Cry [Oneshot]
Pierrot the Clown
Kibum was sitting in the kitchen, he was drinking his coffee, enjoying the smell, that was able to keep him awake. He wasn't able to sleep for the past weeks, he was too worried, too scared.
The situation was the worst.
He had been caught with Jonghyun in the dressing-room.
They loved eachother, they were dating, so it was only normal to sleep with eachother, but not when you were an idol.
Being gay as an idol was taboo. They're relationship was taboo, but they couldn't help it, they were human. So they're relationship was a secret, no one knew not even the members or they're best friends and of course not the manager-hyungs.
And now they had to deal with all those people, being hurt, disgusted, angry, irritated and confused and it was not easy. It was the worst. It was the worst that when he looked them in the eyes, they looked away, they ignored him, they glared at him.
Adding to that was the fact that neither Jonghyun nor Kibum had the heart to talk to eachother, afraid, that everything would break, afraid of what would happen.
Kibum let out a sigh.
This is not how he wanted it to be. At the moment he needed Jonghyun's comfort so much, but he was not there, because he couldn't and Kibum felt so lonely, so extremely lonely.
A single tear rolled down his cheeks, more was not possible, the first nights he had cried so much, but now it seemed like he had cried the tear-reserves for a year out and so he could only suffer silently, trying his best to function, to work.
In those past weeks Kibum turned into a puppet, dancing, singing, working, he had to do it, but every second passed by so fast, but so slow and the feeling of emptiness just wouldn't leave him.
He felt hated, miserable, like all the love that had existed around him disappeared in this one moment, when one of the writer-noonas just barged in they're dressing-room.
Of course she couldn't keep it to herself, it was a scandal, no one would have been able to keep to himself. They had luck that it didn't go to the public, that they're managers took action soon enough and the worst was avoided.
Somehow everyone became paranoid, always scared that Jonghyun's and Kibum's relationship would go public and it hurt, it hurt so much, to be the one causing so much trouble, to be the one at fault, to be the one making all the people you love suffer.
They had brought the whole company to crumble just because they fell in love.
The company decided to get rid of those - pretty normal- Jongkey rumours, to avoid more commotion. Jonghyun had to pretend that he had a girlfriend, a beautiful, nice, perfect girlfriend and that hurt even more, it felt as if Kibum was just Jonghyun's secret lover - not really because they hadn't talked for days-, he felt more like he was not loved anymore, like they broke up.
At this point, tears suddenly could fall again, and Kibum sat there, silent tears leaving his eyes endlessly as he tried his best not to make any noises, not letting anyone know how much he suffered.
He decided that he would never ever let anyone come near him. No one should know what he feels or what he thinks, because the fear of being hurt once again was so great, that it turned Kibum's once beautifully sparkling eyes into dull ones, his beautiful smile into a pathetic one and his loud character into a tired, silent one.
He was so absorbed I his thoughts and self-pity, that he didn't notice the person coming nearer, so he winced a little when a hand touched his shoulder.
Jonghyun was looking at him, brows furrowed, eyes full of guilt.
“Kibum.”
And that's when it exploded, Kibum's facade crumbled and he cried out loud, shivering, sobbing he couldn't hold it back, those emotions were so intensive, it destroyed him and he had kept it all to himself, but it had to crumble and Jonghyun's voice was all it took to tear the younger boy apart.
He let himself slump to the ground, the cup falling next to him, spilling his clothes with coffee.
He leaned against against the cupboard and let it out.
He cried so loud, that all the members should have heard him, but luckily no one came out either because they were sleeping so deep or because they were smart enough to know that they are not needed at the moment.
They were alone, sharing they're sadness.
Jonghyun was also crying, not as loud and heartbreaking as Kibum, but still he was crying and Kibum didn't miss the silent whimpers coming from his beloved.
He wanted to stand up, he wanted to hug him and calm him down, calm them both down, but he had no strength, he was unable to move his body and so he was waiting for Jonghuyn to come to him, to hug him, to do something. Anything.
A few more agonizing moments passed, when Jonhyun's knees finally lost they're strength and he slumped down before Kibum, falling into his embrace and they gripped eachother tightly, as if they would lose eachother again, if they wouldn't grip strong enough.
They sat there, both shaking, whimpering, trying they're best to calm down and after some more minutes, which felt like years, they're breath became steadier. But they didn't let go, too afraid of the world, of being alone, of the darkness.
“I love you, I love you so much.”
And I'll never let you go.
*
FIN
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- I apologize for grammar/spelling mistakes english is not my native language.
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