Alpha Beta Soup (2/2)

[masu_trout]

Title: Alphabet Beta Soup
Characters/Pairings: Lyra/Silver
Rating: T for Teen
Warnings: None Applicable.
Summary: Silver might be a pain to deal with, but he’s Lyra’s pain and there’s no way she’s ever going to let some uppity psychic alphabet take him away from her

Comments

[solarpillar]

I was going to ask why did Lyra wait for days before trying to rescue Silver (if I was Lyra in a realistic settling I'd call Lance to see of anyone can help me trace his last call and tell me where he was or report the singing to various pokemon professors to see if any of them recognise it), then I realised that in an RPG I'd grind for a few days before going to the rescue. I'm pretty happy that you integrated various stimuli in this story, not just sight and hearing but also smell and touch, and details like mentioning the dust on pants add to the realism and immersion. Also, I envy your control of word count. You must be very experienced to limit the story in the word count you want and at the same time tell all you need to tell. I also enjoy how you made Tig and Lyra interact enough for a trainer and her walking pokemon and mention Tig's reactions when something happens. Many people (including myself, erheh) tend to forget to show the human-pokemon interaction when the pokemon is walking beside the human unless plot demands, but

[masu_trout]

Wow, thanks so much for this awesome concrit! I'm glad you like the detail, and thanks for pointing out I got the professor's name wrong! *///////* I'll have to go back and fix that, haha.

I think I'll probably also have to go and edit how time flows in this story too. The way I meant for it to be was that Lyra goes looking for Silver the morning after she gets the call, but looking back I don't think I portrayed that very well. So thanks for that too!

I'm glad you like my portrayal of Silver and Lyra's relationship! :)

[ainbthech]

Random data point: I got that it was the morning after, but it was still a little surprising that she would wait that long.

[ainbthech]

...was this based on a creepypasta? Because something about it felt familiar. Maybe it's just that anything with Unown reminds me of that. ;)

I liked it. I questioned the second person choice at first --- I'm not Lyra! I'm Silver --- but after a while I got into it and it was fine. I basically didn't notice for the second half. I'm curious why you did it, but I think you did it well

Sorry for the late response! D:

[masu_trout]

It was, a little bit! Not purposefully, but more the idea of unowns as malevolent creatures.

And aah, thank you so much for such lovely compliments! I'm glad you liked the relationship the two of them have especially- I love this sort of dynamic, and I was really hoping I portrayed it well.

(Oh, and thanks for the crit on the time frame bit too! I definitely need to work on that. :) )