tony’s face. He gently turned his chin up so he could face him. Tony’s eyes looked so innocent, so scared. “Please, Tony.”
He held his Boss’ gaze for a moment, but then had to look away. No one could help him, not even Gibbs, right? So many thoughts were barreling through Tony’s head. No one could help him. But when he heard Gibbs say please, hope blossomed within him.
Gibbs knew Tony was scared, but he needed Tony to talk. He was hoping this wouldn’t backfire, but he had to try. He spoke softly. “Tony, is this about the phone call you got?”
Tony’s head shot up at the question. “H-How?”
“Ziva and McGee told me Tony. They were worried about you. They love you. We all do. Let us help you.”
Ducky interjected. “We’re your family, Anthony.”
Tony nodded his head as he debated whether to tell. Fresh tears poured as a sob escaped his lips. He tried to calm himself but his voice wouldn’t abide. After some time, he spoke. His heart clamored away in his chest as he felt himself hyperventilating. “F-father c-called…” He wanted to slap himself for stuttering like a fool like he did when he was younger. “S-sorry…”
Gibbs had an idea why Tony was apologizing. “It’s okay.” He stroked Tony’s hair, a gesture that caused Tony to lean slightly into him.
“H-he’s c-coming n-next w-week…” Tony began to shake his head.
Gibbs stole a glance at Ducky. Both men had worry in their eyes. Ducky gave him gesture that encouraged him to continue to gently prod.
“When did you see him last, Tony?”
After some time, Tony answered, head still down, not able to make eye contact. “B-Baltimore. B-before I c-came h-here.” He sniffled. “I don’t wanna leave…”
“You don’t have to leave, Tony.”
“He f-found me…” Tony looked up with innocent eyes, sounding again like a little boy lost. “T-this is the f-first p-place I l-love! I don’t wanna leave! Please!”
Jethro gently grabbed Tony’s face with his hands. “You don’t have to leave, Tony.”
“I can’t anymore…I can’t…” Tony pulled himself back and wrapped his arms around himself.
“Tony…” Gibbs was at a loss for words. A lump in his throat had formed. But he forced himself to continue. “Tony, does your father hurt you?” He saw Tony bit his lip and look away. He moved closer to his agent. “You can tell me, son.”
“Can’t…” Tony answered as he looked down shook his head frantically. He whispered, “can’t tell grown ups…grown ups can‘t help…”
At that admission, Gibbs looked at Ducky with fear and uncertainty in his eyes. Gibbs has rarely been at a loss before, but he was feeling like he was about to lose control. As much as he wanted Ducky to continue the questioning, he knew it had to be him.
“Tony, listen to me. Not all grown ups are bad. I will believe you. Okay? I will believe you.” He stroked the younger man’s hair gently. “I love you, Tony. Like you were my own. I would never hurt you.” He pleaded with his senior agent. Tony eventually looked up, so Gibbs continued. “Tony, does your father hit you?” He waited with bated breath as Tony slowly and innocently nodded to the question.
As horrific as that admission was, Gibbs’ gut told him he needed to go farther. He took a calming breath to prepare himself. “Tony, does your father touch you?” Tony bit his lip as he looked down. A muffled sob came from him as he covered his face with his hands. Tony felt himself be pulled towards Gibbs as the older man embraced his broken agent. “Shh…it’s okay…I’m here…” Gibbs whispered as he gently held Tony head against his chest, stroking his head, whispering comforting words in his ear. Gibbs stole a look up at Ducky. Both men had a murderous glare in their eyes. Gibbs looked back at Tony and placed a kiss on the top of his head. “I’ve got you…”
It felt so good to be in Gibbs’ arms, Tony thought. For the first time in his life, he felt safe. But his insecurities reappeared quickly as he extracted himself from his Boss’ arms. “Y-you believe m-me?” Tony whispered as he looked upon Gibbs.
“Yes.” The former marine said with certainty as he answered. He looked at the ME.
“Of course, Anthony. What your father did is inexcusable.”
Tony stood as his distress rose again. “B-but h-he said I l-liked it…d-deserved i-it…” He looked at Gibbs with his panic in his eyes as he began to back up. “I-I d-didn’t I-I s-swear…I-I t-told him t-to s-stop! I s-swear…” His back hit the wall and he slid to the ground.
“Tony…” Gibbs responded by sitting on the ground with him. He cradled the senior agent in his arms and kissed him on the head. “Of course you didn’t…your father is the sick bastard, Tony.” They sat like that for some time before Gibbs spoke again. “How old, Tony…when he started…”
Tony turned his head into Gibbs chest and inhaled the scent that was Gibbs. It always made him feel better. His answer shook Gibbs to his core. "S-Seventeen.” Tony responded in a tiny voice.
Jethro had to close his eyes and counted to calm himself down. Tony could sense the increased tension because he looked at Gibbs with panic in his eyes. “No, I’m not mad at you, sweetheart. I’m mad at him.” He gave Tony an extra squeeze. “I swear to you, he will NEVR hurt you again.”
*
After Ducky made Tony some tea, Gibbs managed to get Tony to bed. He had Tony change into some of his USMC sweats. Being in Gibbs’ clothes seemed to offer Tony some comfort. Ducky considered a slight sedative, but they both thought against it. Ducky heart had melted when he watched from the hallway as Jethro gently tucked Tony in. If there was ever a doubt how close those two were, the unfortunate revelations of tonight solidified their bond. Gibbs stayed close to the stairs to listen for any sign of distress from him. He went downstairs briefly and grabbed his bourbon and two glasses. He poured generous amounts and handed one to Ducky and quickly downed his. Even Ducky was at a loss for words regarding Tony’s confession tonight, so the two old friends sat in silence. Jethro offered his bed to the ME. Gibbs knew he would spend the night watching Tony closely. Before he and Ducky retired upstairs, Gibbs made a call. As he waited for the person to answer, he nodded at Ducky.
“What do you want, Jethro? It‘s late. You know that, right?”
“Yep. Look, Tobias. I need your help…”
TBC...
Continue to Chapter 4