(no subject)
Worried for nothing. We did end up going to Jones Beach on my recommendation, which everyone seemed to enjoy. The group turned out to be one of M's brothers, a cousin, C from Chips, C's girlfriend, and a female friend of M's brother. Other than the horrific sunburn I managed (going in the water barely 5 minutes after applying sunscreen + not reapplying), it was awesome. Just horsing around in great waves, playing some sort of "keep it up" game with a basketball (ouch) and laying around in the sand. And everyone was really nice to the girl who's eight shades lighter than the rest of them and doesn't really speak their language. So so pale. Que gringa. But I was standing in the shallows while the other guys were throwing the ball around and they actually asked if I wanted to play. As the girl who was always picked last for teams, I love them for that, for including me.
Dinner was less awesome, mostly because of language. But bless them, they did try to include me a few times, and were amused by the paltry amount of Spanish I managed. Also: "Want to come to dinner with us?" "Sure. Where?" "In Queens." Queens is fucking huge! Narrow it down a little, wouldya? We were in two cars, one of which was mine so I really did need a location. But they finally came up with an intersection and M knew where we were going, so it was fine. Food was great, Ecuadorian. And even with bringing home half my entree, I still ate too much.
I felt like I got some sideeye from the girls at first (for him bringing a girlfriend that's not the one they thought he had), and C asked M something about una novia, but whether it was "but what about your (other) girlfriend" or "is she your girlfriend" and there's still someone listed on his phone as "mi bebe L C" and basically I'm still not convinced that he's not still with the girl from home. (Whose initials are not LC. So confused.) Personally, I have no patience or tolerance for games. If I'm with someone, I'm with them, the end. I don't want to hear 'but she's there and you're here' or anything. I just really need to hear that he broke it off with her, and can't bring myself to ask.
And what is with these Spanish boys and going straight to "I love"? I like a lot. I do. But I'm not there yet.
Did come out. Told him I'd had una novia. "You have one now?" "No." "*shrug* It's fine." So there's that. Never actually used the word bisexual, but he at least understood what I'd said. (And this time, I swear for reals, if it doesn't work out I'm internet dating for a woman. There's a new-ish app for meeting queer ladies and I will use it.) Don't know if he realizes I'm still into girls or thinks it was just a thing I did once or what. Not too worried about it.
For no apparent reason, M's brother gives me "good people" vibes. Just instant trust. Happens sometimes. There's a couple patients I have the same gut reaction to, despite barely interacting with them.
I wish I could let go and trust M. I wish I could tit up and just fucking ask him.
And I wish I didn't have to deal with this ICD-10 bullshit but if wishes were fishes and all that. Off to work.
Dinner was less awesome, mostly because of language. But bless them, they did try to include me a few times, and were amused by the paltry amount of Spanish I managed. Also: "Want to come to dinner with us?" "Sure. Where?" "In Queens." Queens is fucking huge! Narrow it down a little, wouldya? We were in two cars, one of which was mine so I really did need a location. But they finally came up with an intersection and M knew where we were going, so it was fine. Food was great, Ecuadorian. And even with bringing home half my entree, I still ate too much.
I felt like I got some sideeye from the girls at first (for him bringing a girlfriend that's not the one they thought he had), and C asked M something about una novia, but whether it was "but what about your (other) girlfriend" or "is she your girlfriend" and there's still someone listed on his phone as "mi bebe L C" and basically I'm still not convinced that he's not still with the girl from home. (Whose initials are not LC. So confused.) Personally, I have no patience or tolerance for games. If I'm with someone, I'm with them, the end. I don't want to hear 'but she's there and you're here' or anything. I just really need to hear that he broke it off with her, and can't bring myself to ask.
And what is with these Spanish boys and going straight to "I love"? I like a lot. I do. But I'm not there yet.
Did come out. Told him I'd had una novia. "You have one now?" "No." "*shrug* It's fine." So there's that. Never actually used the word bisexual, but he at least understood what I'd said. (And this time, I swear for reals, if it doesn't work out I'm internet dating for a woman. There's a new-ish app for meeting queer ladies and I will use it.) Don't know if he realizes I'm still into girls or thinks it was just a thing I did once or what. Not too worried about it.
For no apparent reason, M's brother gives me "good people" vibes. Just instant trust. Happens sometimes. There's a couple patients I have the same gut reaction to, despite barely interacting with them.
I wish I could let go and trust M. I wish I could tit up and just fucking ask him.
And I wish I didn't have to deal with this ICD-10 bullshit but if wishes were fishes and all that. Off to work.