I'm really not anti-Semitic, I swear. Some of my best friends are some of my best friends. But I cannot not confess my love for two semi-un-PC terms: Jewish fireworks (throwing a cigarette out of a moving car) and Jewish lightning (arson to collect insurance ( Read more... )

This one's called…
XMAS ON DECATURXmas in the Decatur Street bars is not how Picasso would have painted it with a family of 3 sitting down to a servil dinner while cars sing hippie jam band songs outside in the snow. No sir! It's much more hot than that. First of all, most people in New Orleans are proctologists which means of course that December ( Read more... )

Y'know, I don't think I ever showed you my Halloween costume this year.

I was Joan Crawford. But Faye Dunaway doing Joan, not Joan doing Joan. Because Faye is more draggy. Which is a must. Obviously.


( Read more... )

Hey, you 37 listeners out there. Won't you please support my fantastic friend Sean and her new book that's coming out next month? Any coffee table would be proud to display this gorgeous, rock-n-roll tome. I saw a mock-up of it a few months ago and it's lickably delicious ( Read more... )

Yesterday morning, as I was burying Harley, I thought what an appropriate thing this was to do, considering the time of year - burying loved ones that you've killed in the backyard. SPOOOKEEEE! My mind kept reverting to that final scene from CARRIE where Amy Irving is putting flowers on Carrie's grave and (spoiler alert!) a hand juts up from the ( Read more... )

Harley has hated being on the bed lately, which is such bizarre behavior for her. One of her favorite games is called "Cat Jail," where I put her under the covers, lock down all the edges and she pretends she wants to get out by burrowing at the crevasses, all the while purring and rolling over and loving it. (I told you cats are into S&M ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

( Read more... )

So what do you want to be when you grow up? I ask myself this question constantly. I ask it of my friends. I ask it of my parents, age 70. I ask it of you ( Read more... )

Dallas Fort Worth-
If I'm not there,
You can find me at
Chicago O'Hare.

At DFW
You can find me,
Just as likely
at ORD.

Whenever I go
From A to B
There's always a Chi,
or the Big D.[CHORUS]
When I'm in Texas,
The girlies be screaming'.
In Illinois,
Bitches be creamin'.
TSA biddies,
Stop yer schemin'
And LET ME THROUGH!
LET ME THROUGH!
Swarovski, ( Read more... )