need feedback again!

[martianellie]

here's my next bit of writing for my course... any/all feedback is much much appreciated if you'd be so kind! (btw, sorry the layout's a bit difficult to read from... copy and past doesn't work well from script templates

Comments

like it...

[anonymous]

from zax who couldnt remember his password...

thats really good, the scene is really easy to picure and the dialogue flows very smoothly. nice one!
:-)