[Slash] Snapshot Goodbyes - 1/1 - J2
Title: Snapshot Goodbyes
Author anyothergirl415
Character(s)/Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Yup, this is totally how it’s gonna go. I’m psychic.
Summary: In the end it’s just a blur. Until it’s not.
The last day passed in a series of scattered snapshots that Jared waded through in a dazed blur. Five years. Five years of his life devoted to one place, one character, one person. Was it really this easy to give it all up?
“Just sign here Mr. Padalecki and we’ll have these boxes on their way,” the balding man held up a clipboard and Jared signs his name though he’ll wonder more than once before the day is over if he really did.
One blink and his eyes become the camera, a final click before the truck carrying the last of his possessions is gone. Jared’s afraid to turn around because the following blink will capture the place he’d called home not nearly long enough.
And him.
“What time is your flight?”
It was too quiet, too close, and Jared doesn’t need to open his eyes to see him there. He just knows now that Jensen is only two steps away. That his eyes are bright crystal green in the early April sunshine, that his hands are stuffed into his pockets and he was likely rocking forward onto the balls of his feet because he seemed to think it made him look casually nonchalant.
“One thirty,” he whispered and wished he could pull off his own casual nonchalance but Jensen had always been the better actor. He had always been the better everything. Better listener, better friend, better kisser, better lover.
Jared can only make comparisons to himself in this aspect however and Jensen had always said he never had the confidence level he should. Jared wanted to know how he was supposed to build up anything with the knowledge that nothing in this world lasted. Would his life always be these goodbye snapshots? Would any of the others ever hurt the way this thing with Jensen did?
“I’m gonna miss… Vancouver. Who would have thought,” Jensen chuckled like they could still claim that this city didn’t hold all the pieces to them.
I’m gonna miss you Jared thought and wondered fleetingly if that was what Jensen had wanted to say. The only form of an answer he could manage was a nod and Jared forced his eyes open because his mind was beginning to paint a pretty clear image of Jensen and that was almost more painful than the real thing.
“Want me to give you a ride to the airport?” Jensen asked in that way he used to ask if Jared wanted company on his morning run or help bathing the dogs after a run in the park. The last thing he really wanted to do but he was a properly raised Texas gentleman so it was nearly a requirement to offer it.
And honestly, an airport goodbye snapshot with an awkward half hug and almost not quite kiss sounded like someone’s twisted idea of torture. “No. Thanks. I’ll catch a cab,” Jared risked a glance at Jensen and cringed internally at the flash of relief across emerald.
Ouch.
“Jared, I-“
“No,” Jared interrupted and for the first time since he woke that morning he face his - now ex - lover. “I’d rather not do the whole ‘let’s stay in touch’ thing. We both know it’s not gonna work that way.”
“So you’re okay with just forgetting about everything?”
In truth Jared was anything but okay with it and he might have said exactly that if Jensen hadn’t punctuated the question with a huff and an eye roll so Dean-esque it flared up Jared’s inner Sam in self defense. Weird that he missed them as well. “You made your choice,” Jared pointed out quietly and stared into the street, still not brave enough to look towards their house.
“We made the choice. We both decided it was for the best,” Jensen shot back. “There’s still going to be conventions,” he added and Jared was ninety five percent sure he imagined the flicker of hope in those words.
“Right,” Jared nodded vaguely and determined that he had misunderstood hope for Jensen’s ever present need to keep the peace No one hated drama quite like Jensen. Reaching into his pocket to retrieve his cell Jared tried to stop thinking about things with the word last attached.
Last phone call on his front lawn. Last inhale of Jensen’s scent absent of cologne and the air of ‘celebrity’ he wore at con’s. Last couple of heartbeats until Jared left behind the one person who’d shaped him, changed him, loved him.
Jared’s mind provided the clicks with each blink. Jensen’s face, solemn, lips pursed. The house mostly empty, door half open. The taxi pulling up to the curb, carry on tossed onto the back seat. Life and time was pulling him forward and Jared stumbled along with it because it seemed to be the only option
“Well…” Jensen curled his fingers along the top of the door and lifted the other to rub along the back of his neck. “Jared… will you…”
Jared’s eyes shot up, body hesitating half in, half out of the back of the cab. Some ridiculous part of him suggested that Jensen was going to tell him to screw everything they discussed.
“Call me soon ‘kay? Let me know you’ve gotten settled and… you know, that the dogs are good.”
It should be understandable that Jared looked a little deflated as he dropped the rest of the way into the cab. Call. What could he possibly say? I’m afraid you might have been the one and now I’ve lost you forever. “Sure,” was what he went for in that moment before sitting back on the seat.
Somehow Jensen pushing the door closed with the heel of his palm against the window felt final enough to catch Jared’s breath in his throat.
Things snapshotted once more. Half of Jensen’s body cut off by the edge of the window as the car moved. The end of the block that Jared had seen enough times to know that little dog statue would still be facing the opposite direction and that other house would still need its lawn mowed. Restaurants they’d eaten at. Sidewalks they’d traveled down. The sub shop they’d gone to the night they first kissed. The bowling alley Jensen had taken him too because Jared kept beating him at Wii bowling. The club where Jensen had slid back into him and rolled his hips hard into his body, where they danced like they had the world to offer each other forever.
And then the airport.
“You’re all set Mr. Padalecki, have a good flight,” the lady offered him his passport and boarding pass and Jared felt slightly numb along his arm even as his fingers curled around the documents.
How many times had he been in this place? Walked these halls? He’d be back, yes, but it would never be the same. That feeling of dread was creeping up in him but his steps took him forward.
Security. Shoes off, belt off, through the machines. Shoes on, belt on, to the gate. Another passport check and yes he was still Jared Padalecki though he wasn’t certain he felt like himself anymore. Dean would have teased him, Sam would have sympathized, Jensen would have known exactly what to do to make it all better.
It was possibly a miracle that Jared registered the boarding call, that he got his body into gear enough to step forward. As usual the plane is too small and Jared felt a little like Godzilla stomping down the aisle. Thankfully first class provided enough leg room to not add discomfort to the list of reasons this particular day sucked.
This airplane was familiar though Jared doubted he’d ever sat on it. What was one airplane compared to the next?
“Flying home?” The elderly woman beside him asked and Jared turned from his absent gaze out the window to her.
Home.
Jared wasn’t even sure he had one of those left any more. Once, he was certain he had one, a home. “No,” he said quietly and shook his head. “Leaving home.”
“Oh are you vacationing in Texas?” She continued on pleasantly.
Jared was a nice guy and though not overly excited at the idea of a flight filled with small talk, he wasn’t one to simply blow a person off. Only he was still stuck on her question. Home. The flash of freckles. Home. The spark of bright green eyes. Home. Jensen.
“I’m sorry, I’ve got to go,” he said quickly and jumped up, smacking his head on the overhead compartment before tugging his bag out.
People stared, watched him bolt on long legs back up the terminal, through double doors. The snapshots blurred faster this time. Curious looks. Frantic waving to attract a cab driver. Club, bowling alley, sub shop. Backwards dog statue and untrimmed yard.
And finally, their house.
Jared paid the driver too much and bolted across the law in less than eight steps, throwing the door open with an over exaggerated release of air.
“Jensen?” He called and darted through the entry way to the living room.
This time those bright green eyes were glassy and red rimmed, slightly wide, face flushed and cheeks damp. “J-jared…” he whispered in shock so obvious it sparked realization like electricity down his spine.
They’d both been convinced that breaking up, going their separate ways, was the only right choice. Neither had been wise enough to realize being together was the only right thing.
“God, we’re dumb,” he laughed and closed the distance between them. The back of Jensen’s neck fit perfectly into his palm, free hand settling on the familiar curve of hipbone. Jensen’s own hand settled over his heart, the other along his jaw. Familiar. Perfect. Home.
“Are we?” He asked, head tilted up enough to angle their lips into an easy to reach line.
“Very,” Jared murmured before bringing the man forward.
One touch of lips and Jared knew. He didn’t need snapshot goodbyes, or goodbyes at all. He needed this. And that would always be enough.
Author anyothergirl415
Character(s)/Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Yup, this is totally how it’s gonna go. I’m psychic.
Summary: In the end it’s just a blur. Until it’s not.
The last day passed in a series of scattered snapshots that Jared waded through in a dazed blur. Five years. Five years of his life devoted to one place, one character, one person. Was it really this easy to give it all up?
“Just sign here Mr. Padalecki and we’ll have these boxes on their way,” the balding man held up a clipboard and Jared signs his name though he’ll wonder more than once before the day is over if he really did.
One blink and his eyes become the camera, a final click before the truck carrying the last of his possessions is gone. Jared’s afraid to turn around because the following blink will capture the place he’d called home not nearly long enough.
And him.
“What time is your flight?”
It was too quiet, too close, and Jared doesn’t need to open his eyes to see him there. He just knows now that Jensen is only two steps away. That his eyes are bright crystal green in the early April sunshine, that his hands are stuffed into his pockets and he was likely rocking forward onto the balls of his feet because he seemed to think it made him look casually nonchalant.
“One thirty,” he whispered and wished he could pull off his own casual nonchalance but Jensen had always been the better actor. He had always been the better everything. Better listener, better friend, better kisser, better lover.
Jared can only make comparisons to himself in this aspect however and Jensen had always said he never had the confidence level he should. Jared wanted to know how he was supposed to build up anything with the knowledge that nothing in this world lasted. Would his life always be these goodbye snapshots? Would any of the others ever hurt the way this thing with Jensen did?
“I’m gonna miss… Vancouver. Who would have thought,” Jensen chuckled like they could still claim that this city didn’t hold all the pieces to them.
I’m gonna miss you Jared thought and wondered fleetingly if that was what Jensen had wanted to say. The only form of an answer he could manage was a nod and Jared forced his eyes open because his mind was beginning to paint a pretty clear image of Jensen and that was almost more painful than the real thing.
“Want me to give you a ride to the airport?” Jensen asked in that way he used to ask if Jared wanted company on his morning run or help bathing the dogs after a run in the park. The last thing he really wanted to do but he was a properly raised Texas gentleman so it was nearly a requirement to offer it.
And honestly, an airport goodbye snapshot with an awkward half hug and almost not quite kiss sounded like someone’s twisted idea of torture. “No. Thanks. I’ll catch a cab,” Jared risked a glance at Jensen and cringed internally at the flash of relief across emerald.
Ouch.
“Jared, I-“
“No,” Jared interrupted and for the first time since he woke that morning he face his - now ex - lover. “I’d rather not do the whole ‘let’s stay in touch’ thing. We both know it’s not gonna work that way.”
“So you’re okay with just forgetting about everything?”
In truth Jared was anything but okay with it and he might have said exactly that if Jensen hadn’t punctuated the question with a huff and an eye roll so Dean-esque it flared up Jared’s inner Sam in self defense. Weird that he missed them as well. “You made your choice,” Jared pointed out quietly and stared into the street, still not brave enough to look towards their house.
“We made the choice. We both decided it was for the best,” Jensen shot back. “There’s still going to be conventions,” he added and Jared was ninety five percent sure he imagined the flicker of hope in those words.
“Right,” Jared nodded vaguely and determined that he had misunderstood hope for Jensen’s ever present need to keep the peace No one hated drama quite like Jensen. Reaching into his pocket to retrieve his cell Jared tried to stop thinking about things with the word last attached.
Last phone call on his front lawn. Last inhale of Jensen’s scent absent of cologne and the air of ‘celebrity’ he wore at con’s. Last couple of heartbeats until Jared left behind the one person who’d shaped him, changed him, loved him.
Jared’s mind provided the clicks with each blink. Jensen’s face, solemn, lips pursed. The house mostly empty, door half open. The taxi pulling up to the curb, carry on tossed onto the back seat. Life and time was pulling him forward and Jared stumbled along with it because it seemed to be the only option
“Well…” Jensen curled his fingers along the top of the door and lifted the other to rub along the back of his neck. “Jared… will you…”
Jared’s eyes shot up, body hesitating half in, half out of the back of the cab. Some ridiculous part of him suggested that Jensen was going to tell him to screw everything they discussed.
“Call me soon ‘kay? Let me know you’ve gotten settled and… you know, that the dogs are good.”
It should be understandable that Jared looked a little deflated as he dropped the rest of the way into the cab. Call. What could he possibly say? I’m afraid you might have been the one and now I’ve lost you forever. “Sure,” was what he went for in that moment before sitting back on the seat.
Somehow Jensen pushing the door closed with the heel of his palm against the window felt final enough to catch Jared’s breath in his throat.
Things snapshotted once more. Half of Jensen’s body cut off by the edge of the window as the car moved. The end of the block that Jared had seen enough times to know that little dog statue would still be facing the opposite direction and that other house would still need its lawn mowed. Restaurants they’d eaten at. Sidewalks they’d traveled down. The sub shop they’d gone to the night they first kissed. The bowling alley Jensen had taken him too because Jared kept beating him at Wii bowling. The club where Jensen had slid back into him and rolled his hips hard into his body, where they danced like they had the world to offer each other forever.
And then the airport.
“You’re all set Mr. Padalecki, have a good flight,” the lady offered him his passport and boarding pass and Jared felt slightly numb along his arm even as his fingers curled around the documents.
How many times had he been in this place? Walked these halls? He’d be back, yes, but it would never be the same. That feeling of dread was creeping up in him but his steps took him forward.
Security. Shoes off, belt off, through the machines. Shoes on, belt on, to the gate. Another passport check and yes he was still Jared Padalecki though he wasn’t certain he felt like himself anymore. Dean would have teased him, Sam would have sympathized, Jensen would have known exactly what to do to make it all better.
It was possibly a miracle that Jared registered the boarding call, that he got his body into gear enough to step forward. As usual the plane is too small and Jared felt a little like Godzilla stomping down the aisle. Thankfully first class provided enough leg room to not add discomfort to the list of reasons this particular day sucked.
This airplane was familiar though Jared doubted he’d ever sat on it. What was one airplane compared to the next?
“Flying home?” The elderly woman beside him asked and Jared turned from his absent gaze out the window to her.
Home.
Jared wasn’t even sure he had one of those left any more. Once, he was certain he had one, a home. “No,” he said quietly and shook his head. “Leaving home.”
“Oh are you vacationing in Texas?” She continued on pleasantly.
Jared was a nice guy and though not overly excited at the idea of a flight filled with small talk, he wasn’t one to simply blow a person off. Only he was still stuck on her question. Home. The flash of freckles. Home. The spark of bright green eyes. Home. Jensen.
“I’m sorry, I’ve got to go,” he said quickly and jumped up, smacking his head on the overhead compartment before tugging his bag out.
People stared, watched him bolt on long legs back up the terminal, through double doors. The snapshots blurred faster this time. Curious looks. Frantic waving to attract a cab driver. Club, bowling alley, sub shop. Backwards dog statue and untrimmed yard.
And finally, their house.
Jared paid the driver too much and bolted across the law in less than eight steps, throwing the door open with an over exaggerated release of air.
“Jensen?” He called and darted through the entry way to the living room.
This time those bright green eyes were glassy and red rimmed, slightly wide, face flushed and cheeks damp. “J-jared…” he whispered in shock so obvious it sparked realization like electricity down his spine.
They’d both been convinced that breaking up, going their separate ways, was the only right choice. Neither had been wise enough to realize being together was the only right thing.
“God, we’re dumb,” he laughed and closed the distance between them. The back of Jensen’s neck fit perfectly into his palm, free hand settling on the familiar curve of hipbone. Jensen’s own hand settled over his heart, the other along his jaw. Familiar. Perfect. Home.
“Are we?” He asked, head tilted up enough to angle their lips into an easy to reach line.
“Very,” Jared murmured before bringing the man forward.
One touch of lips and Jared knew. He didn’t need snapshot goodbyes, or goodbyes at all. He needed this. And that would always be enough.