[Slash] So Few Words - 6/7
So Few Words
Author: anyothergirl415
Pairings: Jensen/Jared (other characters include the various randoms)
Rating: NC-17 (as an overall series, each part varies)
Disclaimer: Oh if only these boys were mine, the things I would do :)
Warnings: AU, HS fic, h/c, angst, schoomp
Words: 4,245 (this part)
Summary: Jensen would just like to let his parents know that moving at the beginning of his senior year is so not cool. But it’s forgivable if he can get the oh so pretty Jared Padalecki to just say something to him.
Author Notes: Thank you to everyone who’s been following the story, I’m glad you’re all enjoying it! And thank you to surevesta for being a fantastic beta and making a fantastic banner!
“Are you sure?” Jensen asks for the tenth time. They are sitting at the table, boxes of Chinese food spread between them.
Jared sighs and nods, “I think… it will help.”
Jensen can only nod at this. Curiosity flaring so brightly in him he’d be lying if he said he wanted anything more then to know. But the sane, logical part of his brain keeps pointing out that this is it. He’s about to learn the big deep dark secret to Jared’s silence and it may very well change everything.
Jensen tries to tell himself that they are strong enough to overcome this together but he’s not 100% sure and that scares the crap out of him. But if Jared thinks it’ll help… well Jensen would do anything to help him so he braces himself for the story.
*
It happened the summer between Jared’s freshman and sophomore year. The Padalecki’s had rented a cabin for a month on a beautiful lake. Jared wasn’t really looking forward to going, especially when his parent’s didn’t allow him to bring any of his friends along for company, but he can’t deny the view is nice and figures he can at least get a healthy tan.
The house is three levels, separated from the water by a thick patch of trees. When Jared stands on the balcony outside his room, which is on the top floor, he can see through the woods to the beach below. Which is precisely how he first lays eyes on him..
He’s staying two houses down and Jared watches him running along the lake shore in a pair of shorts and tennis shoes. Sweat glistens off his ripped abs and Jared finds himself hard in a heartbeat. He’s straight out of a Calvin Kline ad.
Jared has known he preferred men for a few years now but he’s never done anything before. Not even kissed. He’s young and naïve and this guy is so very good looking that Jared can’t help but be mesmerized.
After three days of watching the man jog by, always around 10 am, always alone, Jared works up the nerve to be on the beach at the same time. His plan is to appear casual, nonchalant, and though he doubts he’ll be brave enough to say anything, at least the man will see him as well.
As it turns out, he doesn’t have to be brave enough because the man stops and says hello. He introduces himself as Tyler Adams and Jared is thrown speechless, thankfully remembering his name in response.
That’s all it takes really. The next day Jared’s waiting on the beach and when Tyler arrives he takes Jared’s hand and leads him into the dense trees nearby. He talks animatedly about New York City - where he’s from - and before Jared can even process what’s happening he’s being pushed against the thick trunk of a tree and kissed roughly.
He gasps and mumbles a protest but Tyler just pulls back, laughs and declares, “I’ve seen you watching me Jared Padalecki. I know you want me. Don’t worry, we won’t get caught.”
Suddenly Tyler becomes Jared’s world. He doesn’t seem to mind Tyler’s hands on his shoulders, forcing him to his knees and thrusting a large cock into his mouth - even if it causes his knees to bleed from the sharp rocks and pine needles strewn everywhere. It’s completely worth the pain when he listens to Tyler come. Even though the white hot liquid fills his mouth quickly and he nearly gags, it’s utterly worth it.
Every single day Jared waits for Tyler to come jogging by. They head into the woods and Jared does exactly as he’s told. “I’m teaching you,” Tyler insists when Jared asks him about getting a blow job of his own. “You’re such a very good student.”
This makes Jared blush and he feels grateful for Tyler’s patience. Even if it means he always leaves their encounters painfully hard and has to take long hot showers to get some relief.
Jared learns the art of the perfect hand job, the finer points to deep throating, learns exactly were to touch and lick and suck to make Tyler writhe. It’s hot and perfect in his mind but eventually has to come to an end.
When Jared tells Tyler his family is going home the next day, Tyler tells him to drop by. “Come over at 3 pm, I’ll make it worth your while,” he grins before disappearing through the woods.
Jared is heartbroken to leave. He’s never been in love before but feels this has to be it. Tyler is perfect and Jared thinks maybe they’ll be able to keep up a relationship. He only has three years of high school left and people did the long distance thing all the time.
He’s decided to explain his logic when he arrives at Tyler’s. It’s not easy at first, Tyler is pressing him hard against the wall and Jared has to shove him back to spit the words out and pray they make sense.
“Jared,” Tyler looks at him but it’s not with love or hope, its cold and mocking. “We’re just fucking around. I’m not into pursuing this.”
The words cut at him and Jared feels so stupid for assuming Tyler would be interested in a kid like him, “But… I love you.” He gives a last sad plea.
Tyler laughs, harsh and bitter. “No, you don’t. You’re just a kid. Now take off your pants.”
Jared can’t really process anything through the echo of that cold laugh and he stumbles backwards, legs pressing against the arm of the couch. “Wh- what?”
“I said,” Tyler’s eyes darken and he jerks Jared forward by the waist band. “Take. Off. Your. Pants.” Each word is hissed, punctuated by fingers unbuttoning then unzipping.
Before he can even protest, Jared is being forced over and the air is cold on his back side. Fingers are pushed and Jared looses himself in a blur. Nothing makes sense beyond blinding pain and hurt and he thinks he should be stopping this but he can’t. He can’t even fucking breath.
Then it’s over. Tyler’s weight is off him and clothes are rustling. “Shut the door on the way out,” is the last thing he hears before the man is walking down the hall and disappearing behind a door.
Jared’s not sure how long he stays sprawled across the couch arm. He’s only vaguely aware of the distant sound of water running. When he finally pushes himself up his cheeks are wet and his body aches in ways he’s never imagined. He feels sick and then he sees it.
A large picture in a frame on the side table. In it Tyler stands proud with a pretty blonde woman, between them are two little boys and both looks so exceptionally like their father that there’s really no questioning it.
Jared barely makes it outside before he’s vomiting, falling onto already damaged knees. He can’t help the sobs that only make the retches more painful. It’s a sick cycle until there’s nothing left in his stomach.
Nothing left for Jared to do but push himself up and walk home.
*
Jensen can’t talk for a long time after Jared finishes the story. He tastes bile at the back of his throat and mildly regrets the second helping of sesame chicken.
Jared had moved to lay on the bed while he spoke and now he sits up, watching Jensen with tense eyes.
Jensen rises, feeling like he needs to say something because Jared’s not to blame and he’s not sure Jared knows this. Jensen doesn’t love him any less or different than before. “Jared…” he whispers, walking forward and reaching out to caress the firm shoulder.
“So then… I went home,” Jared starts again, clearing his throat and briefly meeting Jensen’s eyes before gazing back at his hands. “But the whole silence thing didn’t really start right away.”
“No?” Jensen encourages, sitting beside him. He can feel something changing in Jared and he knows the man has to finish the story. Almost as if everything keeping Jared speaking depends on it.
“No,” Jared sighs. “No one was home when I got there. So I showered. I think I was in there for hours, or at least until the hot water ran out. All I could think was, I’m gonna have to be normal, I’m gonna have to go out there and face my family and pretend none of this happened.”
“You didn’t think you could tell them?” Jensen asks, already considering if he would confess something like this to his own parents.
“How could I?” Jared snorts, the sound somewhere between disgust and anger. “My parents didn’t even know I was gay. All I kept seeing was those little boys’ faces and if I told… their lives would be ruined. They’d lose their dad. And besides, I never wanted to see him again. I wouldn’t have been able to handle facing him in court.”
Jensen understands even though every part of him itches to hunt down this Tyler Adams and punish him in a different sort of way. Preferably one involving a baseball bat. “So when did the silence thing begin?” He asks to change the topic and Jared looks relieved to focus on something else.
“No one asked if I was okay,” he whispers. “They couldn’t see I was hurting. I sat and watched them laugh and talk about their day on the boat and it was easy to fade into the background. The next day we drove home. Jeff, my brother, and Megan, my sister, were both preoccupied with music and books. My parents had each other and I just kinda… faded away.”
Jensen reaches out to run a hand through Jared’s hair. He can’t believe how much Jared has to say but think if he’d stayed silent for two years he’d have some pent up stuff too.
“There were only a few weeks left till school started,” Jared continues, leaning into the touch slightly. “And my parents went back to work and I just spent every day reliving what had happened. I hurt, not physically anymore but everything else just ached. Eventually I figured it was just easier to stay silent.”
“You never wanted to tell anyone?” Jensen asks.
“Not really. I mean… these people know me… and what happened was so dirty. I knew they’d all look at me differently. My parents would send me to therapy… well they did that anyways but they didn’t know why or anything.”
“What made me different?” Jensen can’t help but question.
Jared’s eyes focus on him and he smiles faintly. “You didn’t know me before. You just kinda randomly appeared and accepted me even though I didn’t talk or smile or anything like that. You didn’t know what happened and you never begged me to tell you. I’m not saying Sandy or them did but they all asked at some point in time. They tried to get it out of me but never did.”
“Well, I did ask Sandy why you didn’t speak,” Jensen offers, not that he wants to disprove Jared’s words but he wants to be 100% honest about everything.
“I figured, but you still never asked me. Besides the whole mute thing,” Jared laughs, turning on the bed to fully face Jensen. “Everything changed when I met you. For the first time in years I felt… alive again. You made me feel like there was a reason to keep going.”
Jensen’s heart flutters at this and he reaches out to trace Jared’s cheek with his thumb, “You’re giving me way too much credit.”
“Jensen,” Jared whispers, licking dry lips with a sudden wave of nervousness. “I’m terrified of how I feel for you. I can’t be hurt again like that… I won’t survive it.”
“I would never hurt you like that,” Jensen is quick to defend; slightly offended Jared could even suggest it.
“No, I know you’d never rape me,” Jared sighs running a hand through his hair. “But you could leave me. You could decide I’m too much drama for you. Things aren’t just going to be right now you know? I’ve spent two long years building up walls and I can’t bring them all down in one night.”
Jensen knows this is true. Even if Jared continues openly communicating with Jensen, everyone else would take time. People will have questions and Jared might not be ready to answer them. “It’s okay,” Jensen leans forward to press a small kiss to Jared’s lips. “I’m not going anywhere alright? We’ll get through this together.”
It’s cheesy and sappy and all the things Jensen normally makes fun of but recently he finds himself living these moments and loving them regardless.
*
Upon Jared’s request, or pleas really, Jensen follows him inside the house the next day instead of just dropping him off. They’d spent a few more hours the night before discussing ways Jared could slowly break away from his silence until the temptation to touch became too much and they’d fallen into a tangle together on the bed.
Jared’s family is gathered in the living room watching a movie and Jensen takes the opportunity to get a good look at Megan and Jeff. Jared had explained that Jeff was home for Christmas break and therefore this really had to be done now.
The four people look up at them as they walk in and Jensen feels insanely awkward, but then Jared is clearing his throat and all eyes focus on him.
“I…” he begins, voice barely audible and Jensen watches surprise filter across everyone’s faces. “I know I’ve been… difficult to live with these past few years. But I’m trying to change that now. Only I’m not ready to talk about everything yet and it’s not just going to be fixed right away. And I can’t promise I’ll talk every day or anything…”
This is mostly the speech they’d practiced and Jensen can’t help smiling when Jared looks at him for encouragement.
“Well, it’s a start,” Jared’s mother has tears in her eyes, voice choking as she rises to walk forward and to hug Jared tightly.
Jensen decides to wait on the front porch because it’s obvious they need a private family moment and he doesn’t want to intrude.
Standing in the chill of January morning he can’t help marvel at the past twenty four hours. He hadn’t gone to the hotel expecting to learn the truth about Jared. Hell, he hadn’t even gone expecting to lose his virginity.
However, here it was a brand new year and he felt like a brand new person. It was so close to perfect that Jensen couldn’t imagine anything better.
“Hey,” Jared’s voice is a soft whisper sending shivers along his flesh and Jensen turns, smiling.
“They seemed really happy.”
“They are, though I think it’s going to be hard for them not to ask questions,” Jared laughs, a hand running through his hair.
“Well, just remember you have to be just as patient,” Jensen glances at his watch out of habit and sighs. “I should probably head home. My mom’s likely to have a hernia if I’m gone too much longer.”
Jared laughs and leans forward to press a small kiss against his lips, “Okay, love you.”
“Love you,” Jensen echoes, opening his palm as a piece of paper presses into it. “What’s this?”
“My phone number,” Jared laughs before turning, heading back inside.
*
School starts again the following Monday, which is fine for Jensen because he really hates not seeing Jared every day. At lunch he arrives at the table before his lover, smiling brightly at the group. “Hey guys, how was Christmas?”
Sandy laughs with her usual cheeriness, “Good but obviously not as good as yours.”
“Spare us any details,” Tom quickly insists, though Jensen can see the happiness on his face as well. It reassures him, knowing that whatever may happen when Jared joins them they’ll be happy. He figures if things could go smoothly with Jared’s family then there was no reason they shouldn’t with his friends.
“My Christmas was good,” Jensen nods, smiling down at his backpack.
“I got a puppy!” Danneel exclaims with excitement and the conversation shifts to gifts received and who’s was the best.
The chatter continued to flow even as Jared slid onto the bench beside him. Jensen’s eyes move up, already smiling in greeting. Jared returns the smile before leaning towards him and whispering in his ear, “Wish me luck.”
Jensen squeezes a firm thigh in encouragement, eyes moving back to the group to prepare for what would happen next.
“I think a puppy is way better then a snowboard,” Danneel scoffs at Chad’s affronted look. “I mean seriously, you can only use a snowboard a few months a year and you have to replace it if you grow at all. But a puppy… well that’s a lifelong friend!”
“What sort of puppy did you get?” Jared asks.
Thick and heavy silence follows the question and Jensen takes the opportunity to observe each person’s reactions. Sandy and Danneel both look stunned for a heartbeat before breaking into wide, bright smiles. Tom looks knowing, as if he knew it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. Chad looks shocked, as if he can’t process what just happened. Jensen thinks that might be the case because Chad can be a little slow on the uptake sometimes.
“A Yorkipoo,” Danneel answers finally, still beaming at Jared with excited eyes. “She’s so cute and tiny! I almost lost her in my shoe!”
Jared laughs and Jensen tries hard to imagine a dog so small, “Sounds like the type of dog I should stay away from. I’d probably sit on her or something.”
Everyone laughs at this, even Chad who looks just as confused as before. Chad’s laughter dies quickly though as he shakes his head, “Wait, no. We can’t just let this slide. What the fuck man?”
Silence once more grips the table and Jensen can feel the flinch Jared gives at the words. “Chad-” he begins in automatic defense for his boyfriend but Jared holds up a hand to stop him.
“Jensen, it’s okay,” He says softly, sighing and running a hand up through his hair. “Look, I know there’s a lot for me to explain. But I… it’s just not gonna happen yet okay? I can’t give you the answers you want right now.”
Chad scoffs, eyes rolling, “Right. So you’re just better now? And we’re supposed to just be okay with that?”
“Chad!” Sandy hisses, eyes widening a little as Jensen rises.
“Give him a break Chad,” Jensen growls, leaning forward threateningly.
“Fuck off Ackles,” Chad rises as well, meeting his angry eyes. “You can’t just come in here like you’re the center of the fuckin’ universe. Jared’s our friend too and we deserve an explanation just as much as you. Even if we’re not fucking him.”
This causes a ripple of movement across the entire table. Tom rises to clutch at Chad’s arms as Jared does the same to Jensen. Both boys had been about to lunge at each other. The girls stand as well, eyes wide with surprise at Chad. People around them turn at the sudden commotion.
“What’s your problem Murray?” Jared hisses in a low undertone, releasing Jensen with a gentle squeeze.
“You are Padalecki,” Chad jerks free from Tom’s hands, gathering his things from the table. “I’ve had enough of your fuckin’ shit and I’m not gonna play into it anymore. We’ve fuckin’ put up with you for two years. Never made you changed, we just accepted you ‘cause we’re good friends like that… but I’m done with it.”
He turns, heading off into the crowd that had begun to gather. Jensen fumes, eyes blurring with the anger swirling through him. “What the fuck is his issue?” He spits, looking at the girls for some explanation.
“They were best friends before,” Sandy shrugs, water curling the base of her eyes. “I guess it’s just been hard for Chad to lose that. And then you come here and Jared’s suddenly better…” She trails off sadly.
Jensen sighs, turning to ask Jared if he’s okay only to find him missing. “Shit,” he breaths, heading in the direction Chad had disappeared. Jared had obviously gone after him when Jensen wasn’t looking.
When he does find them, Jared is just catching up with Chad his large hand wrapping around Chad’s much smaller arm jerking him to a stop. Jensen doesn’t join them but moves close enough to hear their conversation.
“Chad, what the hell man?” Jared’s voice is laced with pain and Jensen wants to smack Chad for being such an ass.
“Don’t get mad at me,” Chad hisses, spinning to face him and free his arm. “I don’t owe you anything!”
“And you think I do?” Jared’s hands falls to his hips and Jensen realizes he’s never seen Jared angry and he’s is completely unfamiliar with his motions and stance.
“Yes. You do,” Chad huffs. “I’m you’re… I was your best friend! For our whole goddamn life I was your best friend! Then you just changed, you left me alone with no explanation. I tried to be okay with it all but this isn’t okay. You can’t just be better and expect it all to go back to normal.”
“I don’t expect that,” Jared shakes his head. “Really, I know it’s going to take time but you have to understand Chad…”
“I can’t understand!” Chad flares, stepping back. “I can’t just fuckin’ be patient anymore! You told Ackles right? He gets to know and I don’t? I thought I meant something to you!”
Jared’s sigh is heavy and thick; Jensen desperately wants to charge over there and give Chad a piece of his mind but knows it wouldn’t help. He aches to take Jared in his arms and make it all okay.
“Chad…”
“You don’t get it,” Chad shakes his head and steps forward so suddenly it catches Jared off guard. His eyes widen impossibly large as lips press firmly to his. Both are frozen in that spot, lips pressed together but not moving.
Jensen watches and knows he should do something. Walk up to them and punch Chad hard in the face for kissing his boyfriend, but he can’t move. He’s not even sure he can breathe and it feels like his entire body is being torn in two. The rational part of his brain is trying to soothe him, insist that Jared is just shocked and that’s why he’s not pulling back.
Then Jared does take a step back, face flushed and eyes just as wide as before. “Wha… um… Chad?”
Chad is blushing, a bright pink, sighing as he takes two steps backwards. “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have done that but I just… I’ve wanted to. For so long I’ve wanted to.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Jared shakes his head, kicking his feet against the sidewalk. “How long?”
Chad’s laugh is sad and small and when he looks towards the sky Jensen thinks he might see something wet shining in his eyes, “I dunno. Middle school? But seriously can you blame me? God I thought you’d figure it out. You were my everything.”
“Is that why you became so cold when I stopped talking?” Jared whispers. Jensen feels his legs give, is vaguely aware of collapsing down onto the grass. He thinks Jared shouldn’t be asking questions like this, knows Jared should be pointing out the fact that he’s with someone. In love with someone else.
“Yeah,” Chad sighs. “It fuckin’ hurt you know? I thought I just wasn’t good enough for you anymore. I didn’t get, I don’t get it.”
“God… Chad… it was never you,” Jared insists.
Something clicks in Jensen then. This conversation is not going the way it should and Jared has no idea he’s listening and watching. So he pushes himself up and walks forward, clearing his throat.
Both Jared and Chad turn to him with expressions that would most likely define the phrase ‘deer caught in headlights.’ Jensen looks at Jared first and watches understanding flash across his face. He doesn’t even have to say anything for Jared to know that he’s been there the whole time.
“Shit. Jensen,” Jared’s expression turns to panic as he looks between Chad and Jensen. “Fuck this isn’t right.”
Jensen shakes his head, “No, it’s not. Shouldn’t you be telling Chad how you’re not interested? How you don’t feel the same? Shouldn’t you be admitting you love som-” Jensen’s vaguely aware of his voice rising and he stops abruptly. “Nevermind. You two just… fuck this.”
He’s turning and heading to his car in the next moment. He can hear Jared calling his name but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t want to hear what Jared has to say and almost savagely wishes Jared would go back to not speaking at all.
Somewhere inside he knows this isn’t how things are supposed to be and when he slides into the driver’s seat tears finally prick along his eyes. Jensen sits in silence, keys in the ignition, eyes watching the clock tick the minutes by. Finally he starts the car and puts it into drive, his last thought before heading home is, ‘If Jared loves me, then why didn’t he come after me?’
Part Seven
Author: anyothergirl415
Pairings: Jensen/Jared (other characters include the various randoms)
Rating: NC-17 (as an overall series, each part varies)
Disclaimer: Oh if only these boys were mine, the things I would do :)
Warnings: AU, HS fic, h/c, angst, schoomp
Words: 4,245 (this part)
Summary: Jensen would just like to let his parents know that moving at the beginning of his senior year is so not cool. But it’s forgivable if he can get the oh so pretty Jared Padalecki to just say something to him.
Author Notes: Thank you to everyone who’s been following the story, I’m glad you’re all enjoying it! And thank you to surevesta for being a fantastic beta and making a fantastic banner!
“Are you sure?” Jensen asks for the tenth time. They are sitting at the table, boxes of Chinese food spread between them.
Jared sighs and nods, “I think… it will help.”
Jensen can only nod at this. Curiosity flaring so brightly in him he’d be lying if he said he wanted anything more then to know. But the sane, logical part of his brain keeps pointing out that this is it. He’s about to learn the big deep dark secret to Jared’s silence and it may very well change everything.
Jensen tries to tell himself that they are strong enough to overcome this together but he’s not 100% sure and that scares the crap out of him. But if Jared thinks it’ll help… well Jensen would do anything to help him so he braces himself for the story.
*
It happened the summer between Jared’s freshman and sophomore year. The Padalecki’s had rented a cabin for a month on a beautiful lake. Jared wasn’t really looking forward to going, especially when his parent’s didn’t allow him to bring any of his friends along for company, but he can’t deny the view is nice and figures he can at least get a healthy tan.
The house is three levels, separated from the water by a thick patch of trees. When Jared stands on the balcony outside his room, which is on the top floor, he can see through the woods to the beach below. Which is precisely how he first lays eyes on him..
He’s staying two houses down and Jared watches him running along the lake shore in a pair of shorts and tennis shoes. Sweat glistens off his ripped abs and Jared finds himself hard in a heartbeat. He’s straight out of a Calvin Kline ad.
Jared has known he preferred men for a few years now but he’s never done anything before. Not even kissed. He’s young and naïve and this guy is so very good looking that Jared can’t help but be mesmerized.
After three days of watching the man jog by, always around 10 am, always alone, Jared works up the nerve to be on the beach at the same time. His plan is to appear casual, nonchalant, and though he doubts he’ll be brave enough to say anything, at least the man will see him as well.
As it turns out, he doesn’t have to be brave enough because the man stops and says hello. He introduces himself as Tyler Adams and Jared is thrown speechless, thankfully remembering his name in response.
That’s all it takes really. The next day Jared’s waiting on the beach and when Tyler arrives he takes Jared’s hand and leads him into the dense trees nearby. He talks animatedly about New York City - where he’s from - and before Jared can even process what’s happening he’s being pushed against the thick trunk of a tree and kissed roughly.
He gasps and mumbles a protest but Tyler just pulls back, laughs and declares, “I’ve seen you watching me Jared Padalecki. I know you want me. Don’t worry, we won’t get caught.”
Suddenly Tyler becomes Jared’s world. He doesn’t seem to mind Tyler’s hands on his shoulders, forcing him to his knees and thrusting a large cock into his mouth - even if it causes his knees to bleed from the sharp rocks and pine needles strewn everywhere. It’s completely worth the pain when he listens to Tyler come. Even though the white hot liquid fills his mouth quickly and he nearly gags, it’s utterly worth it.
Every single day Jared waits for Tyler to come jogging by. They head into the woods and Jared does exactly as he’s told. “I’m teaching you,” Tyler insists when Jared asks him about getting a blow job of his own. “You’re such a very good student.”
This makes Jared blush and he feels grateful for Tyler’s patience. Even if it means he always leaves their encounters painfully hard and has to take long hot showers to get some relief.
Jared learns the art of the perfect hand job, the finer points to deep throating, learns exactly were to touch and lick and suck to make Tyler writhe. It’s hot and perfect in his mind but eventually has to come to an end.
When Jared tells Tyler his family is going home the next day, Tyler tells him to drop by. “Come over at 3 pm, I’ll make it worth your while,” he grins before disappearing through the woods.
Jared is heartbroken to leave. He’s never been in love before but feels this has to be it. Tyler is perfect and Jared thinks maybe they’ll be able to keep up a relationship. He only has three years of high school left and people did the long distance thing all the time.
He’s decided to explain his logic when he arrives at Tyler’s. It’s not easy at first, Tyler is pressing him hard against the wall and Jared has to shove him back to spit the words out and pray they make sense.
“Jared,” Tyler looks at him but it’s not with love or hope, its cold and mocking. “We’re just fucking around. I’m not into pursuing this.”
The words cut at him and Jared feels so stupid for assuming Tyler would be interested in a kid like him, “But… I love you.” He gives a last sad plea.
Tyler laughs, harsh and bitter. “No, you don’t. You’re just a kid. Now take off your pants.”
Jared can’t really process anything through the echo of that cold laugh and he stumbles backwards, legs pressing against the arm of the couch. “Wh- what?”
“I said,” Tyler’s eyes darken and he jerks Jared forward by the waist band. “Take. Off. Your. Pants.” Each word is hissed, punctuated by fingers unbuttoning then unzipping.
Before he can even protest, Jared is being forced over and the air is cold on his back side. Fingers are pushed and Jared looses himself in a blur. Nothing makes sense beyond blinding pain and hurt and he thinks he should be stopping this but he can’t. He can’t even fucking breath.
Then it’s over. Tyler’s weight is off him and clothes are rustling. “Shut the door on the way out,” is the last thing he hears before the man is walking down the hall and disappearing behind a door.
Jared’s not sure how long he stays sprawled across the couch arm. He’s only vaguely aware of the distant sound of water running. When he finally pushes himself up his cheeks are wet and his body aches in ways he’s never imagined. He feels sick and then he sees it.
A large picture in a frame on the side table. In it Tyler stands proud with a pretty blonde woman, between them are two little boys and both looks so exceptionally like their father that there’s really no questioning it.
Jared barely makes it outside before he’s vomiting, falling onto already damaged knees. He can’t help the sobs that only make the retches more painful. It’s a sick cycle until there’s nothing left in his stomach.
Nothing left for Jared to do but push himself up and walk home.
*
Jensen can’t talk for a long time after Jared finishes the story. He tastes bile at the back of his throat and mildly regrets the second helping of sesame chicken.
Jared had moved to lay on the bed while he spoke and now he sits up, watching Jensen with tense eyes.
Jensen rises, feeling like he needs to say something because Jared’s not to blame and he’s not sure Jared knows this. Jensen doesn’t love him any less or different than before. “Jared…” he whispers, walking forward and reaching out to caress the firm shoulder.
“So then… I went home,” Jared starts again, clearing his throat and briefly meeting Jensen’s eyes before gazing back at his hands. “But the whole silence thing didn’t really start right away.”
“No?” Jensen encourages, sitting beside him. He can feel something changing in Jared and he knows the man has to finish the story. Almost as if everything keeping Jared speaking depends on it.
“No,” Jared sighs. “No one was home when I got there. So I showered. I think I was in there for hours, or at least until the hot water ran out. All I could think was, I’m gonna have to be normal, I’m gonna have to go out there and face my family and pretend none of this happened.”
“You didn’t think you could tell them?” Jensen asks, already considering if he would confess something like this to his own parents.
“How could I?” Jared snorts, the sound somewhere between disgust and anger. “My parents didn’t even know I was gay. All I kept seeing was those little boys’ faces and if I told… their lives would be ruined. They’d lose their dad. And besides, I never wanted to see him again. I wouldn’t have been able to handle facing him in court.”
Jensen understands even though every part of him itches to hunt down this Tyler Adams and punish him in a different sort of way. Preferably one involving a baseball bat. “So when did the silence thing begin?” He asks to change the topic and Jared looks relieved to focus on something else.
“No one asked if I was okay,” he whispers. “They couldn’t see I was hurting. I sat and watched them laugh and talk about their day on the boat and it was easy to fade into the background. The next day we drove home. Jeff, my brother, and Megan, my sister, were both preoccupied with music and books. My parents had each other and I just kinda… faded away.”
Jensen reaches out to run a hand through Jared’s hair. He can’t believe how much Jared has to say but think if he’d stayed silent for two years he’d have some pent up stuff too.
“There were only a few weeks left till school started,” Jared continues, leaning into the touch slightly. “And my parents went back to work and I just spent every day reliving what had happened. I hurt, not physically anymore but everything else just ached. Eventually I figured it was just easier to stay silent.”
“You never wanted to tell anyone?” Jensen asks.
“Not really. I mean… these people know me… and what happened was so dirty. I knew they’d all look at me differently. My parents would send me to therapy… well they did that anyways but they didn’t know why or anything.”
“What made me different?” Jensen can’t help but question.
Jared’s eyes focus on him and he smiles faintly. “You didn’t know me before. You just kinda randomly appeared and accepted me even though I didn’t talk or smile or anything like that. You didn’t know what happened and you never begged me to tell you. I’m not saying Sandy or them did but they all asked at some point in time. They tried to get it out of me but never did.”
“Well, I did ask Sandy why you didn’t speak,” Jensen offers, not that he wants to disprove Jared’s words but he wants to be 100% honest about everything.
“I figured, but you still never asked me. Besides the whole mute thing,” Jared laughs, turning on the bed to fully face Jensen. “Everything changed when I met you. For the first time in years I felt… alive again. You made me feel like there was a reason to keep going.”
Jensen’s heart flutters at this and he reaches out to trace Jared’s cheek with his thumb, “You’re giving me way too much credit.”
“Jensen,” Jared whispers, licking dry lips with a sudden wave of nervousness. “I’m terrified of how I feel for you. I can’t be hurt again like that… I won’t survive it.”
“I would never hurt you like that,” Jensen is quick to defend; slightly offended Jared could even suggest it.
“No, I know you’d never rape me,” Jared sighs running a hand through his hair. “But you could leave me. You could decide I’m too much drama for you. Things aren’t just going to be right now you know? I’ve spent two long years building up walls and I can’t bring them all down in one night.”
Jensen knows this is true. Even if Jared continues openly communicating with Jensen, everyone else would take time. People will have questions and Jared might not be ready to answer them. “It’s okay,” Jensen leans forward to press a small kiss to Jared’s lips. “I’m not going anywhere alright? We’ll get through this together.”
It’s cheesy and sappy and all the things Jensen normally makes fun of but recently he finds himself living these moments and loving them regardless.
*
Upon Jared’s request, or pleas really, Jensen follows him inside the house the next day instead of just dropping him off. They’d spent a few more hours the night before discussing ways Jared could slowly break away from his silence until the temptation to touch became too much and they’d fallen into a tangle together on the bed.
Jared’s family is gathered in the living room watching a movie and Jensen takes the opportunity to get a good look at Megan and Jeff. Jared had explained that Jeff was home for Christmas break and therefore this really had to be done now.
The four people look up at them as they walk in and Jensen feels insanely awkward, but then Jared is clearing his throat and all eyes focus on him.
“I…” he begins, voice barely audible and Jensen watches surprise filter across everyone’s faces. “I know I’ve been… difficult to live with these past few years. But I’m trying to change that now. Only I’m not ready to talk about everything yet and it’s not just going to be fixed right away. And I can’t promise I’ll talk every day or anything…”
This is mostly the speech they’d practiced and Jensen can’t help smiling when Jared looks at him for encouragement.
“Well, it’s a start,” Jared’s mother has tears in her eyes, voice choking as she rises to walk forward and to hug Jared tightly.
Jensen decides to wait on the front porch because it’s obvious they need a private family moment and he doesn’t want to intrude.
Standing in the chill of January morning he can’t help marvel at the past twenty four hours. He hadn’t gone to the hotel expecting to learn the truth about Jared. Hell, he hadn’t even gone expecting to lose his virginity.
However, here it was a brand new year and he felt like a brand new person. It was so close to perfect that Jensen couldn’t imagine anything better.
“Hey,” Jared’s voice is a soft whisper sending shivers along his flesh and Jensen turns, smiling.
“They seemed really happy.”
“They are, though I think it’s going to be hard for them not to ask questions,” Jared laughs, a hand running through his hair.
“Well, just remember you have to be just as patient,” Jensen glances at his watch out of habit and sighs. “I should probably head home. My mom’s likely to have a hernia if I’m gone too much longer.”
Jared laughs and leans forward to press a small kiss against his lips, “Okay, love you.”
“Love you,” Jensen echoes, opening his palm as a piece of paper presses into it. “What’s this?”
“My phone number,” Jared laughs before turning, heading back inside.
*
School starts again the following Monday, which is fine for Jensen because he really hates not seeing Jared every day. At lunch he arrives at the table before his lover, smiling brightly at the group. “Hey guys, how was Christmas?”
Sandy laughs with her usual cheeriness, “Good but obviously not as good as yours.”
“Spare us any details,” Tom quickly insists, though Jensen can see the happiness on his face as well. It reassures him, knowing that whatever may happen when Jared joins them they’ll be happy. He figures if things could go smoothly with Jared’s family then there was no reason they shouldn’t with his friends.
“My Christmas was good,” Jensen nods, smiling down at his backpack.
“I got a puppy!” Danneel exclaims with excitement and the conversation shifts to gifts received and who’s was the best.
The chatter continued to flow even as Jared slid onto the bench beside him. Jensen’s eyes move up, already smiling in greeting. Jared returns the smile before leaning towards him and whispering in his ear, “Wish me luck.”
Jensen squeezes a firm thigh in encouragement, eyes moving back to the group to prepare for what would happen next.
“I think a puppy is way better then a snowboard,” Danneel scoffs at Chad’s affronted look. “I mean seriously, you can only use a snowboard a few months a year and you have to replace it if you grow at all. But a puppy… well that’s a lifelong friend!”
“What sort of puppy did you get?” Jared asks.
Thick and heavy silence follows the question and Jensen takes the opportunity to observe each person’s reactions. Sandy and Danneel both look stunned for a heartbeat before breaking into wide, bright smiles. Tom looks knowing, as if he knew it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. Chad looks shocked, as if he can’t process what just happened. Jensen thinks that might be the case because Chad can be a little slow on the uptake sometimes.
“A Yorkipoo,” Danneel answers finally, still beaming at Jared with excited eyes. “She’s so cute and tiny! I almost lost her in my shoe!”
Jared laughs and Jensen tries hard to imagine a dog so small, “Sounds like the type of dog I should stay away from. I’d probably sit on her or something.”
Everyone laughs at this, even Chad who looks just as confused as before. Chad’s laughter dies quickly though as he shakes his head, “Wait, no. We can’t just let this slide. What the fuck man?”
Silence once more grips the table and Jensen can feel the flinch Jared gives at the words. “Chad-” he begins in automatic defense for his boyfriend but Jared holds up a hand to stop him.
“Jensen, it’s okay,” He says softly, sighing and running a hand up through his hair. “Look, I know there’s a lot for me to explain. But I… it’s just not gonna happen yet okay? I can’t give you the answers you want right now.”
Chad scoffs, eyes rolling, “Right. So you’re just better now? And we’re supposed to just be okay with that?”
“Chad!” Sandy hisses, eyes widening a little as Jensen rises.
“Give him a break Chad,” Jensen growls, leaning forward threateningly.
“Fuck off Ackles,” Chad rises as well, meeting his angry eyes. “You can’t just come in here like you’re the center of the fuckin’ universe. Jared’s our friend too and we deserve an explanation just as much as you. Even if we’re not fucking him.”
This causes a ripple of movement across the entire table. Tom rises to clutch at Chad’s arms as Jared does the same to Jensen. Both boys had been about to lunge at each other. The girls stand as well, eyes wide with surprise at Chad. People around them turn at the sudden commotion.
“What’s your problem Murray?” Jared hisses in a low undertone, releasing Jensen with a gentle squeeze.
“You are Padalecki,” Chad jerks free from Tom’s hands, gathering his things from the table. “I’ve had enough of your fuckin’ shit and I’m not gonna play into it anymore. We’ve fuckin’ put up with you for two years. Never made you changed, we just accepted you ‘cause we’re good friends like that… but I’m done with it.”
He turns, heading off into the crowd that had begun to gather. Jensen fumes, eyes blurring with the anger swirling through him. “What the fuck is his issue?” He spits, looking at the girls for some explanation.
“They were best friends before,” Sandy shrugs, water curling the base of her eyes. “I guess it’s just been hard for Chad to lose that. And then you come here and Jared’s suddenly better…” She trails off sadly.
Jensen sighs, turning to ask Jared if he’s okay only to find him missing. “Shit,” he breaths, heading in the direction Chad had disappeared. Jared had obviously gone after him when Jensen wasn’t looking.
When he does find them, Jared is just catching up with Chad his large hand wrapping around Chad’s much smaller arm jerking him to a stop. Jensen doesn’t join them but moves close enough to hear their conversation.
“Chad, what the hell man?” Jared’s voice is laced with pain and Jensen wants to smack Chad for being such an ass.
“Don’t get mad at me,” Chad hisses, spinning to face him and free his arm. “I don’t owe you anything!”
“And you think I do?” Jared’s hands falls to his hips and Jensen realizes he’s never seen Jared angry and he’s is completely unfamiliar with his motions and stance.
“Yes. You do,” Chad huffs. “I’m you’re… I was your best friend! For our whole goddamn life I was your best friend! Then you just changed, you left me alone with no explanation. I tried to be okay with it all but this isn’t okay. You can’t just be better and expect it all to go back to normal.”
“I don’t expect that,” Jared shakes his head. “Really, I know it’s going to take time but you have to understand Chad…”
“I can’t understand!” Chad flares, stepping back. “I can’t just fuckin’ be patient anymore! You told Ackles right? He gets to know and I don’t? I thought I meant something to you!”
Jared’s sigh is heavy and thick; Jensen desperately wants to charge over there and give Chad a piece of his mind but knows it wouldn’t help. He aches to take Jared in his arms and make it all okay.
“Chad…”
“You don’t get it,” Chad shakes his head and steps forward so suddenly it catches Jared off guard. His eyes widen impossibly large as lips press firmly to his. Both are frozen in that spot, lips pressed together but not moving.
Jensen watches and knows he should do something. Walk up to them and punch Chad hard in the face for kissing his boyfriend, but he can’t move. He’s not even sure he can breathe and it feels like his entire body is being torn in two. The rational part of his brain is trying to soothe him, insist that Jared is just shocked and that’s why he’s not pulling back.
Then Jared does take a step back, face flushed and eyes just as wide as before. “Wha… um… Chad?”
Chad is blushing, a bright pink, sighing as he takes two steps backwards. “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have done that but I just… I’ve wanted to. For so long I’ve wanted to.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Jared shakes his head, kicking his feet against the sidewalk. “How long?”
Chad’s laugh is sad and small and when he looks towards the sky Jensen thinks he might see something wet shining in his eyes, “I dunno. Middle school? But seriously can you blame me? God I thought you’d figure it out. You were my everything.”
“Is that why you became so cold when I stopped talking?” Jared whispers. Jensen feels his legs give, is vaguely aware of collapsing down onto the grass. He thinks Jared shouldn’t be asking questions like this, knows Jared should be pointing out the fact that he’s with someone. In love with someone else.
“Yeah,” Chad sighs. “It fuckin’ hurt you know? I thought I just wasn’t good enough for you anymore. I didn’t get, I don’t get it.”
“God… Chad… it was never you,” Jared insists.
Something clicks in Jensen then. This conversation is not going the way it should and Jared has no idea he’s listening and watching. So he pushes himself up and walks forward, clearing his throat.
Both Jared and Chad turn to him with expressions that would most likely define the phrase ‘deer caught in headlights.’ Jensen looks at Jared first and watches understanding flash across his face. He doesn’t even have to say anything for Jared to know that he’s been there the whole time.
“Shit. Jensen,” Jared’s expression turns to panic as he looks between Chad and Jensen. “Fuck this isn’t right.”
Jensen shakes his head, “No, it’s not. Shouldn’t you be telling Chad how you’re not interested? How you don’t feel the same? Shouldn’t you be admitting you love som-” Jensen’s vaguely aware of his voice rising and he stops abruptly. “Nevermind. You two just… fuck this.”
He’s turning and heading to his car in the next moment. He can hear Jared calling his name but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t want to hear what Jared has to say and almost savagely wishes Jared would go back to not speaking at all.
Somewhere inside he knows this isn’t how things are supposed to be and when he slides into the driver’s seat tears finally prick along his eyes. Jensen sits in silence, keys in the ignition, eyes watching the clock tick the minutes by. Finally he starts the car and puts it into drive, his last thought before heading home is, ‘If Jared loves me, then why didn’t he come after me?’
Part Seven