Picspam! For Episode 3.11, "The Born Identity" - Part Two
Aaaaaand here's Part Two. You can read Part One here.
Mary hates the new post size limits, and blames Budget Ewan McGregor.
Okay, let's finish this puppy up!
Oh, god. We gotta start here? Fine. Scott tries to butter Brandi up for the $10K by getting all the "Let's Start A Business!" paperwork together for her.
"Uh, yeah. I totally spent that money or whatever and I can't get it back."
Yeah. Scott is totally cool with that. Except he's not. Who cares. Moving on!
M&M pull up in front of a cute home in "Modesto" which I'm pretty sure is actually a Bed & Breakfast in Albuquerque.
Budget Ewan McGregor isn't sure he wants to go inside what with all the people milling around...
and chickens! Chickens hanging out right there on the porch with the people! Awesome!
Chickens are all about The Man, man!
Mary assures BEM that Marshall would go inside and break the ice. But Marshall objects to doing Mary's dirty work.
So they Rock, Paper, Scissors for it! Yes!
Except Marshall needs to play some mind games first:
And asks Mary what she's gonna throw.
Mary says she's gonna throw paper. Thinking she's all clever...
but, oh! Marshall has got her number. She's toast.
And sure enough, Mary throws scissors, which Marshall beats with his rock.
Okay, side note time - so, we all know that Marshall knows Mary like the back of his hand, but he's also pulling a pretty common (and clever) RPS trick here. See, most people (especially people who aren't RPS pros and only play casually, like Mary here) subconsciously "beat" their first throw with their second throw. And why not - it feels stronger, right? Why throw something that would lose to your first throw?
So, when Marshall asks Mary what she's going to throw, he's essentially getting her to reveal her first throw and put Mary into the mindset that she needs to beat it. She says Paper, so subconsciously she feels like she's gotta do "better" and will throw something "stronger" when they actually play - Scissors. But she just gave her move away, and Marshall knows to throw Rock.
Seriously, try it some time. It works best for me when you do best out of three - I may lose the first round, but after seeing your first "throw" I will beat you at the next two. It blows people's minds.
Like Mary's mind is blown. She just hollers "Get out of my head!" but then she goes inside to do the dirty work.
She finds Mr. Carol Brady and asks for her.
"So...yeah. She died."
"Crapola."
"'Crapola' is right, young lady."
So they bring Budget Ewan McGregor inside to deal with the fact that his mother is now a dead slut.
Mary and Marshall give him some encouragement, and remind him of his cover story.
"If you need us, we'll be over by the buffet so Mary can strap on the feedbag."
Budget Ewan McGregor approaches Mr. Carol Brady and tries to learn more about her.
He tells warm stories about her and talks about how she was a free spirit who lived out of a camper. Carol Brady was a hobo!
Budget Ewan McGregor is delighted to learn that his hobo tendencies are genetic.
Meanwhile, Mary is cramming her face full of potato salad despite all the sad people surrounding her.
Marshall wonders how he fell in love with someone with zero manners and no sense of decorum.
But Mary has to stop hoovering up all the food because Budget Ewan McGregor wants to leave.
On the way out the door, Mary spies with her little eye Mr. Hobo Carol Brady staring at an old photo of Lady Hobo...
And notices that the young man in the picture looks remarkably like Mr. Hobo Carol Brady. And Scott Baio.
"Sooooo, did y'all have a baby? I'm thinking you did. And by the way, he's here. You just met him."
Mr. Hobo Carol Brady is astonished. And wonders if Mary meant the tall, skinny guy or the guy who looks like a low-rent version of Ewan McGregor.
Let's go with Budget Ewan.
Meanwhile, back at the office, Alfalfa has been digging into Crazy Tim's story, and thinks he's right.
Stan worries that Charlie has caught The Crazy from Tim.
But Charlie has all sorts of evidence. He even pulled handwriting samples.
"All right, kid! Let's go bust him!"
Charlie is both excited and nervous about losing his "bust a criminal" virginity.
Back through an arty shot in Modesto, father and son get to know each other.
Pa tells son that Ma thought about him all the time. And that he has her eyes.
Son assures Pa that he ain't sore or nothin'. It's all very sweet and kinda sad.
Look at that place! Horses! Chickens! Dogs! Sooooo much better than a hidey-hole under the library!
Inside, Marshall's mind boggles at the likelihood that a slut like Carol Brady would be married to her Baby Daddy thirty years after the baby was born.
Mary just crams more ham in her face.
Father and son come in and talk about camping plans. Mary and Marshall exchange "Ruh-roh" looks.
Then give Budget Ewan McGregor pointed looks to remind him that for some reason he can't reconnect with his dad because of the whole WitSec thing.
"Oh, um, yeah. So, I just moved or whatever so I don't have a phone or an address. This isn't suspicious at all."
CHICKENS!
They say their good-byes and Marshall ponders a life in the country where surely chickens won't dump on him as much as his partner does.
Aw. This is so sad.
As they walk away, Mary reminds BEM that he can never see his father again.
Um, why? He could get to know his father under his new identity. It isn't like the terrorists would know that he was adopted and would be able to access info from a closed adoption and would guess that he was with his adopted parents. Oh, whatever. I give up on logic.
When Budget Ewan McGregor complains that writing letters isn't the same as seeing his dad, Mary projects all over him, letting him know that at least he knows his story and that he was wanted, unlike Mary's daddy who clearly went away because of her.
Marshall takes note of this projection, and braces himself for the pain that surely is to come.
Then they slowly drive away, so you get one good last look at all the awesome chickens.
Aw! I'll overlook logic for all this sad stuff.
Back in ABQ, Charlie and Stan drive to the bust in Stan's TOYOTA CAMRY. Between this and Marshall's new hybrid, I'm thinking Toyota is throwing some money at the show.
Charlie nervously plays with the navigation system available in the TOYOTA CAMRY.
"That's enough product placement, son."
Charlie is pumped for the bust, and makes Stan do an explode-y fist-bump with him. Charlie is so cute. I adore him.
Oh, who cares!!! Fine. Brandi makes Peter drink garbage. All he can say about it is that at least it won't give him cancer.
"Also, have you thought about how realistic your plans are? That it takes time to build a clientele and we are in a recession and people are broke and can't afford massages right now?"
Aaaand Brandi whines about Peter dumping on her dreams like the child that she is. I just don't get them at all. Peter is more like a protective older brother or uncle than boyfriend. Whatever. Moving on!
Uh-oh. Mary is bringing BEM sarcastic chicken soup. She's come to bust his ass for not showing up to work.
But he calls her on her Alpha Female routine and wonders if her speeches work on everyone else. Pretty much. It's her world, dude.
He insists that he wants to die bitter and alone. Atta boy!
We cut back to Charlie talking to a giant tree of a man, and trying to be all badass while the wind desperately tries to fix his hair.
The Ent makes a run for it, knocking people over ass over tea kettle.
But Stan and Charlie catch up, and Charlie makes his first bust.
Yay Charlie! He's so happy!
Back at the Hobo Hacienda, Mary breaks all sorts of rules and tells BEM all about her daddy and her mom's alcoholism. She tries to tell BEM that he shouldn't let his family define him, like she did all through her childhood and her 20s.
But he's all, "Your family is supposed to define you. Oh, and unless you just turned 30 two minutes ago, I'm pretty sure you let your father leaving you rule your life a bit past your 20s."
"Have not! I don't know what you're talking about! I've completely packed those feelings away and haven't mentioned them in practically every episode and I don't cradle his letters at night and cry myself to sleep!"
Back at the office, Charlie and Stan decide to mess with Crazy Tim a bit.
"Ha, ha! Just kidding! Have a giant check!"
And Budget Ewan McGregor decides to be a good little witness, and live a full life where he points at people and things:
Oh, but what is this? Mary and Marshall on a road trip?
With Budget Ewan McGregor? Where could they be going?
Ah, ha!
Mary decided to be human and tranferred Budget Ewan McGregor closer to his Pa.
Mary stews in her own daddy issues.
And Marshall calls her on it. Pointing out that they know more about Pa Shannon than ever, and basically volunteers to put aside his professional ethics and responsibilities to help her find him. Because he's awesome like that.
But he's surprised when Mary is all "Nope" to his generous offer.
She explains that she knows that there is no happy ending with Pa Shannon. Oh, but Mary - there is closure. And sometimes the only way to get past something is to go through it.
Mary doesn't listen to me or Marshall...
but notices this cute little scene outside her window.
Hmmmmm. Maybe she will look for Pa Shannon after all.
Well, she probably would have if this season weren't so dang short...