Severed Connection- Chapter 9
Chapter 9
AN: Story is AU. In this story, Senior is not bankrupt and he disowned Tony when he was eighteen. Tony is now thirty-three.
AN2: Extra long chapter with a lot going on. Tony will finally see Gibbs…now on with the angst!
Thanks for the reviews!
*
Anthony Dinozzo Senior sat dumbfounded in the study of his mansion. He did not hear his assistant walk in. She was calling his name and had to do so multiple times.
Suddenly he felt himself shake slightly. "Anthony!" He looked up into concerned eyes. "Is everything alright?" The older woman asked.
Senior rubbed a hand over his face and he pushed back his chair and stood. "Yes...no..."
Beverly had never seen her employer like this. She had worked for him for over twenty years. "What has you so unsettled?"
Senior looked at her with shiny eyes. "Anthony called me."
She gasped as she placed her hand over her mouth. "Tony?" She said in an awed tone. Her heart still ached for the boy. She nearly resigned over the way Senior dealt with his only child. But alas, she had needed the work and he paid well. But she worked tirelessly over the years for Anthony to reach out to his son. And for the last three years he had. But until today, Tony had not responded. "Is he alright?"
"I don't think so. He sounded ill." He ran a shaky hand through his perfectly coiffed hair. "He asked if I could visit him. He's at Bethesda."
"Did he say why?" She asked.
He shook his head. "Call Paul; tell him to ready the plane. I would like to leave first thing in the morning." Beverly nodded and immediately left to make arrangements. He took a deep breath as he glanced at the picture of his beloved first wife. "I'm going to make this right, Isabella. I promise."
*
Senior walked down the hall of the hospital with a slight hesitation in his usually surefire steps. He was anxious but hopeful at the same time. He was not sure what to expect from his son and why he called. Was he dying? Was he going to lose his son before he had a chance to make amends? A million scenarios were swirling through his head. For a moment, he felt overwhelmed as he stood outside his son’s room. His hand shook slightly as he reached for the door.
“Excuse me?” Senior heard a voice behind him and turned. “Agent Dinozzo has a limited set of visitors. May I ask your name?”
“Anthony Dinozzo, Senior.” Tony’s father responded as he held out his hand.
“Dr. Brad Pitt.” He replied, eyes wide with surprise as he shook the older man’s hand.
Senior could sense the doctor’s disbelief and added, “Anthony called and asked me to come.”
“I see.” Brad said a bit suspiciously. Tony and Brad had formed a friendship since his bout with the Plague so Brad was aware of the prolonged estrangement between Tony and his father. “Let me check with him to see if he is up to visitors at this time.” Brad disappeared into Tony’s room, leaving Senior alone in the hall. He took a deep breath to calm himself. Anthony Dinozzo Senior was not used to waiting for anybody. But he promised himself that if he ever got the chance to reconcile with his son, he would be different. This was about a hopefully new beginning.
After a few minutes, Dr. Pitt exited Tony’s room. “Go on in, Mr. Dinozzo.” He said. “And when you are done, please have the nurse page me and we can discuss a few things.”
Senior held out his hand again and the two shook. “Thank you so much, Dr. Pitt.” He said with a slight smile and then took a deep breath. He entered.
*
As Senior quietly entered Tony’s room, he noticed how frail and pale his son looked. He walked over to the bed as the two watched each other but had said no words.
“Anthony.” Senior said quietly as he stood by his son’s bed. His eyes teared as he gazed upon his son for the first time since he was eighteen.
Tony looked at his father with hesitation and a little fear. This was the man who disowned him so many years ago, left him on his own to fend for himself. Could he forgive him?
Senior could see the how visibly shaken Tony seemed. He just wanted to allay his fears if he could. “Thank you for calling me.” When his son did not answer, Senior grabbed a chair and sat by his bed; but he made sure to keep some distance. He did not want to crowd him and make him more uncomfortable than he already appeared. “How can I help?” He said tentatively.
Tony sat silent for a time, willing himself to talk. He struggled to find the words. Senior could sense this so he asked a different question. “What happened? Why are you in the hospital?”
Tony answered softly, not looking his father in the eye. “Pneumonia.”
“I am so sorry.” Senior answered. “How long have you been here?”
Tony paused at his father’s tone. He seemed almost…sincere…as if he actually cared. He wasn’t sure how to feel about this. “Almost three weeks.” Tony turned to his father when he heard him gasp slightly at his statement. “Had to have surgery.” He added quietly.
“Are you getting out soon?” Senior asked. Tony nodded as he continued to stare at his hands. He felt relief surge through him that his son would get discharged and the diagnosis was not terminal. “Is this why you called me?” Tony nodded again. It was if he couldn’t find his voice. It was too hard.
“Anything I can do to help, Anthony, and I will.” Senior said with conviction. Tony absorbed this statement and thought for a time.
“Why?” Tony asked, his voice laced with hurt. “Why now? Why did you come?”
Senior took a deep breath and hoped he could make his son understand. “I came because you asked me to.” His voice cracked. “Anthony, I made so many mistakes. I was a terrible father to you and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I know that.”
Tony bit his lip. “It wasn’t always that way.” He replied, his tone heavy with emotion.
“After your mother died, I know everything changed. I was so angry at the world. I drank too much. I neglected you and was cruel.” He paused as he looked down to try to regain his composure. “The things I said to you…how I acted. Anthony, I am so sorry…” Senior reached into his pocket and brought out his handkerchief. He wiped the moisture at the corners of his eyes.
Tony turned away as tears rolled down his face. He was hearing the words he had yearned to hear for almost fifteen years. It felt surreal. After some time, he looked at his father again as he gently wiped at his face.
“It wasn’t your fault, Anthony. You must know that. I was a drunk and a bastard. You weren’t worthless. I should have never said those things.” He winced as the memories of those times flooded through him. “I was awful and you didn’t deserve any of it.”
Tony was now sobbing as he heard his father. The years of fear, neglect, and hurt all enveloped him. Suddenly, he had a coughing fit. His eyes widened as he couldn’t catch his breath. He sat up abruptly and his father only hesitated a moment. He embraced his son. He felt helpless but then started pounding on his back, trying to help him through his fit. He felt it was the only thing he could do. As the coughing finally passed, Tony lay against his father sweating and panting heavily. Senior rubbed his hand down his son’s back. He felt some shame as he tried to remember when he actually held his child like this. He could not. His memory was blank. And at that realization, a tear traversed slowly down his tanned face.
They stayed silent for a time. Senior gently helped Tony lay back. He could tell Tony wanted to say something so he gave him time. “I want to believe you.” Tony whispered, his voice weakened from the coughing.
“I know you have you have no reason to, but I hope one day you can.” The elder Dinozzo answered softly.
“I’m so tired…” Tony said blankly as he stared across the room. Senior knew he was referring to more than his current health.
“I know. Maybe…I mean…” Senior stumbled upon his words, which was unusual for the confident man. “Maybe you could come home while you get better.”
Tony found himself smiling slightly, relief enveloping him. The words had been on the tip of his tongue…but he could not bring himself to ask. He had promised himself years ago, he would never return to his childhood home. But…things were different now. “Do you mean it?”
Senior grasped his son’s pale hand. “I do, Anthony.” He sighed. “If I have to spend the rest of my life proving to you that you can trust me, I will.” He smiled. “Will you please come home?”
Tony nodded and squeezed his father’s hand.
*
Gibbs was walking towards the elevator at work when he was met by Ziva, Tim, and Abby. “What?” He snapped; his tone even sounding harsh to him.
“Gibbs, we want to see Tony.” Abby said with watery eyes. It’s been three and a half weeks! We have to see him!” He could see the same emotions conveyed by his other agents.
Gibbs sighed. “Guys, I know you want to see him.”
“But he does not want to see us?” Ziva asked.
“All this over a party, Gibbs?” Abby answered. “I don’t understand! Why can’t he let us explain?”
“I don’t know, Abbs…” Gibbs replied softly, the stress of the situation obviously taking a toll. “Right now, he won’t see me either.”
“But you keep going.” McGee replied.
“Yep.” Gibbs responded. “I’ll let you know, guys. Okay? If things change.” He turned and stepped into the elevator.
*
Gibbs walked onto Tony’s floor at the hospital. He saw Dr. Pitt, Jenny, and a man he did not recognize talking. They were smiling as they conversed. Jethro hung back as they finished the conversation. Brad walked away and Jenny made her way towards him with the man.
Instead of greeting them, Gibbs’ eyes narrowed as he looked at Jenny. “What’s going on?”
“Jethro. Meet Anthony Dinozzo, Senior.” She paused. “Mr. Dinozzo, this is Jethro Gibbs, Tony’s lead agent.”
Senior held out his hand, but Jethro did not oblige. “What the hell are you doing here?” He said instead. Gibbs did not know everything about Tony’s past, but he knew enough.
Senior withdrew his hand and straightened his already rigid posture. “Excuse me? Mr. Gibbs, my son asked me to come.” His eyes narrowed as he looked at Gibbs. He quickly turned to the Jenny and smiled. “It was a pleasure, Director. I’ll return to his room now.”
After Senior was out of earshot, Jenny turned angry eyes to her former partner. “What was that, Jethro?!” She said in an angry tone. “You had no right to be so rude!”
“Come on, Jen! His father?”
“If that is what Tony’s wants, then we need to respect his choices. He is an adult.” Their conversation was interrupted when Senior returned to the hallway.
“Director Shepard?” He began. “Anthony would like to speak with you. I’ll take a chance to grab some dinner.” He smiled at Jenny and as he walked past Gibbs, the two men glared at each other.
“Behave.” She looked at Gibbs before she went to Tony.
*
“Tony?” Jenny began as she sat by his bed. She smiled as she saw him sit up in bed. He certainly looked better than he has.
“Hi, Jenny.” He responded.
They were silent for a time and then Jenny spoke again. “Brad told me that you will go with your dad to recuperate.” She paused. “Are you sure that is what you want?”
Tony looked down for a bit. “Yes. I can’t stay here right now.”
“Are you coming back to NCIS?” She asked concern laced in her voice. He was a great agent and she was quite fond of him and protective as well. Tony shrugged his shoulders as he sighed. “I’m not sure.”
“If it is an issue with the team, Tony, there are other options. You are an excellent agent and we are happy to have you. You have proven yourself to be a capable leader as well.”
“Not sure everyone would agree with that.” He mumbled softly.
“Hey.” Jenny said. “I say so and I’m the big Boss!” She smiled slightly causing Tony to relax a bit. “Tony, the lead agent in Rota is leaving in six months to become the head of NCIS operations in Europe.”
“I thought Leon Vance was the head of NCIS in Europe.” He replied.
“He is. He has accepted the deputy directorship of Homeland Security.”
Tony thought for a moment. “Rota? You are offering me Rota?”
“Yes. It is a wonderful opportunity. Rota can lead to top advancement at NCIS and with other agencies. I was lead agent there and so was Leon.”
He had some self doubt. “You’re serious, aren’t you.” Jenny nodded. “Rota. Huh.” He said softly. “I always thought I’d stay in the states. I’m not sure…”
“You don’t have to answer me right now. Okay?” She smiled. “So…leaving tomorrow, huh?” She tried for a light tone. “Is there anyone you would like to see before you go?”
Tony sighed. “Jenny…”
“For your own good, Tony, talk to him.”
“I don’t know...he probably isn’t even here.”
“He is. Like he does every night he can. He comes hoping he can get a chance to see you.”
Tony was exhausted and didn’t want to fight. “Fine. Send him in.” He pouted and Jenny couldn’t help but grin. “But I hate you, you know.”
“Sure you do.” She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead and then left the room.
*
There was a light knock on the door. “Tony?” Gibbs asked as he opened the door. His heart sped up in anticipation of seeing him. He took in the pale face of his senior agent. He had clearly lost weight during his illness. What hurt the most was seeing the dull look in Tony’s eyes as he gazed upon him. They did not speak for a time. Gibbs felt nervous, not wanting to say the wrong thing.
“I’m sorry.” He began quietly.
Tony scowled slightly. “What exactly are you sorry for, Gibbs?” Jethro realized how upset Tony was when he did not call him Boss.
“I know there is a lot I…we don’t know but I want to make up for it.”
“Why do you care?” Tony said in an angry tone.
“I do.” Jethro responded only to hear Tony chuckle bitterly to his statement.
“Doubt that.”
“Tony, please.” Gibbs implored. “Talk to me.”
“What do want me to say?” He said, sounding almost defeated.
“You have been deathly ill and you didn’t want any of us here. We’re your family.”
Tony began to laugh, and that led to a coughing fit. Gibb stepped up to help but Tony extended his arm and tried to calm his breathing down. “Don’t need your help.” He said, his voice raspy. “Don’t pretend you care when I know you don’t.” He took a deep breath. “You’re not my family. And it was my mistake to think you were.”
“Tony…” Gibbs eyes watered as he heard the harsh words from Dinozzo.
“When you left for your siesta in Mexico…I got it. You were hurting…you were going through things. But the way you left. A pathetic ‘you’ll do.’ Gee, Boss, thank you for the overwhelming vote of confidence.”
“You were more than ready to be team leader.”
“Really?” Tony responded bitterly. “Wouldn’t have garnered that from the ringing endorsement I got. I don’t think the others got the memo either.” He paused as he cleared his throat. “Do you know what it was like after you left? McGee and Ziva couldn’t stand taking orders from me. They were insubordinate and lazy. But I guess I am partially to blame. I always acted like a dumb jock, so maybe that is how they always viewed me. I tried to be tough like you at first. But all I kept hearing was ‘you’re not Gibbs, stop acting like Gibbs’!” He took a deep breath. “So I tried to be me. I had my campfires and tried to make the team my own. But it didn’t matter. It was never good enough. Every time I went to Abby’s lab there were pictures of you plastered everywhere. She played depressing music and cried a lot. I never had a chance.” His voice cracked slightly. “But let me tell you something, Agent Gibbs. Our close rate never changed. The work still got done. It just so happened that I did most of it.”
Gibbs eyes widened. He had no idea that was how it was.
“And when you came back, everyone was so happy. I get it. But there was the constant reminder of my demotion, and the relentless jabs at me as to how I was dealing with it. The disrespectful way you placed my things on my former desk and the insulting manner in which my Probie found out she was reassigned were uncalled for. Ziva and McGee were so smug and I’m sure if they could have thrown a parade they would have!” Tony took a few deep breaths in to reign in his anger. “But I dealt with it…like I have always dealt with things.” His eyes watered. “The final straw was that party.” He shook his head as he looked down. “A stupid fucking party. It shouldn’t have hurt so much, but it did.”
“Tony,” Gibbs began, voice heavy with emotion, “we didn’t know Ziva didn’t invite you.”
“I don’t think it matters at this point. What does is that you all took pleasure in making sure I knew how much fun you had as a team.” He bit his lip as he gazed at his lap. “It’s my own fault. I thought I finally found something. But I was wrong.”
Gibbs wasn’t sure how to respond. How could he fix this? “Tony…”
“No. I’ve had enough right now. I’m tired.” He turned away slightly. But Gibbs didn’t take the hint. “Why are you still here?” His tone was cold.
“Your dad is here.” Gibbs responded softly.
Tony sighed and wanted to tell Gibbs to screw off but he looked at him again. “Either I go to a rehab hospital or stay with one of my friends.” He glared at Gibbs. “My father has been trying to contact me for three years, so I called him.” He could tell Gibbs was not responding well to that explanation and held up his hand. “It’s none of your business, so I don’t want to hear it.” The two stared at each other for a bit.
“Are you coming back to NCIS, Tony?” Gibbs heart fluttered as he waited for a response.
“Director Shepard will be kept informed of my plans, Agent Gibbs. I think it’s time for you to go.” Tony said in a professional manner, although on the inside he just wanted to cry. Jethro reluctantly left.
He felt so foolish for trusting his team, for thinking that they were closer than they were. He felt so alone. Even though his father was different, could he really trust him? Maybe the problem was him. Everyone in his life at some point dismissed him: his father, Gibbs, his team. Tony snuggled into his blanket and pulled it up to his head. Maybe he could make the world go away, even for a moment.
TBC…
Continue to Chapter 10
AN: Story is AU. In this story, Senior is not bankrupt and he disowned Tony when he was eighteen. Tony is now thirty-three.
AN2: Extra long chapter with a lot going on. Tony will finally see Gibbs…now on with the angst!
Thanks for the reviews!
*
Anthony Dinozzo Senior sat dumbfounded in the study of his mansion. He did not hear his assistant walk in. She was calling his name and had to do so multiple times.
Suddenly he felt himself shake slightly. "Anthony!" He looked up into concerned eyes. "Is everything alright?" The older woman asked.
Senior rubbed a hand over his face and he pushed back his chair and stood. "Yes...no..."
Beverly had never seen her employer like this. She had worked for him for over twenty years. "What has you so unsettled?"
Senior looked at her with shiny eyes. "Anthony called me."
She gasped as she placed her hand over her mouth. "Tony?" She said in an awed tone. Her heart still ached for the boy. She nearly resigned over the way Senior dealt with his only child. But alas, she had needed the work and he paid well. But she worked tirelessly over the years for Anthony to reach out to his son. And for the last three years he had. But until today, Tony had not responded. "Is he alright?"
"I don't think so. He sounded ill." He ran a shaky hand through his perfectly coiffed hair. "He asked if I could visit him. He's at Bethesda."
"Did he say why?" She asked.
He shook his head. "Call Paul; tell him to ready the plane. I would like to leave first thing in the morning." Beverly nodded and immediately left to make arrangements. He took a deep breath as he glanced at the picture of his beloved first wife. "I'm going to make this right, Isabella. I promise."
*
Senior walked down the hall of the hospital with a slight hesitation in his usually surefire steps. He was anxious but hopeful at the same time. He was not sure what to expect from his son and why he called. Was he dying? Was he going to lose his son before he had a chance to make amends? A million scenarios were swirling through his head. For a moment, he felt overwhelmed as he stood outside his son’s room. His hand shook slightly as he reached for the door.
“Excuse me?” Senior heard a voice behind him and turned. “Agent Dinozzo has a limited set of visitors. May I ask your name?”
“Anthony Dinozzo, Senior.” Tony’s father responded as he held out his hand.
“Dr. Brad Pitt.” He replied, eyes wide with surprise as he shook the older man’s hand.
Senior could sense the doctor’s disbelief and added, “Anthony called and asked me to come.”
“I see.” Brad said a bit suspiciously. Tony and Brad had formed a friendship since his bout with the Plague so Brad was aware of the prolonged estrangement between Tony and his father. “Let me check with him to see if he is up to visitors at this time.” Brad disappeared into Tony’s room, leaving Senior alone in the hall. He took a deep breath to calm himself. Anthony Dinozzo Senior was not used to waiting for anybody. But he promised himself that if he ever got the chance to reconcile with his son, he would be different. This was about a hopefully new beginning.
After a few minutes, Dr. Pitt exited Tony’s room. “Go on in, Mr. Dinozzo.” He said. “And when you are done, please have the nurse page me and we can discuss a few things.”
Senior held out his hand again and the two shook. “Thank you so much, Dr. Pitt.” He said with a slight smile and then took a deep breath. He entered.
*
As Senior quietly entered Tony’s room, he noticed how frail and pale his son looked. He walked over to the bed as the two watched each other but had said no words.
“Anthony.” Senior said quietly as he stood by his son’s bed. His eyes teared as he gazed upon his son for the first time since he was eighteen.
Tony looked at his father with hesitation and a little fear. This was the man who disowned him so many years ago, left him on his own to fend for himself. Could he forgive him?
Senior could see the how visibly shaken Tony seemed. He just wanted to allay his fears if he could. “Thank you for calling me.” When his son did not answer, Senior grabbed a chair and sat by his bed; but he made sure to keep some distance. He did not want to crowd him and make him more uncomfortable than he already appeared. “How can I help?” He said tentatively.
Tony sat silent for a time, willing himself to talk. He struggled to find the words. Senior could sense this so he asked a different question. “What happened? Why are you in the hospital?”
Tony answered softly, not looking his father in the eye. “Pneumonia.”
“I am so sorry.” Senior answered. “How long have you been here?”
Tony paused at his father’s tone. He seemed almost…sincere…as if he actually cared. He wasn’t sure how to feel about this. “Almost three weeks.” Tony turned to his father when he heard him gasp slightly at his statement. “Had to have surgery.” He added quietly.
“Are you getting out soon?” Senior asked. Tony nodded as he continued to stare at his hands. He felt relief surge through him that his son would get discharged and the diagnosis was not terminal. “Is this why you called me?” Tony nodded again. It was if he couldn’t find his voice. It was too hard.
“Anything I can do to help, Anthony, and I will.” Senior said with conviction. Tony absorbed this statement and thought for a time.
“Why?” Tony asked, his voice laced with hurt. “Why now? Why did you come?”
Senior took a deep breath and hoped he could make his son understand. “I came because you asked me to.” His voice cracked. “Anthony, I made so many mistakes. I was a terrible father to you and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I know that.”
Tony bit his lip. “It wasn’t always that way.” He replied, his tone heavy with emotion.
“After your mother died, I know everything changed. I was so angry at the world. I drank too much. I neglected you and was cruel.” He paused as he looked down to try to regain his composure. “The things I said to you…how I acted. Anthony, I am so sorry…” Senior reached into his pocket and brought out his handkerchief. He wiped the moisture at the corners of his eyes.
Tony turned away as tears rolled down his face. He was hearing the words he had yearned to hear for almost fifteen years. It felt surreal. After some time, he looked at his father again as he gently wiped at his face.
“It wasn’t your fault, Anthony. You must know that. I was a drunk and a bastard. You weren’t worthless. I should have never said those things.” He winced as the memories of those times flooded through him. “I was awful and you didn’t deserve any of it.”
Tony was now sobbing as he heard his father. The years of fear, neglect, and hurt all enveloped him. Suddenly, he had a coughing fit. His eyes widened as he couldn’t catch his breath. He sat up abruptly and his father only hesitated a moment. He embraced his son. He felt helpless but then started pounding on his back, trying to help him through his fit. He felt it was the only thing he could do. As the coughing finally passed, Tony lay against his father sweating and panting heavily. Senior rubbed his hand down his son’s back. He felt some shame as he tried to remember when he actually held his child like this. He could not. His memory was blank. And at that realization, a tear traversed slowly down his tanned face.
They stayed silent for a time. Senior gently helped Tony lay back. He could tell Tony wanted to say something so he gave him time. “I want to believe you.” Tony whispered, his voice weakened from the coughing.
“I know you have you have no reason to, but I hope one day you can.” The elder Dinozzo answered softly.
“I’m so tired…” Tony said blankly as he stared across the room. Senior knew he was referring to more than his current health.
“I know. Maybe…I mean…” Senior stumbled upon his words, which was unusual for the confident man. “Maybe you could come home while you get better.”
Tony found himself smiling slightly, relief enveloping him. The words had been on the tip of his tongue…but he could not bring himself to ask. He had promised himself years ago, he would never return to his childhood home. But…things were different now. “Do you mean it?”
Senior grasped his son’s pale hand. “I do, Anthony.” He sighed. “If I have to spend the rest of my life proving to you that you can trust me, I will.” He smiled. “Will you please come home?”
Tony nodded and squeezed his father’s hand.
*
Gibbs was walking towards the elevator at work when he was met by Ziva, Tim, and Abby. “What?” He snapped; his tone even sounding harsh to him.
“Gibbs, we want to see Tony.” Abby said with watery eyes. It’s been three and a half weeks! We have to see him!” He could see the same emotions conveyed by his other agents.
Gibbs sighed. “Guys, I know you want to see him.”
“But he does not want to see us?” Ziva asked.
“All this over a party, Gibbs?” Abby answered. “I don’t understand! Why can’t he let us explain?”
“I don’t know, Abbs…” Gibbs replied softly, the stress of the situation obviously taking a toll. “Right now, he won’t see me either.”
“But you keep going.” McGee replied.
“Yep.” Gibbs responded. “I’ll let you know, guys. Okay? If things change.” He turned and stepped into the elevator.
*
Gibbs walked onto Tony’s floor at the hospital. He saw Dr. Pitt, Jenny, and a man he did not recognize talking. They were smiling as they conversed. Jethro hung back as they finished the conversation. Brad walked away and Jenny made her way towards him with the man.
Instead of greeting them, Gibbs’ eyes narrowed as he looked at Jenny. “What’s going on?”
“Jethro. Meet Anthony Dinozzo, Senior.” She paused. “Mr. Dinozzo, this is Jethro Gibbs, Tony’s lead agent.”
Senior held out his hand, but Jethro did not oblige. “What the hell are you doing here?” He said instead. Gibbs did not know everything about Tony’s past, but he knew enough.
Senior withdrew his hand and straightened his already rigid posture. “Excuse me? Mr. Gibbs, my son asked me to come.” His eyes narrowed as he looked at Gibbs. He quickly turned to the Jenny and smiled. “It was a pleasure, Director. I’ll return to his room now.”
After Senior was out of earshot, Jenny turned angry eyes to her former partner. “What was that, Jethro?!” She said in an angry tone. “You had no right to be so rude!”
“Come on, Jen! His father?”
“If that is what Tony’s wants, then we need to respect his choices. He is an adult.” Their conversation was interrupted when Senior returned to the hallway.
“Director Shepard?” He began. “Anthony would like to speak with you. I’ll take a chance to grab some dinner.” He smiled at Jenny and as he walked past Gibbs, the two men glared at each other.
“Behave.” She looked at Gibbs before she went to Tony.
*
“Tony?” Jenny began as she sat by his bed. She smiled as she saw him sit up in bed. He certainly looked better than he has.
“Hi, Jenny.” He responded.
They were silent for a time and then Jenny spoke again. “Brad told me that you will go with your dad to recuperate.” She paused. “Are you sure that is what you want?”
Tony looked down for a bit. “Yes. I can’t stay here right now.”
“Are you coming back to NCIS?” She asked concern laced in her voice. He was a great agent and she was quite fond of him and protective as well. Tony shrugged his shoulders as he sighed. “I’m not sure.”
“If it is an issue with the team, Tony, there are other options. You are an excellent agent and we are happy to have you. You have proven yourself to be a capable leader as well.”
“Not sure everyone would agree with that.” He mumbled softly.
“Hey.” Jenny said. “I say so and I’m the big Boss!” She smiled slightly causing Tony to relax a bit. “Tony, the lead agent in Rota is leaving in six months to become the head of NCIS operations in Europe.”
“I thought Leon Vance was the head of NCIS in Europe.” He replied.
“He is. He has accepted the deputy directorship of Homeland Security.”
Tony thought for a moment. “Rota? You are offering me Rota?”
“Yes. It is a wonderful opportunity. Rota can lead to top advancement at NCIS and with other agencies. I was lead agent there and so was Leon.”
He had some self doubt. “You’re serious, aren’t you.” Jenny nodded. “Rota. Huh.” He said softly. “I always thought I’d stay in the states. I’m not sure…”
“You don’t have to answer me right now. Okay?” She smiled. “So…leaving tomorrow, huh?” She tried for a light tone. “Is there anyone you would like to see before you go?”
Tony sighed. “Jenny…”
“For your own good, Tony, talk to him.”
“I don’t know...he probably isn’t even here.”
“He is. Like he does every night he can. He comes hoping he can get a chance to see you.”
Tony was exhausted and didn’t want to fight. “Fine. Send him in.” He pouted and Jenny couldn’t help but grin. “But I hate you, you know.”
“Sure you do.” She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead and then left the room.
*
There was a light knock on the door. “Tony?” Gibbs asked as he opened the door. His heart sped up in anticipation of seeing him. He took in the pale face of his senior agent. He had clearly lost weight during his illness. What hurt the most was seeing the dull look in Tony’s eyes as he gazed upon him. They did not speak for a time. Gibbs felt nervous, not wanting to say the wrong thing.
“I’m sorry.” He began quietly.
Tony scowled slightly. “What exactly are you sorry for, Gibbs?” Jethro realized how upset Tony was when he did not call him Boss.
“I know there is a lot I…we don’t know but I want to make up for it.”
“Why do you care?” Tony said in an angry tone.
“I do.” Jethro responded only to hear Tony chuckle bitterly to his statement.
“Doubt that.”
“Tony, please.” Gibbs implored. “Talk to me.”
“What do want me to say?” He said, sounding almost defeated.
“You have been deathly ill and you didn’t want any of us here. We’re your family.”
Tony began to laugh, and that led to a coughing fit. Gibb stepped up to help but Tony extended his arm and tried to calm his breathing down. “Don’t need your help.” He said, his voice raspy. “Don’t pretend you care when I know you don’t.” He took a deep breath. “You’re not my family. And it was my mistake to think you were.”
“Tony…” Gibbs eyes watered as he heard the harsh words from Dinozzo.
“When you left for your siesta in Mexico…I got it. You were hurting…you were going through things. But the way you left. A pathetic ‘you’ll do.’ Gee, Boss, thank you for the overwhelming vote of confidence.”
“You were more than ready to be team leader.”
“Really?” Tony responded bitterly. “Wouldn’t have garnered that from the ringing endorsement I got. I don’t think the others got the memo either.” He paused as he cleared his throat. “Do you know what it was like after you left? McGee and Ziva couldn’t stand taking orders from me. They were insubordinate and lazy. But I guess I am partially to blame. I always acted like a dumb jock, so maybe that is how they always viewed me. I tried to be tough like you at first. But all I kept hearing was ‘you’re not Gibbs, stop acting like Gibbs’!” He took a deep breath. “So I tried to be me. I had my campfires and tried to make the team my own. But it didn’t matter. It was never good enough. Every time I went to Abby’s lab there were pictures of you plastered everywhere. She played depressing music and cried a lot. I never had a chance.” His voice cracked slightly. “But let me tell you something, Agent Gibbs. Our close rate never changed. The work still got done. It just so happened that I did most of it.”
Gibbs eyes widened. He had no idea that was how it was.
“And when you came back, everyone was so happy. I get it. But there was the constant reminder of my demotion, and the relentless jabs at me as to how I was dealing with it. The disrespectful way you placed my things on my former desk and the insulting manner in which my Probie found out she was reassigned were uncalled for. Ziva and McGee were so smug and I’m sure if they could have thrown a parade they would have!” Tony took a few deep breaths in to reign in his anger. “But I dealt with it…like I have always dealt with things.” His eyes watered. “The final straw was that party.” He shook his head as he looked down. “A stupid fucking party. It shouldn’t have hurt so much, but it did.”
“Tony,” Gibbs began, voice heavy with emotion, “we didn’t know Ziva didn’t invite you.”
“I don’t think it matters at this point. What does is that you all took pleasure in making sure I knew how much fun you had as a team.” He bit his lip as he gazed at his lap. “It’s my own fault. I thought I finally found something. But I was wrong.”
Gibbs wasn’t sure how to respond. How could he fix this? “Tony…”
“No. I’ve had enough right now. I’m tired.” He turned away slightly. But Gibbs didn’t take the hint. “Why are you still here?” His tone was cold.
“Your dad is here.” Gibbs responded softly.
Tony sighed and wanted to tell Gibbs to screw off but he looked at him again. “Either I go to a rehab hospital or stay with one of my friends.” He glared at Gibbs. “My father has been trying to contact me for three years, so I called him.” He could tell Gibbs was not responding well to that explanation and held up his hand. “It’s none of your business, so I don’t want to hear it.” The two stared at each other for a bit.
“Are you coming back to NCIS, Tony?” Gibbs heart fluttered as he waited for a response.
“Director Shepard will be kept informed of my plans, Agent Gibbs. I think it’s time for you to go.” Tony said in a professional manner, although on the inside he just wanted to cry. Jethro reluctantly left.
He felt so foolish for trusting his team, for thinking that they were closer than they were. He felt so alone. Even though his father was different, could he really trust him? Maybe the problem was him. Everyone in his life at some point dismissed him: his father, Gibbs, his team. Tony snuggled into his blanket and pulled it up to his head. Maybe he could make the world go away, even for a moment.
TBC…
Continue to Chapter 10