Heart the world
Today in the morning I realized that among the enormous amount of what had been thought over and said aloud yesterday between several people and me there was one thing that really surprised me.
"I don't feel safe with this person".
This is an idea that has never occured to me, how it is, "not to feel safe", so I remembered this phrase and after some time called back to ask to define the notions. This is what I heard.
"I mean I don't know this person well enough. This person may say or do something
- that would touch me on the raw;
- to what I would react inadequately;
- that would hurt me.
I'm not saying that this person is... bad - I'm now talking about me and my feelings.
I am not sure that I will feel comfortable in his/her presence. He/she may look at me in some strange way and I will feel uncomfortable. I feel that I can't speak freely with this person".
The gold medal for defining the notions and my grateful hug goes to the person who told this. You are absolutely brilliant.
Does this sound familiar to you? How much time does it take you to start feeling that you trust someone?
Have you ever trusted yourself?
Have you ever trusted your way, time and space?
Let me share some ideas on Safety and Trust.
1. What doesn't feel safe, what may hurt, what can be inadequate, what is so vulnerable - is your EGO. It's an essential part of you, but it's not the whole you.
This Monday for me was hard. I thought that I, trying to be at my best, being totally present and generous, and "here-for-you", was rejected. I repeat, for a moment I thought so. My ego was wounded so badly that I finally understood what the word 'devastated' means. I thought my world was coming to an end. I felt that nothing had been left for me, for the best things I could give as my gift were not needed, as if they were taken from me. I felt empty. And I cried.
I managed to pull myself together, I was not there alone, so I got enough strength to get home and think. One thing was undoubtable: unless I change I can't face the world.
And the next day a truly wondrous thing happened to me.
I was looking for something strong and invulnerable in me. And I smiled to my shining Anahata.
Anahata. The one which cannot be struck. The heart chakra, the heart center through which I translate love letters, do reiki sessions, write livejournal entries, love, embrace, sing, smile, share, be-for-the-person-near-me and once again embrace. If we make a verb from the word 'heart', Anahata is something through which I heart the world. Anahata does not possess the function of being hurt, the only modus vivendi it knows is generosity.
I became one with my Anahata. I found my devastated Ego and told him: I love you.
I think that was the moment I lost the ability to feel rejected. I haven't had a chance to check it so far but something tells me: even if I am so reckless that my ego is wounded - I know where to find him. I know with what to find him and how to feel complete and shining once again.
And this is where my Trust comes from. This is how I trust myself.
2. As my Ego is now under the protection of something which cannot be hurt, I can face/heart anything. I trust that everything that the Universe sends me I can cope with. Everything that happens is an ingenious lesson for me. Every meeting is a unique encounter with a Teacher. Everything is so delicately and beautifully conducted by the karma and the Force that I believe that every moment is a precious chance to become better than I am. Though I can't say that I don't fail and I don't miss some (or many?) of these chances.
But this is how I trust my way, trust time and space.
3. I will say this again. Every meeting is a unique encounter with a Teacher. No one is your friend, no one is your foe, but everyone is your Teacher. If I want a lesson I have to be an empty cup when I meet the person. I have to be totally present and as sincere as I can be. I repeat, everything the person says or does when I am with him/her, is a lesson for me. I even think that the person doesn't have much choice. And vice versa: neither do I. When I'm good, especially when I'm at my best, I don't have any choice. I perform my karmic role and try to be a Teacher for the person I've met as well as I can.
And this is how I trust the encounters with the Teachers. This is how I trust people.
And again.
Heart the world.
"I don't feel safe with this person".
This is an idea that has never occured to me, how it is, "not to feel safe", so I remembered this phrase and after some time called back to ask to define the notions. This is what I heard.
"I mean I don't know this person well enough. This person may say or do something
- that would touch me on the raw;
- to what I would react inadequately;
- that would hurt me.
I'm not saying that this person is... bad - I'm now talking about me and my feelings.
I am not sure that I will feel comfortable in his/her presence. He/she may look at me in some strange way and I will feel uncomfortable. I feel that I can't speak freely with this person".
The gold medal for defining the notions and my grateful hug goes to the person who told this. You are absolutely brilliant.
Does this sound familiar to you? How much time does it take you to start feeling that you trust someone?
Have you ever trusted yourself?
Have you ever trusted your way, time and space?
Let me share some ideas on Safety and Trust.
1. What doesn't feel safe, what may hurt, what can be inadequate, what is so vulnerable - is your EGO. It's an essential part of you, but it's not the whole you.
This Monday for me was hard. I thought that I, trying to be at my best, being totally present and generous, and "here-for-you", was rejected. I repeat, for a moment I thought so. My ego was wounded so badly that I finally understood what the word 'devastated' means. I thought my world was coming to an end. I felt that nothing had been left for me, for the best things I could give as my gift were not needed, as if they were taken from me. I felt empty. And I cried.
I managed to pull myself together, I was not there alone, so I got enough strength to get home and think. One thing was undoubtable: unless I change I can't face the world.
And the next day a truly wondrous thing happened to me.
I was looking for something strong and invulnerable in me. And I smiled to my shining Anahata.
Anahata. The one which cannot be struck. The heart chakra, the heart center through which I translate love letters, do reiki sessions, write livejournal entries, love, embrace, sing, smile, share, be-for-the-person-near-me and once again embrace. If we make a verb from the word 'heart', Anahata is something through which I heart the world. Anahata does not possess the function of being hurt, the only modus vivendi it knows is generosity.
I became one with my Anahata. I found my devastated Ego and told him: I love you.
I think that was the moment I lost the ability to feel rejected. I haven't had a chance to check it so far but something tells me: even if I am so reckless that my ego is wounded - I know where to find him. I know with what to find him and how to feel complete and shining once again.
And this is where my Trust comes from. This is how I trust myself.
2. As my Ego is now under the protection of something which cannot be hurt, I can face/heart anything. I trust that everything that the Universe sends me I can cope with. Everything that happens is an ingenious lesson for me. Every meeting is a unique encounter with a Teacher. Everything is so delicately and beautifully conducted by the karma and the Force that I believe that every moment is a precious chance to become better than I am. Though I can't say that I don't fail and I don't miss some (or many?) of these chances.
But this is how I trust my way, trust time and space.
3. I will say this again. Every meeting is a unique encounter with a Teacher. No one is your friend, no one is your foe, but everyone is your Teacher. If I want a lesson I have to be an empty cup when I meet the person. I have to be totally present and as sincere as I can be. I repeat, everything the person says or does when I am with him/her, is a lesson for me. I even think that the person doesn't have much choice. And vice versa: neither do I. When I'm good, especially when I'm at my best, I don't have any choice. I perform my karmic role and try to be a Teacher for the person I've met as well as I can.
And this is how I trust the encounters with the Teachers. This is how I trust people.
And again.
Heart the world.