Therapy for Tara 11/20

[master_of_fear]

Jonathan hasn't had the opportunity to set up his office at Brookhaven so he'll be seeing Tara at his home again. He makes sure the apartment is clean and then makes some tea. He's really excited, been waiting for this all week.

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[brambless]

Tara shifts from foot to foot as she knocks, her sleeve pulled down over her free hand to give her fidgiting fingers something to do.

They're starting work on the desensitization stuff.

Talking about guns.

This is going to be... nothing resembling fun.

[master_of_fear]

"Hey Tara," Jonathan says to her, opening the door with a gentle look on his face, "Come on in. I made you some tea, to help you relax as much as you can." He gestures to the tea things sitting on the coffee table.

"Are you ready for today?" he asks, taking his own seat a good distance away from her.

[brambless]

"No?" Tara replies, trying to be honest. "But, um... I don't think I'm going to get any more ready, so... tea is, um... good."

Ready to try, at least.

[master_of_fear]

"Right," he says sitting down and pouring some tea, "Please try and make yourself as comfortable as possible. If you usually take your shoes off at home feel free to do so. I want you as comfortable as possible. Since... you really are going to be uncomfortable for our session today."

[master_of_fear]

"So even from the begginning, you had unpleasant associations with guns. Unsettling memories that go back to long before your accident," he tells her with an understanding look.

"But you were still around guns yes?" he asks, "You still have other memories of them in the past, anything that strikes you as memorable is important Tara, I know you don't like talking about this stuff but... it is going to help in the long run. I hate having to put you through this but... I don't know what else to do."

He looks at her, clearly distressed.

[brambless]

Oh, gods. This is hard enough for Jonathan, seeing her upset, without hiding things from him. It's in her head, memories twisting her hands as if to remind herself that she's free, that she can move, and if she's choking on it anyway she might as well let Jonathan have it.

He can't help her if she doesn't let him.

So, letting out a low, shuddering breath, she speaks those memories, the ones fresh in her mind.

[master_of_fear]

He nods at her words, not reacting, knowing it will only hurt her if he judges. It's fascinating though, even this, a trauma Jonathan was sure was independent from any previous issues is connected. As if her father is the nexus point from which all problems originate.

"So your fear of guns is in no way a new thing. You've had this fear of them since you were young. Your fear of firearms is connected with your fear of your father. But what about after that.

After you were away from him, what was the first time you saw one when he wasn't around?" he asks.

[brambless]

"I, um... I ran away from home. After my mother died, just before I turned eighteen. Spent all my savings on a Greyhound ticket, to get just as far away as I could. California. So the next time I saw one was, um... checking my baggage, to get on the bus. My transfer in Atlanta. Um, there was a guy who was upset at having to check his gun, but... but nothing happened. Just a little yelling."

It had scared her, though, especially when the man had gotten onto her bus and sat behind her. It was a long drive, late and night, and she was tense the whole way after that display of anger, waiting for him to explode over some inconsequential detail.

[master_of_fear]

Tara's face brightens, and her hands relax on the scarf. "Shane and I are getting tattoos, this weekend! Which won't actually happen until next weekend because I don't yet know that there's going to be omg gunangst when Katie gets home, and make life all badness and sadness for the next week, zomg!"

"Tattoos," he repeats, "Matching tattoos? That sounds realy nive Tara. A beautiful gift to give eachother."