Even Earth's Mightiest Heroes cannot compare to Princess Elle...

[tealdear]

Story Or Series Title: You’re Not Alone
Fandom: Avengers
Culprit Author's name: Princess of Asgard

Full Name (plus titles if any): Princess Elle
Full Species(es): Who knows? She’s princess of somewhere. She has super powers. She’s blond, I don’t know if that helps.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Blond, but it can turn white or red when she gets angry

Comments

[tealdear]

I don't even know what princess she was thinking of. None of the Disney Princesses, even in the blackest pits of the 1950s, were ever "girly girls" who spent all their time thinking about dresses and shoes. Mostly they were downtrodden, endangered or enslaved (Cinderella and Snow White come to mind) women who had to rise above impossible odds to find happiness.

You know who spends all their time thinking about dresses and shoes? Ugly stepsisters. Just putting that out there.

[tealdear]

Precisely. And what was the constant thought on the minds of wicked queens and stepsisters--their physical beauty and their dresses.

So actually, princesses are the opposite of what she described. Good job, Suethor. Way to go.

[pgirl1986]

Because when motherfucking ODIN asks me to sing, I always go for Christina Aguilera.
*Bashes head against desk*
It's called a. consistent. TONE, Suethor. The tone of the Thor movie, ESPECIALLY the parts in Asgard are otherwordly. Classical. Bombastic Theatrical. Sometimes even a bit Shakespearian. Medival fantasy with a hint of Sci Fi. How the fuck did you even think that this music would fit?! I mean, some modern music might fit, but I'd search it in the realm of Metal. Like Nightwish, Within Temptation or Dragonforce. Sure as hell not Christina Aguilera!
/Rant about huge pet peeve.

[tealdear]

I hate singing fics. If the girl sings all the time, I'm usually foaming at the mouth to spork it. I did one in the Death Note Fandom with a sue named Jessica at the Whammy's house. The girl just kept breaking out in Jonas Brother's songs. Which, okay, Jonas brother's at the Whammy's are at least in the same general universe but why, WHY do you think Christina Aguilera would go over well on Asgard?

Why do the Aesir even HAVE Christina Aguilera songs in their, what, karaoke machines I guess? Wouldn't they sing ballads or old Norse lays or something?

Most of all, it just incenses me when people say over and over, "her voice is so beautiful, make her sing!"

[ext_2430225]

No, you don’t understand. She WROTE them, I’m pretty sure. Christina A. doesn’t exist in this universe, because this sue's too marvelous and stole her “music.” (No offense to CA fans, but I thought this was very difficult to handle.)

Also, I know I’m over a year late with this comment, but I can’t be the only one DEEPLY uncomfortable with the fact that she did that “Express” song and dance for her future father-in-law, mother-in-law, brother-in-law, and a whole bunch of other people. It’s burlesque because it’s kinda trashy and inappropriate . . . not for fancy dinners.

But I suppose asking the author to understand that is a bit unfair, since the poor thing can’t string more than 3 words together.

[pathology_doc]

NGL, I was waiting for Loki to call her a mewling quim at some stage. Or is it there and I missed it?

I wish all the tentacles in Japan on this girl.

The fic certainly deserves it. The tentacles would probably recoil from the girl in horror.

[tealdear]

Yeah, this was an especially fun one. I'm used to sues describing their wardrobes ad nauseum, but I've never seen one where it was an actual plot point...

[tealdear]

P.S., I added mewling quim to my next spork. :D

[morri_delrae]

I'm a Lady so ill have to grin and bare it

Oh, you'll BARE it, all right (don't you just love strangely appropriate typos?)

I made foul of myself falling over in these high heels
Tony: I built an Ark Reactor in a cave in the desert, using my bits of wire I found on the ground and goat-spit for adhesive, and I do not understand what the hell this girl is talking about

I'll go with the version that she fell over in her high heels, and got so flustered that her anal sphincter suddenly let go.

And, wow, talk about an awesome sporking. Loki rocks the place, hands down, but Tony is giving him a run for his money (gotta wonder why, though, doesn't he have enough of it already?). "According to her, your power is noticing clothing"? "I knew this would get dirty if I just gave it enough time"? "All the tentacles in Japan"? Seriously, this is the best sporking in years. I laughed so hard I'm crying, and I never want it to stop.

[pathology_doc]

I'll go with the version that she fell over in her high heels, and got so flustered that her anal sphincter suddenly let go.

That was my first-glance reading as well. :(

Second-glance at the odd phraseology makes me think it might be an ESL issue, but the rest of the fic is still godawful enough to deserve the tearing-apart that it gets.

Third-glance says they meant "made a fool of myself", with the "a" somehow gone missing, but how do they manage "u" for "o" as a typo when their finger is already on the right key? Troll?

[morri_delrae]

I thought about "made a fool of myself" too, but that would be a super-awkward way to mangle that phrase (the words aren't even similar in pronunciation), unless the author was borderline illiterate or a troll.

[pathology_doc]

Thus my final suspicion.

[waters_of_lethe]

She sings, all the time? IS THIS A FUCKING DISNEY FIC OR WHAT!?

Just her author name made me recoil from the screen.

Tony: Loki, take it from a guy whose been there, if she starts talking weddings and kids on the second date, run for the hills. Run and never look back. Run like all the tentacles in Japan are chasing you.

Tony♥

Absolutely amazing spork!

[tealdear]

Thank you!

The singing thing drives me nuts, but she had these things she called "walk-in songs" that were just supposed to be her entrance music every time she walked into the halls of Asgard and that was almost too much to take. She set out to prove Loki could get a hotter, smarter, more perfect-er girl than Thor could and the walk in music was the part where all of Asgard got to sit there stunned by how amazing her she was.

But seriously, when Thor's girlfriend is Natalie-I-Was-The-Wife-Of-A-Sith-Lord-Portman, how hard is that really?

Loki could date a bowl of pudding a still break even.