Koan #3. Right and Wrong
I think that today the mass of Rights and Wrongs in my life became critical.
Two weeks ago I started to hear "You are wrong" repeatedly. The first and the second "You are wrong" were told by my father from whom I had used to get a great deal of support. I was shocked. I started calling people and asking: 'Does a person have a right to tell another person that the latter is wrong?' I got some data, I structured it and got a picture of how the opinions may differ. But that wasn't a solution - that was a consolation. When I was looking for my devastated ego I learned how to distinguish consolations (explaining what is happening and giving some reason for me feeling miserable) and solutions (something which is truly creative and something which is offered from a higher or deeper level, something after which the problem just does not exist anymore - and you laugh).
During these two-three weeks I received a lot of feedback on the entries in this journal. "I admire how you coped with it", "I feel that what you are writing about is so true to me"... I guess, these ideas may be listed under the category "You are right".
And today I got one more "You are wrong", the most powerful and heavy. I wasn't very good this evening. I tried not to but a couple of times I failed Special rule number one ("define the notions"). "Are you always fighting this hard?" - I was asked by an observer. No, I wasn't anywhere near even good. Maybe half-way I was good and then I started losing my composure. That's why "You are wrong" hit the target.
I became too confused. Half of the world says that I'm right and half of the world says that I'm wrong. I found several consolations and discarded them all. I thought, 'I can't face anyone unless I solve this, truly solve this, so that I can laugh'.
And then the Indian guy happened. My whole world collapsed: being at my best (or at least very good) I still was fairly and objectively wrong. What was I saying yesterday about how I trust my way? And how can I move on now?
I was lost. I started listening to quiet mantras just to regain some composure and to start thinking clearly. I got home, started writing the "Beware" entry and had no idea how to finish it and how to face anyone who is reading this journal. Then I took a sheet of paper, a pen and started to draw schemes of transfers between metro lines, just to make sure. And having drawn two of them I realized that actually, fairly and objectively, I had been right. I had shown the right way!
So.
I was
- right (when I was at my best);
- wrong (when I realised that I had given wrong directions;
- right (originally right);
- wrong (I was wrong to feel wrong) -
- at the same time!
And this was the moment when I laughed.
The dilemma of right/wrong was no longer significant. I was shown by this unbelievable Universe with a little help from this great Indian guy that I could be both right and wrong at the same time. Twice.
So, please.
Please.
You can tell me anything.
P.S. I guess I'll find this Indian guy via skype and show him these two entries. Even if I'm so hopeless with directions that I had been originally wrong, actually, now I just don't care.
P.P.S. /laughing/
Two weeks ago I started to hear "You are wrong" repeatedly. The first and the second "You are wrong" were told by my father from whom I had used to get a great deal of support. I was shocked. I started calling people and asking: 'Does a person have a right to tell another person that the latter is wrong?' I got some data, I structured it and got a picture of how the opinions may differ. But that wasn't a solution - that was a consolation. When I was looking for my devastated ego I learned how to distinguish consolations (explaining what is happening and giving some reason for me feeling miserable) and solutions (something which is truly creative and something which is offered from a higher or deeper level, something after which the problem just does not exist anymore - and you laugh).
During these two-three weeks I received a lot of feedback on the entries in this journal. "I admire how you coped with it", "I feel that what you are writing about is so true to me"... I guess, these ideas may be listed under the category "You are right".
And today I got one more "You are wrong", the most powerful and heavy. I wasn't very good this evening. I tried not to but a couple of times I failed Special rule number one ("define the notions"). "Are you always fighting this hard?" - I was asked by an observer. No, I wasn't anywhere near even good. Maybe half-way I was good and then I started losing my composure. That's why "You are wrong" hit the target.
I became too confused. Half of the world says that I'm right and half of the world says that I'm wrong. I found several consolations and discarded them all. I thought, 'I can't face anyone unless I solve this, truly solve this, so that I can laugh'.
And then the Indian guy happened. My whole world collapsed: being at my best (or at least very good) I still was fairly and objectively wrong. What was I saying yesterday about how I trust my way? And how can I move on now?
I was lost. I started listening to quiet mantras just to regain some composure and to start thinking clearly. I got home, started writing the "Beware" entry and had no idea how to finish it and how to face anyone who is reading this journal. Then I took a sheet of paper, a pen and started to draw schemes of transfers between metro lines, just to make sure. And having drawn two of them I realized that actually, fairly and objectively, I had been right. I had shown the right way!
So.
I was
- right (when I was at my best);
- wrong (when I realised that I had given wrong directions;
- right (originally right);
- wrong (I was wrong to feel wrong) -
- at the same time!
And this was the moment when I laughed.
The dilemma of right/wrong was no longer significant. I was shown by this unbelievable Universe with a little help from this great Indian guy that I could be both right and wrong at the same time. Twice.
So, please.
Please.
You can tell me anything.
P.S. I guess I'll find this Indian guy via skype and show him these two entries. Even if I'm so hopeless with directions that I had been originally wrong, actually, now I just don't care.
P.P.S. /laughing/