Fic: Hermione's Betrayal (Beta Request)

[marie_j_granger]

Now with 315 new words, mostly inspired by madderbrad's thoughtful comment/review last time I posted this (the first two paragraphs are all new).  Would you lovely folks give it a once-over?  *puppy dog eyes*

In the subject line: Hermione's Betrayals, Hermione Granger, Teen

Title: Hermione's Betrayals
Author: marie_j_granger
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: PG-13

Comments

[avidbeader]

This is an interesting perspective and it flows nicely, but I'm not sure it hangs together as well as it could. Did you think about making the theme of betrayal more prominent? Hint at the idea that Hermione's parents may have seen her choice to attend Hogwarts as a betrayal or even looking at the wizarding world's treatment of the parents of Muggleborns as a betrayal? Certainly it can be brought in during the PoA section: Ron and Harry seeing Hermione's actions over the Firebolt as betrayal, Pettigrew's betrayal. You can include Ron's abandoning Harry twice as skirting that issue - he left, but he didn't sell them out, so it's not quite there (hold a tic: you may not be including the events in the rest of DH). Maybe Marietta betraying the DA. Make a more forceful point of Snape's apparent betrayal in killing Dumbledore.

I think what you have is rather good; I just wonder if it could be even better.