the world at large

[masukukunai]

Yousuke had a spare room. It wasn't really much, just enough to have a bed and a dresser and a couple of other things, but it was serviceable. He always meant to clean out his boxes from initially moving into the flat from the space, and then maybe nab himself a roomie. Split the rent, you know? He was just as stingy as he always was and half of

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[eatsyourscience]

It's not like Souji hasn't ridden the train to Inaba hundreds of times since he moved back to the city. It's not like he doesn't know the scenery on the way by heart. But it's different this time, reminiscent of the first time, because, like then, for once he doesn't know what's going to happen when he gets there.

As tired as he is, he stays awake the whole way and waits until the train has actually stopped before getting up to get his bag and disembark. A stomach-turning moment of deja vu rolls over and around him as he stands on the platform and looks around.

[masukukunai]

The train station had become a bit of a landmark since Souji's first departure after they'd finished their case. They'd said hello and goodbye to him here dozens of times, and so they all knew the place by heart. It was dingy, like the rest of Inaba, but they loved it all the same.

Yousuke walks onto the platform just as the train rolls in, his timing impeccable. The sun was just starting to set. He doubts anyone other than Souji was on getting off at this stop. Looking to the door, he sees exactly what he expects... and a little of what he doesn't. Souji always slouches (mainly to get through doorways, the giant) but it looks like something is weighing on him. His shine is getting dull. Yousuke wasn't the best at empathy, but he could see that plainly enough.

He swallows, and gathers up some courage.

"Hey, Souji."

[eatsyourscience]

Yousuke's voice draws his attention and he clears other thoughts out of his mind and smiles. It isn't wide and it doesn't show his teeth, because he's never really been the type to smile like that, but it's not forced or any tireder than what he normally manages.

"Hey." He walks over to meet him and, knowing how tight Yousuke is with his money, asks, "You got a cab?" They shouldn't keep it waiting, then.

[masukukunai]

Yousuke smiles back. That was still easy.

"Yeah, just back here," he says, throwing a thumb over his shoulder, "that's all you got on you, right? I got your couple of boxes the other day." It wasn't much, but that was Souji for you.

[masukukunai]

It'd been a few weeks since Souji's arrival, and slowly (but surely), life was starting to fall into a pattern.

He'd made good on his promises. He'd done his research on the things he could help with. The fridge had been filled with all the right foods, with a special store of ginger and peppermint. A warm quilt had found it's way to the back of the couch. There was a book with a ridiculously embarrassing sappy title that he could only read in short bursts he kept secret from Souji, under his mattress. They'd scheduled his chemo around Yousuke's days off so he could always be around the morning after. And things were becoming very neat and orderly under Souji's constant eye. Yousuke was getting used to this pretty well.

Since he could sleep in the next morning, he was reading his book in the small hours of night. Souji was asleep, so he didn't have to worry about being caught. He dog eared a page that reminded him of something important, and highlighted a sentence that ended with the word "hope".

[eatsyourscience]

Souji's always been used to not getting much sleep, and up until now it's never presented a problem in terms of day to day function. Now, when he can't sleep through the night, he spends the rest of the following day trying not to nap in strange places, just like he has to try to keep himself from eating strange things. The latter isn't that difficult because they haven't been keeping much food he can't have in the apartment.

Sleeping at night wouldn't be such a problem after treatment if it weren't for the nausea. Usually the antiemetic he was prescribed helps enough that he can stay in his room, even if he can't sleep, but tonight it seems like the chemo won, and he finally gets up to go camp in the bathroom next to the toilet.

[masukukunai]

When he hears Souji get up, he quickly closes his book and stashes it in his bedside drawer. Like he was hiding porn or something. It was really that embarrassing. Then he waits and listens to see what kind of a bathroom trip this was.

Yeah, he thought so.

It wasn't like he had anything better to do though. He stretches a crick in his neck from reading at an odd angle, throws his feet over the side and slowly ambles out of bed.

At first, listening to Souji puke made him really nauseous too, but it didn't bother him anymore. He gives the door a gentle knock to announce his presence, but doesn't enter, standing with his back to it. If he wanted to be left alone, he'd leave him alone.

"Hey. Want some tea?"

[eatsyourscience]

Souji looks into the toilet for a minute, the back of his hand pressed against his lips, before answering.

"There's blood."

[eatsyourscience]

Souji didn't give a lot of thought to the cosmetic effects of chemo; the nausea and fatigue kept his mind well-focused on other things. It wasn't until he met Chie at Aiya for lunch--or the pile of meat she called lunch; he was having enough trouble trying to convince himself that he could still navigate a rainy day special like he were still in his second year of high school--that it came to his attention. She could see patches of his scalp through his hair, she said, and then she promptly managed to pull out a whole clump of gray strands and freak herself out. That was when he decided maybe he should actually pay a little attention to what he looked like. At least if it kept that look off of his friends' faces

[masukukunai]

Yousuke gets off of work at 8 every night, when the store closes for the day. Usually he gets hung up for a little bit with paperwork and meetings with employees, so he doesn't get home until around 9. Such was the life of a salaryman in Japan. He was lucky he even got days off

[eatsyourscience]

Souji brushes a clump of hair off of his fingers and, bracing a hand against the wall for balance, he gets himself back on his feet and goes out to the living room.

"Welcome home." Slipping the razor into his pocket, he drifts over to the couch and pokes Yousuke in the shoulder. "Are you hungry? Or are you going to pass out?"

[masukukunai]

"Mmm... Both?" he pushes himself up with both hands and stretches his back. Sitting down is so great. He's never going to stand up again, "you offering to feed me?"

[masukukunai]

It'd been a couple of months now, since Souji came to live with him. Then, it was near the end of September, and now it was nearly Christmas. It was hard for Yousuke to grasp-- it certainly hadn't felt that long. The days all started to melt together. Work, come home, go back to work, come home, spend time with Souji, repeating over and over again. He got breaks from it sometimes, since he wasn't the only one in Inaba that cared for the guy, and he was thankful for that; But it was still just the same old grind. The life of an adult. When did that happen? He wasn't really sure.

Souji always said it would get worse, like it was his mantra. Sometimes it upset Yousuke, or annoyed him, but now... Well, it was true. He'd come to know chemotherapy as a poison. Yes, it was killing the cancer, but it was killing the rest of him too. He spent a lot of time sitting, or laying down. Yousuke didn't know how it hurt, or really how it made him feel, but it must have been bad if he could tell that his usually stoic and unreadable leader friend was

[eatsyourscience]

Today was one of Souji's better days. By now any day he felt well enough to leave the apartment and go somewhere other than the hospital was a "better day". He took what he could get.

Following Yousuke's example, Souji has his hands deep in his pockets, alongside the offering money he's bringing along. He knows the fox's favor doesn't come cheap, though as they enter the shrine's precincts and he looks around to take in how well kept it is these days, he thinks maybe the fox could stand to be a little less stingy.

Either way, he's going to be paying for an ema at least. He's got a wish to make.

[masukukunai]

It is pretty nice. Ever since the year Souji was here, and helped the fox grant the wishes on the emas, people came to the shrine regularly. And sometimes the wishes still were granted. Who knows, maybe the fox had a new meddler working for him.

Yousuke has a 2000 yen bill that he tosses into the main offering box, and he claps twice before lowering his head to pray. He thought he'd buy a good luck charm too, something he could carry around with him.

[eatsyourscience]

Souji follows suit, praying before he goes to get a blank ema. He has a pen in his pocket, which he uncaps with his teeth and uses to scrawl his wish across the back of the plaque.

[eatsyourscience]

There was snow on the ground when the doctors finally recommended surgery. It felt odd and somehow wrong to Souji that a major surgery like this could be scheduled as easily as a hair cut. But thinking about it in the cab on the way home, he was glad that there was so little fanfare. He was too tired for it.

He didn't think he needed a whole week to wrap his mind around the idea that he was going to be losing most of his stomach. The worst part was knowing that he wouldn't be able to reach into the fridge and eat whatever he pulled out, regardless of its actual edibility. He didn't say that out loud to anyone, though; even he knew it was a bad habit. It just hadn't occurred to him ever that it would take such extreme measures to get him to break it.

[masukukunai]

The surgery was scheduled for New Year's Eve. Yousuke liked to think of it as an auspicious date-- you know, out with the old and in with the new and whatnot. But the truth of it was that most of the doctors were taking off for the first few days of the New Year, like the rest of the country did. They were just gonna squeeze him in right before. Like Souji, that felt really weirdly casual to him, but hey, he wasn't a doctor, and he supposed they needed days off too

[eatsyourscience]

Half asleep beside Yousuke on the couch, Souji's thinking of the same time. He thinks about that time a lot, really. He doesn't have much else to do but think lately.

He's been in Inaba for months now, but something's been missing.

He shifts on the couch and opens his eyes, looking at the ceiling.

"I miss fog."

[masukukunai]

With Souji laying down, Yousuke has his feet in his lap. There's no way he'd fit otherwise.

"Yeah?" he looks up at the ceiling as if it will help him understand what Souji was thinking, "why's that?"