Letter to Miss Swire -- part five (epi 2.07 continued)
CONTINUED FROM PART FOUR
Episode 2.07 (continued)
The same evening, as Matthew is about to leave his room - all the while emphasizing to Bates how important it is to become independent of his wheelchair («I really ought to walk to the library») - he receives a surprise visit from Violet. She congratulates him on his recovery and his chances of a normal married life, proceeds to tell him that Mary is still in love with him - which surprises him very much («What?») - and suggests that he might try to love her again, in as much as she personally does not see the engagement to Carlisle as a serious obstacle. Matthew is unwilling or unable to make the discussion of his marriage a discussion about Mary at all. Instead, he defends his decision to marry you: «Lavinia came back against my orders, determined to look after me for the rest of my life, which meant that she would wash me and f--feed me and...do things that only the most dedicated nurse would undertake, and all with no hope of children or any improvement. ... Giving her that credit, do you think it would be right for me to throw her over because I can walk? To dismiss her because I no longer have need of her services?» Mr Bryant would have been proud to have a son like that. Like in 1914, Matthew is less concerned with the question if his future wife will love him and make him happy under the present circumstances but rather with the question if she would have been attracted to him under different circumstances. Violet has seen it all before, and she is about to close the subject: «Spoken like a man of honour. And we will not fall out over this.» When Matthew seems to be genuinely surprised that his argument does not convince her, Violet advises him to focus on his own emotional needs: «I would just say one thing. Marriage is a long business. There’s no getting out of it for our kind of people. I mean, you may live forty...fifty years with one of these two women. Just make sure you have selected the right one.»
There are several things I find interesting about Matthew's defence of your sacrifice. For one, he gives you credit for a performance you have never actually proven to be capable of, which brings me back to the point I was touching upon earlier: You yourself claim in episode 2.08 that you would have made a terrific nurse and wife, although both you and Matthew had serious doubts in episode 2.05 about your ability to actually endure the stress of this kind of life without becoming bitter and without you hating him in the end. And even after your return to Downton you did not seem physically strong enough in his eyes to even carry an empty tray. Moreover, the way Matthew describes your performance as a nurse, he actually makes it appear as something that is physically and mentally uncomfortable for him to experience - regardless of your level of devotion. Matthew makes it sound as if the experience would have been as strenous for you to perform as it would have been uncomfortable for him to endure, as if you had given up your life while he has given up on his own life long ago. It is therefore hard so say to what extent he is able to appreciate even the idea of your sacrifice emotionally. The other significant aspect of Matthew's speech is of course that it makes no mention of any kind of affectionate feeling towards you. If he was responding to your sacrifice as if it was an act of genuine devotion, one might expect him to acknowledge in Violet's presence that he has developed (or regained) some deep affection for you now that he has recovered from his depression, that he feels gratitude towards you for your willingness to sacrifice so much for him, and that he wants to honour the «marvellous person» you are by continuing where you were before his injury. But alas, he does not. The reason he feels bound to you is a feeling of obligation, and not in positive but in negative terms. He does not say that it would be right to honour your sacrifice, he says it would not be right to throw you over. In fact, he does not say that either. He is unsure and he asks if Violet thinks it would be right to throw you over. His sense of duty stops him from doing what he feels would be the most logical step to take. Which brings me to the third fascinating aspect: Matthew cannot name a single reason why he should still be interested in you now that he has recovered, despite your two-year engagement prior to his injury. One might think that you could just move the whole relationship back to square one and build on the original attraction. That he might appreciate your qualities as a supportive wife in «normal» times, and that you could have that again. But Matthew does not seem to be able to reconnect with your pre-war personality. He no longer has need for any services you can offer.
After his chat with Violet, Matthew wheels himself into the library and up to the fireplace, where he gives a clear signal to you that he does not want your assistance before he stands up for everyone to see, including Mary and Carlisle, and earns a round of applause, a bit like a circus monkey. This unwillingness to let you help him in any way is very interesting, in my opinion, and it has made me think. Because it is not just this one example. There is also the scene with the tray he does not want you to carry, there will be his downcast look in episode 2.08 when you suggest that he can lean on you as you walk down the aisle after getting married, his discomfort when he talks to Violet about your nursing duties, and the very timing of the renewed engagement - Matthew clearly does not want you to be his nurse, ever, and yet he frames his decision to marry you as a reward for your offer to be his nurse. Why on earth?
The resulting situation is utterly absurd. Matthew has committed himself - out of duty - to a woman who in his own opinion can give him nothing he needs because she would have been able to provide him with services he no longer needs. And he is willing to spend the rest of his life with you without being emotionally involved and without expecting to be, after all this talk about love and not love enough in S1. You must admit that this is what his position looks like, doesn't it? The real question is what is so special about your case, so special about you, that Matthew is willing to settle for a marriage that is clearly emotionally less satisfying for him than a relationship be broke up in 1914 because he did not consider it emotionally satisfying enough? And if this marital arrangement is brought about by Matthew's respect for a certain moral code, how come he does not seem to feel good about himself in his conversation with Violet, how come he does not feel complacent and smug, and how come this honourable disposition does not translate into an affectionate feeling towards you in the first place?
Because I suspect that Matthew's entire honour argument is not about you at all. It is not about an obligation to you, it is about an obligation to an idea. An idea he may have grown to hate, but which he nevertheless cannot free himself from because that would change the entire moral framework on which he has based a decision in his past. As late as episode 2.06, Matthew insisted that «sacrifice should be rewarded», a world-view which he already held in 1914 and which has survived the Great War entirely intact. And you clearly qualify for it, Miss Swire, because you have presented yourself to Matthew as a woman who truly believes that she would be able to «love» him forever, despite his paralysis, and never encounter any of the problems you touched upon in episode 2.05 (although it is probably self-deceit). And you hit a soft spot there, because in 1914, there was a girl who knew herself well enough to have doubts about being able to be Matthew's loving wife for decades without getting bored and bitter if his career should turn out to stall at the level of country solicitor and they would live in Crawley House forever. He withdrew his proposal as soon as it was ascertained that he would be heir to estate again, because he felt that no matter how much love she might bestow on him as his future wife, that could not compensate for the indignation he felt for not knowing for sure what attracted her to him in the first place. Even then, he was willing to sacrifice his own emotional well-being for the sake of this principle, and he had to physically remove himself from Downton to be able to live with the emotional consequences of his decision.
Now Matthew has put himself into the same bind all over again. Again, as in 1914, his prospects change twice. First he could walk, then he was paralysed, now he can walk again. You were engaged to him when he could walk, then wanted to be with him when he was paralysed, so therefore ... of course he must want to be with you now that he can walk. How would he look otherwise? How would his decision from 1914 look? If people all of a sudden were allowed to base their decision to marry merely on how their prospects are here and now, and not on how they could have been in the worst case? If it was right for him to dismiss you now because his prospects have changed and he no longer has use of your services as a nurse, wouldn't that imply that Mary would have had the right in 1914 to throw him over in case he had been disinherited and could not provide for her economically? That it would have been wrong of him to quarrel with her about it, or to use that against her when it turned out that he was an earl again (as he did)? And if only his present fancies as a healthy man were supposed to carry weight when it choosing a spouse, not the thought of how it might have been in the worst case, wouldn't that also imply that, in 1914, it was a misjudgement on his part to make his or Mary's feelings for each other dependent on any other scenario but his being an earl, when it was certain that he wouldn't be disinherited? And wouldn't it mean that he should have considered his own love for Mary as a strong enough a reason to commit to her, regardless of how uncertain her feelings for him would have been if he had been disinherited? If he allows himself to let his standards slip now, he must have been wrong then, and the thought of that wasted chance may be too unpleasant to deal with. Not surprisingly, therefore, he is unable to question his moral position.
That leaves Mary. And the realisation that, for a second time, the one thing that will be ruined if he adheres to his code of honour is the prospect of happiness with her. It leaves the lingering doubt if he really is right this time, if he really was right back then. The thought that he may be sacrificing his own love for his principles, twice. Why doesn't Matthew touch upon the fact that Mary has nursed him back to health? Because I think that he does not have to remind himself of it. Why does he not elaborate on what he does not feel for Mary, since he does not want to marry her? Because that is not the case. Why does he counter Violet's comment that Mary looked like Juliet awakening in the tomb when she heard of Matthew's renewed engagement with a suspicious «Mary and I have always - »? Have always what? Felt strongly about each other? I suppose that Matthew is reluctant to discuss his feelings for Mary with Violet for two reasons: Firstly, they are not relevant for his willed decision to marry you, and secondly, he knows how he feels about Mary, and keeping these feelings secret will keep them untouchable. I seriously believe that Matthew has planned to do the follwing: He has intended to simply compartmentalise his brain and his heart, in the hope that this will allow him to honour both women in his life, you as well as Mary. He will make you his lawfully wedded wife, rewarding your sacrifice, but at the same time, he is honouring his own heart and his own feelings by framing Mary as the love of his life, «the one that got away». And I suppose that this is an almost conscious decision for him. Which is the reason why Violet's speech has absolutely no effect on Matthew. He has already made up his mind.
Now, in order to pull such a compartmentalisation off, it is vitally important for Matthew that you and Mary's roles should not mix. You have to be associated with absolutely separate things in his mind, and the way Matthew goes about trying to achieve this is quite intriguing. First, while he calls you a most marvellous person, he never says that he loves you romantically or that he finds you attractive. At the same time, he allows himself to comments on Mary's hair in 2.07, and he kisses her in 2.08. In the scene after you have caught them, fans have pointed out that Matthew is licking his lips one last time as Mary leaves, while he is talking to you in a patronising way reminiscent of brotherly affection.
But what is all the more interesting is that Matthew does not let you nurse him, possibly not even before he makes a full recovery. And what is intriguing here is that all the things he does not want you to do is things we already have seen Mary doing, or we know she has done it, and he has never complained about it! Carrying a tray, for example. Matthew does not want you to do it, «it's too heavy for you». But I doubt that is the real reason, because in episode 2.03, Mary was carrying around a tray in the drawing room and Matthew kept following her around almost like a dog, paying her a casual complement («I didn't cast you as Florence Nightingale») while gazing at her dreamily with a half-open mouth when she wasn't looking - because she was carrying that tray. I think that carrying a tray is something he wishes to connect with Mary, not with you. The same goes for physical support. Mary has been pushing Matthew's wheelchair around the Downton grounds day in, day out, until she feared she would develop arms like boxer Jack Johnson, and only that prospect caused him to suggest that he was finally strong enough to wheel himself. Other than that, he neither expressed embarrassment about relying on her assistance, nor did he ever suggest that Mary might feel uncomfortable about nursing him. When you return to his life, Miss Swire, as has been pointed out, he has already been cleaned up and there is no heavy nursing left for you to do. Still, as soon as you return to his life, it is only a matter of days before reemerging sensations in his legs make him hope that he might be able to recover from his helplessness. As soon as Matthew has regained the use of his legs and renewed his engagement to you, he refuses to lean on you. He does not allow you to help him stand up in the drawing room in episode 2.07, he is ranting about still needing a stick at the beginning of episode 2.08, and he does not look too pleased when you suggest that has you to lean on on his way down the aisle. But he says «You are my stick» to Mary like it is nothing, like it is self-evident, and nothing for him to be ashamed of. Why else would he do that if not to reinforce the idea in his own head that Mary is the one who has the right to call herself his nurse?
Let us return to the nursing duties he explicitly mentions in his speech to Violet. Fans have been puzzled why Matthew would exaggerate so much about the help he might have needed in the future. Feeding him, for example, would never have been your task. He was perfectly capable of eating himself by the time you returned. If there was a time when it might have been necessary to feed him, it would have been right after his injury, and it would have been one of the tasks Mary has undertaken. Washing himself, too, is something which he may have been able to do largely without any help in the future, but when it comes to the past, we know that Mary already has done that in episode 2.05. And she was holding his sick bowl and patting his back while he was throwing up, which «only the most dedicated nurse» might be able to undertake with a casual «it's nothing» attitude. I wonder if the way Matthew speaks about these things, as embarrassing and seemingly uncomfortable to experience, is more a result of him connecting them with you than a lack of appreciation of «the most dedicated nurse» as such (and as Mary was for him).
If that is the case, then the only credit he gives explicitly to you and which could not just as well be attributed to Mary, is that you have been willing to sacrifice your independent life and your dream of children in order to care for him - a sacrifice he has explicitly refused to accept from Mary in episode 2.06 because he was convinced that she could have that without him and he wanted her to. I would like to make one more point about Matthew's reaction to your claim in episode 2.08 that you would have been a better nurse than Mary: His eyes are wavering! He has just confirmed your claim that Mary would not have nursed him quite as well as you would have done, and his eyes are wavering for a brief moment. I am convinced that he is thinking back at that very moment, and his wavering eyes suggest that what he tells you is not really true. Therefore, while he agrees to renew your engagement in 2.07, and even allows you to have the wedding at Downton to bury the memories of the darkest period of his life, Matthew is at the same time undermining your plans to replace his memories of nurse Mary with newer memories of you as his nurse. He just won't have it. From the moment he has announced his renewed engagement, he is unwilling to accept any more support from you that might resemble what he has experienced with Mary.
That is the deal Matthew strikes with you, and although he never considers it important to actually let Mary know how important she is to him (before the dance, that is), I feel that this is also the deal he strikes with himself regarding his feelings for her. You can be his wife, he feels he owes you that, he will be polite to you and hope you will be happy. But you cannot have his heart. Admitting to himself that Mary is «the one that got away» and treating her accordingly for the rest of his life is the only way for Matthew to preserve some sort of integrity as a feeling person. I do not mean to suggest that he even does that for Mary, that he consciously intends to communicate anything to her by his actions, but rather out of self-respect, because he knows she is the right person for him to invest in emotionally.
Taking into account that both Mary and Matthew have always been able to keep their feelings of «love» for each other separate from any practical decisions (resulting in a love-struck couple parting ways at the end of series 1), I am not surprised that Matthew may attempt to pull this compartmentalisation off and expect to be fine with it. I even sense a slight element of deliberate cruelty and resentment in the way he treats you, because, as I have suggested earlier, he seems to have grown to hate this life on the moral high ground which continuously wrecks his chances to lead the life he really wants. And he may resent you, your niceness, and your unwillingness to react to the provocations you witness. The way he suggests to Violet that you have no redeeming qualities in you that he may appreciate now that he can walk again is positively impolite. And also the long look he gives Mary after commenting on her hair, with so many other people watching, including you, is almost an act of defiance. Matthew does is not seem nervous, both his words and his look appear to be perfectly controlled - and he just lives it out. While his smile and song at the end of episode 2.04 may count as an impulsive moment where he lets his guard down among friends, this moment in 2.07 is different. He says it in your and Carlisle's presence and he gives Mary an extra long look, as if he were to mark his territory for everyone to see, that he and Mary have rapport. I would have been looking forward to seeing more of such behaviour from Matthew if you indeed had gotten married. I am sure there would have been plenty of occasions.
In your final couple scene in this episode, Matthew has moved back home to Crawley House and you live with him and Isobel. It turns out that he still keeps Mary's toy dog in his private dressing room, where it is eventually found by Molesley. When you and Matthew are seated in the drawing room, in complete silence, Matthew sitting in a chair reading the paper, you sitting away from him in the sofa doing some embroidering, Isobel comes in with the dog and Matthew has to explain what it is. There is no innocent surprise in the way you look at either Isobel or Matthew, and no sweet, awkward smile. You and Matthew are past that stage and have been for a long time. Instead, you give him a serious and suspicious look from the moment he mentions that «someone» gave it to him as a charm to take to the war, and you look even more suspicious when he snatches it out of his mother's hand. It is Matthew who smiles at you awkwardly as he says it might be bad luck not to keep the and stuffs it into his pocket, you only return a forced smile. This scene says a lot about you as a couple. There is much suspicion and little trust, and yet you never talk about it, neither you nor Matthew, as if you had a truce.
CONTINUE TO PART SIX