What Are Friends For?
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Summary: Tom tries to set Laura up online.
Notes: How did this happen? Let me tell you:
My brain: Hey, hey, you know what would be awesome?
Me: What?
Brain: Tom as Laura's sassy gay friend who's talked her into internet dating!
Me: WHAT THE FUCK. Why is Tom as Laura's sassy BFF so appealing? IDFK.
Crack!fic ahoy. I also apologies if Tom isn't sassy enough.
-
“I can't believe you talked me into this.”
“Talk? I had to bribe. Going to open that bottle of wine by the way?”
“It's mine, you're not getting any.”
“No Laura, you're not getting any. That's why we're doing this.”
“Bastard.”
“Just because I can't tell you who my father is doesn't mean I'm wrong. If you aren't going to open that bottle of wine, sit.”
“Do we have to do this tonight?”
“You aren't putting this off again.”
“I thought you and Meier were doing something special for your twentieth?”
“We are. We agreed to go on a double date with whoever you find tonight.”
“What? You can't be serious.”
“We're also going to make sure there's plenty of doors for us to frak behind, as well as do a healthy dose of eavesdropping.”
“I think it's sad that I'm jealous of that right now.”
“It's wonderful, it means you're finally admitting that I'm right.”
“You're never right.”
“I'm always right, you've basically said so yourself. It's my methods you disagree with.”
“What am I supposed to do on this thing?”
“I've already set up your profile, so just go look at the matches it found for you.”
“Matches? Aren't I suppose to take a quiz, or fill something out?”
“I did that for you.”
“Tom!”
“I'm more honest than you. Oh look, she's cute.”
“She's young enough to be my daughter.”
“When has that stopped yo-OW!”
“Keep scrolling.”
“What about him? Athletic, nice smile. Samuel. You could call him Sammy.”
“Look, whatever I've done in the past I don't want to be with someone that much younger than me. Also, if he's that attractive, and young, what's he doing dating online?”
“Good point. How about her?”
“What did you put in that questionnaire? She looks like she runs a BDSM dungeon.”
“I put the truth. Her profile says she's in the Colonial Fleet, and how do you know what a BDSM dungeon mistress would look like? Is there something you want to tell me?”
“No. Keep going.”
“Look at him, he's... puppy-ish.”
“Tom.”
“Staying on track. How about him?”
“What happened to his face?”
“I didn't think you were so caught up on personal appearance Laura, how shallow.”
“Shut-up. His profile says he's in the military too, I don't want to date anyone in the military. What made you think I would want that?”
“You should try new things.”
“Meier helped you set up my profile, didn't he.”
“He says all the military he's dated in the past were very thorough.”
“That was twenty years ago.”
“They can't have changed basic training that much.”
“Gods Tom, this was a nice gesture, it was, but-”
“No buts. The three hundred cubit bottle of wine in your cellar says you have to sit.”
“If you hadn't managed to find that year I wouldn't be here.”
“I'm dedicated to the cause of getting you laid, even if that means tracking a fifty year old bottle of Virgonese wine across the Colonies. What about her?”
“Emily. That's.. what are you doing?”
“Sending her a message saying you want to meet.”
“What? Why? Stop that.”
“No. You looked at her picture and you smiled.”
“I did not.”
“Can you see your face?”
“You aren't about to see anything if you send that message. Tom.”
“Fine, you send it.”
“I don't-”
“Coffee. Tea, whatever it is you drink. Just say you want to meet. You never know.”
“Alright.”
“Just be sure to tell her it's a double date with your oldest friends.”
“I'm not meeting her for the first time on a double date.”
“Second date then.”
“If there is a second date.”
“Well, don't be too optimistic.”
“It's just.. you know I don't.. are we done with this?”
“You sent the message, you can stop for now.”
“Good.”
“It wasn't that bad.”
“No, not really.”
“You should listen to things I say and do them more often.”
“No I shouldn't, but... thank you.”
“See you tomorrow Laura.”
“See you tomorrow, tell Meier I said hi.”
Summary: Tom tries to set Laura up online.
Notes: How did this happen? Let me tell you:
My brain: Hey, hey, you know what would be awesome?
Me: What?
Brain: Tom as Laura's sassy gay friend who's talked her into internet dating!
Me: WHAT THE FUCK. Why is Tom as Laura's sassy BFF so appealing? IDFK.
Crack!fic ahoy. I also apologies if Tom isn't sassy enough.
-
“I can't believe you talked me into this.”
“Talk? I had to bribe. Going to open that bottle of wine by the way?”
“It's mine, you're not getting any.”
“No Laura, you're not getting any. That's why we're doing this.”
“Bastard.”
“Just because I can't tell you who my father is doesn't mean I'm wrong. If you aren't going to open that bottle of wine, sit.”
“Do we have to do this tonight?”
“You aren't putting this off again.”
“I thought you and Meier were doing something special for your twentieth?”
“We are. We agreed to go on a double date with whoever you find tonight.”
“What? You can't be serious.”
“We're also going to make sure there's plenty of doors for us to frak behind, as well as do a healthy dose of eavesdropping.”
“I think it's sad that I'm jealous of that right now.”
“It's wonderful, it means you're finally admitting that I'm right.”
“You're never right.”
“I'm always right, you've basically said so yourself. It's my methods you disagree with.”
“What am I supposed to do on this thing?”
“I've already set up your profile, so just go look at the matches it found for you.”
“Matches? Aren't I suppose to take a quiz, or fill something out?”
“I did that for you.”
“Tom!”
“I'm more honest than you. Oh look, she's cute.”
“She's young enough to be my daughter.”
“When has that stopped yo-OW!”
“Keep scrolling.”
“What about him? Athletic, nice smile. Samuel. You could call him Sammy.”
“Look, whatever I've done in the past I don't want to be with someone that much younger than me. Also, if he's that attractive, and young, what's he doing dating online?”
“Good point. How about her?”
“What did you put in that questionnaire? She looks like she runs a BDSM dungeon.”
“I put the truth. Her profile says she's in the Colonial Fleet, and how do you know what a BDSM dungeon mistress would look like? Is there something you want to tell me?”
“No. Keep going.”
“Look at him, he's... puppy-ish.”
“Tom.”
“Staying on track. How about him?”
“What happened to his face?”
“I didn't think you were so caught up on personal appearance Laura, how shallow.”
“Shut-up. His profile says he's in the military too, I don't want to date anyone in the military. What made you think I would want that?”
“You should try new things.”
“Meier helped you set up my profile, didn't he.”
“He says all the military he's dated in the past were very thorough.”
“That was twenty years ago.”
“They can't have changed basic training that much.”
“Gods Tom, this was a nice gesture, it was, but-”
“No buts. The three hundred cubit bottle of wine in your cellar says you have to sit.”
“If you hadn't managed to find that year I wouldn't be here.”
“I'm dedicated to the cause of getting you laid, even if that means tracking a fifty year old bottle of Virgonese wine across the Colonies. What about her?”
“Emily. That's.. what are you doing?”
“Sending her a message saying you want to meet.”
“What? Why? Stop that.”
“No. You looked at her picture and you smiled.”
“I did not.”
“Can you see your face?”
“You aren't about to see anything if you send that message. Tom.”
“Fine, you send it.”
“I don't-”
“Coffee. Tea, whatever it is you drink. Just say you want to meet. You never know.”
“Alright.”
“Just be sure to tell her it's a double date with your oldest friends.”
“I'm not meeting her for the first time on a double date.”
“Second date then.”
“If there is a second date.”
“Well, don't be too optimistic.”
“It's just.. you know I don't.. are we done with this?”
“You sent the message, you can stop for now.”
“Good.”
“It wasn't that bad.”
“No, not really.”
“You should listen to things I say and do them more often.”
“No I shouldn't, but... thank you.”
“See you tomorrow Laura.”
“See you tomorrow, tell Meier I said hi.”