Saw Hunger Games and Desolation of Smaug
Saw Hunger Games and Desolation of Smaug this weekend.
REALLY enjoyed Hunger Games: Catching Fire. MUCH stronger than the first Hunger Games. This is science fiction at its best; speculating about social issues and making the audience think. Totally intense and I have to read these novels pronto. :)
Of course I'd read The Hobbit years ago. It wasn't as close to my heart as LOTR, so I was prepared to enjoy a seriously AU version of the original story. I was expecting PJ to delve into things in the appendices, so you could see Gandalf finding out these clues in his explorations of Dol Guldur.
But, alas. While there were some entertaining moments, overall, this movie for me was a miss.
The plot (was there a plot?) didn't make any sense. The scenes we did get as backstory were superfluous and showed poor judgment. Why show Gandalf's meeting with Thorin at this point? No new information was exchanged. Why am I seeing this flashback? Worse, Gandalf leaves the party about to enter Mirkwood (as he does in the book), but his VERY IMPORTANT MEETING was just a chat with Radagast that didn't accomplish anything. Then he goes poking around in Dol Guldur but that's uninteresting, too, because we get that stupid Orc again who does nothing but chase our character all over creation and finally the Necromancer pops out and does an Evil Galadriel light show and spews concentric rings of Sauron's colorful eye at him. So much for Gandalf doing anything actually interesting.
In my opinion, PJ was always weakest at character development and dialog. When Martin Freeman and Ian McKellan have to struggle to deliver their lines, you know they have bad dialog. My personal favorite "worst" line was when poor Gandalf started talking about the "seven Dwarf" kingdoms. I'm sorry, you cannot say "seven Dwarves" in this country without invoking Snow White and the Hi Ho song in your brain. "Seven Dwarves!" Cringeworthy.
Because the action is so cartoony, no jeopardy is felt throughout. People routinely fall or jump from 30 feet and they're just fine. Our heroes are in a pitched battle the entire movie and no one is killed and only one person is wounded. I just kept waiting for something interesting to happen, and even Freeman and Cumberbatch couldn't save it with the most inept Smaug in history. Visually the movie is pretty, but the plot (what plot?) is so flawed and the nonstop fake action so boring I was relieved when it was finally over.
Of all the characters, I actually liked the made-up Elf Tauriel the best. At least she has a story and a motive that makes sense-- save the hot Dwarf. Of course, PJ is totally telegraphing where he's going with this, and at the end of the third movie the "stunner" will be why Legolas hates Dwarves so much and won't ever be friends with Gimli, but to set up for two whole movies something that didn't need setting up because it was established 4 movies ago seems once again a total miss on what makes for interesting character development. I wish PJ would move on to his own stuff and quit messing up the Tolkien books with his totally missed-boat adaptations.
Some random thoughts:
- Where does Legolas get a white horse to ride of out Laketown? Lots of pasturage for horses on a lake, is there? What do these horses do there, haul the nets?
- These are the worst Orc hunters in all history. They lost at least 100 over the course of the movie, and got... zero?
- Worst Orc poison in history. I liked the bit of nod to Aragorn's statement that Orc arrows are too-often poisoned. But this is a SLOW poison, so slow-acting your victim goes literally for days before feeling its effects. What good does that do you? The battle was over days ago. Wouldn't you want a quick-acting poison that would do you some good?
- Worst guards in history in Laketown. The whole town is under guard, gates are guarded, Bard can't step out of his house without being arrested for... stepping out of his house? Yet an ENTIRE ORC ARMY can sneak into this town, break through roofs, get into a pitched battle, fall dead or escape-- and not one guard is to be seen.
- Why did the Dwarves even sneak into Laketown? Super big deal about evading the guards-- who are guarding what, exactly? Fish? Anyway, all this sneaking around, then they're found and the Laketownians are glad to see them-- so why did they have to sneak? Why could't they just walk in as they did in the story? What was gained except false tension?
- Thorin spends MONTHS getting to this secret door and then stays there maybe an hour before deciding to immediately climb down these hideous stairs without stopping for food or to think through the puzzle or anything. Anyone who's ever climbed a mountain knows you linger on the top and rest, and this party certainly would with the high stakes. But no, they climb down, then climb quickly UP so Thorin can stamp on the key in the nick of time-- is this just really bad writing or what? Again, this situation doesn't remotely resemble what ANY PERSON in the real world would do.
- I actually liked the fact that Movie Thorin had a plan for dealing with Smaug after they arrived. What I didn't like is that the plan was so totally random. It's like, "Go burgle the Arkenstone. No, run away. Not that way, out this door. No, not out this door, I don't want to die in a trap. We'll sneak to the forges-- oh, yeah, THIS is our plan! We just now remembered. We're going to fire up these forges and pour molten stuff on a firedrake. Seems we ought to have a clue that this wouldn't hurt him, but our ancestors before they got eaten made this giant Dwarf mold that we're going to pour molten gold into -- and then take away the stone support, and then have it sit there, and then have it EXPLODE FROM THE EYE because we all know that molten gold will hold its shape like a jello mold instead of just leaking out the bottom of the giant blocky stone thing that was previously constructed for non-dragon slaying purposes. And by the way this is the fastest melting and then setting and then melting gold in the history of the universe.
- You can totally ride a wheelbarrow on a river of molten gold because the metal of the wheelbarrow will not conduct heat. Wait...
- Smaug is so insecure that he has to go whoop that Laketown to PROVE to Bilbo that he is mean, instead of just incinerating Bilbo and THEN flying to Laketown. Because after demolishing Dale and eating thousands of Dwarves, you wouldn't want to go burning up Laketown out of justifiably evil revenge unless you were making a hobbit you'd met 20 minutes before unhappy. Where would be the satisfaction?
- The tradition of the Black Arrow being some special anti-dragon defense is just silly. Girion supposedly fired it to protect the town of Dale. Dale wasn't expecting a dragon. The whole point is that Smaug's attack was unexpected so he whooped everyone. Yet they had a special dragon-killing bow set up on a tower, and were just basically incompetent. So Bard is a descendent of incompetents. Go Laketown!
- What was up with Thranduil's scar? Was it a real scar he hides by Elf magic, was Thorin imagining it? Why couldn't the real history of why Thranduil dislikes Dwarves suffice?
- Where does simple Silvan captain Tauriel get the gift of healing that only Elrond and certain Men of Westerness know? It's not like Thranduil and Elrond are exactly pals.
- If your friends are going to ride in open barrels down a river anyway (which is physically impossible anyway, but still), why on earth would you make them get into the barrels so they can get extra bumped and injured falling down into the river, instead of jumping into the river separately and getting into the barrel, which they do repeatedly during the excruciatingly extended Orc battle downstream?
This movie was so bad in terms of being a physics-free zone that I couldn't suspend my disbelief long enough to enjoy it. It's not as bad as the Star Trek prequels-- #2 there so totally disgusted me I've yet to see #3 (If the Valar are merciful I never will). But I'll see #3 of the Hobbit. I'm just sorry that so much potential was wasted on this half-baked juvenile and flatly ridiculous envisioning of our beloved Middle-earth.
REALLY enjoyed Hunger Games: Catching Fire. MUCH stronger than the first Hunger Games. This is science fiction at its best; speculating about social issues and making the audience think. Totally intense and I have to read these novels pronto. :)
Of course I'd read The Hobbit years ago. It wasn't as close to my heart as LOTR, so I was prepared to enjoy a seriously AU version of the original story. I was expecting PJ to delve into things in the appendices, so you could see Gandalf finding out these clues in his explorations of Dol Guldur.
But, alas. While there were some entertaining moments, overall, this movie for me was a miss.
The plot (was there a plot?) didn't make any sense. The scenes we did get as backstory were superfluous and showed poor judgment. Why show Gandalf's meeting with Thorin at this point? No new information was exchanged. Why am I seeing this flashback? Worse, Gandalf leaves the party about to enter Mirkwood (as he does in the book), but his VERY IMPORTANT MEETING was just a chat with Radagast that didn't accomplish anything. Then he goes poking around in Dol Guldur but that's uninteresting, too, because we get that stupid Orc again who does nothing but chase our character all over creation and finally the Necromancer pops out and does an Evil Galadriel light show and spews concentric rings of Sauron's colorful eye at him. So much for Gandalf doing anything actually interesting.
In my opinion, PJ was always weakest at character development and dialog. When Martin Freeman and Ian McKellan have to struggle to deliver their lines, you know they have bad dialog. My personal favorite "worst" line was when poor Gandalf started talking about the "seven Dwarf" kingdoms. I'm sorry, you cannot say "seven Dwarves" in this country without invoking Snow White and the Hi Ho song in your brain. "Seven Dwarves!" Cringeworthy.
Because the action is so cartoony, no jeopardy is felt throughout. People routinely fall or jump from 30 feet and they're just fine. Our heroes are in a pitched battle the entire movie and no one is killed and only one person is wounded. I just kept waiting for something interesting to happen, and even Freeman and Cumberbatch couldn't save it with the most inept Smaug in history. Visually the movie is pretty, but the plot (what plot?) is so flawed and the nonstop fake action so boring I was relieved when it was finally over.
Of all the characters, I actually liked the made-up Elf Tauriel the best. At least she has a story and a motive that makes sense-- save the hot Dwarf. Of course, PJ is totally telegraphing where he's going with this, and at the end of the third movie the "stunner" will be why Legolas hates Dwarves so much and won't ever be friends with Gimli, but to set up for two whole movies something that didn't need setting up because it was established 4 movies ago seems once again a total miss on what makes for interesting character development. I wish PJ would move on to his own stuff and quit messing up the Tolkien books with his totally missed-boat adaptations.
Some random thoughts:
- Where does Legolas get a white horse to ride of out Laketown? Lots of pasturage for horses on a lake, is there? What do these horses do there, haul the nets?
- These are the worst Orc hunters in all history. They lost at least 100 over the course of the movie, and got... zero?
- Worst Orc poison in history. I liked the bit of nod to Aragorn's statement that Orc arrows are too-often poisoned. But this is a SLOW poison, so slow-acting your victim goes literally for days before feeling its effects. What good does that do you? The battle was over days ago. Wouldn't you want a quick-acting poison that would do you some good?
- Worst guards in history in Laketown. The whole town is under guard, gates are guarded, Bard can't step out of his house without being arrested for... stepping out of his house? Yet an ENTIRE ORC ARMY can sneak into this town, break through roofs, get into a pitched battle, fall dead or escape-- and not one guard is to be seen.
- Why did the Dwarves even sneak into Laketown? Super big deal about evading the guards-- who are guarding what, exactly? Fish? Anyway, all this sneaking around, then they're found and the Laketownians are glad to see them-- so why did they have to sneak? Why could't they just walk in as they did in the story? What was gained except false tension?
- Thorin spends MONTHS getting to this secret door and then stays there maybe an hour before deciding to immediately climb down these hideous stairs without stopping for food or to think through the puzzle or anything. Anyone who's ever climbed a mountain knows you linger on the top and rest, and this party certainly would with the high stakes. But no, they climb down, then climb quickly UP so Thorin can stamp on the key in the nick of time-- is this just really bad writing or what? Again, this situation doesn't remotely resemble what ANY PERSON in the real world would do.
- I actually liked the fact that Movie Thorin had a plan for dealing with Smaug after they arrived. What I didn't like is that the plan was so totally random. It's like, "Go burgle the Arkenstone. No, run away. Not that way, out this door. No, not out this door, I don't want to die in a trap. We'll sneak to the forges-- oh, yeah, THIS is our plan! We just now remembered. We're going to fire up these forges and pour molten stuff on a firedrake. Seems we ought to have a clue that this wouldn't hurt him, but our ancestors before they got eaten made this giant Dwarf mold that we're going to pour molten gold into -- and then take away the stone support, and then have it sit there, and then have it EXPLODE FROM THE EYE because we all know that molten gold will hold its shape like a jello mold instead of just leaking out the bottom of the giant blocky stone thing that was previously constructed for non-dragon slaying purposes. And by the way this is the fastest melting and then setting and then melting gold in the history of the universe.
- You can totally ride a wheelbarrow on a river of molten gold because the metal of the wheelbarrow will not conduct heat. Wait...
- Smaug is so insecure that he has to go whoop that Laketown to PROVE to Bilbo that he is mean, instead of just incinerating Bilbo and THEN flying to Laketown. Because after demolishing Dale and eating thousands of Dwarves, you wouldn't want to go burning up Laketown out of justifiably evil revenge unless you were making a hobbit you'd met 20 minutes before unhappy. Where would be the satisfaction?
- The tradition of the Black Arrow being some special anti-dragon defense is just silly. Girion supposedly fired it to protect the town of Dale. Dale wasn't expecting a dragon. The whole point is that Smaug's attack was unexpected so he whooped everyone. Yet they had a special dragon-killing bow set up on a tower, and were just basically incompetent. So Bard is a descendent of incompetents. Go Laketown!
- What was up with Thranduil's scar? Was it a real scar he hides by Elf magic, was Thorin imagining it? Why couldn't the real history of why Thranduil dislikes Dwarves suffice?
- Where does simple Silvan captain Tauriel get the gift of healing that only Elrond and certain Men of Westerness know? It's not like Thranduil and Elrond are exactly pals.
- If your friends are going to ride in open barrels down a river anyway (which is physically impossible anyway, but still), why on earth would you make them get into the barrels so they can get extra bumped and injured falling down into the river, instead of jumping into the river separately and getting into the barrel, which they do repeatedly during the excruciatingly extended Orc battle downstream?
This movie was so bad in terms of being a physics-free zone that I couldn't suspend my disbelief long enough to enjoy it. It's not as bad as the Star Trek prequels-- #2 there so totally disgusted me I've yet to see #3 (If the Valar are merciful I never will). But I'll see #3 of the Hobbit. I'm just sorry that so much potential was wasted on this half-baked juvenile and flatly ridiculous envisioning of our beloved Middle-earth.