(no subject)
Long time, no post. And there's a lot brewing....so uh, here goes.
The destestable entity that is high school is almost gone. I couldn't be more excited. I also couldn't be more terrified. I don't know what I'm going to do after all of this....at all. There are 3-5 possibilites that I see as plausible, none of which are quite attainable in my present situation. I still haven't taken either standardized test...which is quite a hinderance if you want to do anything successful. Meh.
I absolutely adore music that makes you want to be in love. Today....hm, lets see: I listened to Roberta Flack a lot. She's great. If you haven't ever heard her, you need to. It's classic. Killing Me Softly, by the Fugees? Yep, originally a Flack song. I dig her a lot, and I think everyone should. To reflect the idea of my absolute hero [see: my icon], it's easy to listen to things like that [that which makes life seem unpleasant, due to lack of love], because you can always turn off the source of discouragement. Based on my own experiences, there is nothing like being, quote, in love. Dull, lifeless colors are made vibrant by the thought of sharing them with someone else. So to those who have found their intellectual, emotional, spiritual [I suppose I could make this list go on for ages, but I'll spare you] matches, I envy you. Cherish what you have, and don't be an idiot and screw it up. [Yep, that's mainly for the guys] I've been there. And done that. And wish to never have the thought that I ruined something good. I don't know who I am, much less who I'm looking for. I don't know know where I'm headed in life, so how can I assume I know who I want to head there....with? I don't suppose my distaste can be placated with anything now. I have to wait. Yep.
I think this is a normal adolescent thought: There is nobody in this entire planet like me. Period. One of my goals in life is to copy an unabridged dictionary, and take in, and learn lots and lots of new words. [Note that I was lacking in my description, using 'lots' twice. Kill me] I listen to, in no actual order, The Beach Boys, Black Flag, Dashboard Confessional, Johnny Cash, Pat Green....and the eclectic list goes on. I read consistently, with lots of variation there as well. I love politics, and speaking my mind against those things that infuriate me. I think killing babies is absolutely wrong, but I think that the homeless problem needs fixing. I have yet to find anyone who would just sit with me....and not say a word, and just read. Believe it or not, this is absolutely one of my of my daydream fantasies whilst sitting at Baker Street alone. Seeing others who are doing just that...sucks! Heh. Oh well. One day.
Sitting at home, playing Scrabble while listening to a never-ending soundtrack of love, ranging from afforementioned artists--I want that. Watching romantic comedies, sitcoms and all of those fun things I live vicariously through...it's not good for me. But I enjoy a good laugh which hides the sigh beneath it. It keeps my mind sharp [With my blatant tattoo reference]
None of this is to say that I'm living for what might be. Why should I be so preoccupied with that, that I miss today. Nope. To quote Derrick Jensen, "I thought again of life, which has no obvious end, except the process of enjoying this particular moment in this particular place, and the joy of meandering. I'm in no hurry to reach the end point of my life, nor to wish away any of the time in between. I don't want to live efficiently, nor cause others to. I want to live broadly, deeply, richly, with resonance, in full enjoyment of my particular life." I'm going back to Baker Street to wallow in political affairs, all the while wishing I weren't there contemplating the inadequacies of our culture alone. Deuce.