His Master's Voice
a/n: I've read a few tags, codas and stuff about "Dark side of the moon". I still tear up about that episode, really. But on the subject of God being a dick... I tend to disagree. Sure, I feel for Sam and more so for Dean, but I think he had good reasons (and before you think I'm religious, I'm not. I go to church twice in three years, and I have a very personal view on religion, which, nope, I'm not sharing.
What I do here is interpret the not-words of the God that was created by the writers.
I did not and do not intend to make fun of anyone's religion and belief. I think about religion as I think about sex (again, no offence intended!):
As long as it hurts no-one, everyone to their own.
****************************************
I’ve had it. No, really. I’ve had it!
Stop blaming me for all the shit you do! Stop blaming me for ‘letting evil roam’, when it’s mostly YOU that call on it, awake it, want to control it. Hah, as if! You could make a sandstorm in a bathtub, before controlling evil. No can do.
I know, I know. This time, it wasn’t your fault. I know. This time, it was my other children’s fault, and I’m really sorry that Dean and Sam Winchester have to take the blame. I didn’t want them to. I didn’t want them to die, didn’t want them to be - hah! - ‘chosen’. I would have liked them to be who they are, just two good man with too many issues, problems and sins to be ever considered holy. You know, human. That’s what they are, that’s what I would like them to stay.
Because, as I once said, I consider humanity my greatest creation. Yeah, yeah, I know. I might have been too liberal with the free will. It hurts my biggest creation. Earth. Which I love. With all it’s strange and deeply amusing beings on it. Did you know that over 80 percent of animal-species known to mankind are insects? That the things some of you refer to as ‘bugs’ are so large in number, that, if they ever decided to form ranks and go against the big, dumb, slow humans, you wouldn’t even have time to beg me for help. ‘cause, you know, known to mankind is in no way close to living on earth.
But naaa, they are pretty happy, being bugs. And you should really take an example of them. Or… well, maybe not. They are pretty vicious. And those ants… whew, your silly wars are nothing against theirs.
I didn’t create those, though. I could never be as vicious as Nature. She… holy, she is a bitch.
Anyway, not what I’m talking about now.
See, what I really, really can’t stand anymore is that whining about how I abandon those poor men to their fate.
All right I do feel a little shitty, for dumping all that crap on the Winchesters. But, see, I didn’t!
I was taking a holiday, the first in millenia and it didn’t take even thousand years for my beloved but rather self-centred children to dance on the coffee-table, as you say.
Zachariel? That angel has always been a bully. I love him, 'cause, you know, he is my child, but he is not my favourite, that much I can tell. Mikey is pretty condescending, and Uriel… aaah… well, let’s just say it doesn’t break my heart that he is no more.
Yes, I know. Not what you wanted to hear, right? I’m told be be all loving and forgiving and all.
Nope. Sorry. I am not.
I rather liked Anna, though.
I tend to be a little more forgiving to mankind - or, more accurately, towards individuals. See, Sam? He never had a chance. He was played by a master, who had been tricking men - and yes, this time I’m referring to gender - since the beginning of time. If Sam had been the girl his brother used to accuse him of being - let’s just say this whole mess would have gone down differently.
I’m not saying that you wouldn’t have a celestial war in front of you, but Lilith? Wouldn’t have tricked a woman. On the other hand, there might have been a male demon doing what Ruby did, so we might have the same outcome.
So, as I said. Sam never had a chance. And even though he was a rather stupid boy, he wasn’t evil, and having demon-blood in you doesn’t make you anything but a half-blood. Or maybe a drop-blood? Who knows the term for what he is?
Heck, doesn’t matter. Point is, he didn’t do it out of the desire to destroy the world, didn’t hurt his brother just for the fun of it. He was condescending and stupid and led on the wrong path. Anger clouded his judgement - still does, sometimes, by the way. He didn’t want to do any of this, though, and I won’t let him suffer in Hell for being stupid. I’m not a total dick!
And also, Heaven would be pretty damn empty if I was that picky! Who would want Heaven full of boring people who never drink and never have sex? Not only Dean would be a little disappointed.
So, where was I? Ah, yes. Holiday.
I was gone and only a couple of centuries later, Zach starts his whining about being bored. He starts pestering Mike and Uriel - though Zach and Uriel had always been pretty close, so I’m not sure how much he needed to persuade that one. Starts talking about “fate” and all that pre-ordained destiny-crap.
Phew. Bullshit!
If it was all Destiny, why did he and his brain-dead followers need to kick the Winchesters in the direction they wanted them? The real Destiny doesn’t need a push. I know her, she goes where she wants to go and doesn’t bother about anything.
No, siree. That’s all Zach and maybe Mike.
‘course, Destiny and Fate have a way of righting their paths. They asked me, and I granted them my boy.
What? No, not Jesus! I won’t give him to anyone ever again. Poor boy, still isn’t right after last time.
No, I mean Castiel. I don’t know what they wanted with him, but I have an idea. I feel bad for him now, though. He is a little like a small puppy - and aren’t those the greatest? I’m sure mankind's greatest creation was the dog. Lovely things…
So, Castiel. He is rather lost now, stopped believing. Or, so he thinks. He does believe, oh yes. He believes in me, and that’s why I feel a little ashamed for blowing him off. I hope one day, he’ll see why I did.
Or maybe he won’t. I’ll live.
Why did I, you ask?
Well, I didn’t want to hurt him, or any one of them. I’m not keeping my hands off this mess because I want to be mean. I’m never mean. I have reasons. You just very often won’t like them, and I’m not usually in the mood to share.
Joshua knows that. He knows a lot. Good man. Has a great sense of timing and a whole lot of patience. Needs it, trees don’t grow fast.
Sorry, I was rambling again. Ok, back to business.
So, Zacharia was plotting, and it’s really a coincidence that my golden boy started doing so around the same time. Lucifer and his black-souled lackeys were perfect for Zach, who hi-jacked their plan to - as I heard him say - ‘get the party started’. Stupid, arrogant angel!
I wanted to come back then. I thought about it, was already plotting my wrath. Because not only did he invent some crap like destiny - which will get me in all kinds of trouble with her and her sister - but he also knows how much I like my little humans. They are interesting.
And what makes them interesting is what Zach and Uriel despise them for. Emotions. It doesn’t make them weak, as they believe, and I’m still amazed how they can even believe that I’d make such a mistake and give mankind emotions if they wouldn’t benefit from it.
So, I was planning when I got the info just whom they all chose. Sam and Dean Winchester. I couldn’t believe that. Sure, Sam was - sadly - a very good candidate for freeing my boy, but Dean?
Yes, yes. I know about all the bloodline-stuff and whatnot they’d planned. But the second I set eyes on those brothers, I knew they’d fail.
And that, dear humans, is why I’m stepping out of the ring.
Oh, I could go in and blow them all away. Sure I could. Won’t take more than a wink or a nod. Shake my angels, give them a good idea why it’s bad to step out of line and do what they want to.
But that way, they’d never learn. They need to get their wings cropped. They need to see that emotions might be ‘dirty’, as they believe - I don’t know how they ever got the idea, I swear - but it also makes them formidable opponents. It makes them unpredictable for angels.
Not so much for demons, they are born from emotions. And that’s why Lucifer keeps them around, for now. They know how to twist emotions - as do Zach and his friends, as I witnessed. I’m so kicking his ass for twisting Dean in Heaven. That is my place, they have no right to twist Heaven. I hope he survives this war, because I want a piece of him.
Uh… sorry. Wrath is one of my lesser traits. Should have gotten better with it, but…
Anyway, my angels will never respect mankind if they won’t see for themselves just what they can accomplish. If I get into the fight and make do-over, the minute - or maybe the year - I take another holiday, they’ll try stuff like this again. So, to fix it, I need my first-borns to understand why I love mankind. And that they are worthy of my love.
Right, right now I’m a little miffed at what you are doing to my planet. You behave like lice in a rose-bed. But I’ve never been fond of poisoning lice, there are better ways. I just hope it won’t be lack of food - or Earth - to stop you all nibbling on my sweet blue ball of life. But I’m rather sure you’ll see for yourself where you messed up - don’t need no angels for that.
Respect. My heavenly army needs respect for what they are supposed to guard. Respect for ALL my creations, not only the cute and cuddly ones. And the insects.
Also, I think it's time they start thinking for themselves. They envy humans their free will? Well, go for it! Two - probably more - of what they might call 'lesser' angels did start to think, did start to question. Yes, yes. I wasn't so pleased with it the first time it happened. But who says I can't learn from my mistakes, huh? And, by the way, it was more the way Lucifer behaved than the fact that he thought for himself that made me pissed. And somehow, I don't think he really regrets that.
See? Do you understand now why I can’t be part of this war? It’s not because I blame anyone ON Earth for starting it, least of all Sam or Dean. They certainly don’t deserve what Heaven and Hell heaped on their lives. ‘t’was bad enough as it was.
But now that it’s set in motion, I can’t step in. And who else if not Dean and Sam will be able to convince my fluttery children just how wrong they are. And who else but them will be able to show every angel that Zach didn’t do shit for Destiny. Everything he does is for one god only, and it’s not me either. Power has such sweet temptations, and a guy like Zacharia has problems spotting them. He got into trouble before for it, and I don’t know why he believes I’m too stupid to spot his lies and deceptions. He apparently was hit on the head, one too many times.
So, who else could finish this stupid, stupid struggle for power, if not those brothers? Would you take their place?
Didn’t think so.
Maybe Gabriel. But he is a wild-card, and I’m not counting on him right now. Not because I don’t trust him, I do, in a way. I trust him to do what he wants to do. He always did, and - I’ll tell you this in complete confidence - I kind of admire him for it. Of course, bailing won’t solve anything, but I understand that he couldn’t chose between his brothers.
He too is very amusing. We share the same humour. . I wouldn't mind if he stays on earth a little longer. I've laughed a lot, since he moved there.
I was surprised when Fate - or her sister, don’t remember - asked me for Castiel. Couldn’t understand why him, he was rather unassuming, a good soldier, yes, but a little dull.
But I get it now. Smart, those sisters.
I admire him, for falling. For siding with a losing team. For choosing. Choosing Dean Winchester over everything he knew and believed in before.
Yes, he did it because he was certain that I wasn’t pulling the strings, that I might help.
But he still chose. That took guts.
I was happy to put all of those back inside, after he was blown to pieces, even though he might now wish I never did.
Can’t be helped. He chose, and he has to carry the consequences for it. Sam chose Ruby, Dean chose the knife. John chose revenge, Mary chose John.
It had all been a freaking row of choices. And none of them was mine.
So stop blaming me for all the crap Zacharia and Lucifer dumped on those two. I didn’t put the burden there, and I’d really like to help them carry it. But for the reasons I already laid out, I won’t interfere.
Won’t do crap until they Kicked. Their. Feathered. Asses!
And they will, yes, they will.
Because, my dear friends and fiends, I have something that you lost long ago.
I have FAITH. Not in mankind in general, but I have faith in them.
Got it? Good. Now, shut up and let me get a tan. And if you think 'those poor Winchesters' deserve some help? Well? Go on, buckle up and DO IT YOURSELF.
Good Night!
What I do here is interpret the not-words of the God that was created by the writers.
I did not and do not intend to make fun of anyone's religion and belief. I think about religion as I think about sex (again, no offence intended!):
As long as it hurts no-one, everyone to their own.
****************************************
I’ve had it. No, really. I’ve had it!
Stop blaming me for all the shit you do! Stop blaming me for ‘letting evil roam’, when it’s mostly YOU that call on it, awake it, want to control it. Hah, as if! You could make a sandstorm in a bathtub, before controlling evil. No can do.
I know, I know. This time, it wasn’t your fault. I know. This time, it was my other children’s fault, and I’m really sorry that Dean and Sam Winchester have to take the blame. I didn’t want them to. I didn’t want them to die, didn’t want them to be - hah! - ‘chosen’. I would have liked them to be who they are, just two good man with too many issues, problems and sins to be ever considered holy. You know, human. That’s what they are, that’s what I would like them to stay.
Because, as I once said, I consider humanity my greatest creation. Yeah, yeah, I know. I might have been too liberal with the free will. It hurts my biggest creation. Earth. Which I love. With all it’s strange and deeply amusing beings on it. Did you know that over 80 percent of animal-species known to mankind are insects? That the things some of you refer to as ‘bugs’ are so large in number, that, if they ever decided to form ranks and go against the big, dumb, slow humans, you wouldn’t even have time to beg me for help. ‘cause, you know, known to mankind is in no way close to living on earth.
But naaa, they are pretty happy, being bugs. And you should really take an example of them. Or… well, maybe not. They are pretty vicious. And those ants… whew, your silly wars are nothing against theirs.
I didn’t create those, though. I could never be as vicious as Nature. She… holy, she is a bitch.
Anyway, not what I’m talking about now.
See, what I really, really can’t stand anymore is that whining about how I abandon those poor men to their fate.
All right I do feel a little shitty, for dumping all that crap on the Winchesters. But, see, I didn’t!
I was taking a holiday, the first in millenia and it didn’t take even thousand years for my beloved but rather self-centred children to dance on the coffee-table, as you say.
Zachariel? That angel has always been a bully. I love him, 'cause, you know, he is my child, but he is not my favourite, that much I can tell. Mikey is pretty condescending, and Uriel… aaah… well, let’s just say it doesn’t break my heart that he is no more.
Yes, I know. Not what you wanted to hear, right? I’m told be be all loving and forgiving and all.
Nope. Sorry. I am not.
I rather liked Anna, though.
I tend to be a little more forgiving to mankind - or, more accurately, towards individuals. See, Sam? He never had a chance. He was played by a master, who had been tricking men - and yes, this time I’m referring to gender - since the beginning of time. If Sam had been the girl his brother used to accuse him of being - let’s just say this whole mess would have gone down differently.
I’m not saying that you wouldn’t have a celestial war in front of you, but Lilith? Wouldn’t have tricked a woman. On the other hand, there might have been a male demon doing what Ruby did, so we might have the same outcome.
So, as I said. Sam never had a chance. And even though he was a rather stupid boy, he wasn’t evil, and having demon-blood in you doesn’t make you anything but a half-blood. Or maybe a drop-blood? Who knows the term for what he is?
Heck, doesn’t matter. Point is, he didn’t do it out of the desire to destroy the world, didn’t hurt his brother just for the fun of it. He was condescending and stupid and led on the wrong path. Anger clouded his judgement - still does, sometimes, by the way. He didn’t want to do any of this, though, and I won’t let him suffer in Hell for being stupid. I’m not a total dick!
And also, Heaven would be pretty damn empty if I was that picky! Who would want Heaven full of boring people who never drink and never have sex? Not only Dean would be a little disappointed.
So, where was I? Ah, yes. Holiday.
I was gone and only a couple of centuries later, Zach starts his whining about being bored. He starts pestering Mike and Uriel - though Zach and Uriel had always been pretty close, so I’m not sure how much he needed to persuade that one. Starts talking about “fate” and all that pre-ordained destiny-crap.
Phew. Bullshit!
If it was all Destiny, why did he and his brain-dead followers need to kick the Winchesters in the direction they wanted them? The real Destiny doesn’t need a push. I know her, she goes where she wants to go and doesn’t bother about anything.
No, siree. That’s all Zach and maybe Mike.
‘course, Destiny and Fate have a way of righting their paths. They asked me, and I granted them my boy.
What? No, not Jesus! I won’t give him to anyone ever again. Poor boy, still isn’t right after last time.
No, I mean Castiel. I don’t know what they wanted with him, but I have an idea. I feel bad for him now, though. He is a little like a small puppy - and aren’t those the greatest? I’m sure mankind's greatest creation was the dog. Lovely things…
So, Castiel. He is rather lost now, stopped believing. Or, so he thinks. He does believe, oh yes. He believes in me, and that’s why I feel a little ashamed for blowing him off. I hope one day, he’ll see why I did.
Or maybe he won’t. I’ll live.
Why did I, you ask?
Well, I didn’t want to hurt him, or any one of them. I’m not keeping my hands off this mess because I want to be mean. I’m never mean. I have reasons. You just very often won’t like them, and I’m not usually in the mood to share.
Joshua knows that. He knows a lot. Good man. Has a great sense of timing and a whole lot of patience. Needs it, trees don’t grow fast.
Sorry, I was rambling again. Ok, back to business.
So, Zacharia was plotting, and it’s really a coincidence that my golden boy started doing so around the same time. Lucifer and his black-souled lackeys were perfect for Zach, who hi-jacked their plan to - as I heard him say - ‘get the party started’. Stupid, arrogant angel!
I wanted to come back then. I thought about it, was already plotting my wrath. Because not only did he invent some crap like destiny - which will get me in all kinds of trouble with her and her sister - but he also knows how much I like my little humans. They are interesting.
And what makes them interesting is what Zach and Uriel despise them for. Emotions. It doesn’t make them weak, as they believe, and I’m still amazed how they can even believe that I’d make such a mistake and give mankind emotions if they wouldn’t benefit from it.
So, I was planning when I got the info just whom they all chose. Sam and Dean Winchester. I couldn’t believe that. Sure, Sam was - sadly - a very good candidate for freeing my boy, but Dean?
Yes, yes. I know about all the bloodline-stuff and whatnot they’d planned. But the second I set eyes on those brothers, I knew they’d fail.
And that, dear humans, is why I’m stepping out of the ring.
Oh, I could go in and blow them all away. Sure I could. Won’t take more than a wink or a nod. Shake my angels, give them a good idea why it’s bad to step out of line and do what they want to.
But that way, they’d never learn. They need to get their wings cropped. They need to see that emotions might be ‘dirty’, as they believe - I don’t know how they ever got the idea, I swear - but it also makes them formidable opponents. It makes them unpredictable for angels.
Not so much for demons, they are born from emotions. And that’s why Lucifer keeps them around, for now. They know how to twist emotions - as do Zach and his friends, as I witnessed. I’m so kicking his ass for twisting Dean in Heaven. That is my place, they have no right to twist Heaven. I hope he survives this war, because I want a piece of him.
Uh… sorry. Wrath is one of my lesser traits. Should have gotten better with it, but…
Anyway, my angels will never respect mankind if they won’t see for themselves just what they can accomplish. If I get into the fight and make do-over, the minute - or maybe the year - I take another holiday, they’ll try stuff like this again. So, to fix it, I need my first-borns to understand why I love mankind. And that they are worthy of my love.
Right, right now I’m a little miffed at what you are doing to my planet. You behave like lice in a rose-bed. But I’ve never been fond of poisoning lice, there are better ways. I just hope it won’t be lack of food - or Earth - to stop you all nibbling on my sweet blue ball of life. But I’m rather sure you’ll see for yourself where you messed up - don’t need no angels for that.
Respect. My heavenly army needs respect for what they are supposed to guard. Respect for ALL my creations, not only the cute and cuddly ones. And the insects.
Also, I think it's time they start thinking for themselves. They envy humans their free will? Well, go for it! Two - probably more - of what they might call 'lesser' angels did start to think, did start to question. Yes, yes. I wasn't so pleased with it the first time it happened. But who says I can't learn from my mistakes, huh? And, by the way, it was more the way Lucifer behaved than the fact that he thought for himself that made me pissed. And somehow, I don't think he really regrets that.
See? Do you understand now why I can’t be part of this war? It’s not because I blame anyone ON Earth for starting it, least of all Sam or Dean. They certainly don’t deserve what Heaven and Hell heaped on their lives. ‘t’was bad enough as it was.
But now that it’s set in motion, I can’t step in. And who else if not Dean and Sam will be able to convince my fluttery children just how wrong they are. And who else but them will be able to show every angel that Zach didn’t do shit for Destiny. Everything he does is for one god only, and it’s not me either. Power has such sweet temptations, and a guy like Zacharia has problems spotting them. He got into trouble before for it, and I don’t know why he believes I’m too stupid to spot his lies and deceptions. He apparently was hit on the head, one too many times.
So, who else could finish this stupid, stupid struggle for power, if not those brothers? Would you take their place?
Didn’t think so.
Maybe Gabriel. But he is a wild-card, and I’m not counting on him right now. Not because I don’t trust him, I do, in a way. I trust him to do what he wants to do. He always did, and - I’ll tell you this in complete confidence - I kind of admire him for it. Of course, bailing won’t solve anything, but I understand that he couldn’t chose between his brothers.
He too is very amusing. We share the same humour. . I wouldn't mind if he stays on earth a little longer. I've laughed a lot, since he moved there.
I was surprised when Fate - or her sister, don’t remember - asked me for Castiel. Couldn’t understand why him, he was rather unassuming, a good soldier, yes, but a little dull.
But I get it now. Smart, those sisters.
I admire him, for falling. For siding with a losing team. For choosing. Choosing Dean Winchester over everything he knew and believed in before.
Yes, he did it because he was certain that I wasn’t pulling the strings, that I might help.
But he still chose. That took guts.
I was happy to put all of those back inside, after he was blown to pieces, even though he might now wish I never did.
Can’t be helped. He chose, and he has to carry the consequences for it. Sam chose Ruby, Dean chose the knife. John chose revenge, Mary chose John.
It had all been a freaking row of choices. And none of them was mine.
So stop blaming me for all the crap Zacharia and Lucifer dumped on those two. I didn’t put the burden there, and I’d really like to help them carry it. But for the reasons I already laid out, I won’t interfere.
Won’t do crap until they Kicked. Their. Feathered. Asses!
And they will, yes, they will.
Because, my dear friends and fiends, I have something that you lost long ago.
I have FAITH. Not in mankind in general, but I have faith in them.
Got it? Good. Now, shut up and let me get a tan. And if you think 'those poor Winchesters' deserve some help? Well? Go on, buckle up and DO IT YOURSELF.
Good Night!