[Slash] So Few Words 2/7
So Few Words
Author: anyothergirl415
Pairings: Jensen/Jared (other characters include the various randoms)
Rating: NC-17 (as an overall series, each part varies)
Disclaimer: Oh if only these boys were mine, the things I would do :)
Warnings: AU, HS fic, h/c, angst, schoomp
Words: 3,500 (this part)
Summary: Jensen would just like to let his parents know that moving at the beginning of his senior year is so not cool. But it’s forgivable if he can get the oh so pretty Jared Padalecki to just say something to him. Author Notes: Thank you so much to everyone who read Part One! I really have no idea what the food color amounts on M&Ms are, just for the record. Thanks to the brilliant surevesta for betaing!! And for the amazing banner!
Over the next week Jensen finds it quite easy to fall into a steady groove that he’s never been familiar with before. Each day on the way to and from school he rambles to Jared about various thoughts and opinions.
Sometimes it’s personal, like on Thursday morning when Mackenzie spends almost an hour in the bathroom and ignores his pounding on the door when all Jensen wanted was his toothbrush. Other times it’s merely observational, like Friday afternoon when he muses aloud whether colored M&Ms really have more food dye then brown ones.
He spends all weekend mentally kicking himself on how stupid the question of M&M food dye is. But at least he knows Jared is paying attention because on Monday morning Jared hands him an article printed from the internet that states all M&Ms have the same food dye amount.
This makes Jensen smirk and he folds the paper in fourths, tucking it inside a notebook. So maybe he will swoon over the sentimental thought later… when he can pretend Jared is just as interested in him as he is in Jared.
On Wednesday Jensen is heading to the quad for lunch when a hand tugs him hard into an empty classroom. He stumbles, catching his foot on the leg of a desk and scowls when he looks up to see Sandy, “God, what the fuck was that for?”
Sandy just rolls her eyes and holds out a pad of paper, “Look at this.”
Jensen takes the notebook. He expects some great big secret to be written across the faint blue lines but it’s only history notes, neatly bullet pointed and organized by dates, “Um… okay?”
A large huff leaves Sandy’s lips and Jensen is mildly impressed a girl so small can make such a noise. “That’s Jared’s notebook.” She says as if this should clear things up.
Jensen definitely doesn’t get it, “Why did you steal Jared’s history notes?”
“To show you!” Sandy jerks forward, pointing at the left margin where a variety of squiggly doodles cover the blue lines.
“To show me Jared’s fantastic artwork?” And really Jensen can’t help the sarcasm. Sandy has obviously lost her mind.
“God you’re an idiot! I’m not saying they’re fantastic, I’m just saying that they’re there!” Sandy drawls out the last word, like this should make it all obvious. It doesn’t, which is clear by the way Jensen arches his eyebrows, and she rolls her eyes painfully hard before spelling it out. “Remember I told you Jared doesn’t write anything except for classes? Well that includes doodles!”
“He doesn’t even doodle?” Jensen only feels mildly silly for saying the word doodle in such a serious tone of voice.
“No! But now he is! He’s changing! You’re actually helping him!” Sandy jumps excitedly forward, throwing her arms around him in a tight hug.
“Whoa, okay down,” Jensen laughs, setting the girl down and considering the notebook in his hand once more. There is no real pattern or method to the scribbles, but he knows they are more than just the marks someone might make to revive a dying writing utensil.
So Jared is doodling and he might be the reason behind it. And okay, it’s not like Jared’s confessing to never ending love or anything but Jensen can’t fight off the warm glow that builds in him.
*
On Friday afternoon while walking home from school in a companionable silence, Jensen finally gets up the nerve to ask, “Wanna hang out this weekend?”
The question obviously comes as a surprise to Jared, who stops so suddenly Jensen has to turn around to ensure he doesn’t miss the response. Jared looks skeptical so Jensen decides to offer up more information.
“I thought we could watch a movie. I mentioned Fight Club a couple of days ago and it didn’t seem like you’d seen it so yeah…” Jensen nervously stuffs one hand in his pocket, tucking the other under his backpack strap. He stares at the sidewalk for a few minutes.
When Jensen looks back up Jared’s still watching him. Slowly he nods once then falls back into his easy walking pace beside him.
Jensen’s heart flutters excitedly, “Great!” He clears his throat in attempt to bite back the giddy waver to the words. “So I live like three blocks down on the right side of the street. 6120 28th Avenue. It’s lime green, you really can’t miss it. Does 3:00 work?”
Jared nods, that barely faint smile tugging just on the corners of his lips for a moment before sliding away.
When they reach Jared’s house Jensen stops likes usual. This time, however, Jared reaches out and touches his arm in a ghost whisper before turning to head inside. He still doesn’t look back before disappearing behind the heavy oak door but Jensen doesn’t mind so much. He’s far too preoccupied with the tingling spot on his arm that Jared’s fingers had so briefly rested on.
*
Jensen is outrageously nervous the next day and spends the first half of the morning worrying Jared will call and cancel. Until it occurs to him that a) Jared doesn’t have his number and b) how the hell is a guy who refuses to talk going make a phone call?
So Jensen settles with being glad Jared can’t possibly cancel, though he could just not show up. This thought makes Jensen vaguely queasy so he attempts to clear his mind by giving his bedroom a thorough cleaning. Realistically it’s not that dirty, they haven’t even lived in this house for a month, but he figures you can never be too safe.
At two thirty he opens the door to his bedroom because he can’t be 100% certain he’ll hear the doorbell from inside his room. At a quarter till he begins pacing the hallway that leads from the kitchen to the front room and ignoring his sister when she calls him some variation of a psychotic nut job.
At two fifty five he takes a perch behind the blinds of the large front window. From here he can see down to the edge of the block and still stay hidden from view.
“Jen? What are you doing?” The sound of his mother’s voice makes him jump up; startled he clutches a hand to his chest and rounds on her.
“God mom, you scared the crap out of me!” He runs a now shaking hand through his hair and sighs, “My friend is coming over, remember? I mentioned him last night…”
His mother’s face lights up at this and she nods happily, “See! I just knew you’d make friends quick enough! I do hope he’s a nice boy!”
Jensen opens his mouth to declare that Jared is very nice indeed but is cut off by the doorbell ringing. Instantly his face pales and he rushes forward, pausing to eye his mom, “Go on mom. I don’t need a chaperone.”
She clicks in disapproval, shaking her head, but heads back down the hall. Jensen waits until she’s disappears into the kitchen before turning the lock and opening the door.
“Hey,” he greets, smiling brightly at Jared. “Come on in.”
Jared gives a nod in greeting and steps inside the front room, both hands tucking in his pockets as he takes in his environment.
Jensen watches him examine the room. Eyes lingering on the family photo hanging above the mantel place. And Jensen figures Jared’s probably realizing there’s no way he’s adopted. He looks way too much like his dad and brother.
“So, this is it,” Jensen states quite obviously and Jared’s eyes turn towards him. “Um… my room is upstairs so let’s go there.”
He leads Jared down the hall and up the stairs, sighing in relief at the closed door to his sister’s room before taking a left into his own. Once Jared is inside he closes the door, leaning against the wood and once more observing Jared studying his surroundings.
“It’s not much but we just moved here so yeah…” Jensen offers up, feeling strangely shy, but says no more on the subject when Jared gives him a look that clearly states his approval. “Well okay I’ve got a candy stash here, help yourself, here’s some Cokes... I hope you like Coke…”
Jared nods, reaching out to take the offered Coke and eyeing the candy in consideration.
Jensen busies himself setting up the movie. Once it’s in the DVD player and the menu pulls up he turns to grab his own soda and a Kit Kat bar. Only then does he consider seating.
Jared has taken a spot on the foot of the bed. Jensen desperately wants to sit beside him but isn’t sure what type of message that might send Jared. He eyes the computer chair in disdain.
His hesitation finally draws Jared’s attention and he glances at the spot on the bed with a soft nod of his head.
This is enough permission for Jensen who walks over and flops onto the mattress on his stomach. He begins the movie then, grabbing a pillow to tuck under his chest, popping open his Coke.
Jensen spends most of the movie watching Jared’s reactions from the corner of his eye. After all, he’s seen Fight Club a million times already and, though Jared never makes a sound, the brief flicker of emotions in his eyes in response to different scenes is nearly breath taking.
Halfway through the movie Jared sets his soda on the floor and reaches for a pillow as well, stretching out on his stomach beside him.
Jensen’s heart rate accelerates as the warmth from Jared’s body slowly reaches his own. Casually, he readjusts himself, stretching his arm out so it just barely rests against Jared’s.
It’s hard to tell if he feels anything at first. Then Jared’s arm moves, pressing full flush from elbow to shoulder.
Jensen’s breath catches in his throat and he feels silly because he’s done so much more with other people, other men, but nothing has ever turned him on this much.
*
The walk to Jared’s house on Monday morning doesn’t really help settle Jensen’s nerves. He’d spent all Sunday replaying the moment Jared’s flesh rested against his own. He was most likely imagining it, but he could have sworn he could still feel the tingle along his skin. When Jared had left, Jensen walking him to the front door, his hand rested for two full heartbeats against Jensen’s forearm before he was walking off down the path and not looking back.
So now Jensen can’t help wondering if anything might be different. That intense whatever in Jared’s eyes had seemed so much less in their last eye lock and maybe walls were breaking and Jensen was making headway.
Consequently this leaves him wondering what he might find on the other side of these walls, and if he was really prepared for it. He didn’t know if he was prepared, but he was ready. That had to mean something.
Jared is waiting at the end of the walk as Jensen approaches with a smile, “Mornin’.” He pauses just long enough to watch Jared’s head nod before they begin their walk. Nothing out of the ordinary yet. “So I have a lot of movies. And I was thinking you might not have seen them all and it’s really my duty to ensure you witness true cinematic genius so I made this list.”
Jensen reached in his pocket, pulling out the sheet of paper he’d worked so hard on the day before, offering it to Jared. The taller boy took it, opening the folds and eyeing the titles there.
“If you want, you could like… cross off the ones you’ve seen then we can make our way through the rest,” Jensen attempts to make this idea as casual as possible. He doesn’t really want Jared knowing he’s been planning this since the moment the door shut on Saturday evening, but he figures it’s mildly obvious. After all, who carries a list of their movies around just in case?
Jared folds the paper back together and puts it in his pocket. Which Jensen thinks is a really great sign. It calms his nerves just a little so he continues.
“And I’m always up for new movies. I don’t know if you have any sort of collection but if you make your own list I’ll take a look. We could like, alternate or something,” Jensen shrugs, failing to fight off the blush crawling up his cheeks.
Jared stops his walk and Jensen follows suit, turning to look at Jared in confusion. Dread crawls through him. Obviously something he said is not settling well with Jared. Maybe Jared knows that Jensen is fully aware he doesn’t write anything but stuff for class. Or perhaps Jared can see that Jensen is trying to work his way into Jared’s hard shell.
What happens next, however, surprises Jensen more than any of his considerations would have. Jared smiles. It’s not a full smile, just barely an up curve of lips and a flash of white teeth but it reaches his eyes. Lights them up for a moment and Jensen finds himself transfixed to the sight that’s already fading back to its place of hiding.
His breath catches somewhere in his lungs as Jared reaches out and very faintly touches his cheek. Then Jared is once more walking towards the school and Jensen is left painfully hard, his heart stuttering back to life and his pulse racing through his veins.
*
Sandy corners Jensen once more that Thursday before lunch. Jensen is only slightly annoyed because there’s some part of his body that longs to see Jared even though it’s only been a few hours since their walk that morning. “Okay, what have you been doing to him?” She demands, hands on hips.
Jensen arches his eyebrows, shifting his backpack, “Nothing. Talking to him? Walking with him?”
“He’s different,” Sandy looks puzzled though Jensen can tell she wants to be pleased. “I mean, he’s not really turning into himself like before but there’s something about him. He seems less… depressed.”
“That’s a good thing right?” Jensen laughs, reaching out to lay his hand on Sandy’s arm. “I think we’re becoming friends. Or he’s accepting me as one.” And Jensen thinks he should mention the smile from Monday to Sandy but he can’t quite give up the details. For some reason the moment seems too much like his alone and he doesn’t necessarily want to share.
“Yeah, it’s a good thing,” Sandy agrees with a nod, turning so they both can walk out to the quad. “I’m glad that you’re becoming friends. I hope it can be more.”
Jensen glances at her, itching to ask the all important question but not sure if Sandy will have the answer for him, “So… do you know if he is?”
“Gay?” Sandy responds casually, a smile pulling her lips up. “Yeah he is. I found out our freshman year though I’m not sure who knows. Pretty sure his family is still unaware about it.”
Jensen wants to ask how she found out, how she can be so 100% sure but he doesn’t press when she doesn’t offer details.
When they get to their usual table his steps falter. Jared is sitting in the spot normally occupied by Sandy, instead of by Danneel like normal. Sandy takes it all in stride, sliding in beside the girl and giving Jensen an encouraging smile.
So Jensen sits beside Jared, saying a greeting to the others and glancing at the boy out of the corner of his eyes. Jared doesn’t necessarily look at him but Jensen sees the rise of red to the normally impassive face.
“Dude,” Chad begins, pieces of sandwich spraying across the table. “Somebody tell me Britney Carlson is really pregnant with Mr. Davis’ kid!”
Jensen looks up from his food because he’s heard the rumor all morning and wants to know too. “God that’s disgusting,” he shakes his head.
Sandy laughs, “Oh it’s so a lie. I heard she kissed one of the cheerleaders boyfriends at some party the other night so now they are seeking revenge. Who knows why they choose Davis though.”
“Probably ‘cause he’s so foul,” Danneel shakes her head.
Tom chimes in with something but it doesn’t register in Jensen’s head, because suddenly there’s a leg resting against his, firm and strong. The chip in between his fingers falls silently onto the table as his breath hitches and his body tingles.
Vaguely he wonders if having any body part touching Jared will always make him feel this out of sorts. His eyes travel to the other but Jared is simply watching his friends continue their discussion, chewing slowly on the apple grasped in his palm.
Jensen shifts his foot so their legs rest completely against each other and he hopes Jared reads something into the move. Like that Jensen’s completely interested in whatever it is Jared might be considering.
He never is quite able to catch up with the conversation at the table but that’s okay. He slowly eats his food and enjoys the warmth circling through his system. Then Jared’s fingers just barely caress his arm before he stands and walks off to his afternoon classes while Jensen has to sit at the table for a few minutes to calm his body.
*
Friday afternoon Jensen can’t help but ramble on about how nice weekends are and how sometimes he feels the only way to get through the school week is to remember the relief that comes with being free for two whole days. “So do you want to come over again tomorrow?”
Jared nods and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a piece of paper and offering it to Jensen.
It’s a list of movies, written neatly and alphabetized. Jensen swallows thickly and tries to sort through the overwhelming surge of emotions. He feels awkward and foolish because really, how can you have a relationship with someone who won’t talk? Then he feels like a character from the dreaded chick flick because he’s considering a relationship between them at all.
“Sweet,” he finally nods, licking his lips and studying the paper. “So um… you can come by around the same time? Or earlier. Whatever works cause I’ll be home all day.”
Jared nods and they finish their walk in silence. Jensen is too wrapped up in thoughts of sentimental gestures and awkward silences, because really it would be bound to happen. He can’t just keep assuming Jared is okay with things and then take a step across that line that cannot be undone.
When they get to Jared’s front walk Jensen stops but his eyes don’t rise up. Everything suddenly feels so unsure and not right and he almost feels guilty for having a crush on Jared in the first place.
Then gentle, soft fingers come to rest under his chin, gooseflesh spreading along his neck as he allows his head to be angled up. Jared is looking at him curiously, his head tilted just slightly to the left.
Jensen finds himself explaining, “I’m going to be honest Jared. I like you. A lot.” Here he bites his lip but Jared’s fingers stay on his chin so he continues. “But I’m worried. I mean… okay I don’t know why you don’t talk but whatever it was must have been bad and what if I cross a line? What if I do something to hurt you? Or what if you don’t like me at all and I’m just making an ass of myself?”
The noise is so faint Jensen momentarily thinks he’s imagining it. But he’s not. Jared lets of a breathy sort of chuckle, his fingers sliding hesitantly down Jensen’s neck and tracing the first part of his collar bone just visible under his shirt.
Like usual, when touching and Jared are involved, his breath hitches and his heart stutters and Jensen has to wonder when he’ll keel over from the amount of heartbeats skipped because of Jared.
“Okay,” Jensen breathes, eyes interpreting the emotions behind Jared’s. “One step at a time then? How about I let you make the first moves? Because I can guarantee I’ll be okay with whatever you have in mind.”
Jared graces him with another smile, this one just a tad brighter then the first and lingering just a little longer. He nods, letting his hand fall from Jensen’s shoulder where it had rested for a few brief moments.
Jensen watches him turn and walk towards his house. At the door Jared pauses and glances just slightly over his shoulder, giving Jensen one final look before disappearing inside.
As he walks the rest of the distance home Jensen can’t seem to get a control on his racing heart or stop his hands from shaking. That’s okay though, because Jared’s smile is still burning brightly in his mind and most likely will be for the rest of the night.
Part Three
Author: anyothergirl415
Pairings: Jensen/Jared (other characters include the various randoms)
Rating: NC-17 (as an overall series, each part varies)
Disclaimer: Oh if only these boys were mine, the things I would do :)
Warnings: AU, HS fic, h/c, angst, schoomp
Words: 3,500 (this part)
Summary: Jensen would just like to let his parents know that moving at the beginning of his senior year is so not cool. But it’s forgivable if he can get the oh so pretty Jared Padalecki to just say something to him. Author Notes: Thank you so much to everyone who read Part One! I really have no idea what the food color amounts on M&Ms are, just for the record. Thanks to the brilliant surevesta for betaing!! And for the amazing banner!
Over the next week Jensen finds it quite easy to fall into a steady groove that he’s never been familiar with before. Each day on the way to and from school he rambles to Jared about various thoughts and opinions.
Sometimes it’s personal, like on Thursday morning when Mackenzie spends almost an hour in the bathroom and ignores his pounding on the door when all Jensen wanted was his toothbrush. Other times it’s merely observational, like Friday afternoon when he muses aloud whether colored M&Ms really have more food dye then brown ones.
He spends all weekend mentally kicking himself on how stupid the question of M&M food dye is. But at least he knows Jared is paying attention because on Monday morning Jared hands him an article printed from the internet that states all M&Ms have the same food dye amount.
This makes Jensen smirk and he folds the paper in fourths, tucking it inside a notebook. So maybe he will swoon over the sentimental thought later… when he can pretend Jared is just as interested in him as he is in Jared.
On Wednesday Jensen is heading to the quad for lunch when a hand tugs him hard into an empty classroom. He stumbles, catching his foot on the leg of a desk and scowls when he looks up to see Sandy, “God, what the fuck was that for?”
Sandy just rolls her eyes and holds out a pad of paper, “Look at this.”
Jensen takes the notebook. He expects some great big secret to be written across the faint blue lines but it’s only history notes, neatly bullet pointed and organized by dates, “Um… okay?”
A large huff leaves Sandy’s lips and Jensen is mildly impressed a girl so small can make such a noise. “That’s Jared’s notebook.” She says as if this should clear things up.
Jensen definitely doesn’t get it, “Why did you steal Jared’s history notes?”
“To show you!” Sandy jerks forward, pointing at the left margin where a variety of squiggly doodles cover the blue lines.
“To show me Jared’s fantastic artwork?” And really Jensen can’t help the sarcasm. Sandy has obviously lost her mind.
“God you’re an idiot! I’m not saying they’re fantastic, I’m just saying that they’re there!” Sandy drawls out the last word, like this should make it all obvious. It doesn’t, which is clear by the way Jensen arches his eyebrows, and she rolls her eyes painfully hard before spelling it out. “Remember I told you Jared doesn’t write anything except for classes? Well that includes doodles!”
“He doesn’t even doodle?” Jensen only feels mildly silly for saying the word doodle in such a serious tone of voice.
“No! But now he is! He’s changing! You’re actually helping him!” Sandy jumps excitedly forward, throwing her arms around him in a tight hug.
“Whoa, okay down,” Jensen laughs, setting the girl down and considering the notebook in his hand once more. There is no real pattern or method to the scribbles, but he knows they are more than just the marks someone might make to revive a dying writing utensil.
So Jared is doodling and he might be the reason behind it. And okay, it’s not like Jared’s confessing to never ending love or anything but Jensen can’t fight off the warm glow that builds in him.
*
On Friday afternoon while walking home from school in a companionable silence, Jensen finally gets up the nerve to ask, “Wanna hang out this weekend?”
The question obviously comes as a surprise to Jared, who stops so suddenly Jensen has to turn around to ensure he doesn’t miss the response. Jared looks skeptical so Jensen decides to offer up more information.
“I thought we could watch a movie. I mentioned Fight Club a couple of days ago and it didn’t seem like you’d seen it so yeah…” Jensen nervously stuffs one hand in his pocket, tucking the other under his backpack strap. He stares at the sidewalk for a few minutes.
When Jensen looks back up Jared’s still watching him. Slowly he nods once then falls back into his easy walking pace beside him.
Jensen’s heart flutters excitedly, “Great!” He clears his throat in attempt to bite back the giddy waver to the words. “So I live like three blocks down on the right side of the street. 6120 28th Avenue. It’s lime green, you really can’t miss it. Does 3:00 work?”
Jared nods, that barely faint smile tugging just on the corners of his lips for a moment before sliding away.
When they reach Jared’s house Jensen stops likes usual. This time, however, Jared reaches out and touches his arm in a ghost whisper before turning to head inside. He still doesn’t look back before disappearing behind the heavy oak door but Jensen doesn’t mind so much. He’s far too preoccupied with the tingling spot on his arm that Jared’s fingers had so briefly rested on.
*
Jensen is outrageously nervous the next day and spends the first half of the morning worrying Jared will call and cancel. Until it occurs to him that a) Jared doesn’t have his number and b) how the hell is a guy who refuses to talk going make a phone call?
So Jensen settles with being glad Jared can’t possibly cancel, though he could just not show up. This thought makes Jensen vaguely queasy so he attempts to clear his mind by giving his bedroom a thorough cleaning. Realistically it’s not that dirty, they haven’t even lived in this house for a month, but he figures you can never be too safe.
At two thirty he opens the door to his bedroom because he can’t be 100% certain he’ll hear the doorbell from inside his room. At a quarter till he begins pacing the hallway that leads from the kitchen to the front room and ignoring his sister when she calls him some variation of a psychotic nut job.
At two fifty five he takes a perch behind the blinds of the large front window. From here he can see down to the edge of the block and still stay hidden from view.
“Jen? What are you doing?” The sound of his mother’s voice makes him jump up; startled he clutches a hand to his chest and rounds on her.
“God mom, you scared the crap out of me!” He runs a now shaking hand through his hair and sighs, “My friend is coming over, remember? I mentioned him last night…”
His mother’s face lights up at this and she nods happily, “See! I just knew you’d make friends quick enough! I do hope he’s a nice boy!”
Jensen opens his mouth to declare that Jared is very nice indeed but is cut off by the doorbell ringing. Instantly his face pales and he rushes forward, pausing to eye his mom, “Go on mom. I don’t need a chaperone.”
She clicks in disapproval, shaking her head, but heads back down the hall. Jensen waits until she’s disappears into the kitchen before turning the lock and opening the door.
“Hey,” he greets, smiling brightly at Jared. “Come on in.”
Jared gives a nod in greeting and steps inside the front room, both hands tucking in his pockets as he takes in his environment.
Jensen watches him examine the room. Eyes lingering on the family photo hanging above the mantel place. And Jensen figures Jared’s probably realizing there’s no way he’s adopted. He looks way too much like his dad and brother.
“So, this is it,” Jensen states quite obviously and Jared’s eyes turn towards him. “Um… my room is upstairs so let’s go there.”
He leads Jared down the hall and up the stairs, sighing in relief at the closed door to his sister’s room before taking a left into his own. Once Jared is inside he closes the door, leaning against the wood and once more observing Jared studying his surroundings.
“It’s not much but we just moved here so yeah…” Jensen offers up, feeling strangely shy, but says no more on the subject when Jared gives him a look that clearly states his approval. “Well okay I’ve got a candy stash here, help yourself, here’s some Cokes... I hope you like Coke…”
Jared nods, reaching out to take the offered Coke and eyeing the candy in consideration.
Jensen busies himself setting up the movie. Once it’s in the DVD player and the menu pulls up he turns to grab his own soda and a Kit Kat bar. Only then does he consider seating.
Jared has taken a spot on the foot of the bed. Jensen desperately wants to sit beside him but isn’t sure what type of message that might send Jared. He eyes the computer chair in disdain.
His hesitation finally draws Jared’s attention and he glances at the spot on the bed with a soft nod of his head.
This is enough permission for Jensen who walks over and flops onto the mattress on his stomach. He begins the movie then, grabbing a pillow to tuck under his chest, popping open his Coke.
Jensen spends most of the movie watching Jared’s reactions from the corner of his eye. After all, he’s seen Fight Club a million times already and, though Jared never makes a sound, the brief flicker of emotions in his eyes in response to different scenes is nearly breath taking.
Halfway through the movie Jared sets his soda on the floor and reaches for a pillow as well, stretching out on his stomach beside him.
Jensen’s heart rate accelerates as the warmth from Jared’s body slowly reaches his own. Casually, he readjusts himself, stretching his arm out so it just barely rests against Jared’s.
It’s hard to tell if he feels anything at first. Then Jared’s arm moves, pressing full flush from elbow to shoulder.
Jensen’s breath catches in his throat and he feels silly because he’s done so much more with other people, other men, but nothing has ever turned him on this much.
*
The walk to Jared’s house on Monday morning doesn’t really help settle Jensen’s nerves. He’d spent all Sunday replaying the moment Jared’s flesh rested against his own. He was most likely imagining it, but he could have sworn he could still feel the tingle along his skin. When Jared had left, Jensen walking him to the front door, his hand rested for two full heartbeats against Jensen’s forearm before he was walking off down the path and not looking back.
So now Jensen can’t help wondering if anything might be different. That intense whatever in Jared’s eyes had seemed so much less in their last eye lock and maybe walls were breaking and Jensen was making headway.
Consequently this leaves him wondering what he might find on the other side of these walls, and if he was really prepared for it. He didn’t know if he was prepared, but he was ready. That had to mean something.
Jared is waiting at the end of the walk as Jensen approaches with a smile, “Mornin’.” He pauses just long enough to watch Jared’s head nod before they begin their walk. Nothing out of the ordinary yet. “So I have a lot of movies. And I was thinking you might not have seen them all and it’s really my duty to ensure you witness true cinematic genius so I made this list.”
Jensen reached in his pocket, pulling out the sheet of paper he’d worked so hard on the day before, offering it to Jared. The taller boy took it, opening the folds and eyeing the titles there.
“If you want, you could like… cross off the ones you’ve seen then we can make our way through the rest,” Jensen attempts to make this idea as casual as possible. He doesn’t really want Jared knowing he’s been planning this since the moment the door shut on Saturday evening, but he figures it’s mildly obvious. After all, who carries a list of their movies around just in case?
Jared folds the paper back together and puts it in his pocket. Which Jensen thinks is a really great sign. It calms his nerves just a little so he continues.
“And I’m always up for new movies. I don’t know if you have any sort of collection but if you make your own list I’ll take a look. We could like, alternate or something,” Jensen shrugs, failing to fight off the blush crawling up his cheeks.
Jared stops his walk and Jensen follows suit, turning to look at Jared in confusion. Dread crawls through him. Obviously something he said is not settling well with Jared. Maybe Jared knows that Jensen is fully aware he doesn’t write anything but stuff for class. Or perhaps Jared can see that Jensen is trying to work his way into Jared’s hard shell.
What happens next, however, surprises Jensen more than any of his considerations would have. Jared smiles. It’s not a full smile, just barely an up curve of lips and a flash of white teeth but it reaches his eyes. Lights them up for a moment and Jensen finds himself transfixed to the sight that’s already fading back to its place of hiding.
His breath catches somewhere in his lungs as Jared reaches out and very faintly touches his cheek. Then Jared is once more walking towards the school and Jensen is left painfully hard, his heart stuttering back to life and his pulse racing through his veins.
*
Sandy corners Jensen once more that Thursday before lunch. Jensen is only slightly annoyed because there’s some part of his body that longs to see Jared even though it’s only been a few hours since their walk that morning. “Okay, what have you been doing to him?” She demands, hands on hips.
Jensen arches his eyebrows, shifting his backpack, “Nothing. Talking to him? Walking with him?”
“He’s different,” Sandy looks puzzled though Jensen can tell she wants to be pleased. “I mean, he’s not really turning into himself like before but there’s something about him. He seems less… depressed.”
“That’s a good thing right?” Jensen laughs, reaching out to lay his hand on Sandy’s arm. “I think we’re becoming friends. Or he’s accepting me as one.” And Jensen thinks he should mention the smile from Monday to Sandy but he can’t quite give up the details. For some reason the moment seems too much like his alone and he doesn’t necessarily want to share.
“Yeah, it’s a good thing,” Sandy agrees with a nod, turning so they both can walk out to the quad. “I’m glad that you’re becoming friends. I hope it can be more.”
Jensen glances at her, itching to ask the all important question but not sure if Sandy will have the answer for him, “So… do you know if he is?”
“Gay?” Sandy responds casually, a smile pulling her lips up. “Yeah he is. I found out our freshman year though I’m not sure who knows. Pretty sure his family is still unaware about it.”
Jensen wants to ask how she found out, how she can be so 100% sure but he doesn’t press when she doesn’t offer details.
When they get to their usual table his steps falter. Jared is sitting in the spot normally occupied by Sandy, instead of by Danneel like normal. Sandy takes it all in stride, sliding in beside the girl and giving Jensen an encouraging smile.
So Jensen sits beside Jared, saying a greeting to the others and glancing at the boy out of the corner of his eyes. Jared doesn’t necessarily look at him but Jensen sees the rise of red to the normally impassive face.
“Dude,” Chad begins, pieces of sandwich spraying across the table. “Somebody tell me Britney Carlson is really pregnant with Mr. Davis’ kid!”
Jensen looks up from his food because he’s heard the rumor all morning and wants to know too. “God that’s disgusting,” he shakes his head.
Sandy laughs, “Oh it’s so a lie. I heard she kissed one of the cheerleaders boyfriends at some party the other night so now they are seeking revenge. Who knows why they choose Davis though.”
“Probably ‘cause he’s so foul,” Danneel shakes her head.
Tom chimes in with something but it doesn’t register in Jensen’s head, because suddenly there’s a leg resting against his, firm and strong. The chip in between his fingers falls silently onto the table as his breath hitches and his body tingles.
Vaguely he wonders if having any body part touching Jared will always make him feel this out of sorts. His eyes travel to the other but Jared is simply watching his friends continue their discussion, chewing slowly on the apple grasped in his palm.
Jensen shifts his foot so their legs rest completely against each other and he hopes Jared reads something into the move. Like that Jensen’s completely interested in whatever it is Jared might be considering.
He never is quite able to catch up with the conversation at the table but that’s okay. He slowly eats his food and enjoys the warmth circling through his system. Then Jared’s fingers just barely caress his arm before he stands and walks off to his afternoon classes while Jensen has to sit at the table for a few minutes to calm his body.
*
Friday afternoon Jensen can’t help but ramble on about how nice weekends are and how sometimes he feels the only way to get through the school week is to remember the relief that comes with being free for two whole days. “So do you want to come over again tomorrow?”
Jared nods and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a piece of paper and offering it to Jensen.
It’s a list of movies, written neatly and alphabetized. Jensen swallows thickly and tries to sort through the overwhelming surge of emotions. He feels awkward and foolish because really, how can you have a relationship with someone who won’t talk? Then he feels like a character from the dreaded chick flick because he’s considering a relationship between them at all.
“Sweet,” he finally nods, licking his lips and studying the paper. “So um… you can come by around the same time? Or earlier. Whatever works cause I’ll be home all day.”
Jared nods and they finish their walk in silence. Jensen is too wrapped up in thoughts of sentimental gestures and awkward silences, because really it would be bound to happen. He can’t just keep assuming Jared is okay with things and then take a step across that line that cannot be undone.
When they get to Jared’s front walk Jensen stops but his eyes don’t rise up. Everything suddenly feels so unsure and not right and he almost feels guilty for having a crush on Jared in the first place.
Then gentle, soft fingers come to rest under his chin, gooseflesh spreading along his neck as he allows his head to be angled up. Jared is looking at him curiously, his head tilted just slightly to the left.
Jensen finds himself explaining, “I’m going to be honest Jared. I like you. A lot.” Here he bites his lip but Jared’s fingers stay on his chin so he continues. “But I’m worried. I mean… okay I don’t know why you don’t talk but whatever it was must have been bad and what if I cross a line? What if I do something to hurt you? Or what if you don’t like me at all and I’m just making an ass of myself?”
The noise is so faint Jensen momentarily thinks he’s imagining it. But he’s not. Jared lets of a breathy sort of chuckle, his fingers sliding hesitantly down Jensen’s neck and tracing the first part of his collar bone just visible under his shirt.
Like usual, when touching and Jared are involved, his breath hitches and his heart stutters and Jensen has to wonder when he’ll keel over from the amount of heartbeats skipped because of Jared.
“Okay,” Jensen breathes, eyes interpreting the emotions behind Jared’s. “One step at a time then? How about I let you make the first moves? Because I can guarantee I’ll be okay with whatever you have in mind.”
Jared graces him with another smile, this one just a tad brighter then the first and lingering just a little longer. He nods, letting his hand fall from Jensen’s shoulder where it had rested for a few brief moments.
Jensen watches him turn and walk towards his house. At the door Jared pauses and glances just slightly over his shoulder, giving Jensen one final look before disappearing inside.
As he walks the rest of the distance home Jensen can’t seem to get a control on his racing heart or stop his hands from shaking. That’s okay though, because Jared’s smile is still burning brightly in his mind and most likely will be for the rest of the night.
Part Three