masquerade ; xiumin-centric
masquerade ; xiumin-centric
a/n: insomnia does things to me and makes me write a little. this is a bit dark; you've been warned.
warnings: eating disorder (bulimia)
like most idols, minseok has certain rituals he needs to follow. he wakes up at 5am every single day, stretches for 20 minutes quietly in the dark dorm, and grabs his mp3 player to go for a jog.
it's now 6:10 am; and with a start he realizes he's beenjogging for 50 minutes with barely any breaks (slow down to a brisk walk to catch your breath, jog. walking doesn't burn calories he tells himself). by the time he makes his way back to the dorm, it's time for breakfast; time for him to distract his mind more. good. distractions are always good.
wufan's an amazing (decently enough) chef; and breakfast looks perfect. minseok takes an extra spoonful of japchae but passes on the bacon. he already knows this spoonful is costing him precious calories; but he needs to keep up appearances. make everyone believe he eats.
(he does eat. he does. minseok tells himself this fifteen times a day, and always has some form of an excuse prepared should someone; anyone, ask. he allows himself an extra one hundred calories a day, should they be out and a sasaeng fan catches him, so there isn't something else for them to pick at.)
minseok forces himself to finish the entire dish, makes an extra big one for luhan and puts it in the fridge carefully with a note written on it, deciding to head to the bathroom before anyone else gets there.
the hallway's deserted - just the way he likes it. minseok opens the cabinet under the sink, gets his hidden ipod out, and sets it next to him. he knows he's on a time schedule; because he can't let anyone suspect anything out of the ordinary. everything has to fit within their morning routine.
minseok kneels down in front of the toilet, turns on his ipod to a special playlist, puts an earbud in and takes a deep breath as he listens to any movement outside the hallways. he can hear tao's footsteps going back to the members' rooms to wake the rest of them up, and knows that he's just wasting precious time. it's now or never, he tells himself as he sits up on his knees, carefully leaning over the baisin.
slowly, he raises his hand and pushes two (start small in the beginning of the week, four by friday) fingers down his throat, gagging a few times around them; pushing them down further in an attempt to get something out. finally he feels bile (and half digested food; gross) come up, and minseok quickly moves his fingers away so as not to get vomit underneath his nails.
(that's too hard to explain.)
he's more disgusted with the fact that it's taken an extra three minutes to puke something; because time is crucial in the mornings. when he finishes and there's nothing left to throw up (for now), minseok closes the lid, hides his ipod, and runs the shower for himself. he only rinses off his face and neck; spending the most time washing out his mouth and flossing his teeth.
minseok promises to push himself during dance rehersal and the live taping of m!countdown that night; just like everyone wants him to.
a/n: insomnia does things to me and makes me write a little. this is a bit dark; you've been warned.
warnings: eating disorder (bulimia)
like most idols, minseok has certain rituals he needs to follow. he wakes up at 5am every single day, stretches for 20 minutes quietly in the dark dorm, and grabs his mp3 player to go for a jog.
it's now 6:10 am; and with a start he realizes he's beenjogging for 50 minutes with barely any breaks (slow down to a brisk walk to catch your breath, jog. walking doesn't burn calories he tells himself). by the time he makes his way back to the dorm, it's time for breakfast; time for him to distract his mind more. good. distractions are always good.
wufan's an amazing (decently enough) chef; and breakfast looks perfect. minseok takes an extra spoonful of japchae but passes on the bacon. he already knows this spoonful is costing him precious calories; but he needs to keep up appearances. make everyone believe he eats.
(he does eat. he does. minseok tells himself this fifteen times a day, and always has some form of an excuse prepared should someone; anyone, ask. he allows himself an extra one hundred calories a day, should they be out and a sasaeng fan catches him, so there isn't something else for them to pick at.)
minseok forces himself to finish the entire dish, makes an extra big one for luhan and puts it in the fridge carefully with a note written on it, deciding to head to the bathroom before anyone else gets there.
the hallway's deserted - just the way he likes it. minseok opens the cabinet under the sink, gets his hidden ipod out, and sets it next to him. he knows he's on a time schedule; because he can't let anyone suspect anything out of the ordinary. everything has to fit within their morning routine.
minseok kneels down in front of the toilet, turns on his ipod to a special playlist, puts an earbud in and takes a deep breath as he listens to any movement outside the hallways. he can hear tao's footsteps going back to the members' rooms to wake the rest of them up, and knows that he's just wasting precious time. it's now or never, he tells himself as he sits up on his knees, carefully leaning over the baisin.
slowly, he raises his hand and pushes two (start small in the beginning of the week, four by friday) fingers down his throat, gagging a few times around them; pushing them down further in an attempt to get something out. finally he feels bile (and half digested food; gross) come up, and minseok quickly moves his fingers away so as not to get vomit underneath his nails.
(that's too hard to explain.)
he's more disgusted with the fact that it's taken an extra three minutes to puke something; because time is crucial in the mornings. when he finishes and there's nothing left to throw up (for now), minseok closes the lid, hides his ipod, and runs the shower for himself. he only rinses off his face and neck; spending the most time washing out his mouth and flossing his teeth.
minseok promises to push himself during dance rehersal and the live taping of m!countdown that night; just like everyone wants him to.