(no subject)
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
My name is Martha Jones. You don’t know who I am.
You've forgotten about me and you've forgotten about him. You can't remember what happened. You can't remember the sky breaking and the horror that followed. You don't remember the end of the human race because it never happened. Everything changed.
So, let me tell you a story. Let me tell you the truth about Martha Jones.
I travelled across the world. From the ruins of New York, to the Fusion Mills of China, right across the Radiation Pits of Europe. And everywhere I went, I saw people, just like you. Living as slaves. But if Martha Jones became a legend then that's wrong, cos my name's not important. There's someone else. The man who sent me out there. The man who told me to walk the Earth.
And his name, is the Doctor.
That's a story I've told so many times to so many people and yet it doesn't mean anything to you, does it?
And I'm glad it doesn't. I'm glad you don't remember it. I'm so happy that you don't know what happened. I just wish my family could forget but they can't.
All you need to know is that the Master broke the world and the Doctor put it back together again.
The Doctor. Boy racer. Time Lord. Geek. The man who tried to save the Daleks in New York. The bloke who embarrassed me at Eurovision. The only person I know who could take on a living sun. The man who'll never understand that he's really not alone.
The man I loved.
But now my family need me. Mum especially. It's funny because we've both been lying to each other. She never told me she was helping Saxon (and that was only because they'd told her I was in danger with the Doctor so I don't blame her at all) and I never really told her what I was doing. And somehow everything we've been through, it's brought us closer together. She's still so devastated and it's going to take time but we're talking like we're mates now. It's like she's really seeing me as an adult for the first time.
He's outside now. I can see him. He's standing in front of that old wooden box and he's waiting. I wonder if he knows what I'm about to do. Nah, for the bravest and most wonderful man in the Universe, he can be a bit thick. Probably thinks I'm going to ask him to stay here and move in with us. Him and Dad eating beans together while watching Countdown.
But I won't forget him and he better not forget about me! Although I'm probably going to be too busy to update this for a while, I'm going to leave it here. It'll be like a memorial to the time we had. A memorial to the Doctor. Blimey, that sounds like he's dead!
Okay, I'm just rambling now. Putting off saying goodbye.
But I have to leave him. I have to let him go. And it's going to break my heart but I'll keep on smiling. I'm smiling because I know. I remember it all. The good times. The amazing thing that the human race did. The fantastic things he did.
And the pretty good things I did as well. I spent a lot of the time while travelling with him, thinking I was second best. But you know what? I'm not. And that's the truth about soon-to-be Doctor Martha Jones.
This is me, signing out.
Martha
x
PS: And I've just had an email offering me a job if I pass my exams! You wouldn't believe who it's from.
2:21 AM
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Infinity
You know, I'm sitting here, trying to make the toughest choice I've ever had to make and all I'm thinking about is what the Master did. But that's not fair. There are so many things I haven't told you about. The time the Doctor left me stuck in the TARDIS - in a swamp! Hallowe'en in America. The giant mental birds and the sabre-toothed tigers and the badger-faced pirates. And, I really must tell you about the time we met the Terrible Zodin!
But that was back before everything went wrong. There was this time, ages ago now - before Saxon - where we went on this quest. We landed on a spaceship far into the future. But it wasn't like the Pentallian. It was like the ship had been grown rather than built. It was pretty amazing but, unfortunately, it was owned by this bloke called Baltazar. According to the Doctor he was the greatest despot who ever lived. But then, the Doctor says that about every despot. Anyway, this Baltazar wanted to get hold of something called the Infinite. It was another artefact from the Dark Time of Dark Space or whatever. And so, naturally, we had to stop him which meant going on this mad journey from planet to planet. We went to Pheros where there were these giant metal birds who ate gold. Then onto Bouken where we met some skeleton pirates who were attacking living oil rigs! Then to Myarr where these bugs were involved in a war with humans - all because of some dung. Then an ice planet called Volag-Noc where we trapped in this huge prison. And then onto the Hesperus Galaxy where we finally found the Infinite. It was wild, it really was. We saw so much in such a short space of time and I loved it.
And it wasn't just me. He was in his element. This was still quite early on though so I still wasn't sure what he was. I remember calling him a boy racer because in so many ways that's what he is but then I also saw him destroy Baltazar's ship with a spoon. I watched him stop a war in the space of a minute. He saved hundreds, thousands of lives without even blinking. He escaped from a high-security prison in less that five minutes. No wonder I felt the way I did.
Because that was when I really realised how I felt about him. The Infinite was this thing that could give you your heart's desire. So what did it give me? The Doctor. Well, a fake Doctor but yeah, it knew what I only knew deep down.
I love him and that's what makes this all so hard.
It tried to give the Doctor his heart's desire as well. At the time, the only thing I reckoned he'd really want is to be reunited with Rose. But looking back... knowing what I know now, I think that eventually his heart's desire did come true. He didn't want to be the last of the Time Lords. If just one other had survived, then he'd have some hope. Ironic, eh?
But back then, it was fun. Just seeing all those places and meeting all those people. Giant bug queens and robots and a man who was like a toad. And, yeah, saving the Earth with just a spoon. They were good times. So mad and mind-blowing and everything... and then we ended up here.
Me sitting here. Wishing it was like that again. But, after everything I've seen. After everything I've lost…
And all because of the Doctor's heart's desire.
3:38 AM
Sunday, June 24, 2007
So, yeah, I’m still here.
Still remembering what I saw. Remembering what happened. Remembering what I did. And trying to make that choice.
Okay, so I got up to the bit where the Master left us billions of years in the future. The Doctor, me and Jack followed him back to Earth. Back home. It was so bad. Looking back, I remember just how helpless I felt and how I saw things that nobody should have to see. And how we ended up just having to hide to try and survive.
Which at least gave me and Jack the chance to get the Doctor to tell us the truth about the man who ruined everything. He's like the Doctor gone wrong. Another Time Lord but broken. I still can't get my head around how he was Professor Yana. The Professor was so brave and sweet but behind it all was this monster. The Doctor wanted to save the Master. And me and Jack - we wanted to kill him. I'm guessing that makes us the bad guys but we're only human. Yet, considering what happened... I'm still wondering whether I had the right idea. Which is such a terrible thing for me to think. But then again, you don't know what happened next.
The thing is, the Master was Harry Saxon. He travelled back in time and he was Saxon all along. And that's so strange because, I know who Saxon was. I knew about him before I met the Doctor. I watched him on telly and everything. It's like that timey-wimey stuff all over again. When I watched him on Newsnight, the day before I met the Doctor, he was the Master. He knew then who I was. And when I left, he used my family. He took them and used them to get at me. To get the Doctor. And for me it's been months but for them? It's only about a week. I suppose, if I'm going to find a bright side in all this, that's quite funny really. It wasn't the best week the Jones family have ever had. Leo's birthday, Lazarus' party, end of the world. Yeah, dead funny.
So, the Master brought these creatures to Earth. They were called the Toclafane and... and I still can't believe what they really were. The things they did to people. Obviously, you saw the President being murdered but that was just the start of it. The world as we knew it ended and I was on my own. Oh I remember how I used to pray for a bit of peace from my family, from Julia, from Stoker and my mates and... well, I guess the Master gave me that. He won. He had Mum and Dad and Tish. He had Jack. He had the Doctor. And I had to leave them all behind so I could save them.
And I watched as the world burned. The sky orange with fire. The trees covered in ash. The streets red with blood. And I can still hear the screaming. It's there in my head and I don't think that'll ever go away.
What feels like so much more than just a few months ago, I started this blog with "Hey - my name is Martha Jones and this is the story of my life."... now I'm going to really tell you that story. A life none of you know about.
I'm going to tell you the truth about what happened to Martha Jones.
11:08 AM
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Everything’s gone wrong.
I pretty much saw the end of the human race today and everything's changed. So I'm sitting here with this big decision to make. The biggest decision I'll ever have to make. A decision that means I might... well, it's big. And the Doctor can say what he likes about blogging but I'm going back and reading my earlier entries and it's helping. Those first posts feel like they were written years ago by a different person but it's my life. It's everything I've done.
"Morgenstern was the one who suggested I start doing all this. He reckons that writing things down helps make it all make sense in your head."
And oh was he right. That daft nearly-Doctor was right. Because there's just so much to think about right now and it's all swirling around inside my head... the end of the human race. The end of the Universe. The Doctor being even bigger than I thought. The last thing the Face of Boe said. The Master. Harold Saxon. My mum. What's going to happen to me...
So, let's write it down. Let's put it in order.
It all started in Cardiff. Yeah, I know. Cardiff. We went there so the TARDIS could refuel and before we knew it we were just so far into the future that all the stars were gone. And we saw the end of the human race and met this man called Captain Jack Harkness. You know what, on any other day I'd probably be sitting here telling you how fit he was but, right now, that doesn't seem remotely important. But yeah, he was something else all right J
Thing is, he used to travel with the Doctor. Oh, and lovely Rose, of course. But the Doctor left him behind. They were best mates and he just left him behind. And it's made me think two things. Firstly, is that what he'd do with me? Just one day leave me behind, a million miles away from home. I mean, I never thought the Doctor'd do anything like that but then, this is a man who lost one of his hands and then apparently grew a new one. Jack keeps his old one in a jar - don't ask! Secondly though, and again reading the old blog entries really makes me think... when did I last speak to Julia? When did I last think about Keisha? After the Pentallian thing, I phoned my mum and said I'd call round for dinner. But I didn't. Travelling with the Doctor, doing all this... I'm not saying you become selfish but there is an element of leaving it all behind. You get so caught up in Weeping Angels and Daleks and war memorials and living suns... but, everything ends, doesn't it. You can have all the memorials you like but everything ends. I've just been to the end of the Universe where everything dies and I know he says Rose is okay but Jack thought he'd let her die. And I'm his best mate now... yeah, all right, I love him... but does it mean I'm safe? I get so distracted by the Doctor and everything that I don't even phone my mum and if I die...
'Chan' Let me tell you about Chanto 'to'. Actually, it's probably spelt C'h'aN'to' or something but it doesn't matter. She was an alien. The last of her kind. Part of an unrequited love thing. And instead of being all depressed, she was... wonderful. So sweet and lovely and helping the human race to survive. So, no, she doesn't remind me of anyone at all J But yeah, she was just so funny. She had to say 'Chan' at the start and 'to' at the end of every sentence. But, I got her to break that little rule and she loved it but then she died. She was killed. She was murdered. By the man she loved.
And he was a Time Lord called the Master who, well you won't believe who he else he was. But yeah, the Doctor was wrong. He wasn't the last of his people. And you'd think that would be a good thing. You know, it would be hope for the future or something. But he killed his friend. He killed the person who loved him most. And killing Chanto was just the first thing he did.
He took the TARDIS and left us in the darkness. He went away. And he changed everything. He broke everything.
Everything went wrong.
12:23 PM
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Well, have you missed me?
Of course, you've probably not noticed I've been away. Time travel's funny like that. But, yeah, we've just spent a few weeks trapped in 1969! Which, to be fair, was more cheery than 1913.
It all started when we, yet again, arrived in 2007. I'm not sure why we keep going back there but I'm seriously hoping it's not because that's when Rose was from. Anyway, we landed in the grounds of this old house called Wester Drumlins. It was pretty cool actually. The kind of place Mum used to drag us to when we were kids. And in the garden, there were these statues. Only, they weren't statues. They were aliens of some sort. The Doctor said they're called Weeping Angels. Of course, he only realised that AFTER they'd zapped us back to 1969 - leaving the TARDIS behind. So, yeah, that's where we've been. The Swinging Sixties. Rock on!
Bless him, he had a bit of a panic about being separated from the TARDIS but I calmed him down. Told him we'd be fine. And, for once, I honestly knew that we would because we had this folder telling us what we needed to do. It was all this information compiled by this woman called Sally who lived in 2007. And she compiled it based on what we'd told her - in our future but her past. Time travel... it can seriously mess with your mind!! I asked the Doctor to explain it all to me but he started babbling on about timey-wimey devices so I stuck a banana in his mouth.
So, really, it was a case of the Doctor setting up all this stuff for Sally while I... lived, I guess. We got ourselves a little flat. Tiny little place that makes mine back home look like a palace. Oh and before you ask, he stayed on the sofa! Of course, to pay for it all, I had to get a job. In a shop. Now, there's nothing wrong with working in a shop. It beats being a maid anyway but it's a bit of a step down from being a nearly-Doctor. It was a bit of a laugh really. Got on great with the other girls although it was a shock to suddenly realise that they were the same age as my mum! So, yeah, days were spent in the shop and evenings either out with the girls or staying in and watching telly with the Doctor. Oh, now that's funny. You should have seen him, sitting watching the telly eating his dinner off a tray. He looked so uncomfortable. And I know it's cruel and wrong to laugh at that but him all hunched up on this tiny sofa, his gangly legs sticking out while he ate his beans and watched Coronation Street... it was like the most alien thing I think I've seen yet. Oh, and one night, we watched the Eurovision concert! Lulu was one of the winners with Boom Bang-a-Bang which was weird. Not her winning but the whole fact that only a few weeks ago we were at the 2007 Eurovision. It really brought home how all this time travel thing is just all a bit mental. In 1913, seeing Tim as a young kid then seeing him again in 2008 as an old man. Working with girls my age who are really my mum's age. Going from the 2007 Eurovision to watching the 1969 Eurovision. Being in the year where Harold Saxon was born but coming from the year where he's standing for Prime Minister. It's a bit like... everything's linked. Time isn't this linear thing that we think it is. Like there's, I dunno, some kind of pattern. Or something. I guess I'm just seeing the bigger picture. Hark at me getting all profound!
But yeah, ignoring all the head-messing madness of time travel, it's been fun. It's just been nice to spend some time with the Doctor where we're not running around fighting off alien invaders or whatever. We've just had time to sit and watch a bit of telly, eat normal food that kind of thing. You know, like normal friends do.
But it's also good to be off again. Not sure where we're heading. He's mentioned something about topping-up but I'm guessing he doesn't mean his mobile.
So, I'll speak to you soon from whatever year we next end up in! Rock on!.
10:48 AM
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Long ago in an English winter there was this man. And he gave up his life to save all of us.
When the Doctor decided to become a human, I didn't really think about what that would actually mean. I suppose I thought it'd be like Wife Swap or something. I mean, I'm trying to imagine swapping my life with Leo. I love being Aunty Marth but the idea of giving up what I have, to be all settled down with a kid... yikes! But for the Doctor it was so much more than that.
He's lived for hundreds of years. I mean, that's big. That must change the way you look at anything. I've been thinking back to what he said to Lazarus - about how it's not how long you live but what you do with your life that matters. And I'm sure he meant it but it's not true, is it? The last couple of months I've spent with him have been the biggest thing in my life. But for him it must be the equivalent of like a conversation I once had with some stranger on the Tube. He's probably always going to be the most important person I'll ever meet but I must just be a small distraction to him.
The thing is, when he was a human, I told him something. I'm not ready to write it down here although I reckon you can probably guess what it was. The problem was that he fell in love. With someone else. She was called Joan and she was nice and everything and she loved him back. She'll never forget him but he'll forget her. The human John Smith gave up everything so that he could save the day and I think he did it more for her than for me or anyone else. He loved her in a way the Doctor can never do. He'll move on and she and everyone else we met will be forgotten. People like Jenny. Jenny was great. We were mates and then the Family came and took her because they were looking for the Doctor. And Tim. Such a little sweetheart. Going to be a real heartbreaker when he grows up. If he grows up, that is. Because that's the thing, isn't it? We've left Joan and Tim and everyone else back in 1913 and for them, the world is going to change and they're all going to be at war and some of them will die. And they'll be forgotten. In the same way that Joan was a tiny part of the Doctor's life, so they're all just a tiny part in history.
But I won't forget them and I know Joan will never forget John Smith.
And I just hope the Doctor will never forget me.
I was just about to send this off when the Doctor said he wanted to show me something. We left the TARDIS and we were back in my time. For a minute I was worried he was bringing me home again but then he told me to look where we were. We were in the same village but, like I say, so many years later. And there was some kind of service going on next to a war memorial. We watched from a distance and then the Doctor whispered in my ear that the old bloke in the wheelchair was Tim. He'd survived both wars and God knows what else! And there he was. In front of me. So much older but alive. And I realised that the memorial, like the one back on in the Eye of Orion, meant that we didn't forget the people we left behind.
And I was wrong. What I said earlier about the Doctor. That was wrong. Simply by bringing me here, he was showing me that he didn't forget.
3:51 PM
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
The Doctor is gone.
He's lying outside the TARDIS and he's breathing but he's not the Doctor any more. And I'm scared because of what he's done to himself so I'm writing this in case something happens.
It all started after we left the Torajii system. Well I say it all started, it never actually stopped. We just went to so many places and got caught up in so many things. We met shape-changing aliens and people who weren't real and creatures everyone thought were extinct. We went back in time and forward in time and just... it never stopped! So, then we found ourselves back in the TARDIS and the Doctor asked me where I wanted to go next. And I said that I'd like to go somewhere where we could just sit and chat, you know. Like normal people do! So I figured he'd take me to Starbucks or something. But, yeah, this is the Doctor we're talking about...
He took me to this place called the Eye of Orion. It was beautiful. So calm and still and alien but not in a bad way. . He told me that, back in the old days, the Eye of Orion used to be sort of like a holiday resort. But now it's this shrine to the Time War. It was all ruins and grass and mist and just so quiet. We went to a meadow and standing in it was this stone that was about the same height as me. He said it was a war memorial. I asked him why there weren't any names on it and he said it was because too many people had died. I took his hand and we sat down. And we sat there, huddled under a blanket, drinking tea from an old thermos.
And he told me about the Time War. It reminded me of when I was a kid and Granddad told me about what he did during World War Two. It was this huge, big, incomprehensible historical thing that we learnt about at school but for the people who were there, it was their life. It wasn't something they learnt about or knew what had caused it or anything. One minute they were living their lives as normal, the next they were having to kill people and be killed and fight and... I remember my Granddad crying.
The Doctor didn't cry. He just looked so lost and sad. He told me about what happened at Arcadia and he told me about the friends he'd lost. The Time War was just inconceivably big and as he told me about it, I thought how strange it was that us lot on Earth hadn't known about it. And then I realised that it wasn't the first time a war had been going on in my lifetime which I'd not really noticed. And I felt pretty selfish. I've been so worried about my career and about keeping mum away from Annalise and whether I can afford a new jacket and so many other little stupid things when really I should be thanking people like Granddad and the Doctor for just giving me the chance to live.
After a while, he went silent and we just held hands and sat there. And it was perfect. Then he jumped up, looked down at me and said that it was time to have some fun! 'Less angst, more fun!' were his words.
And he took me to Helsinki. To last year's Eurovision contest! I was slightly concerned that he genuinely seemed to enjoy the music and he was embarrassingly excited about the Slovenian entry who had lights on her hand, but it was a brilliant night. We had such a laugh, and I tell you something, he's not a bad mover! We both agreed there was something pretty cool about how only a few years before all these countries had been at war and now they're sending camp men dressed in foil to sing bad songs at some concert.
Anyway, we didn't stay for the results because we both already knew who won - sorry Scooch, that's time travel, you know what's coming. So we left the arena and we were just returning to the TARDIS when we saw this green light glowing from around the corner - and we could hear the sound of someone sniffing! I just assumed it was part of the celebrations but the Doctor went to check anyway. And within seconds, he was bombing back round the corner with his hands over his face. Followed, naturally, by laser fire. He pushed me into the TARDIS and ran in after me, shutting the doors. I asked him what was going on and he told me about this hunting family or something. He'd recognised them cos of the green stuff and the sniffing - but, luckily, they hadn't seen his face, or mine, which meant we had a chance. Problem is they'd be able to trace him because he's the only Time Lord that's left. So, he told me that the only way he could escape from them was to stop being a Time Lord and become human. And that's what he's done. Just like that.
And it all feels like it's happened so quickly. I'm about to leave the TARDIS now. We're in 1913 where he reckons we should be safe. I've got to drag him out to a field and when he wakes up, I've got to say he was in an accident and that we're on our way to his new job. As for me, I've got to be Martha the ever-so-humble maid. A while back, if he'd suggested that I'd have told him where to get off but after everything he's been through? After everything he's done for the rest of us? No, I'll be fine. Yeah, I'll be fine.
Wish me luck.
11:03 AM
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Today I was a long way from home...
We landed on a spaceship in this place called the Torajii system. The sun was alive and possessing people. Like I said, long way from home.
I remember the time I first came home from Uni. The hardest thing about it wasn't seeing that mum and dad were close to splitting up but it was suddenly realising that we were all changing. Suddenly I had this thing of not quite knowing what to say to them because we no longer had this shared experience of life that we'd had up until then. We talked about what I'd been up to and what they'd been doing but it was all a bit awkward and we had to kind of scrabble around, trying to find something we'd all watched on the telly. It passed, of course after the first night everything was pretty much back to normal but it was so strange suddenly feeling a bit separate from them. Something like that happened today. Basically, I thought I was going to die. Actually I knew I was going to die. So I phoned mum. And I didn't know what to say. Obviously, I couldn't tell her what I was doing (she has enough of a problem with the Doctor without me making it worse) but because we didn't have anything immediately in common, because we didn't have the time to settle into relaxing and chatting normally, it just felt so odd. Like we were living such different lives. She sounded distracted (presumably because of work) and I knew I was going to die (I didn't, of course. The Doctor saved me). You'd think, knowing you were going to die, that it'd be like something on Holby City. I'd have some huge speech about loving my family and how they shouldn't feel sad and that but... I didn't. So, yeah, that was scary.
Something even worse happened though. And, again, it reminded me of something that happened when I was growing up. Do you remember that time you first realised your parents weren't perfect? As a kid, you think they know everything and they're flawless and all that. Then, when you start to grow up, you start to rebel but deep down you still think they're right but then, one day, you suddenly realise that they're human and fallible like everyone else and it's kind of scary. Well I had something like that today, only so much worse. The Doctor was possessed by a sun and... he was scared. He told me that he was scared. Which, again, you'd think would be a good 'finally he's not being such a bloke' thing but it wasn't. It was probably the most terrifying moment I've experienced since we started travelling together. Just him saying those words, made the Universe so much bigger and... yeah, basically it was terrifying but, hey, some good came out of it! I think it's brought us even closer together as I did, kind of anyway, save his life. And he thanked me which is also a first! I'm slowly chipping away that at that barrier! J
But, yeah, seeing him just being so... vulnerable. I just wanted to hold him and tell him that everything is okay but... sorry trying to think of the words and I don't have much time... but yeah, it was like when you first have to comfort your mum about something. I had to do it when my cousin died. I was upset, of course, but mum was devastated and it was me that was hugging her and comforting her and in one way that's great but in another it's terrifying because it feels wrong. You realise that we're all the same. We all get scared. We all get upset. We all need comforting. And, sometimes, you have to be the grown-up. Sometimes, you have to be the Doctor.
Anyway, enough about families and stuff! I've got to stop getting what Tish calls so emo! It isn't normally in my nature to be like this but I guess everyone's human.
More soon!
10:06 AM
Monday, May 07, 2007
Home again
Okay, I was wrong. Sort of, anyway...
He brought me home. After everything we've been through, he brought me home. Which is fair enough, I guess. It's up to him who he travels with but, yeah, to say I was disappointed would be an understatement.
But then, as always with him, things got in the way... I'm guessing you saw the Lazarus Laboratory thing on the news. And I'm guessing that by now, you've worked out that the Doctor was involved. Thing is, this time so were my family.
I remember when I first went away to Uni. Came back for Christmas (that time of peace and goodwill - haha!) and it was so odd how they'd changed. We'd all grown up together and been through everything together but, after just a couple of months, it was obvious that things had changed. The cracks had started to show in mum and dad's marriage (and even though he eventually had the affair, mum realised their whole relationship was going wrong way before Annalise actually arrived on the scene. She's pretty sharp, my old ma!) Tish and Leo had both changed as well. Tish had moved into some tiny little bedsit and Leo had started seeing Shonara. And it had all happened while I was away. Which I guess is normal for families.
This time it was different. For them, it was the day after Leo's birthday thing but for me? Well, you know what I've been through. You know what I've seen and done since then. So, yeah, it was like I'd changed but they hadn't. I have changed, I realise that. I'm seeing things differently. And for them, I'd not even been away so none of them would understand just how big it all is. And I can't tell them because they'd think I was mad. Blimey, time travel messes with your mind.
Actually, I say they haven't changed but Leo told me that he was going to vote in the election. Leo?! Voting?!?! The world has officially gone mad.
One thing that so hadn't changed was that even though it was Tish's night, mum was still focussed on me. Tish is a year older than me but I've always been the responsible one (or the boring one as someone with a death wish might say). She never went to Uni or anything so I've always been treated as the oldest. Mum's always said that Tish should be more like me which isn't the best thing a mum can do but she doesn't mean anything bad by it. I think Tish used to resent me for it but, right now, we get on great. It's like we have this competition - I'm always trying to get her to grow up and she's always trying to get me to chill. And I've just realised, it's like we're swapping lives! I'm the one on the big holiday and she's the one in the business suit. Oh and that's mental as well. She's somehow got herself this big important job but she's such a mess. Honestly, you should see the state of her flat!! Mine, of course, is spotless J
And seeing them all, it was difficult in a way because it reminded me of what I'm leaving behind when I go off with the Doctor. I know they'll be there for me when I get back but I just hope neither me or them change too much. When I go off with the Doctor? Oh yeah, despite what I said at the beginning, I'm off again! But this time, it's totally on my terms.
You see, at the end of it all, the Doctor said I could go on one more trip but I said no. I don't care that he's the most amazing bloke I've ever met, I'm not going to be some kind of hitcher. I'm not going to be his assistant. So, I told him this. And he said I was never really that anyway J
So we're off together - as equals? Well, 60/40. Oh all right, 35/75. But it's definitely a more…permanent arrangement this time. And where now? Somewhere new. Somewhere brilliant, probably. Somewhere mad, definitely. And, hopefully, somewhere nice and sunny!
2:52 AM
Sunday, April 29, 2007
New York (again!)
More news from the holiday of a lifetime...
New York - Like I said, mad city, mad experience. It's this place that seems to attract all sorts really. Showgirls and Time Lords and Nearly Doctors and the homeless - and also these aliens called the Daleks.
The Doctor told me about them before. They're the reason he's alone, you see. There was this huge war between his people and them and everyone lost. The Daleks took everything away from him and he's so sad about it. Thing is, I guess like him really, somehow they survived. Well, some of them. And they're not surviving like he is. They're not surviving out of some kind of hope or whatever. They've survived by being monsters. It's more like they're scared of dying rather than that they want to live. If that makes any sort of sense at all!
Do you know what was so brilliant, though? They're the Doctor's greatest fear. They're the creatures that have taken everything away from him. They're basically evil. But, because just one of them started to question things, because one of them started to show signs of wanting to change... he gave them a second chance. I mean, I've seen him, yeah. I know that despite what he looks like, he could have just killed them all so easily. But he didn't. He tries so hard to hide it but he's got so much compassion. Basically I think he tries to put on a bit of a tough guy act, but that's not who he is really.
Oh, and things have changed between us since I got him to open up about his past. It's almost like he's got this thing about testing me - presumably so that I can prove that I'm as brilliantly amazing as this Rose person he's always going on about. Actually, that's not really fair. He isn't testing me so much as expecting me to work things out for myself. Which is great as I guess it means he's not just seeing me as some kind of passenger. Thing is, I think I have proved myself. I questioned the Daleks. I saved Tallulah and Frank from some genetically-modified Dalek slave creatures. I worked out that it was all happening in the Empire State Building and... I think, most importantly, I'm enjoying it. And he must be able to see that. So, yeah, things are good between us and it looks like this little holiday of a lifetime could be going on just a little bit longer. Which is great because, you know what? Despite the Daleks and the giant evil crabs and the witches and all that, I'm loving it...
My name is Martha Jones. You don’t know who I am.
You've forgotten about me and you've forgotten about him. You can't remember what happened. You can't remember the sky breaking and the horror that followed. You don't remember the end of the human race because it never happened. Everything changed.
So, let me tell you a story. Let me tell you the truth about Martha Jones.
I travelled across the world. From the ruins of New York, to the Fusion Mills of China, right across the Radiation Pits of Europe. And everywhere I went, I saw people, just like you. Living as slaves. But if Martha Jones became a legend then that's wrong, cos my name's not important. There's someone else. The man who sent me out there. The man who told me to walk the Earth.
And his name, is the Doctor.
That's a story I've told so many times to so many people and yet it doesn't mean anything to you, does it?
And I'm glad it doesn't. I'm glad you don't remember it. I'm so happy that you don't know what happened. I just wish my family could forget but they can't.
All you need to know is that the Master broke the world and the Doctor put it back together again.
The Doctor. Boy racer. Time Lord. Geek. The man who tried to save the Daleks in New York. The bloke who embarrassed me at Eurovision. The only person I know who could take on a living sun. The man who'll never understand that he's really not alone.
The man I loved.
But now my family need me. Mum especially. It's funny because we've both been lying to each other. She never told me she was helping Saxon (and that was only because they'd told her I was in danger with the Doctor so I don't blame her at all) and I never really told her what I was doing. And somehow everything we've been through, it's brought us closer together. She's still so devastated and it's going to take time but we're talking like we're mates now. It's like she's really seeing me as an adult for the first time.
He's outside now. I can see him. He's standing in front of that old wooden box and he's waiting. I wonder if he knows what I'm about to do. Nah, for the bravest and most wonderful man in the Universe, he can be a bit thick. Probably thinks I'm going to ask him to stay here and move in with us. Him and Dad eating beans together while watching Countdown.
But I won't forget him and he better not forget about me! Although I'm probably going to be too busy to update this for a while, I'm going to leave it here. It'll be like a memorial to the time we had. A memorial to the Doctor. Blimey, that sounds like he's dead!
Okay, I'm just rambling now. Putting off saying goodbye.
But I have to leave him. I have to let him go. And it's going to break my heart but I'll keep on smiling. I'm smiling because I know. I remember it all. The good times. The amazing thing that the human race did. The fantastic things he did.
And the pretty good things I did as well. I spent a lot of the time while travelling with him, thinking I was second best. But you know what? I'm not. And that's the truth about soon-to-be Doctor Martha Jones.
This is me, signing out.
Martha
x
PS: And I've just had an email offering me a job if I pass my exams! You wouldn't believe who it's from.
2:21 AM
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Infinity
You know, I'm sitting here, trying to make the toughest choice I've ever had to make and all I'm thinking about is what the Master did. But that's not fair. There are so many things I haven't told you about. The time the Doctor left me stuck in the TARDIS - in a swamp! Hallowe'en in America. The giant mental birds and the sabre-toothed tigers and the badger-faced pirates. And, I really must tell you about the time we met the Terrible Zodin!
But that was back before everything went wrong. There was this time, ages ago now - before Saxon - where we went on this quest. We landed on a spaceship far into the future. But it wasn't like the Pentallian. It was like the ship had been grown rather than built. It was pretty amazing but, unfortunately, it was owned by this bloke called Baltazar. According to the Doctor he was the greatest despot who ever lived. But then, the Doctor says that about every despot. Anyway, this Baltazar wanted to get hold of something called the Infinite. It was another artefact from the Dark Time of Dark Space or whatever. And so, naturally, we had to stop him which meant going on this mad journey from planet to planet. We went to Pheros where there were these giant metal birds who ate gold. Then onto Bouken where we met some skeleton pirates who were attacking living oil rigs! Then to Myarr where these bugs were involved in a war with humans - all because of some dung. Then an ice planet called Volag-Noc where we trapped in this huge prison. And then onto the Hesperus Galaxy where we finally found the Infinite. It was wild, it really was. We saw so much in such a short space of time and I loved it.
And it wasn't just me. He was in his element. This was still quite early on though so I still wasn't sure what he was. I remember calling him a boy racer because in so many ways that's what he is but then I also saw him destroy Baltazar's ship with a spoon. I watched him stop a war in the space of a minute. He saved hundreds, thousands of lives without even blinking. He escaped from a high-security prison in less that five minutes. No wonder I felt the way I did.
Because that was when I really realised how I felt about him. The Infinite was this thing that could give you your heart's desire. So what did it give me? The Doctor. Well, a fake Doctor but yeah, it knew what I only knew deep down.
I love him and that's what makes this all so hard.
It tried to give the Doctor his heart's desire as well. At the time, the only thing I reckoned he'd really want is to be reunited with Rose. But looking back... knowing what I know now, I think that eventually his heart's desire did come true. He didn't want to be the last of the Time Lords. If just one other had survived, then he'd have some hope. Ironic, eh?
But back then, it was fun. Just seeing all those places and meeting all those people. Giant bug queens and robots and a man who was like a toad. And, yeah, saving the Earth with just a spoon. They were good times. So mad and mind-blowing and everything... and then we ended up here.
Me sitting here. Wishing it was like that again. But, after everything I've seen. After everything I've lost…
And all because of the Doctor's heart's desire.
3:38 AM
Sunday, June 24, 2007
So, yeah, I’m still here.
Still remembering what I saw. Remembering what happened. Remembering what I did. And trying to make that choice.
Okay, so I got up to the bit where the Master left us billions of years in the future. The Doctor, me and Jack followed him back to Earth. Back home. It was so bad. Looking back, I remember just how helpless I felt and how I saw things that nobody should have to see. And how we ended up just having to hide to try and survive.
Which at least gave me and Jack the chance to get the Doctor to tell us the truth about the man who ruined everything. He's like the Doctor gone wrong. Another Time Lord but broken. I still can't get my head around how he was Professor Yana. The Professor was so brave and sweet but behind it all was this monster. The Doctor wanted to save the Master. And me and Jack - we wanted to kill him. I'm guessing that makes us the bad guys but we're only human. Yet, considering what happened... I'm still wondering whether I had the right idea. Which is such a terrible thing for me to think. But then again, you don't know what happened next.
The thing is, the Master was Harry Saxon. He travelled back in time and he was Saxon all along. And that's so strange because, I know who Saxon was. I knew about him before I met the Doctor. I watched him on telly and everything. It's like that timey-wimey stuff all over again. When I watched him on Newsnight, the day before I met the Doctor, he was the Master. He knew then who I was. And when I left, he used my family. He took them and used them to get at me. To get the Doctor. And for me it's been months but for them? It's only about a week. I suppose, if I'm going to find a bright side in all this, that's quite funny really. It wasn't the best week the Jones family have ever had. Leo's birthday, Lazarus' party, end of the world. Yeah, dead funny.
So, the Master brought these creatures to Earth. They were called the Toclafane and... and I still can't believe what they really were. The things they did to people. Obviously, you saw the President being murdered but that was just the start of it. The world as we knew it ended and I was on my own. Oh I remember how I used to pray for a bit of peace from my family, from Julia, from Stoker and my mates and... well, I guess the Master gave me that. He won. He had Mum and Dad and Tish. He had Jack. He had the Doctor. And I had to leave them all behind so I could save them.
And I watched as the world burned. The sky orange with fire. The trees covered in ash. The streets red with blood. And I can still hear the screaming. It's there in my head and I don't think that'll ever go away.
What feels like so much more than just a few months ago, I started this blog with "Hey - my name is Martha Jones and this is the story of my life."... now I'm going to really tell you that story. A life none of you know about.
I'm going to tell you the truth about what happened to Martha Jones.
11:08 AM
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Everything’s gone wrong.
I pretty much saw the end of the human race today and everything's changed. So I'm sitting here with this big decision to make. The biggest decision I'll ever have to make. A decision that means I might... well, it's big. And the Doctor can say what he likes about blogging but I'm going back and reading my earlier entries and it's helping. Those first posts feel like they were written years ago by a different person but it's my life. It's everything I've done.
"Morgenstern was the one who suggested I start doing all this. He reckons that writing things down helps make it all make sense in your head."
And oh was he right. That daft nearly-Doctor was right. Because there's just so much to think about right now and it's all swirling around inside my head... the end of the human race. The end of the Universe. The Doctor being even bigger than I thought. The last thing the Face of Boe said. The Master. Harold Saxon. My mum. What's going to happen to me...
So, let's write it down. Let's put it in order.
It all started in Cardiff. Yeah, I know. Cardiff. We went there so the TARDIS could refuel and before we knew it we were just so far into the future that all the stars were gone. And we saw the end of the human race and met this man called Captain Jack Harkness. You know what, on any other day I'd probably be sitting here telling you how fit he was but, right now, that doesn't seem remotely important. But yeah, he was something else all right J
Thing is, he used to travel with the Doctor. Oh, and lovely Rose, of course. But the Doctor left him behind. They were best mates and he just left him behind. And it's made me think two things. Firstly, is that what he'd do with me? Just one day leave me behind, a million miles away from home. I mean, I never thought the Doctor'd do anything like that but then, this is a man who lost one of his hands and then apparently grew a new one. Jack keeps his old one in a jar - don't ask! Secondly though, and again reading the old blog entries really makes me think... when did I last speak to Julia? When did I last think about Keisha? After the Pentallian thing, I phoned my mum and said I'd call round for dinner. But I didn't. Travelling with the Doctor, doing all this... I'm not saying you become selfish but there is an element of leaving it all behind. You get so caught up in Weeping Angels and Daleks and war memorials and living suns... but, everything ends, doesn't it. You can have all the memorials you like but everything ends. I've just been to the end of the Universe where everything dies and I know he says Rose is okay but Jack thought he'd let her die. And I'm his best mate now... yeah, all right, I love him... but does it mean I'm safe? I get so distracted by the Doctor and everything that I don't even phone my mum and if I die...
'Chan' Let me tell you about Chanto 'to'. Actually, it's probably spelt C'h'aN'to' or something but it doesn't matter. She was an alien. The last of her kind. Part of an unrequited love thing. And instead of being all depressed, she was... wonderful. So sweet and lovely and helping the human race to survive. So, no, she doesn't remind me of anyone at all J But yeah, she was just so funny. She had to say 'Chan' at the start and 'to' at the end of every sentence. But, I got her to break that little rule and she loved it but then she died. She was killed. She was murdered. By the man she loved.
And he was a Time Lord called the Master who, well you won't believe who he else he was. But yeah, the Doctor was wrong. He wasn't the last of his people. And you'd think that would be a good thing. You know, it would be hope for the future or something. But he killed his friend. He killed the person who loved him most. And killing Chanto was just the first thing he did.
He took the TARDIS and left us in the darkness. He went away. And he changed everything. He broke everything.
Everything went wrong.
12:23 PM
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Well, have you missed me?
Of course, you've probably not noticed I've been away. Time travel's funny like that. But, yeah, we've just spent a few weeks trapped in 1969! Which, to be fair, was more cheery than 1913.
It all started when we, yet again, arrived in 2007. I'm not sure why we keep going back there but I'm seriously hoping it's not because that's when Rose was from. Anyway, we landed in the grounds of this old house called Wester Drumlins. It was pretty cool actually. The kind of place Mum used to drag us to when we were kids. And in the garden, there were these statues. Only, they weren't statues. They were aliens of some sort. The Doctor said they're called Weeping Angels. Of course, he only realised that AFTER they'd zapped us back to 1969 - leaving the TARDIS behind. So, yeah, that's where we've been. The Swinging Sixties. Rock on!
Bless him, he had a bit of a panic about being separated from the TARDIS but I calmed him down. Told him we'd be fine. And, for once, I honestly knew that we would because we had this folder telling us what we needed to do. It was all this information compiled by this woman called Sally who lived in 2007. And she compiled it based on what we'd told her - in our future but her past. Time travel... it can seriously mess with your mind!! I asked the Doctor to explain it all to me but he started babbling on about timey-wimey devices so I stuck a banana in his mouth.
So, really, it was a case of the Doctor setting up all this stuff for Sally while I... lived, I guess. We got ourselves a little flat. Tiny little place that makes mine back home look like a palace. Oh and before you ask, he stayed on the sofa! Of course, to pay for it all, I had to get a job. In a shop. Now, there's nothing wrong with working in a shop. It beats being a maid anyway but it's a bit of a step down from being a nearly-Doctor. It was a bit of a laugh really. Got on great with the other girls although it was a shock to suddenly realise that they were the same age as my mum! So, yeah, days were spent in the shop and evenings either out with the girls or staying in and watching telly with the Doctor. Oh, now that's funny. You should have seen him, sitting watching the telly eating his dinner off a tray. He looked so uncomfortable. And I know it's cruel and wrong to laugh at that but him all hunched up on this tiny sofa, his gangly legs sticking out while he ate his beans and watched Coronation Street... it was like the most alien thing I think I've seen yet. Oh, and one night, we watched the Eurovision concert! Lulu was one of the winners with Boom Bang-a-Bang which was weird. Not her winning but the whole fact that only a few weeks ago we were at the 2007 Eurovision. It really brought home how all this time travel thing is just all a bit mental. In 1913, seeing Tim as a young kid then seeing him again in 2008 as an old man. Working with girls my age who are really my mum's age. Going from the 2007 Eurovision to watching the 1969 Eurovision. Being in the year where Harold Saxon was born but coming from the year where he's standing for Prime Minister. It's a bit like... everything's linked. Time isn't this linear thing that we think it is. Like there's, I dunno, some kind of pattern. Or something. I guess I'm just seeing the bigger picture. Hark at me getting all profound!
But yeah, ignoring all the head-messing madness of time travel, it's been fun. It's just been nice to spend some time with the Doctor where we're not running around fighting off alien invaders or whatever. We've just had time to sit and watch a bit of telly, eat normal food that kind of thing. You know, like normal friends do.
But it's also good to be off again. Not sure where we're heading. He's mentioned something about topping-up but I'm guessing he doesn't mean his mobile.
So, I'll speak to you soon from whatever year we next end up in! Rock on!.
10:48 AM
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Long ago in an English winter there was this man. And he gave up his life to save all of us.
When the Doctor decided to become a human, I didn't really think about what that would actually mean. I suppose I thought it'd be like Wife Swap or something. I mean, I'm trying to imagine swapping my life with Leo. I love being Aunty Marth but the idea of giving up what I have, to be all settled down with a kid... yikes! But for the Doctor it was so much more than that.
He's lived for hundreds of years. I mean, that's big. That must change the way you look at anything. I've been thinking back to what he said to Lazarus - about how it's not how long you live but what you do with your life that matters. And I'm sure he meant it but it's not true, is it? The last couple of months I've spent with him have been the biggest thing in my life. But for him it must be the equivalent of like a conversation I once had with some stranger on the Tube. He's probably always going to be the most important person I'll ever meet but I must just be a small distraction to him.
The thing is, when he was a human, I told him something. I'm not ready to write it down here although I reckon you can probably guess what it was. The problem was that he fell in love. With someone else. She was called Joan and she was nice and everything and she loved him back. She'll never forget him but he'll forget her. The human John Smith gave up everything so that he could save the day and I think he did it more for her than for me or anyone else. He loved her in a way the Doctor can never do. He'll move on and she and everyone else we met will be forgotten. People like Jenny. Jenny was great. We were mates and then the Family came and took her because they were looking for the Doctor. And Tim. Such a little sweetheart. Going to be a real heartbreaker when he grows up. If he grows up, that is. Because that's the thing, isn't it? We've left Joan and Tim and everyone else back in 1913 and for them, the world is going to change and they're all going to be at war and some of them will die. And they'll be forgotten. In the same way that Joan was a tiny part of the Doctor's life, so they're all just a tiny part in history.
But I won't forget them and I know Joan will never forget John Smith.
And I just hope the Doctor will never forget me.
I was just about to send this off when the Doctor said he wanted to show me something. We left the TARDIS and we were back in my time. For a minute I was worried he was bringing me home again but then he told me to look where we were. We were in the same village but, like I say, so many years later. And there was some kind of service going on next to a war memorial. We watched from a distance and then the Doctor whispered in my ear that the old bloke in the wheelchair was Tim. He'd survived both wars and God knows what else! And there he was. In front of me. So much older but alive. And I realised that the memorial, like the one back on in the Eye of Orion, meant that we didn't forget the people we left behind.
And I was wrong. What I said earlier about the Doctor. That was wrong. Simply by bringing me here, he was showing me that he didn't forget.
3:51 PM
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
The Doctor is gone.
He's lying outside the TARDIS and he's breathing but he's not the Doctor any more. And I'm scared because of what he's done to himself so I'm writing this in case something happens.
It all started after we left the Torajii system. Well I say it all started, it never actually stopped. We just went to so many places and got caught up in so many things. We met shape-changing aliens and people who weren't real and creatures everyone thought were extinct. We went back in time and forward in time and just... it never stopped! So, then we found ourselves back in the TARDIS and the Doctor asked me where I wanted to go next. And I said that I'd like to go somewhere where we could just sit and chat, you know. Like normal people do! So I figured he'd take me to Starbucks or something. But, yeah, this is the Doctor we're talking about...
He took me to this place called the Eye of Orion. It was beautiful. So calm and still and alien but not in a bad way. . He told me that, back in the old days, the Eye of Orion used to be sort of like a holiday resort. But now it's this shrine to the Time War. It was all ruins and grass and mist and just so quiet. We went to a meadow and standing in it was this stone that was about the same height as me. He said it was a war memorial. I asked him why there weren't any names on it and he said it was because too many people had died. I took his hand and we sat down. And we sat there, huddled under a blanket, drinking tea from an old thermos.
And he told me about the Time War. It reminded me of when I was a kid and Granddad told me about what he did during World War Two. It was this huge, big, incomprehensible historical thing that we learnt about at school but for the people who were there, it was their life. It wasn't something they learnt about or knew what had caused it or anything. One minute they were living their lives as normal, the next they were having to kill people and be killed and fight and... I remember my Granddad crying.
The Doctor didn't cry. He just looked so lost and sad. He told me about what happened at Arcadia and he told me about the friends he'd lost. The Time War was just inconceivably big and as he told me about it, I thought how strange it was that us lot on Earth hadn't known about it. And then I realised that it wasn't the first time a war had been going on in my lifetime which I'd not really noticed. And I felt pretty selfish. I've been so worried about my career and about keeping mum away from Annalise and whether I can afford a new jacket and so many other little stupid things when really I should be thanking people like Granddad and the Doctor for just giving me the chance to live.
After a while, he went silent and we just held hands and sat there. And it was perfect. Then he jumped up, looked down at me and said that it was time to have some fun! 'Less angst, more fun!' were his words.
And he took me to Helsinki. To last year's Eurovision contest! I was slightly concerned that he genuinely seemed to enjoy the music and he was embarrassingly excited about the Slovenian entry who had lights on her hand, but it was a brilliant night. We had such a laugh, and I tell you something, he's not a bad mover! We both agreed there was something pretty cool about how only a few years before all these countries had been at war and now they're sending camp men dressed in foil to sing bad songs at some concert.
Anyway, we didn't stay for the results because we both already knew who won - sorry Scooch, that's time travel, you know what's coming. So we left the arena and we were just returning to the TARDIS when we saw this green light glowing from around the corner - and we could hear the sound of someone sniffing! I just assumed it was part of the celebrations but the Doctor went to check anyway. And within seconds, he was bombing back round the corner with his hands over his face. Followed, naturally, by laser fire. He pushed me into the TARDIS and ran in after me, shutting the doors. I asked him what was going on and he told me about this hunting family or something. He'd recognised them cos of the green stuff and the sniffing - but, luckily, they hadn't seen his face, or mine, which meant we had a chance. Problem is they'd be able to trace him because he's the only Time Lord that's left. So, he told me that the only way he could escape from them was to stop being a Time Lord and become human. And that's what he's done. Just like that.
And it all feels like it's happened so quickly. I'm about to leave the TARDIS now. We're in 1913 where he reckons we should be safe. I've got to drag him out to a field and when he wakes up, I've got to say he was in an accident and that we're on our way to his new job. As for me, I've got to be Martha the ever-so-humble maid. A while back, if he'd suggested that I'd have told him where to get off but after everything he's been through? After everything he's done for the rest of us? No, I'll be fine. Yeah, I'll be fine.
Wish me luck.
11:03 AM
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Today I was a long way from home...
We landed on a spaceship in this place called the Torajii system. The sun was alive and possessing people. Like I said, long way from home.
I remember the time I first came home from Uni. The hardest thing about it wasn't seeing that mum and dad were close to splitting up but it was suddenly realising that we were all changing. Suddenly I had this thing of not quite knowing what to say to them because we no longer had this shared experience of life that we'd had up until then. We talked about what I'd been up to and what they'd been doing but it was all a bit awkward and we had to kind of scrabble around, trying to find something we'd all watched on the telly. It passed, of course after the first night everything was pretty much back to normal but it was so strange suddenly feeling a bit separate from them. Something like that happened today. Basically, I thought I was going to die. Actually I knew I was going to die. So I phoned mum. And I didn't know what to say. Obviously, I couldn't tell her what I was doing (she has enough of a problem with the Doctor without me making it worse) but because we didn't have anything immediately in common, because we didn't have the time to settle into relaxing and chatting normally, it just felt so odd. Like we were living such different lives. She sounded distracted (presumably because of work) and I knew I was going to die (I didn't, of course. The Doctor saved me). You'd think, knowing you were going to die, that it'd be like something on Holby City. I'd have some huge speech about loving my family and how they shouldn't feel sad and that but... I didn't. So, yeah, that was scary.
Something even worse happened though. And, again, it reminded me of something that happened when I was growing up. Do you remember that time you first realised your parents weren't perfect? As a kid, you think they know everything and they're flawless and all that. Then, when you start to grow up, you start to rebel but deep down you still think they're right but then, one day, you suddenly realise that they're human and fallible like everyone else and it's kind of scary. Well I had something like that today, only so much worse. The Doctor was possessed by a sun and... he was scared. He told me that he was scared. Which, again, you'd think would be a good 'finally he's not being such a bloke' thing but it wasn't. It was probably the most terrifying moment I've experienced since we started travelling together. Just him saying those words, made the Universe so much bigger and... yeah, basically it was terrifying but, hey, some good came out of it! I think it's brought us even closer together as I did, kind of anyway, save his life. And he thanked me which is also a first! I'm slowly chipping away that at that barrier! J
But, yeah, seeing him just being so... vulnerable. I just wanted to hold him and tell him that everything is okay but... sorry trying to think of the words and I don't have much time... but yeah, it was like when you first have to comfort your mum about something. I had to do it when my cousin died. I was upset, of course, but mum was devastated and it was me that was hugging her and comforting her and in one way that's great but in another it's terrifying because it feels wrong. You realise that we're all the same. We all get scared. We all get upset. We all need comforting. And, sometimes, you have to be the grown-up. Sometimes, you have to be the Doctor.
Anyway, enough about families and stuff! I've got to stop getting what Tish calls so emo! It isn't normally in my nature to be like this but I guess everyone's human.
More soon!
10:06 AM
Monday, May 07, 2007
Home again
Okay, I was wrong. Sort of, anyway...
He brought me home. After everything we've been through, he brought me home. Which is fair enough, I guess. It's up to him who he travels with but, yeah, to say I was disappointed would be an understatement.
But then, as always with him, things got in the way... I'm guessing you saw the Lazarus Laboratory thing on the news. And I'm guessing that by now, you've worked out that the Doctor was involved. Thing is, this time so were my family.
I remember when I first went away to Uni. Came back for Christmas (that time of peace and goodwill - haha!) and it was so odd how they'd changed. We'd all grown up together and been through everything together but, after just a couple of months, it was obvious that things had changed. The cracks had started to show in mum and dad's marriage (and even though he eventually had the affair, mum realised their whole relationship was going wrong way before Annalise actually arrived on the scene. She's pretty sharp, my old ma!) Tish and Leo had both changed as well. Tish had moved into some tiny little bedsit and Leo had started seeing Shonara. And it had all happened while I was away. Which I guess is normal for families.
This time it was different. For them, it was the day after Leo's birthday thing but for me? Well, you know what I've been through. You know what I've seen and done since then. So, yeah, it was like I'd changed but they hadn't. I have changed, I realise that. I'm seeing things differently. And for them, I'd not even been away so none of them would understand just how big it all is. And I can't tell them because they'd think I was mad. Blimey, time travel messes with your mind.
Actually, I say they haven't changed but Leo told me that he was going to vote in the election. Leo?! Voting?!?! The world has officially gone mad.
One thing that so hadn't changed was that even though it was Tish's night, mum was still focussed on me. Tish is a year older than me but I've always been the responsible one (or the boring one as someone with a death wish might say). She never went to Uni or anything so I've always been treated as the oldest. Mum's always said that Tish should be more like me which isn't the best thing a mum can do but she doesn't mean anything bad by it. I think Tish used to resent me for it but, right now, we get on great. It's like we have this competition - I'm always trying to get her to grow up and she's always trying to get me to chill. And I've just realised, it's like we're swapping lives! I'm the one on the big holiday and she's the one in the business suit. Oh and that's mental as well. She's somehow got herself this big important job but she's such a mess. Honestly, you should see the state of her flat!! Mine, of course, is spotless J
And seeing them all, it was difficult in a way because it reminded me of what I'm leaving behind when I go off with the Doctor. I know they'll be there for me when I get back but I just hope neither me or them change too much. When I go off with the Doctor? Oh yeah, despite what I said at the beginning, I'm off again! But this time, it's totally on my terms.
You see, at the end of it all, the Doctor said I could go on one more trip but I said no. I don't care that he's the most amazing bloke I've ever met, I'm not going to be some kind of hitcher. I'm not going to be his assistant. So, I told him this. And he said I was never really that anyway J
So we're off together - as equals? Well, 60/40. Oh all right, 35/75. But it's definitely a more…permanent arrangement this time. And where now? Somewhere new. Somewhere brilliant, probably. Somewhere mad, definitely. And, hopefully, somewhere nice and sunny!
2:52 AM
Sunday, April 29, 2007
New York (again!)
More news from the holiday of a lifetime...
New York - Like I said, mad city, mad experience. It's this place that seems to attract all sorts really. Showgirls and Time Lords and Nearly Doctors and the homeless - and also these aliens called the Daleks.
The Doctor told me about them before. They're the reason he's alone, you see. There was this huge war between his people and them and everyone lost. The Daleks took everything away from him and he's so sad about it. Thing is, I guess like him really, somehow they survived. Well, some of them. And they're not surviving like he is. They're not surviving out of some kind of hope or whatever. They've survived by being monsters. It's more like they're scared of dying rather than that they want to live. If that makes any sort of sense at all!
Do you know what was so brilliant, though? They're the Doctor's greatest fear. They're the creatures that have taken everything away from him. They're basically evil. But, because just one of them started to question things, because one of them started to show signs of wanting to change... he gave them a second chance. I mean, I've seen him, yeah. I know that despite what he looks like, he could have just killed them all so easily. But he didn't. He tries so hard to hide it but he's got so much compassion. Basically I think he tries to put on a bit of a tough guy act, but that's not who he is really.
Oh, and things have changed between us since I got him to open up about his past. It's almost like he's got this thing about testing me - presumably so that I can prove that I'm as brilliantly amazing as this Rose person he's always going on about. Actually, that's not really fair. He isn't testing me so much as expecting me to work things out for myself. Which is great as I guess it means he's not just seeing me as some kind of passenger. Thing is, I think I have proved myself. I questioned the Daleks. I saved Tallulah and Frank from some genetically-modified Dalek slave creatures. I worked out that it was all happening in the Empire State Building and... I think, most importantly, I'm enjoying it. And he must be able to see that. So, yeah, things are good between us and it looks like this little holiday of a lifetime could be going on just a little bit longer. Which is great because, you know what? Despite the Daleks and the giant evil crabs and the witches and all that, I'm loving it...