OH MY FISHING ROD
Title: OH MY FISHING ROD
Author: Masuhisa
Pairing: Ohmiya, with mention of other Johnnys
Summary: This is basically an Arashi crack!
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers apply: I don’t own them!!
A long time ago, but yet in the future, Ohno Satoshi was like a fish, swimming in this huge sea without a destination or any goal in life.
He didn’t like to think about the future, only the past. You see, he had an explicably unexplainable affinity with Physical Education, although it is completely unrelated.
One day, while he was drinking at McDonalds with his fishy friends, one of them to him to be a Physical Education teacher since he needed income to pay for his fish and fries.
Thus, he ended up in Sakura Sake High School teaching PE for wieners, and was in charge of Art Class since the previous teacher in charge was driven away by a rabid dust ball of fan girls.
‘Sigh, I wish I could get married…. And stuff.’ sighed Ohno dejectedly. Just as he was walking briskly along the clean corridors of the school to give his talk on Project Work to a group of very unappealing wiener boys, the flowery scent of overheating Nintendo DS assailed his nostrils and he saw the most graceful, beautiful angel he had ever seen in his life. His wispy hair framed his small face perfectly and was dressed elegantly in a transparent suit and white boxers.
It was love at first sight. He felt as if he were in seventh heaven, an angelic choir was singing (Turns out it was only the school choir) and light shone down from the heavens (But it was only the spotlights).
‘Oh my Fishing rod!’ He said to himself.
He attempted to give him a short turn on he practiced in his high school life and fluttered his lashes. However, after many years of lack of interest in girls (claiming they weren’t in his league), he appeared as if he were trying to blink away a stray eyelash. Nino, however, was somehow extremely infatuated. ‘Aha! Mario Brothers!’ he exclaimed, and started blinking furiously back at him.
Ohno strode to the microphone and choked out with much difficulty, ‘It doesn’t really matter if you screw up in Art. Class dismissed.’ Following that, he proceeded to ask Nino out on a date. Nino immediately agreed, animation lighting up his face as if he was a ... well, a Nino being offered a new game.
It was suggested that they go watch Letters from Iwo Jima. Their relationship blossomed into flowery Sakuras, and in six months, they decided to tie the knot (But not before consulting the Girls’ Brigade. In the end, they Girls’ Brigade recommended the Reef Knot: Super Endurance and High Performance).
On their wedding night, peals of laughter rang through the air as the newly-wed couple skipped through the door, their guests throwing skeptical glances at them, questioning their overall sanity.
Sadly, however quite predictably, Ohno and Nino wanted to have a child, but Nino was…unable to bear Ohno a child. His attempts to increase his fertility by eating the rumored ‘Aozora Pedal’ that should increase fertility failed each time. Ohno had always wanted children, and for that matter, grandchildren, and so, they both felt considerably depressed.
It was another glum day when they were walking on the streets, they stumbled upon an awkward, moving parcel.
‘Gasp!’ They gasped, ‘What on Aibaka Land could it be?’
After much deliberation, they brought the brown thing home.
Back in their home, they unraveled the parcel with much anticipation, being careful with the pretty, lacy ribbon and found a baby. It was the most beautiful baby they had ever seen. He had black locks, and big brown orbs as its eyes, which stared curiously at the too curious couple. The baby gave the couple a wide smile before rapping, ‘Hey! Hey! orera yama kaze no toujou; takane no houkou mukete mata koubou; kekka nokoshitsu mada mada houtou musuko kanaderu anata kata koukou’ while extending its plump hands to be picked up. There, in his hands, they found a letter.
Upon the opening of the letter, Nino was astounded by the posh flowery language and dapper cursive writing the letter presented. It read:
Dear Whoever you are, this baby is a very special baby named Sho. He is too special for me to look after, thus I have abandoned him in hope that someone like you would find him.
The couple was simply delighted with the gift Mr. Baby Abandoner had bestowed upon them. They decided to indulge and spoil him by teaching him Economics and giving him an excellent dinner today dinner that day. It included:
Hamburger
Fish
Other kinds of food
And not to forget milk for the baby
Sho grew up to be a really talented boy, much to the jealousy of most students in his cohort. He aced his examinations, had a natural aptitude for rapping, and could even memorize twenty five out of twenty six of the alphabets. How cool is that?
Ohno and Nino were really proud of him. They thought it was a happily ever after for them. However …
One day, a letter, similar to the one they received when they found Sho, made its presence felt in their mailbox. They found out that Sho was in actual fact, the son of a dapper snobbish Shogun. They also found out that his father had recently passed away due to severe obesity and that Sho had to return to Edo to ascend his throne.
The couple’s faces were livid with fury, convulsing with rage. Ohno suggested writing a petition against this. They didn’t want their darling Sho to grow up under someone else’s care after their efforts to give him a decent upbringing. Nino on the other hand was spitting with anger and wanted to fly directly to Edo to protest. And so, they went.
The Queen, Matsumoto Jun, was sitting imperiously in his throne. Ohno and Nino rushed in with the pitiful looking Sho.
‘OBJECTION!’ They screamed. ‘Sho is our son! You have no right to take him away from us! It’s unethical!’
Jun said, ‘How DARE YOU speak to me like that, peasant! Kamenashi Kazuya! I choose you!’ He reached into him petticoat and flung out a Pokeball in the direction of Ohno and Nino. Out came a man in a suit. ‘Kaaame,’ he growled.
Ohno followed suit, and threw out a Pokeball containing Nishikido Ryo. It squeaked, ‘Ryo! Ryo!’.
‘Kame! Keep the faith!’
‘No, no, no you show me the faith…” Then suddenly, a beam of energy shot across the room, its target, Ryo’s forehead.
‘Ryo! Dodge it!’
Unfortunately, Ryo was paralyzed by the hotness of his opponent and his defense status fell by a shocking half. The tension in the air grew as Ryo felt white-hot pain lance across his forehead.
‘Ryo! Use Ai igai no nandemo nai!’
However, Kame’s six-pack was made out of steel and Ryo’s Ai igai no nandemo nai did little to no damage, proving highly ineffective.
Worry lines started to form on Ohno’s forehead, bitterly disappointed to have had to lose so easily. Shaking his head, he plucked up his bravery, conserving what little left of his dignity and decided to summon his legendary Pokémon, his ace card - Aiba Masaki.
Aiba Masaki appeared. ‘I am very danger…’ he grinned as he whipped out his light saber expertly.
Ohno felt a dash of hope as Aiba Masaki charged towards Kamenashi Kazuya. Unfortunately, Kamenashi Kazuya also pulled out a light saber seemingly from nowhere, and began combating with Aiba. This time, truly, only the toughest would survive, it was truly a historic battle and Ohno’s heart burned with pride.
Red and Purple weapons met. In their over-dramatic world, the audience gasped and held their breaths, faces turning purple as the battle dragged on.
The spectators watched in anxiety and half-amusement, earnestly, silently rooting Aiba.
‘Aiba Masaki! Now’s your chance!’
Aiba Masaki nodded his head in complete understanding of his master. He reached out his hand and carried out his classic move. His hand clenched around his opponent’s rubicund neck and bellowed, ‘Fooooorrrceee Chooookeee!’
The Force was indescribable, mind-blowing and cool. There was no other way to describe it. That move had garnered more star wars fans than there were stars in space. Even ripped men like Kamenashi Kazuya could not fight the force. After all, it was the force. He was of no match for its power, and so, he fainted rather dramatically.
‘K.O.!’ a random guy cheered. Nino, Ohno… Basically, everyone else erupted in cries of happiness.
The family flew back to Tokyo happily while Kamenashi Kazuya was buried in a hole amongst all his shame and packs of steel. Jun surrendered, and Sho was free to stay with his family. As usual, he continued acing his examinations, attended Keio and lived happily ever after.
The end.
Note: I posted this before, but for some unknown reason, i deleted it. In the end, i decided to re-post this, so... And if you don't mind, please help me do this poll. thanks!
Author: Masuhisa
Pairing: Ohmiya, with mention of other Johnnys
Summary: This is basically an Arashi crack!
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers apply: I don’t own them!!
A long time ago, but yet in the future, Ohno Satoshi was like a fish, swimming in this huge sea without a destination or any goal in life.
He didn’t like to think about the future, only the past. You see, he had an explicably unexplainable affinity with Physical Education, although it is completely unrelated.
One day, while he was drinking at McDonalds with his fishy friends, one of them to him to be a Physical Education teacher since he needed income to pay for his fish and fries.
Thus, he ended up in Sakura Sake High School teaching PE for wieners, and was in charge of Art Class since the previous teacher in charge was driven away by a rabid dust ball of fan girls.
‘Sigh, I wish I could get married…. And stuff.’ sighed Ohno dejectedly. Just as he was walking briskly along the clean corridors of the school to give his talk on Project Work to a group of very unappealing wiener boys, the flowery scent of overheating Nintendo DS assailed his nostrils and he saw the most graceful, beautiful angel he had ever seen in his life. His wispy hair framed his small face perfectly and was dressed elegantly in a transparent suit and white boxers.
It was love at first sight. He felt as if he were in seventh heaven, an angelic choir was singing (Turns out it was only the school choir) and light shone down from the heavens (But it was only the spotlights).
‘Oh my Fishing rod!’ He said to himself.
He attempted to give him a short turn on he practiced in his high school life and fluttered his lashes. However, after many years of lack of interest in girls (claiming they weren’t in his league), he appeared as if he were trying to blink away a stray eyelash. Nino, however, was somehow extremely infatuated. ‘Aha! Mario Brothers!’ he exclaimed, and started blinking furiously back at him.
Ohno strode to the microphone and choked out with much difficulty, ‘It doesn’t really matter if you screw up in Art. Class dismissed.’ Following that, he proceeded to ask Nino out on a date. Nino immediately agreed, animation lighting up his face as if he was a ... well, a Nino being offered a new game.
It was suggested that they go watch Letters from Iwo Jima. Their relationship blossomed into flowery Sakuras, and in six months, they decided to tie the knot (But not before consulting the Girls’ Brigade. In the end, they Girls’ Brigade recommended the Reef Knot: Super Endurance and High Performance).
On their wedding night, peals of laughter rang through the air as the newly-wed couple skipped through the door, their guests throwing skeptical glances at them, questioning their overall sanity.
Sadly, however quite predictably, Ohno and Nino wanted to have a child, but Nino was…unable to bear Ohno a child. His attempts to increase his fertility by eating the rumored ‘Aozora Pedal’ that should increase fertility failed each time. Ohno had always wanted children, and for that matter, grandchildren, and so, they both felt considerably depressed.
It was another glum day when they were walking on the streets, they stumbled upon an awkward, moving parcel.
‘Gasp!’ They gasped, ‘What on Aibaka Land could it be?’
After much deliberation, they brought the brown thing home.
Back in their home, they unraveled the parcel with much anticipation, being careful with the pretty, lacy ribbon and found a baby. It was the most beautiful baby they had ever seen. He had black locks, and big brown orbs as its eyes, which stared curiously at the too curious couple. The baby gave the couple a wide smile before rapping, ‘Hey! Hey! orera yama kaze no toujou; takane no houkou mukete mata koubou; kekka nokoshitsu mada mada houtou musuko kanaderu anata kata koukou’ while extending its plump hands to be picked up. There, in his hands, they found a letter.
Upon the opening of the letter, Nino was astounded by the posh flowery language and dapper cursive writing the letter presented. It read:
Dear Whoever you are, this baby is a very special baby named Sho. He is too special for me to look after, thus I have abandoned him in hope that someone like you would find him.
The couple was simply delighted with the gift Mr. Baby Abandoner had bestowed upon them. They decided to indulge and spoil him by teaching him Economics and giving him an excellent dinner today dinner that day. It included:
Hamburger
Fish
Other kinds of food
And not to forget milk for the baby
Sho grew up to be a really talented boy, much to the jealousy of most students in his cohort. He aced his examinations, had a natural aptitude for rapping, and could even memorize twenty five out of twenty six of the alphabets. How cool is that?
Ohno and Nino were really proud of him. They thought it was a happily ever after for them. However …
One day, a letter, similar to the one they received when they found Sho, made its presence felt in their mailbox. They found out that Sho was in actual fact, the son of a dapper snobbish Shogun. They also found out that his father had recently passed away due to severe obesity and that Sho had to return to Edo to ascend his throne.
The couple’s faces were livid with fury, convulsing with rage. Ohno suggested writing a petition against this. They didn’t want their darling Sho to grow up under someone else’s care after their efforts to give him a decent upbringing. Nino on the other hand was spitting with anger and wanted to fly directly to Edo to protest. And so, they went.
The Queen, Matsumoto Jun, was sitting imperiously in his throne. Ohno and Nino rushed in with the pitiful looking Sho.
‘OBJECTION!’ They screamed. ‘Sho is our son! You have no right to take him away from us! It’s unethical!’
Jun said, ‘How DARE YOU speak to me like that, peasant! Kamenashi Kazuya! I choose you!’ He reached into him petticoat and flung out a Pokeball in the direction of Ohno and Nino. Out came a man in a suit. ‘Kaaame,’ he growled.
Ohno followed suit, and threw out a Pokeball containing Nishikido Ryo. It squeaked, ‘Ryo! Ryo!’.
‘Kame! Keep the faith!’
‘No, no, no you show me the faith…” Then suddenly, a beam of energy shot across the room, its target, Ryo’s forehead.
‘Ryo! Dodge it!’
Unfortunately, Ryo was paralyzed by the hotness of his opponent and his defense status fell by a shocking half. The tension in the air grew as Ryo felt white-hot pain lance across his forehead.
‘Ryo! Use Ai igai no nandemo nai!’
However, Kame’s six-pack was made out of steel and Ryo’s Ai igai no nandemo nai did little to no damage, proving highly ineffective.
Worry lines started to form on Ohno’s forehead, bitterly disappointed to have had to lose so easily. Shaking his head, he plucked up his bravery, conserving what little left of his dignity and decided to summon his legendary Pokémon, his ace card - Aiba Masaki.
Aiba Masaki appeared. ‘I am very danger…’ he grinned as he whipped out his light saber expertly.
Ohno felt a dash of hope as Aiba Masaki charged towards Kamenashi Kazuya. Unfortunately, Kamenashi Kazuya also pulled out a light saber seemingly from nowhere, and began combating with Aiba. This time, truly, only the toughest would survive, it was truly a historic battle and Ohno’s heart burned with pride.
Red and Purple weapons met. In their over-dramatic world, the audience gasped and held their breaths, faces turning purple as the battle dragged on.
The spectators watched in anxiety and half-amusement, earnestly, silently rooting Aiba.
‘Aiba Masaki! Now’s your chance!’
Aiba Masaki nodded his head in complete understanding of his master. He reached out his hand and carried out his classic move. His hand clenched around his opponent’s rubicund neck and bellowed, ‘Fooooorrrceee Chooookeee!’
The Force was indescribable, mind-blowing and cool. There was no other way to describe it. That move had garnered more star wars fans than there were stars in space. Even ripped men like Kamenashi Kazuya could not fight the force. After all, it was the force. He was of no match for its power, and so, he fainted rather dramatically.
‘K.O.!’ a random guy cheered. Nino, Ohno… Basically, everyone else erupted in cries of happiness.
The family flew back to Tokyo happily while Kamenashi Kazuya was buried in a hole amongst all his shame and packs of steel. Jun surrendered, and Sho was free to stay with his family. As usual, he continued acing his examinations, attended Keio and lived happily ever after.
The end.
Note: I posted this before, but for some unknown reason, i deleted it. In the end, i decided to re-post this, so... And if you don't mind, please help me do this poll. thanks!